It's still the 17th so technically this isn't late
But it is being posted later than I originally would've liked.
Anyway, here it is.
Also, like I said in the message I posted yesterday - pay attention to the author's note at the end of this
____________________
It was strange how things changed, how your perception of a place could change in such a short time. Hogwarts, once my favoured place to be and somewhere I looked forward to returning to after each summer holiday, was now a place I dreaded being. It used to be home, somewhere I knew I belonged and I enjoyed every day at school.
But now, as I sat hiding away in the library, all too aware of the eyes on me as people pretended not to be watching me, I wished I hadn't returned. I wished, more than anything, I'd listened to my mother's well-meaning, but slightly infuriating offer to appoint a homeschooling professor. She'd offered me the opportunity to complete my education safely within the grounds of my home but Salazar, I was too prideful to take the offer. I had too much confidence in the steel armour I thought I possessed to agree. How was I to know that I didn't have any armour? Instead of being protected, all whispers, all glances pierced easily through my skin and littered it with hundreds of invisible scars.
Letting out a deep breath, I rubbed my arms as if to ease the non-existent pain of the stares piercing me alive. Why were they looking at me? Why couldn't they all just leave me be? I hadn't done anything. Since I'd returned for my sixth year, all I'd done was try to keep my head down, to keep to myself and just work towards completing my education. That was all I wanted to do. All I was doing was working on my Potions essay. I'd pointedly tucked myself in the corner of the library, at the table no one used but still, I couldn't evade the whispers. It was made worse because none of them believed they were being cruel.
Gripping my quill between tight fingers, I tried to stop myself, I tried to fight the urge, and yet I couldn't. Easing my grasp on the quill so that my knuckles were no longer white, I peeked at the two students sitting at the table closest to mine. The two, my dormmates and friends - or perhaps former friends was a better descriptor - were seated, pretending to be busy with their assignments, but that was far from the truth. The two, after seeing me enter the library, had abandoned their place at the table nearest to the entrance and traced my steps before settling at the table closest to mine. It didn't take me long to figure out why.
Ratna and Thando, having long since given up even holding their quills, were talking animatedly with each other, in voices too loud to be a whisper. Their words easily carried over to me, but knowing the vindictive streak both could have, a streak I shared but had disappeared as of late, they wanted me to hear every word. Was I that cruel as well?
"Some people will pretend to be innocent," Ratna started breezily, "despite being anything but. It's ridiculous the lengths people will go to, to pretend to be a victim."
I was a victim, I wanted to protest, but I held my tongue. They wanted a spectacle. They wanted me to respond, so I wouldn't.
Instead, I listened without a word as Thando responded, "You know I'm not one to say such things, but someone people really deserve the things that happen to them. What else did she expect after stringing Carrow along like that?"
Breathing out shakily, I willed myself to remain seated, to stay where I was and for my steel spine to return. But, the strength that I'd always had, that I was sure I'd been born with, had withered and rusted and was nowhere to be found. It was simply too difficult. It was too difficult and too much. Gathering my things with shaking hands, I willed them to stop, if only to stop myself from stumbling as I tried to get everything. Like everything else, they refused to listen.
Ratna and Thando, who I was sure were watching my every move with eagle eyes, started laughing, the shrill sound prickled harshly at my arms. Had we ever really been friends? I did my best to pay them no mind, failing miserably, but finally managed to put everything into my bag. I was sure my essay was now a crumpled mess, but I just needed to get away from the scrutiny. Only, I wasn't sure that there was any place in this castle where I could do that. Still, I just needed to get out of here.
Standing from the table, I made it out of the library with quick paces. I couldn't walk at a reasonable pace and put one foot in front of the other. Before I realised it, I burst out into the corridor and was practically sprinting towards the common room, paying no mind to the students around me or to watch where I was going. I just wanted to get to my room, clamber into bed and pull the curtains tight around it and block everything else out.
Harshly turning the corner, I collided straight on with someone else, losing my grasp on my bag as it went flying. The student, a Hufflepuff, judging with the glimpse of yellow I saw before I crouched down to help pick up the books I'd scattered for them. Mumbling quick apologies, I piled the texts together, before outstretching them to the student. Scamander - I realised was staring back at me with wide eyes, still, a tad surprised from my running into him.
"Sorry," I said again softly, waiting for him to take the books. He eventually did and I was quick to look away; I didn't seem able to hold anyone's eyes anymore.
"It's fine," he assured me, before holding something out to me - my bag. Accepting it quickly, I slung it over my shoulder and turned to leave, not wanting to hang around any longer than necessary.
But, it looked like he wanted to say something. So I hesitated, just a moment longer, despite thinking that he might react the same as the other students had. It was difficult to give people the benefit of the doubt, regardless of the house they belonged to. When he said nothing else, I murmured a hurried goodbye and continued on my way, at a now more reasonable pace. I didn't need to bump into someone else on my way.
Finally making it to the common room, I announced the password and headed straight for my dorm, not bothering to greet any of the students who were in the large room. Stepping into the dorm, I shut the door behind me and headed for my bed. Crawling onto the mattress, I prepared to draw the curtains shut when my eyes lingered on the other person in the room. Grateful to at last see a thankful face, I struggled to stop my carefully constructed mask of indifference from crumbling. Instead, I managed with some success to offer Stefani a watery smile.
"Oh, Landis," she said around a sigh, abandoning her space on her bed and approaching me. She perched on the edge of my bed, drawing the curtains around us to give us privacy. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," I said honestly. Letting out a deep breath, I tried to give her a real smile but failed miserably. "I'm trying to ignore it all, but it's just difficult."
