"god save the prom queen
teenage daydream"
Camryn didn't seem to understand my urgency. I felt my eyes pop in horror and my lips quiver at my own tone, yet she still wore a smile on her face as if I was joking.
"Your parents?" she teased, leaning closer to me as she spoke. "I didn't even think you had those, the way you throw parties."
It was refreshing to see such a causal side of Camryn as I watched her become more and more comfortable around me, but she couldn't have chosen a more inconvenient time to be so cute.
"Well, they exist," I made sure to inform her as I scrambled around my closet for a sweater to throw on over my pajamas. "And they'll kill me if I don't greet them downstairs, so you need to leave as soon as possible."
"You can't tell me what to-"
"Please." My eyes found hers and I begged with my stare before Old Camryn could sneak into the conversation too quickly.
"Do I have to go? Can't I just stay in here with Bia?"
I thought for a moment. "Can you stay quiet?"
Her head nodded with her eyes so innocently met with mine; I almost couldn't handle how beautiful she was. "Okay. I'll make sure you receive a worthy award for this."
Something flickered on her expression for a moment before she showed me a smile. "Don't die down there."
I planted a kiss on her hand before rushing out of my room and down the stairs. The front door had just clicked shut by the time I made it to the bottom floor and my parents' eyes could hardly stay open when they looked at me. Their suitcases were dropped onto the kitchen tile as soon as they stepped inside and their sighs followed suit, creating a harmony of exhaustion in the lonely space of our entryway.
"Ivy, is your room clean?" Mom's voice crashed into the air with a yawn.
I nodded. "Yeah, everything's done." I took a few steps closer, hoping she'd be tired enough to pull me into a hug. To hold me and tell me she missed me. I dismissed Dad like he always loved to do to me, but I wanted Mom to see just how much she should've loved me. I wanted to hear her tell me she was proud of me.
Wishful thinking. "Did Veronica already leave?"
I glanced around the room, double-checking Veronica's absence before responding. "Yeah, looks like it."
Dad chugged a glass of water before refilling it for my mother, handing it to her before taking their bags and heading toward the stairs. Not even one hello or even goodbye from him—should I have been surprised?
"How are you doing in school?" Mom asked after she took a sip of the water. It was the first time in a while that she'd mentioned school, let alone how I was feeling about it. Had she actually wanted to know? Or was she too tired to even remember this conversation tomorrow?
"I've been okay," I told her honestly. "I'm the top pick for prom queen, you know."
"Am I right to assume you're keeping up with your grades outside of all the partying?"
I had my answer. She didn't care about how I was feeling—she wanted to make sure her fuck-up daughter wasn't bringing shame to the Mora name. How silly of me to think any differently.
"Straight A's and B's, Mom. Just like always."
"A's and B's aren't good enough for the business world, Ivy. You need to do better if you're going to be running the company some day."
God, she really didn't know me at all. I didn't want to be in the business world. I wanted to have fun with my friends and become prom queen and graduate high school without wanting to die. I wanted to make her proud; I wanted my old mother back. I wasn't even worried about my future, I just wanted to be able to feel okay in the present. Why couldn't she see that? When did I mess things up so badly between us that she stopped caring about me completely?
And why couldn't I say all of this to her face?
"Okay," I said instead. I dropped my head, picked a fake smile, and quietly obliged like some lowly peasant. My mother was not someone I should've had to bow to.
"Get ready for bed; it's late."
I had to try. I had to at least try. "I missed you." Her face froze and her eyebrow twitched. "When you were gone," I tried to clarify. Maybe she didn't hear me—maybe she didn't understand. Maybe that was why she was being so quiet. Right?
"It was only a week," she said back after two seconds too many of pure silence. "We're back now. Go to sleep; we'll talk more tomorrow."
I never wanted to disappear more than in this very moment. Had my mother even loved me anymore? I had a suspicion—an invasive, disgusting suspicion—when she left me that ridiculous note. But had she just proven to me just how little I actually meant to her? No I love you's, no I miss you's. It was like she was allergic to expressing her love. What did I do so wrong?
"You okay?" A soft voice whispered to me as soon as I shut my bedroom door. I almost forgot Camryn was waiting in here for me. How long did I take?
"Yeah," I told her, though I couldn't really say I was being completely honest. "You should probably go."
"Are you sure? I don't mind staying." Her chest gracefully rose and fell as she gave me a comforting smile. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to keep her around a bit longer?
"Okay," I agreed with caution. I took a seat next to her on my comically large bed, scooting closer to feel her warmth at my side. We were almost touching, just not quite. "But I don't wanna talk about me. Tell me what happened with Graham."
Camryn's eyes fell flat as she glared at me. "You really want me to talk about him when I'm with you right now?"
"Come on, you can't possibly believe I'm gonna skip out on the break-up story of Riverview's cutest couple."
I watched as she almost gagged at the mention of Graham. She was so endlessly in love with him before; was his stupid comment about us in the closet really bad enough to end their entire relationship?
"I told you what happened," she began. "He made a douchey remark about what happened at your party and then he got aggressive with me."
"Am I supposed to believe he just accepted the breakup after that?"
"Well, I may have told him how I felt about you, and that I never felt that way with him. And let's just say, telling a guy he doesn't make you horny isn't the best for their ego."
I couldn't hold in my snicker. "So did he break up with you or-"
"Oh, hell no. I dumped his ass." Her eyes sank into mine and her lips seethed with resentment. "If he says anything different he's a lying asshole."
I relished in this moment while it lasted. I mean, I was finally going to have Camryn Sako all to myself—it was almost unreal. Was I really allowed to have this? To have her? To kiss her freely and embrace her to my heart's content? It all just felt too good to be true. I was afraid I'd wake up from a dream any second now.
But I didn't.
"It's just so shocking to hear you say that," I confessed to Camryn as I shifted even closer to her, starting to fiddle with her hair. "You were so in love with Graham not even a week ago."
She scoffed. "I was blinded by what I thought was love. I don't even know my real personality because of him."
"I do," I whispered as my hand caressed her head. "You're bold. Smart. Beautiful."
Her voice dropped to a whisper as well. "Beautiful is not a personality trait."
"It is if you ask the right person." I laughed, pulling her lips into mine for a new kiss. Her lips tasted fresh, like sunshine in a trench of dark, cold, muddled water. Her lips brought life to my smile as I pressed my face into hers, wanting more with every second. But I couldn't. Camryn was fragile, despite not showing it on the outside. I knew she was hurting and I didn't want to be an unhealthy attachment to her. I didn't want to be a coping mechanism. I wanted Camryn to want me for who I was.
I wanted her to love me.
"What's wrong?" she asked when I pulled away. I just smiled at her.
"Can I take you on a date tomorrow?"