Phantom troupe will kill Y/n in the end if y'all don't drink water, eat food, and get 5+ hours of sleep today. I'll know if you don't, Jinx will tell me.
"Hi"
"Fei?" That's kinda random.. The random kidnapper, whom I now know is Feitan, nodded his head in response.
"You just stalking me or something?" I questioned. It's would be weird if he just so happened to be here.
"No. Was around." Feitan replied. Damn he's hot... my eyes have been blessed with all these hot people.
"...So, was there a reason for dragging me into the alleyway?" I asked.
"Say hi." Feitan said. Okay, but his speech is cute though.. he'd also kill me for thinking that.
"Nice, honestly thought you were planning on murdering me." Man's terrifying as fuck.
"Not yet." He replied, pulling his mask up to hide a smile. Cute. Cute. Hot. Please don't kill me. Hot. Cute. I can't tell if you're joking.
"Ah.. that's definitely not concerning. Anywhore, want to hang out with me so I don't feel like a loner?" I asked. I may be a literal god but Fei is still terrifying.
"Sure." He responded, putting his hands into pockets. (What went through my head writing this: look at this dress ✨it has pockets✨ *little twirl*👹)
And that's how I was lead to my inevitable death! I'm joking, I haven't been killed.. yet.
Fei liking sweets seems out of character, but also, how can someone be so cute and hot at the same time!?
After awhile of hanging out with the hottest person to ever exist. Yes the author is a simp.
Anywhore, after awhile of hanging out with Feitan we decided to text the troupe. Because people apparently get worried when the child that forgets to text them all the time forgets to text them.
Hot people
Cool kid is now online
Cool kid
I'm still alive incase anyone cares-
6 people are now online
Cool kid
Yo people care!
Dad
We obviously care 😐
Mom
Of course we care and text more
Mother
I'm this 👌 close to kidnapping you
Shalnark
I regret to inform you that I'm also alive 💔
Hisoka
Where are you?~
Cool kid
Doing gay shit-
Cool kid
And by gay shit i mean Fei-
Feitan
...
Feitan
❤️
Cool kid
Please marry me-
Feitan has deleted one message
Feitan
no proof
Cool kid
Yep- nothing happened
Dad
Feitan.
Feitan
im dead
Cool kid
Oof 😔
Cool kid
Oo- wait a sec
Cool kid has added Illumi to the chat
Illumi is now online
Illumi
Hi?
Dad
😒
Mom
😒
Shalnark
😒
Feitan
😒
Mother
😒
Cool kid
Hi- re-meet the troupe-
Illumi is now offline
Cool kid has forced Illumi online
Jinx is now on online
Jinx
That shouldn't be possible but Mk
Jinx has left the groupchat
Illumi
Why
Cool kid
✨C h a o s✨
Illumi
A- I hate you B- you're annoying C- where
are you?
Cool kid
Being gay
Dad
Where are you?😒
Cool kid
With Feitan-
Dad
Why?
Cool kid
Cause he's hot and I'm bored
Feitan
thanks
Mom
Y/n.
Dad
Feitan.
Hisoka
Where are you exactly?~
Cool kid
——>🫡🛁🔌⚡️
Illumi
😵🔫
Shalnark
🕳🤸
Hisoka
🧍🏼🚂~
Feitan
💣🧍🏼💥😵
Mom
...
Dad
What-
Mother
T h e r a p y
Cool kid
🏃💨 Every man for themselves!
Hisoka
*Cutely kills myself~*
Cool kid
You did not 💀
Shalnark
*Kills Illumi cutely*
Cool kid
Stop- 🤣😂
Illumi
*Cutely dead inside anyways*
Cool kid
Pls 💀🤣😂🤣🤣🤣
Feitan
*cutely runs*
Cool kid
Fei 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐
Shalnark
*Cutely calls Y/n a simp*
Dad
...*Cutely kills Shalnark*
Cool kid
😧
Feitan
*cutely helps*
Cool kid
*Cutely marries Fei*
Feitan
*cutely agrees*
Dad
*Cutely brutally murders Feitan*
Mom
*Cutely brutally murders Feitan*
Mother
*Cutely sends everyone to therapy*
Cool kid
I'm dying 🤣😂🤣
Feitan
they actually dying
Cool kid
Yyhohydefjljfsawf
Cool kid
hoglgkgigucuv
Illumi
You should come back though
Cool kid
Oh yeah- have y'all murdered the children
yet?
Shalnark
I'm concerned-
Dad
How are you instantly okay??
Mother
Murdered children??
Feitan
concern
Illumi
We did
Cool kid
Nice 👍
Cool kid
I'll be back after my date with Fei-
Feitan
k
Dad
What
Mom
Absolutely not
Mother
It's better than Illumi or Hisoka
Hisoka
They've gone on 8 dates with me~
Illumi
I'm going to have to go on more dates
with them then 😒
Cool kid
Are you fighting over me?
Hisoka
Yes~
Illumi
Yes
Feitan
Mine
Cool kid
Ngl Feitan is winning- Illumi's in a close second tho
Hisoka
Ouch~
Illumi
⚫️-⚫️
Cool kid
That was actually kinda cute- help
Feitan
mine
Cool kid
Agreed
Cool kid
I did go on a date with someone earlier
today tho-
Illumi
What.