**********
I pitied the creature in front of me. The Glumbumble, captured and trapped in the small box in front of me had flown around the small space, trying repeatedly to escape but ending up bumping repeatedly against the glass of its cage. The Professor had insisted that he'd charmed and spelled the box, to make sure the creature was tended to and looked after, but as I studied the creature that was perched in a melancholy manner on the floor, I couldn't help but disagree. I wasn't sure that creatures could appear to be melancholy, but there was no doubting that this poor Glumbumble was.
Hoping that the creature would be set free or at least released into a large expanse of space once the lesson was over, I focused on the sketch I had been tasked with creating. My drawing was appalling, but I'd learned that having a small drawing alongside my handwritten notes would help me when it came to revising at the end of the year. And well, if the drawing also helped me to tune out the barbed chatter that was going on around me, then that was also a good thing. Although, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep the words from piercing my ears.
Shading in the furry legs of my small drawing, I pressed a little too hard when I heard someone say my name. They were talking about me. Tensing my shoulders, I set the pencil down and brushed the broken pencil lead from my parchment. Blowing the remnants away, I risked a glance from the corner of my eye at the students seated at their own table, they were supposed to be getting on with their own creature study, but they were watching me. Hoping against all hope to be left alone, I dropped my hands into my lap and curled my hands into tight fists, wanting to be left alone. But of course, that was too much to ask for.
The chairs of the table scraped harshly against the floor as one of the boys from the table stood and I didn't wait around to find out where they were going. Instead, I stood quickly from my seat, picked up my Glumbumble, hurried away from my own table and tried to put some space in between us as I returned the creature to the front of the classroom. It was no use. I found my path of escape quickly cut off by the student standing in front of me, blocking my path.
Letting out a steadying breath, I braced myself and peered up into the sneering face of the student looking down at me. Carrow - of course, it was a Carrow - stood in front of me with a pretence of a smile waiting for me. Grasping the sleeves of my robes between tight fingers, I waited because I certainly wouldn't speak first.
"How are you, Landis?" my housemate asked, the picture of friendliness. Not that he could be anything but pleasant whilst in a lesson.
"I'm well thank you, and you?" I returned, thankful that my voice didn't shake the way it wanted to. At least it appeared level like I wasn't trembling on the inside.
"I'm fantastic." Carrow's smile sharpened. My heart dropped in response. "My brother has been asking for you. He's asked me to keep an eye on you, to pass on his regards."
My lips parted in a faint gasp, pure ice flooding my veins. "The last I heard, your brother was unable to contact anyone from his cell."
Reminded of his brother's current fate, Carrow's smile faded. He gave up his pretence and openly sneered at me. Vitriol coated his words, "If I touch you, Landis, are you going to report me as well? You're going to try and get me something I don't deserve?"
"Your brother got exactly what he deserved," I shot back, wishing the words had more strength. They didn't. They were faint, but at least I'd said them. "He shouldn't have touched me and he got exactly what he deserved."
I watched, silently bracing myself, as his face contorted into a portrait of rage. "You -"
Carrow didn't get far. The classroom was flooded with Glumbumbles that suddenly filled the air. The creatures, pent up from being kept inside their small boxes for so long, flew about aggressively and the students started to shriek, dodging and ducking to avoid being stung by the aggravated creatures. Carrow wasn't so lucky, he was stung repeatedly and rushed away from me, swearing aloud as our Professor tried to get the creatures back under control.
Ducking my head to avoid an incoming stinger, I sought refuge under a desk, keeping myself hidden. Distantly I heard people screaming as they tried to hide and seek shelter, I tried to figure out how the creatures had escaped. Peeking out from under the table, I looked to the front of the classroom where dozens of Glumbumbles, kept in individual glass boxes, had been resting on the table. They were there, but they were all empty. But how -
My eyes settled on the Hufflepuff crouched underneath the table nearest to the front of the classroom, covering his head with his hands. Scamander had done something, but why? From what I knew of the Hufflepuff, he cared too much about creatures to even contemplate bringing harm to them. Not that any harm had occurred to the creatures. Still, I watched from my safe space as Scamander ducked his head to avoid a stinger. My attention was torn from him as I heard our Professor address the class. The older man spoke firmly, insisting that everyone calm down and that he would sort the matter out. It took time, and by the end of the lesson, most of the Glumbumbles had been successfully captured and I was still confused. I had no answer as to why Scamander had tipped the table over, but he had and I was glad he had. He had no way of knowing it, but he'd saved me.
**********
My curiosity, for the first time since I'd returned to Hogwarts for my sixth year, had me searching for a fellow student. But as I lingered outside of the Hufflepuff common room, I had to admit to myself that perhaps it wasn't that esay. Perhaps I was seeking out Scamander because he was one of the few people in this castle that hadn't looked at me like I was scum. Apart from Stefani, he had been the first to look at me without contempt. Was it really so bad to want to spend more time lingering around someone who didn't, at least outwardly, think of me with scornful disregard? But I wouldn't linger long. I wouldn't force my presence on the Hufflepuff who was known for his reserved nature. As soon as I got the answers to my questions, I would leave him be.
And so I waited, outside the Hufflepuff basement, standing with my arms crossed. The students that passed me, shot curious glances in my direction but didn't approach me. I didn't meet their eyes, not wanting to draw even more attention to myself. It was bad enough that I was a Slytherin student lingering around their common room, where I had no business being. And Salazar, it really was strange to be waiting here for Scamander, but I certainly wasn't going to be searching the castle grounds for him, either. Now if only I could wait for Scamander without getting so many dirty looks. It was enough to make you think Slytherins couldn't wait for Hufflepuffs. Or maybe that was just for me?
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Scamander rounded the corner, holding onto the strap of his school bag. He was walking by himself, shifting the strap of the bag when it slipped from his shoulders. But he was walking quickly, like he was in a rush and I felt bad for wanting to apprehend him. He lifted his eyes from the floor as he approached the entrance to the common room, abruptly coming to a halt when he saw me waiting there. When he reamined standing, not intending to continue walking, I took the initiative to walk towards him.
