Thank you SyachiSan I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
TW: grief
**
<<I did not want for it to end up this way>> was the only murmur that escaped Tatsumiya's lips.
Those were the last words she pronounced.
Despite taking a sit at the banquet table, during Wadanohara's celebration evening, she was unable to eat anything.
That night Princess Uomi spoke in her memory and gave a speech to "express our eternal gratitude towards the sea witch, who heroically sacrificed body and soul for our kingdom". But Tatsumiya barely heard a word of it.
The court attempted to make the oarfish speak again.
<<You were like a mother>>.
<<She was like a daughter to you, right, Tatsumiya?>>.
Not surprisingly, they received no answer.
<<She ended up having the same fate as her father>>.
<<Must be in the family's blood!>> Elica howled with a drunk smile, causing Pulmo to give her a harsh, indignated nudge.
<<She was so young, still!>>.
<<I can't believe that it happened again>>.
<<Let's hope this weird seal actually works this time...>>.
<<I wouldn't be so sure, last time it was put in place by a much stronger wizard. Why would the one made by a literal child work any better?>>.
<<I never trusted magical creatures>>.
<<Do you really think it's appropriate to say something like this during her celebration?>> some people protested, but Tatsumiya saw enough, and finally decided to leave the table.
She did not even care that it could look unpolite.
The oarfish withdrew from the noise, the chatter, the toasts in memory of "Meikai's honorable daughter", and she headed towards the silence of the balcony.
The cold water of the evening touched her skin. She gradually felt like she could breathe again.
Her gaze lingered on the vastity of the blue ocean. It gave her goosebumps. The sea only turned back to that color (a healthier, livelier color) thanks to the beloved witch's sacrifice.
Suddenly, the joyous life in the deep blue sea seemed to have something surreal and macabre to it, founded as it was on the passing of a child. A child - or better yet, that vital puzzle piece she had devoted her every effort towards until the very last moment.
Every effort spent to support and protect Wadanohara... it suddenly looked like wasted time.
She couldn't even cry.
<<Hey there>>.
She turned.
To her surprise, a certain, strolling orca emerged from the patio door. She realized she didn't even know their name yet.
<<...It's you?>>.
<<Ah, I managed to make you speak, it seems>> the orca said with a half smile.
Tatsumiya turned her back on him.
<<Why am I here? Oh, you know, I would never give up the chance to chat for a while and drink free alcohol>> the orca went on, answering a question that was never asked.
He got closer and leaned on the balcony.
<<You should not be here if you do not care about...>> Tatsumiya mumbled, interrupting herself.
<<Oh, trust me, I think I cared more about her than some other guys in the dining room>> the orca said, while lighting up a cigarette: <<Do you mind if I smoke? -- Anyway, as I was saying, at least I helped her out at some point>>.
Tatsumiya stayed silent.
The orca held out his hand: <<I have not introduced myself yet. You can call me Idate>>.
She slowly turned towards him.
She remembered their first meeting, and how he managed to protect her during Old's attack.
Old... was another one of those wounds that would never heal.
Meeting him again after all those years woke up forgotten memories in her... memories she hoped would never come back.
It was only then that this bizarre orca showed up, sudden like a summer storm.
<<...Why are you here with me?>> she said, without moving.
Idate raised an eyebrow, and playfully added: <<Why wouldn't I want to be of company to such an elegant, grieving lady?>>.
<<What makes you think that I need anyone's company in such a time?>> Tatsumiya retorted, only to sigh right afterwards: <<Forgive me. It's not easy to manage>>.
<<Hey, hey>> Idate whispered, holding her by the shoulder: <<Do not worry. I am here to listen, if you need to talk>>.
<<I don't want to inconvenience you>> she replied courteously. The oarfish would never acknowledge it, but she realized she needed that hand's warmth. Anyone's hand, maybe. For once, she put aside conventional rules around physical contact with strangers.
<<It's no incovenience. I would not be here otherwise>> Idate showed his sweetest smile.
He almost looked sincere.
That thought made a shiver of fear ran through her.
<<Why isn't anyone from the royal court here? Why are you here instead?>> she muttered at last.