Hisoka
What.
Feitan
No.
Cool kid
...
Cool kid
~?
Cool kid
Where's the ~
Cool kid
???
Feitan
Kill
Illumi
Who?
Hisoka
I'm killing them
Cool kid
Uhhh-
Cool kid
Friendly reminder to use the ~ 😃
Hisoka
We'll talk later darling~
Cool kid
Thank you- for the warning and using ~
3 people are now offline
Cool kid is now offline
"I Kill." Feitan said, shutting my phone off. Hot. Hot. Hot. "Tell location."
"I don't actually know." I replied, earning a glare from Feitan. Please don't brutally murder me. But also, hot.
"Just teleport idiot." Jinx said, literally saving my life. Thank you my god. I shall forever remember this great act of kindness. "Illumi and pinkie pie are also looking for you by the way." Thank you my lord!
"Yeah... ima just." I said, teleporting away. I might as well prolong my inevitable death. I activated Zetsu so they, probably, wouldn't find me for awhile.
I'm going to die a painful death. Why do I do this to myself?
Have you ever had a pedo-clown, an assassin, and a wanted criminal looking for you because you went on a date? No? Well fucking good for you.
I hid in an abandoned building for about a hour, until Simp 1, 2, and 3 found me.
And then I did the only logical thing to do in that situation: used an ability called GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE -teleportation style.
After that it was a game of hide and seek, except for the fact that they have to catch me after they find me, and that I die if I'm caught. Other than that though it's a very fun game!
Maybe I should text my least favorite children- *Cough* I mean the cult.
✨🛐Cult groupchat🛐✨
🛐Y/n🛐 is now online
🛐Y/n🛐
Hullo
4 people are now online
✨Illumi✨
Where are you
✨Shuko✨
Hi 👋
✨Anzai✨
Jinx 🛐
✨Anzai✨ has changed their name to 🛐Jinx follower🛐
✨Urara✨
Why is Illumi asking where you are?
✨Harou✨
Cornbread🛐
🛐Y/n🛐
Wait- Anzai- how?
🛐Jinx follower🛐
Don't question the power of Jinx
almighty
✨Illumi✨
Y/n where the fuck are you
🛐Y/n🛐
I forgot you were in this chat😗
✨Shuko✨
Y'all fight???
🛐Y/n🛐
Why- do you want us to fight or smthn?
✨Urara✨
They do actually
✨Shuko✨
Hey!
✨Harou✨
They keep on watching weird romance
movies and shit
✨Shuko✨
Snitch!
✨Illumi✨
You know that we'll find you either way
🛐Y/n🛐
I could teleport to a different world tho
🛐Jinx follower🛐
Thank you Jinx 🛐🛐🛐
🛐Y/n🛐
Yes 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐
✨Urara✨
You can teleport?
✨Shuko✨
You should teleport here when Illumi
isn't trying to murder you then!
🛐Jinx follower🛐
^
🛐Jinx follower🛐
Minus the "!" That's to much emotion
✨Illumi✨
Y/n.
🛐Y/n🛐
Will do- I'll just focus on not dying then-
🛐Y/n🛐
Bye
Hot people
Cool kid is now online
Cool kid
Hello people who are currently attempting
to murder me
7 people are now online
Dad
What?
Hisoka
Since when could you teleport~
Illumi
Where are you
Feitan
Just want to talk
Cool kid
Haha- so how 'bout that weather 😃
Mother
You should've expected this 😑
Mother is now offline
Cool kid
💔
Illumi
Either you tell us where you are or we
track you down again
Hisoka
Which is it?~
Dad
Y'know what- fuck this
Dad is now offline
Mom
This is kinda deserved-
Mom is now offline
Cool kid
Shalnark my bestest friend please help 😃
Shalnark
And get killed by Feitan? No
Cool kid
Fair-
Shalnark
Also- (Insert Y/n's location)
Cool kid
Well that's just betrayal
Shalnark is now offline
Hisoka
I recommend staying there~
Hisoka
Running won't do much~
Cool kid
I wasn't going to run
Cool kid
I was going to teleport
Feitan
Don't.
Cool kid
Yes sir
Cool kid
Haha- ima die
3 people are now offline
Cool kid
Yep- definitely going to die
Cool kid is now offline
Word count: 1565
Fun Facts:
• In the beginning chapters (when Feitan was almost never online) Feitan was actually reading the text messages, he just wasn't actively in the chat. Feitan is what we would classify as a Simp.
• I've honestly just been increasing the amount Y/n breaks the fourth wall- I wanna see how much I can get away with- I don't know why-
• What do you want to happen in some of the next chapters-
A-Y/n and Illumi reuniting with the cult
B-Y/n meeting Machi
C- Y/n meeting the troupe (might be awhile)
D-Playing pranks on people with Killua
E-Playing pranks on people with Hisoka
F-Annoying the troupe
G-Murdering people
H-All of the above
Jinx commands you to drink water, eat food, and sleep.
Also
I'm still technically on break, I just had this chapter completed already and my girlfriend wanted an update-