"Scamander," I said in greeting. The Hufflepuff, standing tall and on the lankier side, met my eyes before glancing away quickly. "Can we talk?"
He hesitated for a second, tightening his hold on his bag. Briefly, I tried to recall any interaction we'd had before, wanting to know if there was a reason for his reluctance to talk to me. I couldn't remember any. However, maybe my previous reputation had proceeded me. Or, perhaps my current reputation had proceeded me. After all, not many of the male students wanted to be seen with me in case I 'reported them for something they didn't do.' Not that I was too keen to be around too many of the male students to begin with.
Eventually, he nodded and said a quick, "Yes, of course. Yes."
"Okay." I drew the word out a little before glancing contempaltively around the hallway. It wasn't often that I explored this part of the castle. Not that I'd had much reason to. My eyes focused on the group of approaching Hufflepuffs; if people saw us talking then I was sure they'd have plenty to say. "Is there anywhere we can talk?"
Scamander thought for a moment before saying, "Follow me?"
Nodding in agreement, I gestured for him to lead the way. Scamander started walking in paces that were a little too large for me to comfortably keep up with. The silent Hufflepuff peered back at me and slowed his steps, realising I was falling behind. We walked in a comfortable silence that I couldn't help but marvel at; how long had it been since I'd been comfortable in someone's silence?
We continued to walk, reaching the group of Hufflepuff students who had stopped, watching us as we approached. Hidden from their eyes, I fisted the sleeves of my robes so tight that I knew my knuckles had turned white. Even from a distance, I could see them murmuring to each other.
Sure enough, once we were close enough, one of the seventh year boys called out warningly, "Be careful where you put your hands, Scamander or you'll find yourself in chains."
I breathed out shakily, forcing myself to keep walking past them. Keeping my held high, I refused to let them make me cower; I hadn't done anything wrong and I refused to allow them to make me feel as if I had. Scamander, who continued to walk beside me, and not turn right back around, glanced at me.
"Don't listen to them," he said quietly, his words taking me by surprise. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, studying the quiet Hufflepuff as we turned the corner. Still, we walked in a companiable silence.
We eventually reached Scamander's chosen location; an abandoned corridor where the foot traffic was zero. He came to a still, watching me carefully as I looked around the corridor. I wasn't sure how to start. Fidgeting with my hands, I watched him steadily. Realising my eyes were on him, Scamander's eyes were quick to dart away, studying the nearest suit of armour as if expecting it to come to life.
"In Care of Magical Creatures - why did you do that?" I asked eventually. My question prompted him to look at me then, uncertain. "You dropped the Glumbumble containers."
"I didn't drop them." It was the firmest I'd ever heard his tone, there was no uncertainty there and no chance of me not believing him. "I didn't drop the containers, I ... opened them. I'm sorry if you got stung."
"No, that's not what I meant. Just," I paused again, wanting to think about what I was asking him. Briefly, I contemplated the situation I was in; was it self obsessed to believe that he'd done it in some way to help me? Yes. But did I also believe it was highly unlikely for Scamander to drop - to open all the Glumbumble containers? Also yes. "Why did you do it?"
It was Scamander's turn to fidget as he admitted, "Those containers were far too small."
"Oh." It hadn't been the answer I'd expected but it was the one that made the most sense. I nodded, my ego suitably bruised as I was forced to confront my assumption that his behaviour had anthing to do with me.
"But, I mean," he breathed out heavily. I continued watching Scamander steadily, surprised by the rapidly spread of red as it travelled up his neck and coloured his face. "I also didn't think you were comfortable. Carrow was bothering you and saying horrible things. I just - I wanted to help you."
My gaze softened drastically at his words. Still, he couldn't meet my eyes. "Thank you," I said, hoping he knew ust how much I meant it.
No one had stuck up for me or wanted to help me at all since I'd come back to school. Even Stefani, despite being the only friend I'd had in this castle, hadn't done anything to help me whenever I was confronted with horrible words and accusations. She always reminded me to ignore it and I'd tried. I'd really tried but it was difficult to do.
After a long pause, he said, "You're welcome."
Another silence fell between us and, for the first time in a long time, I dind't want to rush away from a conversation, I didn't want to run back to the safety of my bed. Instead, I wanted company. I wanted the company of this quiet Hufflepuff with the freckled face and a kind air about him. This Hufflepuff who I hadn't ever given a second thought to. Scamander, as if feeling the weight of my wondering eyes, met them only briefly before glancing away once more.
"I thought those containers were too small too," I confessed. For the first time, Scamander gave me a real, wide toothy smile. Salazar, I wanted to see that smile more often. "I've heard you mention changing the regulations about teaching Care of Magical Creatures before, is that something you're interested in?"
The usually reserved Hufflepuff set off, unabashed, talking about his ideas for the doing just that. Intrigued about his ideas, but more intrigued about the Hufflepuff in front of me, I listened to every word.
**********
The library had become my safe haven. Previously, I had been a student who didn't like spending time in the library. I would only visit the quiet room if I had an assignment due and now, it was part of my daily routine. Every day, after my last lesson came to an end, I made my way to the library, tucking myself into the rarely used table at the back and settled down until it was time for lunch, regardless of whether I had an assignment due or not. It was a place I visited when I wanted to get some peace and escape the murmurs. At least here the students were fearful of the withering gaze of our librarian and were quiet in their goadings. It didn't stop, but I took every opportunity that I had for some peace.