A heavy silence followed.<<I don't know, Tatsumiya>>.
<<Wadanohara... was a north star, for us. I'm only realizing it now. She was my north star much more than I ever was for her, since she was born. My efforts have always been devoted to her only. She gave me a reason to go on. I now have this sea, for sure... but it almost seems empty without her>>.
Tatsumiya was not even looking at him. Those words came up to her lips spontaneously.
<<Forgive me, I do not even know why am I talking about this with you>> she said at last, straighten herself up and turning towards the sea.
<<Don't even mention it>> he casually replied.
Finally, a small smile softened Tatsumiya's frown: <<Maybe you're right, I did need some company>>.
<<I'll give you all the company you wish for>> Idate said, playing all gooey, puffing a cloud of smoke: <<I'm glad I helped you out, that night>>.
<<Me too>> she couldn't help to admit.
**
Idate decided to postpone his departure.
Spending time with the all so refined Tatsumiya seemed way more interesting than any monotonous life that was awaiting him back on Iceberg Isle.
<<Oh, but you don't need to>> the oarfish politely objected.
<<I certainly don't do it for you>> Idate replied, smirking: <<Though I'll admit, I do like your company>>.
Those words caught her a bit off guard.
Tatsumiya's acquietances naturally teased her about her new companion.
But she wasn't concerned anymore about them. Rather, she found it quite distasteful.
The oarfish didn't even attempted to hide when she was going out with Idate.
<<Isn't there some place that you think I should visit in this kingdom?>>.
Strolling, Tatsumiya took him to the Sea of Stars.
The dynamic between them had an alternate rhythm, its own particular cadency.
Idate would usually speak up first in an apparently exceedingly nonchalant way, shaking her up from her melanchonic thoughts every once in a while. Despite this, incredibly, he was also able to shut up when it was the right timing to do so, without even trying.
Every now and then they would start playing some notes together, exchanging them back and forth, harmonizing for a while, and then some moments of silence would follow, a pause, if you will, a kind of serene suspension, only to start again when the timing felt right.
That rhythm managed to work and satisfy them both.
<<This was one of her favorite places to stroll by in the entire kingdom. I never told her, but her father also loved it... he loved it a lot>> Tatsumiya said: <<She would often come here with... with that traitor>>.
She stopped. Her voice was barely a whisper: <<Maybe, if only I was able to find out about him sooner... maybe right now she would...>>.
<<Hey, do not blame yourself>> Idate replied, getting closer to her: <<I'm sure you were the best mother she could hope to have>>.
<<No, I... I didn't do enough>>.
<<You don't feel like someone who does things haphazardly, on the contrary. As such, I know you strained yourself to your possible limit. You devoted to her all you got. And if I am able to notice that, I am sure she knew this very well, too>>.
<<Ah, don't talk like this. Rather, it's inappropriate that I let myself be comforted by a foreigner...>>.
Idate laughed softly: <<Courtesy does suit you>>.
Tatsumiya lifted up her head. She looked at him in the eyes, intently, for the first time.
<<Thank you for being here>> she confessed at last: <<...Can I hug you?>>.
Idate stopped. He didn't remember the last time someone made him such a request. A self-pleased smile rose up to his lips: <<Of course>>.
Tatsumiya slowly leaned against his shoulder, holding him close. It seemed like endless time had passed since she last felt that bit of warmth. Her eyes were threatening to water with tears.
The orca held her tighter.
But she soon let go of the embrace and, without looking at him, she went on: <<Very well. Do not insist any more, Idate. I can not be distracted from my grief, much less by some low-league flirting>>.
<<I don't understand. Why shouldn't you attempt to find something that gives you joy and fulfills you, now that you need it the most?>>.
Tatsumiya dusted her dress, lifting her chin up high. She refused to answer him. Her eyes already dried.
The orca took a moment to admire her: <<You're a strong woman, Tatsumiya>>.
She laughed.
<<I'm serious. Any naive little girl would've already swept off my feet>>.
<<Oh, Idate, certainly I am not in need to know about your precedent affairs. I truly do not think this would be an appropriate conversation to have>>.
