For the rest of the day, you think about your options and what to do. And cry. You've always thought of yourself as a responsible person, but this proves otherwise. You feel like the most irresponsible person at the moment.
Kaya drove you to your apartment, and now she's in the kitchen preparing something for you to eat. She's giving you time to think things through, at least that's what she says to cover up her disbelief. She didn't think that you of all people would be put in this tough situation. Anyone but you. But it's you.
You sit on the edge of your bed and just listen to the noises coming from the outside of your room. It's dark in your room, not a single light on and no light coming from the window. You don't want to turn on a light, or at least that's not your focus at the moment.
There's a knock on the door, and you sigh. It's a sigh that you've been holding back, that just happened to come out now. "Come in."
Kaya opens the door and she holds a bowl of soup. She notices how dark it is and turns on the light, which feels like it burns your eyes. She walks over and puts the bowl down on your nightstand, not wanting to force you to eat the food at the moment. You'll eat when you're hungry and ready to eat.
You feel the bed dip, and you don't even have to look at her for your bottom lip to start quivering. Maybe that's why you liked sitting in the darkness so much because now that you're looking down at your hands you realize how real this situation is. She hears your sniffles, and she isn't sure what to do next. Should she get up and leave?
"I can't raise a baby in a one bedroom apartment working as a waitress." You finally speak, and she hears how your voice breaks with your every word, the pitch getting higher and higher. Kaya doesn't say or do anything. She lets you continue speaking. You take a deep breath. "I want a baby, I've always wanted to be a mom but it isn't the right time."
It's just unbelievable that this is happening to you. All you want to do is cry, but that really doesn't solve anything. "I want to keep this baby but what kind of support do I have? I can barely afford to live here and go to college. I won't have enough money for childcare and my parents live too far away to support me. I can't put the financial burden of a baby on them either."
It's something that you've been thinking over all day long. Something that you will also think all night long. And tomorrow you will probably change your mind and lie to yourself that you can do it alone. That you can handle the financial burden of a child. But you know you can't. In the end it's too much work for you.
"Child care isn't even all. I can't afford all the necessities for a baby. A crib, a highchair, clothes, diapers, formula. The list goes on." You tell her. She stays quiet.
The room is quiet for a couple of minutes or so before she takes a deep breath. It's not something that should be considered absurd, but to you it is. "What if you tell him?"
"He's not going to want this baby." You respond.
"But you don't know. What if he does?" She says.
"He was so certain when he told me it was all a mistake. Why would he support me with this if he thinks his night with me was a mistake?" You reply. "He'll just tell me to get an abortion and I don't want to hear that from anyone. I want to do it without hearing it from anyone because I might just keep the baby out of spite."
"If that's what you want to do, then fine." Kaya sighs. She doesn't push the subject anymore. You're grown enough to make your own decisions.
-
It's near midnight on a weekday, so Daisuke doesn't expect any visitors. He should be sleeping, and usually at this time he's knocked out but tonight he's tossing and turning because of how worried he is. Usually Kaya, the woman he likes, texts him a goodnight text and it's so trivial but tonight she hasn't and he's worried about her.
He texted her first, and she hasn't answered. He waits for her text by the second. He's worried sick, thinking that something happened to her.
And he's thinking of the worst, and suddenly he hears pounding on his front door which doesn't make anything better. He quickly gets up and runs to the front door. He's beyond relieved when he sees Kaya.
"Please come in." He says and she walks into the apartment. She makes herself welcome and sits down on the couch.
"Sorry for not responding, I've just been busy with a friend." Kaya begins when Daisuke walks to the couch and sits down next to her.
"I'm just glad you're okay." Daisuke says. "Is everything okay with your friend though?"
"I..." She begins but she doesn't know if she should be telling him any of this. She doesn't plan on mentioning your name but telling your business to anyone is still wrong, especially after she just left your apartment. But she can't keep it piled up. She's overwhelmed just a few hours after the news. She has to tell someone, and at least she knows Daisuke isn't the father of your baby.
