Namjoon sighed in annoyance and ruffled his still wet hair. The guilt never left him, every time little Miss Hyun crept into his thoughts, he felt like he was cheating on Binna.
He reached down and picked up the towel that was lying on his bed when there was a knock at his door. Frowning, he headed over there, opening.
Ari stood in the doorway, looking down, a plate in her hands. Namjoon raised an eyebrow. "What?" he asked, his voice sounding colder than he intended.
She flinched and raised the plate in front of his face. "I wanted to…just…" she began to stammer and Namjoon felt the guilt rise as regret crept into his heart that he had raised his voice to her.
"You wanted what?" he asked without looking at the plate. "Thank you, Mr. Kim…" she finished in one breath and looked up at him, but quickly looked down again, biting her lip.
"No need!" he snapped, slamming the door in her face. Ari gasped in astonishment and insult. "You know what, fuck you, asshole!" she growled, slamming her plate on the ground in anger.
The door opened again and Namjoon filled the door frame. His gaze foreshadowed a deadly storm. "What did you call me?" he asked coolly and Ari rolled her eyes. "I said you're an asshole!" she answered with emphatic clarity.
“Miss Hyun, I advise you to reconsider your behavior!” Namjoon growled with barely contained fury. "And I advise you, Mr. Kim, to learn some manners!" Ari snapped.
"Manners?" he repeated, as if to taste the word. This woman was starting to piss him off terribly. "Right, manners! You see, good day, good evening, thank you, please, basic manners, nothing more!" she raised an eyebrow, looking him up and down.
"Or your majesty is too great to treat us commoners with respect!" she tilted her head, rolling her eyes again, then with a click of her tongue, spun on her heel and walked back to the kitchen.
"Ouch, the little one could bite!" Namjoon gave Jin a deathly look. "Do you want to die, hyung?" he asked and Seokjin raised his eyebrows. "What made our Ari rub salt on your head?" Jin asked and Namjoon gritted his teeth.
"It's not 'our Ari', it's the nanny!" Namjoon huffed angrily. "I don't know, I have to ask Izeul" he shrugged and walked past Namjoon, still laughing.
Namjoon looked at the stairs where Ari had disappeared, and then at the broken plate at his feet, homemade cookies were scattered around the pieces and Namjoon could smell the aroma from the kitchen as well.
Where did this woman get the courage to speak to him like that when earlier in the day he had saved her from her crazy ex-boyfriend who, judging by her comments, had been hitting on her, among other things?
Namjoon stood in front of Izeul's slightly open bedroom door, listening in on the conversation between Ari and his daughter. Until now, he hadn't had many opportunities to see how the two behaved with each other, except for the case of the hug.
"Why do you think your daddy is mad at you, sweetie, that's not true" he raised an eyebrow, her voice soft and melodic, soothing, not like the icy growl she used against him.
"But he was screaming" came Izeul's tearful voice, "And he never screams" she added and Namjoon heard a sigh, probably from the nanny. "Sunshine, I'm sorry, it's my fault. I pissed off your dad, not you" he smirked, at least she was admitting her fault.
"Look, sweetie, sometimes we adults need to yell at each other. Your dad is great and loves you so much, he would never yell at you or get mad at you for anything" Ari assured her and Namjoon moved slightly so he could sees them through the slit.
Izeul was lying on Ari's chest, snuggled like a baby. Namjoon couldn't help but smile at this annoying woman's soft, loving expression as she looked at his daughter while playing with her hair. Something that always managed to put Izeul to sleep.
"And why is he angry with you?" his daughter asked again and Namjoon strained to hear what the nanny was going to say. "I have no idea,my love, but whatever it is, it will never change how we feel about you" Arie assured her and Namjoon frowned slightly.
Before she could say anything else, he entered the room. Izeul immediately jumped up and threw herself into his arms. Ari stood up and headed for the door.
Namjoon looked over his shoulder as she quietly walked out and closed the door behind her. "Daddy, will you read me a story?" Izeul asked and he smiled at her. "Of course, princess!" he placed her on his lap, sitting on the bed and took one of the books from the bedside table.
But as he read to his daughter, Namjoon thought about the nanny. Izeul liked her, a lot at that, in fact everyone liked her. Until a few minutes ago, he was determined to fire her, but after seeing his daughter's peace of mind in her arms, he wasn't sure that would be a good decision.
