JANNAH TAPPED her foot on the floor repeatedly, her hand clenching as she brought it to her lips and blew out a hot breath, hoping to warm them. She didn't even realize it will be chilly at night, and she's now regretting her choice of clothing. She should've at least wore something on top that will keep her warm before she decided to camp out waiting for him to get off work.
But the truth is, she was barely thinking about herself when she made the decision. And even now, despite being a bit regretful, it wasn't what had control over her mind entirely though. Instead, her mind was plagued with thoughts of what she's about to do, and for a brief moment, she thought of running away.
However, even she knew that will be selfish, and she can't be selfish-no matter how much she wanted to. This is the right thing to do, and that's the best thing for her to do.
From the corner of her eyes, she saw the front door open, making her turn in the direction just in time to see him step out. At first, he didn't see her but when he turned around, his eyes fell on her making his expression soften. His lips were still slanted into a frown though, his brows furrowed and his head tilted to the side slightly.
Jannah's lips stretched into tight lipped smile, as she rose a hand and waved at him. That seem to snap him out of whatever trance he was in, and almost immediately, his feet were taking him in her direction.
He covered the distance between them in no time, his eyes briefly taking over her appearance. "Why are standing here? How long have you been here?" Abdallah asked, his tone filled with worry. "It's cold, and you aren't exactly dressed to block out the cold. Seriously, you could've just stayed in your car if you wanted to stay out. Wait, you did come with your car, right?"
Jannah's lips slowly stretched into a wide smile as she quietly watched him let out strings of sentences-one after the other. It was impossible to miss the fact that he cares about her, anyone could see it at the moment and that included her. However, despite her wide smile, there was still something about her that didn't make her look like her usual self.
"Jannah" He called out again, seeing how she simply stood there watching him adoringly. For some reason though, it bothered him. He couldn't help but feel like there's something wrong. "Why are standing out here?" He asked again, hoping she would at least answer that.
She shrugged, "I was waiting for you"
He quirked a brow slightly, "Waiting for me?"
She nodded, "Yup"
He looked around, taking note of the surrounding area before he looked at her again. "It's late" He stated, because it really is. If anything, she's supposed to be at home. "How long have you been here?"
Jannah thought about it, "A while, I guess" She had truly lost track of time. But she knew it has definitely been a while.
"You know you could've just come in, right?" That's what she normally does. That what's everyone does so why would she wait outside, for God knows how long waiting for him? She knew if she goes in, he will make time for her unless he is doing something urgent at the moment. So, why?
"I know..." She slowly nodded, because she truly does. "...but I'm not here as a customer today. I figured, we have something we need to talk about. Right?" She has been avoiding him since the day he confessed. She had been avoiding his calls and messages too. Luckily, he hasn't showed up at the hospital but even on days he visits the Al-Sayed residence, and she's there, she makes sure to avoid him at all cost.
He knew she's avoiding him, and he understood why so he gave her space after a while. Which is why, he was taken aback to hear her say she's been waiting, for him. "I see you've gathered your thoughts" He stated lowly, and for some reason, he is dreading whatever it is she will say. He released a deep breath, choosing to put aside his worries. "You can come in. Let's talk inside. It's too cold out here"
She was quick to shake her head, "Don't worry, this won't take long" There's no way she would go in and risk getting her thoughts jumbled up. She has made up her mind, and she would much rather get it over and done with.
Abdallah seemed hesitant, but nodded anyway. "Okay..." He paused, his eyes taking over her facial for a hint of what she's feeling or thinking. "...what do you want to talk about?"
Jannah folded her lips in, looking away for a brief moment, as she thought of saying something else. However, when her eyes met his again, she found her expression. "I'm sorry, Abdallah" She said, wiping her hand on her denim.
"You're sorry?" He has an inkling what she means, but he's hoping otherwise.
She nodded slowly, "Yes, I'm sorry" She found it hard to utter the words as if she's breaking her heart instead of his. But truth be told, she didn't even want to break his heart however, there's nothing else she can do. Reaching her hand out, she rubbed her hand on her arm to provide some warmth. Swallowing thickly, she decided to just get it off her mind. "You know, I've been thinking a lot about what you've said the other day, and for the longest time, I have been trying to avoid it. However, this is not just something I can ignore, and I knew I'd have to face it sooner or later so, I guess it's better to get it over and done with now, right?"
Abdallah remained silent, his soft expression never wavering as he allowed her to say what's on her mind. It looks like she needed to get it off her mind, and he won't stop her.