"As long as you don't mention any names it should be fine, right? You have lots of friends." The last part is a lie, because Daisuke can count with one hand the amount of friends Kaya has. And he's thinking of you as being the friend that she's about to talk about. But he won't tell on himself.
"Yeah..." She responds but she's still hesitant. But she sighs. She'll keep it bottled up for the rest of her life, but she just has to tell someone. And this someone is the person that she sees herself marrying and living next to for the rest of her life. "My friend is pregnant and she doesn't want to tell the father. She's thinking about getting an abortion because a baby is just too much of a responsibility in many different ways."
"Oh... That's... Why doesn't she want to tell the father?" Daisuke questions.
"Well... They're not dating per say, and he called the night they spent together, and I quote, a mistake . So she thinks that he's not going to want the baby." She explains. "And I understand but I feel so guilty. Because what if he does want the baby and she doesn't keep it because she's scared of him not wanting it? Because she wants it. I just feel like telling him would resolve so many issues and keeping it bottled up makes me so... I can't even put it into words."
"Do you know who he is? Maybe you can... Tell him in a way. Ask him how he would feel about having a baby." He answers but Kaya quickly shakes her head.
"No. I have no idea who he is and even if I did that's crossing a boundary. I'm already betraying my friend in a sense by telling you all of this." She sighs, and now she feels like the worst person in the world. "There's no guarantee how he'll react either way. Maybe he wants to have a baby someday but it isn't the right time or she just isn't the right person. She already said she doesn't want to hear anyone telling her to get an abortion and I wouldn't risk that."
"I understand." He says. "I just hope that everything works out for your friend."
"Yeah..." She replies. A sigh escapes her lips as she stands up. "Can I use your bathroom?"
"Yeah, go ahead." Daisuke answers. She walks to the bathroom and he takes out his phone. He furrows his eyebrows, thinking of everything that he just heard. Then he thinks of his friend Satoru, who told Daisuke of his grave mistake.
He let himself go and next thing he knew he woke up next to one of Kaya's friends. Daisuke never received a name either, but he doesn't need a name to put two and two together. The weight that Kaya carries on her shoulders is now passed to him.
Daisuke is certain that the father of Kaya's friend's baby is Satoru Gojo.
-
Lately, the moment you open your eyes you run to the bathroom with intentions of vomiting, which you do. And before yesterday, you would blame it on the stress of exams but now you know the real reason, which somehow is worse than exams.
Not even 24 hours after finding out about your pregnancy and somehow your nausea has gotten worse. You don't understand why, but you hope it calms down because you won't be able to make it through the week like this. You couldn't even finish the soup that Kaya made for you.
You get up from the floor and flush the toilet before walking to the sink to wash your face. This is agonizing. It happened yesterday as well, and the day before, and the day before that. All of this for a baby you won't even get to hold in your arms, so what's the point?
You brush your teeth and walk out of the bathroom and to your living room. You stand for a second or so, unsure of what to do next. You should continue with your life normally because what you found out yesterday won't change your life. Although it does, no matter what you decide to do it does affect you.
You have to study, so maybe that's what you should do. But it's so early, you just woke up and finished puking your guts out so you should avoid studying. You walk to the kitchen and grab yourself a glass of water. While chugging it down, there's a knock on your door, and you already know it's Kaya.
You put the glass down and walk to the door, opening it and seeing her with two big reusable shopping bags, that are filled to the brim. You move to the side and let her inside with the bags. She walks in and puts the bags down on your kitchen counter. You close the door and walk back to watch her.
"So I bought some stuff for the time being." She tells you, getting out the groceries. She feels guilty for telling your business to someone else, even though your name wasn't mentioned once. She feels as if she betrayed you in a way. "I know you're not going through with it, but I bought you some things to help you out till the procedure happens."
"Thank you." You respond. You begin to take out some of the groceries and put them in their place as well. It's nothing out of the ordinary, just basic groceries, except for the many different kinds of chocolate things that she bought. You just look at each one, and they get weirder and weirder. "What's all this chocolate for?"