Even now, as I sat in my chair, reading the open textbook in front of me, I could hear the murmurs coming from the tables closest to me. I was mildly exasperated that the students hadn't found anything new to talk about yet, that I was still so interesting to them. But, I didn't pay them much mind. Instead, I was too focused and too captivated by the words of the textbooks as I read up on recent proposals for changing the way students were taught about magical creatures. Scamander had brought it up when we'd last spoken when I'd accosted him before he could get into his common room, and a quick search of the library brought me to the single copy Hogwarts had.
The sound of a chair - the chair directly across from mine - scraping against the floor had me looking up in surprise. Unconsciously, I braced myself, expecting to be greeted by an unwelcome face, and an unpleasant scowl. In the worst circumstances, it would be Carrow, here to deliver another message, supposedly from his older brother. It wasn't. It was a much more welcome person.
Scamander stood, still holding the back of the chair. He glanced down at me with a wary smile, before his eyes darted away. At first, he didn't say anything, he just shuffled his weight uncertainly from one foot to another. Then, he cleared his throat and asked, "Can I sit here?"
Still surprised that he wanted to sit next to me, I straightened up in my seat and gestured to the chair he'd pulled out. "Yes, of course."
He sat down without another word, tucking his seat under the table. I lowered my eyes back to the open textbook in front of me, trying to pick up where I'd left off from. But I couldn't. Instead, I found my attention focused solely on the student sitting across from me as I watched him from under my lashes. He searched through his bag, drawing out his writing supplies and a textbook. When he glanced cautiously at me, I was quick to look down again before he could catch me in my observations. Only after I was sure it was safe after I heard his quill scraping against the parchment, did I peek up at him again.
Scamander's head was bowed slightly as he worked in silence. My eyes traced the hair that fell over his forehead, and I smiled softly; it had been a while since I was grateful to have someone with me. At last, I glanced back at the book, settling more comfortably in my chair. We both remained seated, me reading through the chapter of the book and him working on an essay, in silence until it was time for the library to close.
The librarian, who did her rounds to tell us all it was time to leave, hesitated before approaching my table. Her withering glare shifted, softening when she met my eyes and her eyes drifted towards a seated Scamander and I swore a small smile turned the corners of her lips upwards. She nodded, just once, and then headed off again. Somehow, the taciturn woman's reaction had me smiling.
Not needing to be told again, I closed the textbook and returned it to its place on the shelves. When I returned to the table, I expected to find Scamander gone, but he wasn't. He was standing by the table, beside the chair he'd tucked in and with his bag over his shoulder. Collecting my own bag, I glanced curiously at him.
He hadn't said a word, but his face was aflame already. Scamander met my eyes, to my immense surprise. "Can I walk you back to your common room?"
"You want to?" I asked, incredulously. Before he could nod - or back out - I remembered the stereotypical nature of Hufflepuffs. Just because he belonged to the friendliest house, didn't mean he had to suffer alongside me. "People are going to talk, you know that, don't you?"
"I do." He nodded, as even more red flooded his cheeks. Merlin, I hadn't thought that was possible, but it did. "But you shouldn't have to be by yourself when people say things."
Taken aback by his words and thankful for the sentiment behind them, I double-checked, "You want to walk me back to my common room?"
When he nodded again, I accepted his offer. We walked back to the common room, neither of us knowing what to say. Not that it was a silence that needed filling. Instead, as we walked, I studied him silently; what was it about this tall practical stranger that reassured me so much? Was it the fact that, despite the short time our eyes had met, I was certain I'd never seen kinder eyes? Or was it the fact that, regardless of all the whispers I was sure he could hear, he continued to walk steadily at my side?
Eventually, once we reached the common room, I had to leave his side, but I was reluctant to do so. So reluctant that it made me pause for a second. My eyes flickered to the two students - Ratna and Thando - who headed into the common room and my reluctance solidified; I didn't want to leave the gentle calm of Scamander's presence to be near them. But I had to.
"Thank you," I said with a smile, meeting and holding his eyes.
It appeared easier for him to hold my gaze this time. Scamander nodded softly. "You're welcome."
Still, I didn't turn to announce the password to the stone wall. Instead, I gestured for Scamander to leave. But, the Hufflepuff remained firm.
"I want to see you go in," he said, surprising me even further. It really was the quiet ones that surprised you. "Goodnight, Landis."
"Goodnight, Scamander," I returned, letting my parched eyes drink him in for just a moment longer. Even when I announced the password, I didn't look away from him. Eventually, I was forced to look away as I walked through the entrance. Quickly, I turned back to get one more look at Scamander before the wall returned to its rightful place.
Left alone in the cold hallway, I braced myself before preparing to walk into the common room. The change in my emotions was drastic, but I forced myself to walk each step. Once I walked into the common room, I was thankful that there were very few students lounging around. Although, unfortunately for me, Ratna and Thando remained perched on one of the sofas, and I just knew they were waiting for me.
Unfortunately, I was correct. Ratna spoke, hoping to stop me as I walked towards the dorm room, "Fraternising with Hufflepuffs now, Landis? Surely you have higher standards than that?"
Strengthening my spine, I didn't react. I just kept on walking, so close to the passages leading to the dorms. I was so close, barely a few paces away. But, wherever Ratna went, Thando the utter spineless bitch went.
"You really have stooped low, haven't you?" Thando asked.
I stopped then, my feet glued to the ground. The past me would have given them a verbal dressing down, pointed out their own low standards and demanded to know how dare they judge me. My words would have proven to them that my sharp tongue hadn't disappeared, that my words still had a bite. But I was trying to be a better person now. Actually being on the receiving end of the treatment I used to so easily give out to others, was enlightening and horrifying. I would never stoop as low as them again.
Turning abruptly to face the pair, I watched them with a glare that had them leaning back in their seats. Good. I wasn't going to be the person I used to be, but if I needed to, I would be a bitch. And if I needed to be a bitch to stop them passing judgement on one of the few people I liked being around, then so be it.