He would just avoid her and that was it, it wasn't hard, he went out early and came home late. Maybe that way he would also get rid of his guilt.
"She called him an ass!" Jin laughed and Namjoon scowled at him. "Seriously?" Jungkook looked at Namjoon with wide eyes.
Bangtan had their regular late night meeting. Usually they discussed work, but tonight everyone had taken Namjoon down, as well as his relationship, or rather his fight with the nanny.
"Give her a chance, Namjoon, Izeul adores her. With her, I feel like Binna is..." Hoseok trailed off, realizing what he was about to say. Everyone looked at him startled.
"She is not Binna and never will be!" Namjoon growled, his face darkening menacingly. His fingers turned white from gripping the backs of his chair.
"No one is saying Ari is Binna, Namjoon, or that she can take her place." Yoongi sank into his seat. "Binna was our sister and we miss her as much as you do, but Ari is not to blame." he rubbed the base of his nose.
"I miss her" Jungkook's soft voice broke the sudden silence of that time. "I miss the sweet smell of her pancakes, I miss her laugh, but most of all I miss her voice" he added, his eyes watering.
"How can you miss her voice, she kept yelling at you" Jin smiled slightly and looked at Namjoon's dark expression. He stood up and leaned over the desk and Namjoon, leaning on his hands. "We all loved Binna, Namjoon, but if she saw you now, she'd kick your ass and tell you that being a living corpse is no way to honor her death." Namjoon glared at him and Seokjin shook his head, standing up and walking towards the door.
"Your wife's last wish was for you to move on and be happy, Namjoon. Think about how you honored her wish." Seokjin added from the doorway and closed the door behind him.
Namjoon gritted his teeth. Looking around at the others, he raised an eyebrow. "Do you think like him?" he asked and they all nodded in unison.
"I think it's time you came back to us, Namjoon." Yoongi stood up and walked towards the door as well. "It's time to take your life in your hands and move on, for yourself and Izeul, for Binna and for all of us." he smiled slightly.
"Remember the values Binna taught us." he sighed and went out too. "Someone else remind me what a cold, dead, or alive bastard I am?" Namjoon asked angrily, looking at them again.
After receiving no response, he stood up and walked out, heading for the second floor. A humming caught his attention, and instead of the bedroom, he headed for the kitchen.
Ari danced while cleaning the kitchen with her headphones on. She was smiling as she listened to the song and was bouncing around scrubbing the counters. Her long tail flowed behind her or around her shoulders.
Namjoon narrowed his eyes. Apparently she thought everyone was already asleep because she was careful to keep quiet despite her singing. He looked at her, the baggy blouse, the shorts, the bare feet. The bruises on her thighs. He gritted his teeth angrily, what kind of jerk would do such a thing to the woman he claimed to love?
Just then Ari turned around and almost squealed in shock. Their eyes met and she stepped back, thinking the anger in his was directed at her.
Namjoon looked at her bruises again and she followed his gaze. Without saying anything, she quickly ducked behind the kitchen island and looked down in shame. Namjoon didn't say anything either, just turned and walked to his bedroom.
Before entering his, he first checked Izeul's bedroom and whether she was sleeping. A suitcase in one corner of the room caught his eye. It wasn't Izeul's, surely it's the nanny's? Since when was the suitcase here?
Izeul and Ari hadn't left the room for a few days, had she left that jerk boyfriend before Izeul got sick? He couldn't deny that he now regretted not killing him that day.
He closed the bedroom door carefully and walked to his. The pieces from the plate were gone, had the nanny cleaned up? He didn't think much of it and went into his room, taking off his t-shirt on his way to bed.
On his bedside table was another plate of biscuits and a note. He raised an eyebrow and took it. "Thanks for the help" his eyebrow shot up and he thoughtfully picked up one of the biscuits, taking a bite. So that's why she was here earlier, to thank him.
He sat on the bed finishing the biscuit and put the note back."Find a new reason,Namjoon, don't shut yourself up." Binna's words echoed in his mind as if she were saying them to him right now.
"This is my last wish, my love, don't leave Izeul without a woman's care."he sighed. His heart throbbed painfully, her last wish that he was powerless to fulfill. He had failed as a husband, and probably as a father, once the boys had hinted that it was time to return to them.