"In case you get cravings and all that." She answers. "You've been wanting a lot of chocolate lately so that's all I could think of."
"Yeah, thank you." You reply, your voice weak. You're sentimental, which is mainly due to hormones. It's a horrible feeling because you want to have this baby but you know you can't provide for them the way that it's needed. You want to burst into tears, something you rarely do but something that now feels common. "I really wish things were different."
She doesn't say anything in response. She doesn't want to push the topic of you telling the father about all of this because in the end it's your decision. You're an adult that can decide for herself, and Kaya doesn't want to tire her voice out repeating the same thing over and over again.
"Have you eaten anything?" She asks.
"Not yet." You respond. You're not really hungry, and right now food seems like your worst enemy. Kaya stops for a second and pulls out her phone. She types something but you can't see what. "Texting Daisuke?"
"No. Writing myself a reminder to buy you something to help with that." She answers, and you couldn't be more glad to have her in your life.
"It's fine, Kaya. I can do it." You tell her. Getting you groceries is more than enough. Plus getting some fresh air would be good for you.
"Can you-" She begins but she cuts herself off. Maybe that's not something she should ask. But you heard the first two words and want to listen to what she has to say.
"What?" You ask.
"Can you tell me the name of who it is?" She questions and you inhale and hold your breath. You close your eyes for a second and think about what you're going to say. A sudden impulse to answer with the truth overtakes you.
"Satoru Gojo." You answer, and her eyes widen. She was expecting an ex-boyfriend or anyone else but Daisuke's friend. She takes it in, processes it. So many thoughts come to mind. She's thinking it's a joke, perhaps, but you seem pretty serious.
"The same guy who's turned Leiko down a handful of times?" She asks. She doesn't mean it in a mean way because Kaya is your best friend and she loves you, but the question makes you feel inferior. As if you aren't pretty enough to pull a guy as handsome as Satoru. You nod. "You know, I think that- Never mind. You do you."
"Do you want to get something to eat?" You ask her.
"No, I'm good. I ate a pretty big breakfast plus I have to go home to study."
-
"Hey, Daisuke, what's up?" Kaya responds when she picks up the phone. It's noon and while she and Daisuke text, he never calls like this. She's thinking of the worst.
"I- I made the mistake of passing the secret to Gojo." Daisuke confesses, and Kaya sits for a moment confused until it hits her.
"What- Why would you do that, oh my god?!" She yells into her phone.
"That's not the main issue here- Do you remember that one time we came over like a little group to your apartment and he was there... Well, Gojo has a great memory and he remembers exactly where you live and he wants to chat." Daisuke explains. "I tried to stop him but Gojo was pretty determined and very, very strong."
"God damn it! Why did you even tell him?! You're not even strong enough to hold him back!" Kaya sounds reasonably distressed. But she hangs up since she has to deal with a man twice her size soon enough.
And that soon enough is when she hangs up the phone and there's a knock on her door. Knock isn't the right way to describe it. He's desperate and impatient to know the truth. He knows what the truth is, he just needs confirmation. And he also needs to talk to you.
Kaya opens the door, and there he is. He doesn't look out of breath or sweaty, actually the opposite. Fine in a sense. Kaya tries to think of a lie. But what? She's a horrible liar, he'll quickly figure everything out.
Satoru says your name. Kaya wants to close the door as Satoru repeats your name, over and over again while he tries to think of the sentence he should say. There's just so many thoughts coming up at once.
"Where does she live?" Satoru asks, quickly regretting it. Kaya won't give that out so easily. "Is she really pregnant?"
"Who?" Kaya responds as if she hadn't heard your name many many times. Satoru clicks his tongue.
"She's carrying my child." Satoru confirms with Kaya's reaction. It's so easy to read her, like a book. Easier than a book. He's in disbelief. "I have to talk to her, where does she live?"