"It's quite funny that the two of you talk about standards when you've both been entertaining the same man," I said pointedly. They knew it was the truth, I didn't lie about things like that.
I let my words settle between the pair, knowing that as soon as I left, they would turn on each other. And that didn't bother me one bit. Turning my back to them, I continued to our dorm room. It didn't feel so bad to be a bitch if it stopped people from casting judgement on Scamander.
**********
Scamander had become a steady, but quiet, companion in my life. Somehow, every few days, the Hufflepuff would appear, finding me and joining me. He often found me in the library, taking a seat and working on some essay or some piece of homework, without any preamble. I was certain that he could hear the things people were saying. He had to have been able to hear it all, but he bore the brunt of their curiosity, offering me an unexpected respite. And still, he continued to come to my side, settling next to me.
The rumours said, and in the past, I'd also speculated, about Scamander's brother. They said the older Scamander was brave, with an iron will and a steel spine, both propelling him to a fulfilling and honoured career as an Auror. People had said the older Scamander had been sorted into the wrong house. And perhaps that was the case, or perhaps it was the loyalty of Hufflepuff house that ran through the Scamander blood. Even now, as I sat across from the younger Scamander brother, working on my own essay, I couldn't help but wonder if he too possessed that same steel spine. There was so much more to him than I'd first ever thought.
Putting my quill down, I rolled my wrist a little to ease the ache. Rubbing away the tension from my right hand with my left, my eyes drifted across the small table to my companion who continued to work conscientiously. He was writing quickly, stopping occasionally to read through what he'd written. Scamander reached the end of his sentence, and lifted his head, his eyes locking on mine.
His eyes, hesitant even still, flickered between both of mine. When I said nothing, he asked at last, "What?"
I hesitated a moment longer, stopping short of saying what I really wanted to say, of asking him what I really wanted to ask. From the moment he'd forged a small place for himself in my life, it was a question that lingered on the tip of my tongue, and I'd stopped myself at every point from asking him because I wasn't sure if I wanted the answer. But the curiosity remained, and it would remain until I got the answer.
So I asked, "Why are you being so nice to me?"
He sat up straighter in his chair at my question. Without saying anything, his eyebrows furrowed as he studied me as if he didn't understand what I had asked. But it was a fairly straightforward question, one without a hidden meaning, one that didn't need him to read between the lines. I just needed him to answer the simple question. Except, from the way he was looking at me, it appeared that it wasn't as straightforward as I'd believed. He didn't seem to know how to answer it.
Setting his quill aside, Scamander leaned back in his chair. He sat with his arms propped on the table as he admitted, "I don't get it. What do you mean?"
"You keep being nice to me," I pointed out, "and no one else is. Why are you so nice to me when I'm a bad person."
"You're not," he was quick to cut in, rendering me silent in the face of his insistence.
But, I couldn't be silent for long. "You know I'm a bad person, I'm not the kindest person, anyone will tell you that. I was horrible to people, and I'd say mean things and-"
"And you don't do that anymore." He cast a glance at the nearest table to where, sure enough, students were sat, straining to hear our conversation. But they'd have no luck, not when he was speaking softly, for my ears only. "People are being rude to you because they are not good people. You have-"
Cutting himself off abruptly, Scamander sharply shook his head, letting out a breath. For a second, I thought he wouldn't say anything further. I was wrong.
He started to speak again, softer and gentle as if not wanting to spook me, "You have experienced something no one should have Landis, and that does not make you a bad person. Neither does it cast any impression on your character and people should not believe it does. By telling the truth, you did the right thing. Do not let anyone make you believe otherwise."
For a moment, a very long drawn-out moment, I could only look at him in silence. It was the most I'd heard him talk. But also, his words had soothed an ache in my burning heart. No one had said that to me, that I'd done the right thing, that my character wasn't baseless in any way. I blinked against the ridiculous urge to let tears fill my eyes. I refused to cry.
Swallowing harshly, I forced my words to come out, even-toned, "Even before anything happened to me, I was not a good person or a kind person. And you know it."
"Even before," he assured me, "even before anything, you were not a bad person."
"How can you be so sure?" I hoped he was right, I hoped I hadn't been a bad person. It was a little concerning how desperately I wanted him to think that I was a good person.
Shrugging slightly, and for the first time appearing uncertain, Scamander's eyes glanced away from me. He appeared reluctant to admit, "Because you were never horrid to me. You have only ever been kind to me and I am far from normal."
"What do you mean?" I asked instantly, hearing the self-depreciation in his tone. Frowning, I repeated, "What do you mean you are far from normal?"
"It's the truth." He still could not meet my gaze, his eyes downturned, "I'm a bit strange, and I know it. I know I am far from normal."
It was my turn to be insistent. "Listen to me Scamander, you are not strange."
"I don't-"
When he glanced up at me, I shook my head firmly, making him fall silent. I leaned across the table slightly, holding his eyes and speaking slowly so he understood each word, "You are not strange, you are kind and bright and wonderful, Scamander. Do not doubt that."
Wide-eyed and clearly surprised, he could only nod, just once. Satisfied that he didn't protest, and with my ears burning, I leaned back once more in my seat. Averting my eyes to my abandoned essay, I swallowed thickly and tried to return to my work. It was difficult to do when my heart was thundering so harshly it threatened to burst out of my ribcage.
**********
It was evident, to anyone who paid him the slightest iota of interest, that Scamander came to life in Care of Magical Creatures. From the moment he entered the lesson, his features came alight, and his eyes became distractingly enthralling. But, I also knew that very few people were likely to have paid much attention to him and I was certain that he liked it that way. It was a shame though, that so many people did not know of him the way people close to him knew him, the way I was beginning to know him. And yet, the selfish part of me was grateful that he was so reserved, that I had to share this side of him with very few individuals.
