I WAKE UP with my head aching and my breathing heavy. I didn't even drink last night.
We all got into huge trouble once we got back last night. I hadn't really said anything to defend our actions because I was out of it. I had just wanted my bed.
After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I go downstairs for breakfast and some pills to stop this stupid headache. On my way into the kitchen, I spot Conrad laying down on the couch with his arm over his eyes. I sneak towards him and hit him with a pillow I grabbed from next to him. He jumps up and groans. When he sees me, he sends a death glare my way. I just smirk at him and shrug. He sticks out his tongue and then lies back down.
"She hasn't painted you since you were little," I hear Mom saying as I turn the corner.
"Who hasn't painted who since they were little?" I make my presence known when I speak and sit down next to Mom.
Almost instantly, Jeremiah turns his head to look at me. I see him out of the corner of my eye but don't look at him. I take out a cinnamon roll from the container in front of me and take a huge bite.
"Beck wants to paint a portrait of all of you kids," Mom explains.
My eyes widen. "Really? Aw, that's so much fun. She hasn't painted us in forever."
I remember the first time Susannah ever painted a portrait of me. I was sitting by the pool, and all I wanted was to swim but had to stay put since she wasn't done. She called me over after a while of just sitting there bored. She let me see my portrait, which she never let any of the others do before the final reveal.
I remember feeling so special in that moment. So loved and cared for. When I saw my face on that canvas, I was awestruck. It was the most beautiful I thought I had ever looked. Right away, I asked Susannah to teach me how to paint. And she gladly did.
That's the memory I think of first when someone asks me why I love painting so much. I think of Susannah and how I realized just how much she loved me when she showed me my portrait.
There's a small smile adorning my face when I think of that day so long ago. I make the mistake of looking up only to find Jeremiah staring at me intently. He looks away the second I catch him and pretends that he was saying something to Steven.
He takes the drink he made to Conrad before Steven complains about being late to work.
"Those old country club boomers are gonna tip me so hard, man, they won't know what hit'em," Steven says as he darts his pelvis forward.
I roll my eyes, while Mom says, "Steven, I swear."
"Come on, Laurel," Jeremiah jokes. "My boy's got to get that bread."
They laugh, and Belly comes in with a bruise forming on her face. Conrad had told me what happened last night after we had all gone up to our rooms. I know he feels bad about getting into that fight and about Belly getting hurt.
He also told me about this guy Belly apparently kissed before leaving the bonfire. I may be overthinking it, but Conrad looked pretty irritated at the fact that she kissed someone.
Jeremiah greets her, and Mom immediately starts asking questions about where she's been and what happened to her face.
"Um, I-I bumped into someone," Belly lies as she sits on the other side of Mom.
"You bumped into someone?"
Belly looks at Conrad who is now sitting up on the couch. "Doesn't look that bad."
I hold back the smile and laugh that's trying to get out, and then I don't have to try because Jeremiah walks towards Belly and offers to pour her cereal. I stop myself from rolling my eyes because she's fully capable of pouring in her own cereal. Slightly annoyed, more at myself than anyone else, I take another bite out of the cinnamon roll still in my hands.
"Oh my God!" Susannah squeals as she hurries into the kitchen holding two pieces of paper. "Belly and Dani are going to be debutantes."
I talked to Belly about it yesterday, and we both decided to just do it. She was hesitant at first, but I knew how much this means to Susannah. Eventually, I convinced her to do it with me. When I see the bright smile on Susannah's face as she hugs the both of us, I know that going through with this is worth it.
"I'm sorry," Steven interrupts the moment. "But, Belly and Dani? Like, my sisters? Like, those things over there?" He points toward us, and I roll my eyes at him.
"Shut up, cretin," Belly says testily.
"Okay, this is gonna be so much fun," Susannah exclaims as she starts listing away all the events that come along with being a deb. Then, she gasps and points at us excitedly. "We need to go shopping."
Mom scratches her neck awkwardly. "This sounds... expensive."
"Oh, don't worry, Laur." Susannah waves her hand as if it's nothing. "It's on me. It was my idea, after all, and we still need to style you for your book party, so..."
Mom just sighs and turns to look at us. I know what's about to come out of her mouth before she even says the words.
"Are you two sure you want to do this? Belly, it doesn't seem very you."
She refers only to Belly because she knows that once I've set my mind on something, no one can change it. She has realized that in the seventeen years of my life, and she no longer finds it useful to argue with me. I'm too stubborn. Just like her.