"Abdallah you've been nothing but good to me, and I don't think I can ever repay you for that. You've been there, you've listened to my rants, and you've seen me at my worst. You've done all that with no questions asked. You didn't look at me differently like the others, nor did you judge me for the kind of life I happened to live" She paused, her eyes glossing over with tears which she blinked back, blowing out a shaky breath. Once she's sure she won't break down then, her eyes met his again, her expression soft. "I can't keep on leading you on like that, Abdallah. You don't deserve that"
Saying those words, reminded her of her conversation with Aisha just a couple of days ago. She knows if it wasn't for Aisha, then she would've kept on avoiding him till God knows what. She could still remember Aisha's words clearly.
"Jannah, you know you're my best friend right, and I care about you a lot. I know I haven't been supportive of your decisions in a while-because I believed, and still believe, it's the wrong one. I'm probably not the best person to tell you this either, but I want you to know I will give you my full support now" Aisha said, offering the girl a warm smile. They were talking about Aisha and Aslam's wedding, and Aisha couldn't help but appreciate the support Jannah gives her.
It made her feel bad for not supporting her decision, even though she still believes it's the wrong thing. However, she knows Jannah well and knows how stubborn the girl can be. So, she knew changing the girl's mind is close to impossible so why bother anymore.
"If you truly want this marriage of yours, then I'm giving you my full support. I won't judge you anymore" She felt like if she, as her best friend is against something what the girl truly wants, then what kind of friend is she.
Jannah offered her a smile, her expression morphing into that of gratitude as she gave Aisha's hand a small squeeze. "Thank you" She whispered.
Aisha smiled back, before it fell. "And Jannah..."
Jannah hummed, a sign for her to continue.
"You know Abdallah is like a brother to me, right?" Aisha didn't miss the look that crossed her best friend's expression at the mention of the man. "Just as I care about you, I care about him" She then paused, looking down for a brief moment. "Abdallah loves you, a lot, and I know you aren't doing it intentionally but it's unfair to keep leading him on. I know you, and I know you won't change your mind so please Jannah, I know a part of you truly cares about him so I know you'll understand when I ask you to stop giving him false hopes. He's there, believing he can still change your mind-which we both know is a difficult task so why don't you just let him go. He's suffered through this before--"
"Because of Nahla" Jannah cut her off, having a feeling that's what Aisha would say.
With brow furrowed, and a frown marring her features, Aisha stared at her warily. "Yes...how do you know that?"
Because Jannah hadn't told Aisha everything that happened the day Sadiq's mother came to the hospital, she left out the part that Sadiq's now ex-wife is Abdallah's ex-girlfriend.
"You know what, forget about that" Aisha waved it off, knowing Abdallah must've told her. "But yes. After what happened with her, I was hoping he would never go through it again because we both know he doesn't deserve it. So, Jannah, please, just end things with him and don't lead him anymore. Don't hurt him-even though I know you don't want that either"
"-I don't want to hurt you anymore, Abdallah. So, I hope this is the last time we will ever see each other like this again" Her wedding is only a week after Aisha's, so she's hoping to cut ties with him before that. She believes it'll be easier to let him go earlier rather to do just as the wedding approaches.
Yet again, he didn't say anything and his expression wasn't really giving her anything to work with much to her dismay. She wanted to see something...anything! But there was nothing, and admittedly, that hurt her more.
"That's why I came here. Figured it'll be better to end it face to face than to do it over the phone" She added slowly, and was silent afterwards.
"Are you done?" He spoke finally, his expression still blank.
With a sullen look, she nodded. That was all she wanted to say, and now that she has said it, she felt much better in a way. At least, she no longer feels the weight of the guilt weighing her down. However, she does feel bad. She feels heartbroken, almost as if she is the one that was rejected and not the one rejecting.
He offered her a slow nod of his. And then, he shrugged off his Shearling coat that he had on. Because he gets cold easily, he always makes sure to wear clothes that will keep him warm and the present situation was no less. However, when he had taken it off, he took a step closer to her and then draped it over her shoulder, making sure it offered warmth. "Did you eat?" He asked, knowing the girl probably went there straight from work.
Taken aback by the action, Jannah's lips parted slightly as she rose her head up to look at him. "I'm not hungry" She stated nonetheless because she truly isn't. She can't even stomach the thought of eating something at the moment. That's how bad she truly feels.