"Landis?" Scamander, who had approached me the moment our Professor had announced that we needed to split off into pairs, stood before me. He studied me closely, appearing a little concerned as if I hadn't been paying attention to him. The truth was, I had been distracted by my thoughts. Reassured that I was now paying attention to him, he asked, "Would you like to pair up?"
"Please," I said. I gestured for him to lead the way.
Scamander required no further prompting. I followed his lead, matching my steps with each of his, as we approached the first of the creatures that our Professor had scattered around the clearing for us to study from afar. The small creature we approached, looking much like a normal rabbit with antlers on its head, moved around the gated enclosure, appearing at peace. I watched the creatures for a long moment, before glancing at Scamander.
Either paying no mind to my gaze or not realising that I was watching him, Scamander walked towards the wooden fence. He propped his crossed arms on the fencing, leaning in slightly, as far as the magical boundary would allow him to go, and his eyes traced the creature's every move. Did he even realise he was smiling slightly?
Copying his positioning, I tried to watch the creature too. But instead, my eyes slipped repeatedly to Scaamander's face. It was so rare to see his face like this, open and excited, that I wanted to catalogue it to memory. It was evident, from a single glance, that he loved magical creatures, that he adored them. It was so obvious from the way he watched the creatures that I wondered if he was also this obvious when he loved other things? Other people? Startled from my thoughts, I glanced away abruptly.
Ignoring the heat that rushed to my ears and waiting for it to die down, I looked back at the creature. Although I knew I shouldn't have, that I should have fought the urge, my eyes flitted right back to Scamander. But I had run out of luck. He had finally clocked onto my blatant appraisal, turning his head towards me and catching me red-handed. I should have looked away, I should have made an excuse, but I didn't. Instead, I remained where I was, searching Scamander's eyes.
"What?" he asked, not looking away like I would have expected him to. "Is there something on my face?"
"Nothing," I reassured him, offering him a small smile. He returned the warm smile if a little quizzical. Realising that it was strange to keep looking at him without saying anything, I gestured towards the creature and turned my attention to it, "Can you tell me about it?"
"Of course." Scamander cleared his throat a little before facing forward once more. He was standing so close to me that if either of us moved just a single step towards the other, our shoulders would have brushed. "This is a Jackalope, a male judging by the size of it. They're creatures that are native to Northern America."
"Oh?"
Scamander nodded, continuing to talk and I glanced at him as he spoke. "They closely resemble the muggle Jackrabbits with antelope antlers attached to their heads. In the 17th century, their antlers were used as wand cores, however, that practice has been abandoned as more superior wand cores have been discovered."
I nodded absentmindedly as he spoke. He was speaking animatedly, telling me what he knew about the creature and although it was interesting, the creature had long since lost my interest. Instead, it was all focused on this man who, shockingly, seemed to easily capture it without even meaning to. It was a development that worried me a little, and it was one that I would have to think about when I got the chance to do so. Reaching the end of his statement, Scamander glanced curiously at me.
Once more, meeting my eyes, he shrunk back self-consciously. "What?"
"You're handsome," I admitted truthfully, never one to mince my words.
In response, he shrunk back further and I watched him uncertainly. "I know I'm not."
Frowning at his tone, I studied the selfconscious Hufflepuff. "I mean it. You've got handsome features that come alive when you're talking about these creatures. The love you have for them, just gives you even more charm, Scamander."
He turned to face me, watching me silently and looking like he didn't know what to say. Leaning towards him, I nudged him with my shoulder. At my smile, he reluctantly smiled back.
"Besides, you know I don't lie."
"You don't," he agreed.
"But, if I've made you uncomfortable, then I'm sorry."
"You haven't," he assured me, glancing away as once again, red flooded his cheeks.
It really was surprisingly easy to make the Hufflepuff blush. But, it was something I enjoyed seeing. I enjoyed making it happen even more. DIstantly, I could hear people chattering about the pair of us, about how we were congregated apart from the rest of the class, almost like we were lost in our own world but I didn't have it in me to care. They could all tire themselves out with their speculations, and their rumours, I no longer wanted to give them all importance that they did not deserve.
**********
I wasn't sure when it had happened, or how it had happened, but it felt like I was becoming more like myself. Not quite the way I used to be, but perhaps that wasn't a bad thing either. Now, I paid more attention to how I spoke to others, and how I treated them and I wasn't as reckless with my words. But, I was also no longer cowering away, wanting to disappear from sight. I appreciated my private time, no longer seeing the appeal of surrounding myself with as many people as possible when I could just as easily spend time with the people I really wanted to spend time with. No longer did the whispered murmurs and tales bother me as much. They prickled still, but not as much as they did before. And unsurprisingly, the less I cared about them, the less people seemed to speak about me.
Mere months ago, just the idea of sitting at the Slytherin table for lunch, and taking my time to eat, as opposed to eating quickly and then retreating to the library, was unimaginable. And yet, here I was, sitting at the table and taking small sips of my juice. It didn't matter that I was seated further away from most of my dormmates, or that I was quietly reading through my book. I'd come to appreciate solitude. If only I'd seen the benefits of solitude, maybe my earlier years at the school wouldn't have been so chaotic.
My solitude however hard-won it was, was shattered the moment Stefani took her seat across from me. She sat with such force that I was startled in my seat, looking up in surprise. Her eyes were wide and I could only watch with furrowed brows as she slammed a newspaper down onto the table, clearly for me to read. She appeared so incensed that I peered curiously down at the front page. My eyes scanned over the first article briskly, and my heart came elated. Unbidden, I smiled, glancing up at Stefani and expecting her to share my pleasure. She didn't. Reflected back at me, her eyes glared daggers into mine, and I faltered.
