There was a light tapping on the lab office's door. Eran turned around in his chair to see Riley, and tried to act normal.
"Ah, hey."
"Hey..." Riley glanced at Elias who was sitting at his desk across the room. Elias glanced at the clock.
Eran tugged on Riley's sleeve. "Sit down." Riley pulled up a chair beside Eran and watched the screen as he typed some notes.
After half a minute, Eran felt Riley's finger on his thigh. He momentarily stopped typing to push Riley's hand away. It was not the time or place for this dense kid to be flirting—not physically especially. When they'd gone out the other day, Riley took every opportunity to sneakily touch Eran—his hand, back, thigh... Eran realized how little Riley had touched him before. It made him shiver and if he turned around to look into Riley's sincere, gentle eyes, it'd just make him long to touch Riley back.
Pouting, Riley pulled out a book assigned in class, leaned back, and began to read. After kissing Riley, it was like a fog had been removed from before Eran's eyes. Eran thought, he was probably aware of his feelings for Riley all along—but a reflexive denial had taken over. Looking at him now, having admitted his feelings to them both, he felt those emotions clearly. Riley's profile was attractive. His whole body was attractive.
Why am I thinking these things? Eran wasn't extremely concerned about liking someone of the same sex. After all, it was Riley that he loved; though he couldn't say that if Riley had been a girl, it'd be just the same. Plenty of girls had asked him out, and he always said yes but found no sexual or emotional connection. If a guy had asked him out, he'd probably have said yes as well, but it'd never happened. Had it, would he have fallen in love? Was he actually gay despite never being previously interested in men either? He'd honestly thought love was impossible for him no matter what gender his partner would be. But Riley had changed that.
And honestly, Eran felt glad that Riley wasn't a girl (or woman). Once jealous of Riley's height (well, maybe still a bit jealous), Eran was now drawn to it. Those nights of lying in bed beside Riley, he'd want to curl into the taller one's chest and be wrapped in those arms. 'I'm cold,' he used to think. But that was bull, he now realized. He just wanted to feel safe in someone's arms—in Riley's strong arms, exchanging warmth through their chests. I'm so stupid. I was in denial. Was it being in love that I was afraid of? I'm still somewhat afraid, but I'm determined. He will not leave me. Even if it means I have to tie him to a chain.
"You haven't been typing for a while now," Riley noted, bringing Eran's attention back to the present world. "What are you thinking about?"
Eran stared at Riley, trying to think of some excuse.
Riley mouthed, "Kissing?" and pointed to his lips with a smirk and teasing eyes.
Eran rolled his eyes, glancing at Elias in the process. Luckily, he hadn't seemed to notice.
"Are you two working on the same thing?" Riley asked Eran.
Elias suddenly stood up and stretched. "Man, I'm bored."
He came to Eran's desk and leaned against the side closest to Riley.
Somehow, Eran could just hear Riley's thoughts: 'Then leave already.'
Elias looked at Riley's book then at Eran's typing fingers.
"You know," Elias started, "there are rumours around the department that you've changed. 'Nicer,' 'more patient,' 'smiling more.'"
"Hm. Really?" was Eran's disinterested response.
"Well, I'm telling you this because people are pestering me for your number and other info. And it's getting annoying, so maybe," Elias rubbed his own head and glanced up and to the left, "you could be a bit colder again?"
Eran knew Elias was half-joking.
Elias looked at Riley. "You look rather irritated."
Riley looked back at Elias with a slight glare. "That's because Eran's mine."
Eran tensed and then hit Riley on the top of his head. He struggled not to blush or seem too angry but still gave Riley a 'Say anything more and I will kill you' look.
Elias chuckled, which in his case was more like breathing out air for one second. "See, Riley's bothered too."
"If I'm so much nicer, why don't they just come ask me themselves?"
"Hm... Noted. Will quote." There was a short pause. "You look rather somber," Elias said to Riley.
Why is he letting his emotions show on his face so easily? Eran looked at Riley who was also glancing at him. 'Get it together,' Eran told Riley telepathically. The young man looked away with an indecipherable expression.
"Hey, Riley, could you get me some coffee?"
Riley looked at Elias with eyes that said 'Are you stupid? You're joking right?' But upon Elias using his own eyes to respond, Riley stood up. He knew where the lounge was from his past visits to the lab, and so left without a word.
When did we all become telepathic? All the silent communication is strange and awkward... but there are things we can't say aloud.
"Does he hate me?"
"No..." He just feels threatened, and it's pretty unlike you to care.
"Why do you think he said that?"
"Said what?"
"'Eran's mine.'"
Eran shrugged. "Because he's stupid?" It wasn't a lie.
Elias crouched down beside Eran to look at his colleague's lowered eyes. Elias twisted his mouth. "Did he finally confess to you?"
'Finally' he said? Eran looked at Elias in a mix of surprise, worry, and disbelief. "What makes you think that?"