Idate sneered: <<You really got formal all of a sudden>>.
The oarfish fell silent.
<<I guess that's an understandable reaction. If this is what you're asking, maybe I'd better part from this kingdom>>.
<<No, Idate>> she protested: <<I am not ousting you. You were of significant help, you don't deserve it>>.
<<I won't leave then>> he simply replied.
A pause followed after that. One of their suspended moments, you could say.
The orca pulled out a new cigarette: <<Let's go back home now, don't you think?>>.
**
<<Don't worry about these sad things anymore, Tatsumiya. I'm here for you now>>.
<<Don't do it, Idate... it's not fair that you'd take on this role>>.
<<Why not?>>.
<<I don't want you to be the only one to do it. You can't get this close to me, not now. I'm afraid of what could happen>>.
<<Afraid of what?>>.
Tatsumiya did not answer.
His hand slided on her shoulder once again. He tilted his head to look her in the eyes.
A lump formed in her throat.
<<Afraid of what?>>.
She sustained his gaze.
<<Don't look at me like that, Idate...>> she whispered.
The last breath of a murdered creature.
He inhaled that last breath.
He made it his.
**
She was the type to tell herself that she was scared of other people's gaze, but her words did not fool Idate.
<<You're not really avoiding other people>> he told her one day: <<Tell me, Tatsumiya, what are you really avoiding?>>.
It was a rhetorical question, since Idate already knew the actual answer.
And this was amusing to him.
He noticed that every kiss was sweeter when Tatsumiya's eyes were filled with anxiety. The way she looked around, the way she looked at anything but him... almost like a child that was about to do something that her parents told her not to do. It was endearing.
Sometimes, Tatsumiya would burst out crying. She lamented Wadanohara's loss, feeling guilty for how she was behaving. How could she allow herself to spend her nights in the company of someone during such a time of grief?
<<I don't see why you should feel guilty over this>> Idate replied.
<<It means I'm a shallow person. I'm not grieving properly by acting this way>>.
<<That is not how it works. They're two completely separate matters. If it was your husband, I might've get it. But Wadanohara was nothing that could've forced on you something of the sort>>.
Still, Tatsumiya would cry anyway.
Idate stared at her delicate feautures, as soft tears trailed over them.
He suspected that Wadanohara was not the real reason why she felt so guilty and judged herself so harshly. But he never spoke a word of it.
They started meeting less and less in the streets of the city, and more and more in the safeness of home. Somewhere cozier, where they could be more at ease. Somewhere more intimate.Tatsumiya was nervous about every step they were taking, though without ever opposing to it.
On the contrary, Idate was certain that she was hesitant, but not against it. He knew very well the symptoms that would've arisen if that were the case.
He noticed how Tatsumiya's hands often looked for his own, in the most apparently innocent ways. As they talked, he noticed how Tatsumiya's body was always slightly leaning towards him, instead of withdrawing. Often times, she was the one to ask him to see each other, she always arrived early, sometimes asking him why was he being late, where he'd been.
He paid attention to Tatsumiya's gestures, even though it was rare that she took the initiative for something braver than holding hands. Every time he kissed her and he stopped to catch his breath, she was always anxiously waiting for him to start again. Every time he took a cigarette break, maybe near the window, he noticed her sweet eyes staring at him. Intently, waiting.
Every time he greeted her goodbye, she seemed to find any excuse to make him stay a little more, just to talk for a little longer. And every time they finally met each other again, her eyes never failed to become brighter with happiness. Her voice was strangely more cheerful than usual. When she was with him, she laughed more often.
Tatsumiya was clearly falling in love with him, more and more each day.
This amused him.
Her hesitation and her cautiousness would not save her, it was obvious. She already lost her mind over him.
Sometimes, Tatsumiya would cry in his arms.
And he perfectly knew the reason why.
Even in her shyest gestures, Idate could recognize the violence, the storm that was shaking her, to her very core.
He wondered if, one day, he might've been able to bring her to the point of unleashing that storm, right in front in his eyes. Unfiltered at last.