"Yewande?" I asked cautiously, looking at who I had thought was my only friend in my dorm.
"He's been sentenced," she hissed, referring to Carrow who had been sentenced for what he'd done to me.
"Will you keep your voice down?" I asked, realising that the students nearest to us were now looking at us. "What does it matter that he's been sentenced? He deserves to be sentenced - how-"
"He's proposed to me," she bit in through gritted teeth. My heart dropped to my stomach then, recoiling from her vitriol. At that moment, I realised with startling clarity, that she was not my friend. She had perhaps never been my friend. Stefani had always talked about her wizard, a wizard she had never named and now, I knew why.
"And you accepted?" I asked, incredulous. "You said you were my friend. If you were my friend, how could you still be with him after what he's done?"
"You shouldn't have been alone with him."
"Are you listening to yourself?" My voice was sharp and I knew people were looking at us, but I no longer cared. Instead, my eyes were rooted to the complete stranger who sat across from me. "You didn't - you never took my side, when people tried to slander me for what he did to me, for what happened to me, you never once took my side and now I know why."
Stefani shook her head as if to bat away my words. She pointed harshly to the newspaper still in front of me, "You need to recant everything or else he'll never marry me."
"That's not my problem." Straightening my spine, I breathed out sharply. "Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how deluded you sound?"
Clearly, she did not, because she said, "If you were my friend, you would take it back."
"If you were my friend, you would believe me and not let yourself be so easily manipulated. Is that what he told you? If you got me to recant, he would marry you?" Stefani held my eyes, her jaw clenched but she said nothing. She did not want to acknowledge that she was being manipulated. I gathered my things, preparing to leave. But before I did, I poured pure venom into my voice - a remnant from a past me, "If you were my friend Yewande, you would not be with my rapist. You would not be wanting to marry my rapist, regardless of the weight of his surname."
She flinched at last, at the heavy word I'd thrown at her. But it was the truth. It had been rape, he had raped me, but I'd never named it like that. And now, as I watched her finally look away, no longer able to hold my gaze in a bid to intimidate me, I knew the power of the word. Even around us, as the students no longer could bear to listen in, hearing the word rapist as if they had experienced it, they glanced away.
Without another word, I walked to the doors, being sure to take measured paces. I wanted to run and hide. I wasn't sure where I would go, but it was what I wanted to do. Only, I knew I couldn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing that. They did not have that right. Once I made it out of the great hall, once those doors shut behind me, I could run. I could run and run until my lungs ached. The joy of everything being over was suffocated by the realisation that I was alone. I had no friends. Merlin, I was alone.
"Landis."
My feet ground to a halt at the sound of Scamander's voice. I didn't want to turn around, to face him. I didn't want him to see the tears brimming in my eyes. So far, I had done so well at showing no one and I didn't want to break that now. Sniffling slightly, I closed my eyes, trying to blink them away. It did the very opposite, making the tears fall down my eyes. A hand, warm and reassuring, settled on my shoulder. Rubbing my tears away, I turned at last to face the Hufflepuff and tried to offer him a smile. He frowned outwards, searching my face.
"Do I look that bad?" I asked, sniffling again and trying to inject levity into my voice.
"Never." Surprised at the earnestness in his voice, I just watched as he reached into his robe pockets. He offered me a handkerchief that I accepted. "You didn't eat, did you?"
"I can always go to the kitchen," I said with a shrug. Patting my tears with the handkerchief, I folded it in half and handed it back to Scamander.
"Keep it." He tucked his hands into his pocket and for a second, he rocked on his heels before saying, "Let me come with you."
"You don't need to. I can go by myself."
"I want to go with you," he said, but to my ears, it sounded like he was saying he knew I didn't want to be alone. Before I could try and protest, and likely knowing that I would, he started walking and gestured for me to follow him, "Come on Landis. I'm rather starved."
As we walked to the kitchens, I expected Scamander to ask me or to talk about what he'd heard, what I was sure most of the great hall had heard, but he didn't. Instead, we walked in a much-needed silence until we entered the kitchens. Once we were inside, Scamander greeted the elves and facilitated all conversations with them. We sat together at a small table, and I watched him eat, whilst picking at my food. I didn't have much of an appetite. But, as I watched him eat his dinner, I wondered why this was the first time we had shared dinner. Perhaps if he'd been at my side tonight during dinner, I wouldn't have felt so alone. Except, did I actually have him in my life? He was in my life, but I wasn't sure what as.
After he had finished his food and I was done picking at mine, Scamander piled the plates together, preparing to carry them to the sink where the elves were busy at work. He ignored my protests that I could do it, and stood, some parchment falling from his pockets as he went. I bent down to pick the parchment that had fallen open, my eyes trailing accidentally over the first few lines. Reading my name, I stilled.
Picking up the parchment, I lifted it and glanced cautiously at Scamander who was standing by the sink, talking to the house elves and discussing something with wild hand gestures. I didn't have long. My eyes raked across the parchment quickly, reading it in record time and then reading it again to make sure that I hadn't read it wrong. I hadn't. Breathing out sharply in surprise, I quickly folded the parchment - the letter - in half once more and put it on the table, in front of Scamander's seat.
I turned to face him, waiting anxiously for him to return. Eventually, he did and I swore my heart beat skyrocketed with each step he took. Reaching the table, he took his seat and his eyes instantly fell on the letter. Newt's eyes shot to my waiting ones. He grasped the letter in a shaking hand and shoved it back into his robe pockets. Still, I said nothing, not wanting to get ahead of myself and waited.
He averted his eyes, studying the table, before looking back up at me. He looked down once more, before speaking cautiously, "I was - I was writing to my brother about you."
When he trailed off uncertainly, I filled the gap for him, "You were writing to him to tell him what you felt for me, even before telling me."