She has never been one to reject food no matter what. But knowing she will, actually no, is hurting him makes her lose her appetite. She hadn't realized he means that much to her.
Abdallah didn't stare back though, he simply focused on his task on making sure she was fully covered. But even as he did that, he didn't go beyond draping it over her shoulder and pulling the sides to make sure she's fully covered. For a moment he wondered if she's lying about being hungry, but then decided to take her word for it. "Don't be staying out so late, and at least, wear something to keep you warm when you do so" He stated lowly. Once she's sure he had at least provided her with some warmth, he took a step back. "It's not safe for you to be wandering off at this time alone. You'll also catch cold at this rate so at least, have something warm with you-you can simply keep it in your car if you want"
She still stood there like a gaping fish. Abdallah know the right buttons to mess with her mind undoubtedly. How is that, after what she just said, he still cares about her? Shouldn't he be angry, and hurt? Shouldn't he scream at her and tell her to leave his sight?
"Stop looking at me like that" He stated, making her blink repeatedly.
"Huh?"
"Stop looking at me like that" He repeated, his eyes meeting hers. "You're making it hard for me to let you go"
"Abdallah..."
"You should really go back home. It's late. I'm sure your dad is worried. And besides, it's not good to stay out late like this" It's nearing ten, and he doesn't care if others think it's not late, to him it's late for a woman to be out alone like this.
Jannah on the other hand was finding it hard to hold back her tears which is ridiculous. She is the one who ended things with him. So, why is she trying to cry when he should be the one to be sad? Shouldn't it be the other way around?
But there he is, and she's finding it hard to tell what he's really feeling.
"I'm sorry" She found herself repeating, as if that will make things any better.
"Don't be" Abdallah sucked in a breath, before he blew it out. "But you really are making it hard for me, you know" He has been trying to keep his emotions at bay, because getting rejected truly hurts. He was trying to keep it away from her. However, she is making it hard because seeing her guilty looks makes it hurt more. "You should get going though"
Yet again, that guilty expression was still there, masking her features. "Say something at least" She would feel much better if he at least addressed what she just said. At least, he should blame her.
But if she's being honest, that isn't what she wanted. She wanted to be selfish and hope he would tell her he won't give up on her. Yes, she wanted to be that selfish. She wanted him to say something despite her giving up on him.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Anything"
His lips slanted upwards into a warm smile, a knowing one. "Firdausi, you've said what you wanted just as I did the other day" He sighed, "I respect your decision. But I still stand by what I said. So, go back home and rest because I'm sticking by my words" He won't change his mind simply because he was rejected. He did tell her that he will stick until the very end, and that's what he'll do.
Why did she feel terrible though? She hated herself for being so indecisive. This is what she truly wants, yet now that he has said it, she feels even worse.
She is supposed to end things with him and stop giving him false hopes. But she did the opposite.
"Stop thinking so much about it. It'll all work out in shaa Allah" He doesn't know how, but he has faith. "Do you want to know something I believe in with every fiber of my being?"
She nodded.
"I believe, if two people are meant to be, then they'll end up together no matter what. If they aren't, then it's better to part ways" That's something he had always held on to. "So, stop thinking so much about all this and wait. If we're meant to be, then not this marriage of yours or anything can get in our way. If not, then I genuinely wish you find happiness because that's all that matters to me"
And that did it.
Jannah held onto his words with everything she has. She clung onto them, knowing he is right. If they are meant to be, they will be, and that's simply it.
~*~
SAY SOMETHING I'M GIVING UP ON YOU! This song has been on repeat for me since-I even had a mini concert because of it. Thanks to the furniture in my room for attending, yall are my true fans.
Alrice, moving on! This isn't a wedding chapter. I know. I actually deleted the first part of the chapter and decided to use it in the next whenever I get the strength to write.
I simply felt like we deserve some J and A moment. But bruhhh, where can I find Abdallah? Iye? Nace ni Abdallah nake so wlh.
*Sighs in pain*
When is the next update? I truly don't know because I do plan on ditching you fiful. Abeg include me in your prayers. I need strength to write wedding chapters. They're stressful!
Those asking for kdrama recommendations, yall will have to start paying me for it o because my kdramas are guaranteed to be good (If we have the same taste) I trust my kdramas well well.
Albeans, good bye. I don tire and I've tried for yall.
Oh and Yasmin is making me feel Aisha and Aslam's love like this. Ah, omo. I need to go back to those two o.
Love, Jannah.