"What do you have to talk to her about?" Kaya questions, making Satoru furrow his eyebrows.
"Well we're having a baby together and I want to know what she wants to do. What else would we talk about?" Satoru answers. "Look, I just want to talk about what she wants to do. I'm not going to push her to do anything. I just want to know if I'm going to be a father or not."
"I already overstepped a boundary by telling everything to Daisuke. He told you everything for whatever reason-" She begins but Satoru is too impatient to listen to a whole speech.
"I know everything so it's too late. I'm not going to pretend I never heard anything. Or what? Is the baby not mine?" Satoru tells her. Kaya bites her bottom lip.
"What do you plan on doing? Can you support her financially?" Kaya asks.
"Well I'm planning on- on- Yes, I can support her financially." He answers, not having a clear answer for the first question. Kaya walks back into the apartment and looks for a pen and a piece of paper.
Kaya walks back and gives him the piece of paper. "If she knows I gave you this, she'll kill me. This is a café near her apartment. Meet her there at three."
"Alright." He nods as he takes the piece of paper.
-
You sit in the café, spamming Kaya's phone. She's ten minutes late and you wonder if she's coming at all. Kaya is always on time, so this lateness makes you think of the worst. Maybe she got carried away studying or something along those lines. However, you're thinking of the worst and are nearly on the verge of tears.
"Hey..." You hear, and the voice is nothing sweet like Kaya's. Very different. You look up and you find him, and now the sadness is replaced with this sudden rage. You have to swallow that rage and compose yourself.
"Hey..." You respond. Maybe it's just pure coincidence, and he doesn't know anything. He takes a seat without ordering anything though, so you doubt it's just pure luck. "Gojo, what are you doing here?"
"Satoru." He corrects you. "Satoru. You're... y'know... I don't think we need such formalities."
"She told you, didn't she? No wonder she came with groceries this morning." You roll your eyes.
"Don't blame her. She told Daisuke and Daisuke told me. Daisuke doesn't even know it's you, he just knows it's one of Kaya's friends." Satoru explains.
"Okay. Since it was all a mistake, I don't expect anything from you." You quickly tell him, hoping that it shuts him up and he'll leave.
"But I want to be there." He says, which takes you by surprise.
"Excuse me?" You respond, wondering if you hear wrong.
"If you want to terminate the pregnancy or have the baby, I'm by your side. Physically, emotionally and financially." He confirms, and so much weight is lifted from your shoulders, weight you didn't know you were holding.
"But can you financially support a baby?" You ask as if you had forgotten the fact that he has a stable job. He nods in response.
"Only thing that can make everything difficult is me frequently traveling, but other than that I'll be here. I can pay for everything you and the baby need." Satoru says. "It's up to you."
It surprises you that this is his reaction, but you certainly don't mind. You don't know if everything is genuine, considering you can't look at his eyes.
"I also want to be involved in the baby's life because after all, it's going to be my child."
"Yeah..." You're at a loss for words. You don't know what the right option is for this, and you so desperately wish you knew. "Satoru... I don't know what I want to do anymore. I literally just found out yesterday and I- I had made my decision yesterday but today's circumstances are different than yesterdays."
"Think about it." He says, pulling out his phone. He unlocks it and gives it to you. "Put your number in my phone and we'll stay in contact."
"Are you sure this is what you want?" You question as you take the phone. The next question sounds absurd considering you've been intimate with one another, "Having a baby with a stranger?"
"Stop projecting." He replies. "I'm fine with it as long as you're fine with giving birth and being a mother– Not even the last part, because if you don't want to be a mother, I'll gladly take the baby."
"I guess we'll stay in touch, Satoru." You stand up, not being able to stay in the café for longer because the smell of pastries is making your mouth salivate. Satoru notices.
"Don't you want something first? I can buy you something." He offers and you shake your head.
"I have a lot of chocolate pastries at home." You inform him, thinking of all the things Kaya bought for you. "Thank you, Satoru. I'll tell you my decision."