Newt appeared unable to look at me as he said a quiet, "I'm sorry, I-"
"You could have saved yourself the trouble Newt," I said softly, watching with amusement as his head shot up at my use of his first name. Still, I watched, struggling to contain my smile. "If you had only asked me first, you would never have wanted to write the letter, to begin with."
It was all there in my words. There, but not quite there. His earnest eyes searched mine but he did nothing else. Eventually, he asked, "Do you - I mean, do you?"
"I do," I confirmed when he couldn't seem to finish his sentence. Not that he needed to. I understood what he was saying. "Merlin, I do."
His smile was blinding as he chuckled incredulously. He didn't need to say anything else. If anything, the way his hand reached across the table to search mine out, linking our fingers together was enough. He let out another incredulous chuckle, red colouring his features. But this time, he didn't look away.
**********
7 YEARS LATER
Newt, although he would very rarely verbalise the thought, respected his brother. He adores his older brother and thought extremely highly of him. Theseus Scamander's opinion had a lot of sway on his younger brother, even if he didn't know it. It was why I was absolutely terrified of meeting him for the first time. Somehow, without meaning to, for the duration of my long courtship with Newt, I had managed to go without seeing his older brother. Not that I had asked to see him either.
I hadn't been worried or nervous whilst meeting Newt's parents, but just thinking about meeting his brother shook me to my core. It made me tremble inside and every time I imagined meeting the infamous Theseus Scamander, war hero and pride of the Auror department, I'd always imagined Newt would be at my side to anchor me and keep me steady. But of course, I had no luck. My first time meeting Newt's brother, and he was nowhere to be found. I was instead left to stumble through the meeting on my own as the older man tumbled out of the floo, clearly expecting to find his brother and instead finding me.
The tall man, standing even taller than Newt, shared some similarities in his features but regarded me closely. His eyes narrowed just slightly as if assessing me and I didn't take offence from it; I imagined it was a side effect of working as an Auror. But still, I rose to greet him, hoping he didn't notice the trembling of my hands.
"Forgive me, please," he said, at last, approaching me with an outstretched hand. "Miss Landis, I assume. My brother talks about you often."
"Only good things, I hope," I said with a smile, accepting the outstretched hand and shaking it. Over his shoulder, I checked the time; Newt would be back soon, but I just hoped he'd get here soon. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Scamander."
"Theseus, please," he said, eventually dropping my hand. Theseus's eyes scanned the front room of his brother's home and my eyes were quick to follow, wondering what he saw. According to Newt, he hadn't inherited his brother's neat nature; was he making a mental note of all the papers strewn across most of the available surfaces? Or was he - "Newt's changed the paint colour of the walls."
"Oh yes, he has." Relieved that he wasn't focusing on a mess that really wasn't there, I added, "It took some convincing, but he agreed to get rid of the yellow walls."
"I imagine the yellow doesn't appeal very much to your Slytherin sensibilities." He offered me a smile then, one that was open and handsome in the way that appeared to be a strictly Scamander trait.
"It doesn't." Realising he was still standing and that I was being a bad host, despite not being his host. His host, his brother, was off somewhere, off to get some cakes because apparently, his brother, in his entirely intimidating physicality had a sweet tooth. Gesturing for him to sit on the sofa, I tried my best not to pace. Really, where was Newt? I wasn't sure how much longer I could do this without worrying that somehow his brother already hated me. "But I'm not really sure it matters much what I think about his decorating when I don't live here."
"Of course it matters," the Auror said, shrugging out of his coat. He reached briefly into the inner pocket of his suit jacket, checking for his wand.
"Would you - can I get you some tea, Mr Scamander? I prayed he said yes because then I could've at least disappeared for a short while and hopefully by then Newt would be back. Salazar, I was never going to let him live this down. The next time he told me he'd be back soon, I'd remind him of today.
"Please do call me Theseus," the older man insisted, "after all, we're going to be family."
Startled by his words, I looked at him in shock. He has so completely surprised me that all my nerves had faded, leaving me incredulous. "Excuse me?"
"We'll be family," he said as if it was a matter of fact. But, realising that in fact, it was not a matter of fact to me, he winced and guessed, "Newt hasn't had the chance to ask you yet?"
"No," I said plainly. My mind struggled to wrap around the knowledge that Newt wanted to marry me. The man had put up with me for years, yes, and I was certain he loved me, but knowing that he wanted to marry me set my heart aflutter like we were in the early stages of our courtship all over again.
"No?" Incredulously Theseus watched me as if he just couldn't understand. "It has been years since the pair of you started courting, did you truly not expect a proposal to be coming along?"
Expect it? No. Hoped for it? Yes.
Before I could say a word, the floo finally activated and Newt stepped into the room. My eyes lingered on the oldest Scamander for a moment, long enough to see him mime zipping my lips and I just nodded, agreeing to keep it a secret that he'd told me. I wouldn't even know what to say to Newt, to begin with.
At last, I turned my eyes to my - well, to my Newt and watched as he realised that his brother had arrived. Theseus approached his younger brother quickly, opening his arms to embrace him and Newt, although hesitant at first, returned his hug with one arm. From over his shoulders, Newt caught my eyes and murmured an apologetic 'sorry'. He lifted his free arm, showing me the bag of cakes he'd gone off to buy as if to reassure me that he had been gone for a legitimate reason, that he hadn't been late on purpose.
It didn't matter that he was late. He was here now and everything was now good.
____________________
So here's the bit I want you to pay attention to. The request note, the one with all the information about how you make a request etc. will be posted on the 20th. Only after this note is posted to this book, will requests be open.
Now, onto the hints for the next one shot which will be up on the 1st:
* Middle child
* Slytherin
* A bit emo ...