"Something's different today. He's not really hiding it anymore... You rejected him, didn't you?" It didn't really sound like a question. Eran didn't respond. "Why did you reject him?"
'Why?' he asks... Eran repeated it aloud questioningly,"'Why?''"
"Is it because of his age?" Elias's expression turned empathetic and concerned. Times like this were when he really seemed like an old friend: In a gentle, careful voice, he spoke. "Or does it have to do with Jamee?"
Eran still had trouble hearing that name aloud. He flinched. But somehow, thinking about Riley lessened the impact. A strange sensation filled his eyes. I'm not about to cry... but if this is the start of tears... who is it because of? After a silence, Eran quietly replied, "I didn't reject him."
Elias widened his eyes. "You didn't?" A small smile started to appear.
"I didn't reject him," Eran repeated, covering his face with his hands. "I didn't reject him." He leaned onto the desk, hiding his face in his folded arms. "Am I stupid, Elias? Am I doing something wrong? Something bad?" Eran closed his eyes.
"Something that makes you happy and improves your life can't be bad, Eran."
Eran wanted to cry and wondered when he became so emotionally immature. I like him so much. He felt a lump in his throat.
Elias sat in Riley's chair and patted Eran on the head. Eran laughed. When he lifted his head and looked at Elias, he realized he'd already been crying. After wiping away the blur, he saw Elias's expression and couldn't help but smile. The guy actually looked mostly human.
"You should go and find your Riley. I'll lock up."
Eran stood. "He is mine, but don't call him that," he lightly scolded while gathering his things.
"Right, it's just a silent fact."
"Exactly."
Elias waved Eran away, but at the door, Eran stopped. I should... thank him. Feeling awkward, he opened his mouth.
Knowing what Eran was planning to say, Elias shook his head in refusal, then smiled from his eyes.
Riley was lazily sitting on a chair in the lounge, running his finger along the corner of a magazine, making the pages fan and fall, and then repeating it again. When he noticed Eran, he sat up, evidently glad to be done waiting. Eran put Riley's book bag on the table.
Riley looked at it. "I take it I don't need to bring back any coffee."
Eran put his hand on the back of Riley's chair, leaned down, and gave Riley a quick, soft kiss.
The young man looked completely taken off guard. "I-I... W-w... What if someone sees?"
Eran stood straight. "I just wanted to give you something."
Riley looked at Eran blankly.
Eran touched his index finger to Riley's hand. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"I don't know if it's a good idea or not... But we're going home."
Without another word, Riley obediently picked up his things and followed Eran to his car.
As Eran drove, Riley touched the fingers of his free hand. It sent a warmth up his arm and into his chest. But then Riley stopped. "Oh, sorry... May I—"
Eran put his hand around Riley's and started to play with the fingers of Riley's hand. Riley's hand twitched when Eran touched his palm. This way, it was like their fingers were connecting in a way that wasn't yet safe for their bodies to. It was an outlet that felt warm, stimulating, and made Eran desire Riley's touch even more. Regardless, he was the one who'd made the conditions.
"When will you be ready?" Riley asked. "You know, I turn 19 soon. I should technically be in university. And once I'm 19, I'll no longer be a minor in the entirety of Canada."
He was thinking about the same thing as me. 'I'm ready to have sex with you if that's what you mean,' he wanted to say. But to be honest, he had no clue what sex without intercourse would actually entail. Maybe I have time to look it up... "When's your birthday?" Why didn't I ask this before?
"Next month." The car slowed down as Eran looked ahead blankly. "Three weeks." Riley handed Eran something while they were at a stop sign. "Before you ask."
"You have a driver's licence?" By nineteen he'll be able to do all sorts of reckless things with a car.
Riley looked a little offended then frowned. "It's useless."
"December 8th..." Like Riley said, it was three weeks away. Eran looked at the photo. He looks younger here. It was cute.
The card was taken back. "If you're not ready... maybe we should start small and gradually..." The way Riley spoke carefully, he was probably trying not to upset Eran and get immediately shot down.
"Well, what's small?"
"Kissing somewhere other than the lips?"
Eran could imagine Riley doing things like kissing his neck. "D-don't you think that's a little far?"
"Huh?" Riley questioned in disbelief. "...Touching somewhere other than your shoulders, hands, or face, then?"
Eran groaned. "I don't know," he grumbled.
"Well, what do you want me to do?"
Eran's heart started beating faster. Did Riley intentionally say that enticingly? But Riley's face seemed serious. They pulled up to the apartment and stayed silent until they closed the front door to Eran's apartment. Riley looked like he was sulking.
Eran faced him and laced their fingers. "Then... I'll just tell you when to stop." It's not like he'd rape me. The worst that'd happen is we'd be grumpy and have to sleep apart... So... I'll wait for him to kiss me. Until then, I'll hold back.
Riley began to lean towards Eran, but Eran turned away. "So, what's for dinner?" Okay, maybe I'm not quite that prepared.
A/N: Who do you think Jamee is?