"It's not," Conrad speaks up. He turns his head and his eyes meet Belly's.
"Conrad, could you please be a little more supportive?" Susannah scolds him. He just turns his head away back to his smoothie. Susannah continues, "Now, which one of you is gonna be Belly's escort to the ball, and which one is gonna be Dani's?"
Conrad immediately shakes his head. "Not me. I went last year."
I lightly scoff at him and turn back the one bite I have left of my cinnamon roll. As I'm chewing, Jeremiah's eyes land on me.
I suck in a breath as he looks away and says, "I swore off balls." Steven bursts out laughing, and Jeremiah chuckles along but it sounds forced. "The dances, dude."
"I'm not going with either of you," Belly declares. "I am going to find my own date."
To be honest, I'm only half listening to this conversation right now. My head is still hurting.
"Who are you going to go with then, Dani?" Susannah asks, a hopeful glint in her eyes. I know what she's thinking. She wants me to go with Jeremiah, but there's absolutely no chance of that happening. At all.
Before I can reply to her, Steven cuts me off. "I'm just glad you finally broke up with that dickhead, so he's not an option."
All of a sudden, my body feels heavy and my heart starts racing at the mention of him. Jeremiah doesn't move, but when his ears perk up, I know that his full attention is on what Steven just said.
Susannah looks as if she already knew this. Mom must have told her. I think the only person who hadn't known about the break-up is Jeremiah.
I look down at the counter when I feel Jeremiah's eyes drilling into me.
"Yeah," Belly says, playing with her cereal. "That guy was such an asshole. I don't know why you even dated him for that long."
There's this cold, numbing feeling I suddenly get. The world feels as if it's spinning. Subconsciously, my hand underneath the countertop goes to the side of my stomach where I can feel the thin line that scarred there.
A sudden clang snaps me out of my daze, and I look up. Jeremiah dropped something on the floor but doesn't move to pick it up. Instead, his eyes are focused on me. His face is blank, as always, but his eyes say everything. His eyes are angry and frustrated and sad. I don't know if anyone else notices, but his chest starts to move more rapidly.
"You broke up with him?" he breathes. His voice is cold, distant like I'm just a stranger he is forced to make small talk with.
I can't bring myself to speak. Everyone is staring at us now, but I don't pay attention to them. I just nod slightly and look away from him. The weight of his gaze is too much to bear.
"Well, there are plenty of cute guys and girls here in Cousins," Susannah says with a smile on her face. I'm grateful to her for trying to break the tension. "I'm sure you'll find someone amazing to be your escort."
I don't say anything, and I guess Mom understands I don't want to talk about it because she starts talking about what Wikipedia says about deb balls.
"I'm going for a swim," Conrad tells everyone as he gets up to go outside.
Abruptly, I stand up from my chair and mutter, "Same."
Then, I follow Conrad out the door to the pool. He sees me coming and holds the door open. He looks as if he wants to say something but keeps quiet. I strip down to just my bra and underwear and get in after Conrad. We swim around silently for a while before he speaks.
"Hey, are you doing alright? I mean, with the break-up and everything?"
I take a deep breath and lean against the wall of the pool. "Yeah. I'm fine."
He comes to lean against the pool beside me. "Dan. You don't have to pretend to be fine around me. I know you, and I know when you're lying. We all know that guy was a jerk, and I know that you're over him. But that doesn't mean you're not still hurting."
I close my eyes and lean my head back. "You're right. I hate him, but what he did... The consequences of that whole relationship outweigh anything good that came out of it. I mean, I lost one of my best friends because of it. And now it's too late to ask him to forgive me."
I hear Conrad sigh next to me. It's quiet for a few minutes before he says softly, "It's not too late, Dan. He still cares about you. He always will. You know, sometimes, when no one's around, he asks me about you. He tries to sound nonchalant, but he's dying to be a part of your life again."
A shaky breath is released from my mouth. I stay quiet. We don't say anything after that. I swim a few more laps and then leave the pool after saying bye to Conrad.
His words play over and over in my head. He still cares about you. I wish that was true. I really, really wish he still cared.
He always will.
When I get back to my room to take a shower, I see my phone on the dresser. I haven't checked it since before going after Belly, so I sigh and walk over to grab it. Upon turning it on, I see a splatter of notifications of missed calls and texts from last night.
There are two missed calls and six texts from Belly and five missed calls and ten texts from Steven. But that's not what grabs my attention.
There are twelve missed calls from Jeremiah.
𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !
last book you finished reading?
mine was the cheat sheet by sarah adams