"Welcome to an outside edition of why the hell not!" y/n smiled sitting in her garden in a small sundress rubbing what appeared to be suncream on her arms with Thomas beside her in a small vest and shorts with what was clearly beer in a glass
"Becuase it is... way too hot to even consider being inside"
"Pretty much. It is in London at this very moment 28 degrees. So the idea of setting up lights in order to film is just... not an option"
"To be fair this time of year the average temperature is usually about 18 maybe twenty on a good day and that's in July and august so. yeah"
"Tis hot"
"Tis fucking hot," he says "I put ice in my beer. that is. that is a signal of how hot I am"
"It's gonna be 37 on Tuesday"
"I know. they say it is. I am afraid."
"to be fair if you hear a noise and see movement behind us that is a pool that is being set up. because yeah. we need a swimming pool"
"That's the plan isn't it?"
"Yep. big parasol. and swimming pool. and I have filled our spare freezer to the Brim! with ice lollies and ice cream"
"You did?"
"Yeah. did you not notice like the six bags of ice cream I bought when I went to Morrisons?"
"No. I was sitting in front of the fan with the girls"
"Yeah I was kinda hiding them from the girls.... and you"
"The video can wait," he says bolting up and clearly running of inside
"What where- are you getting ice cream.
"Yes!"
"Bring me one" she yells back
"what sort?"
"Uhhh bring me a jaffa cake one"
"You got those!"
"I did last box and I think a woman behind me was after it took she gave me such an evil look"
"Woooo!"
"ahh yes, they are fine. also very hot. but they are currently at their friends."
"I was so close to going with them. Lisa's house has airconditioning like American style air con in every room it's amazing" he says as he arrived back with ice cream
"I know you were. but we are setting up this little pool for them. and for us"
"defiantly for us." she smiled taking her ice cream
"what are we doing today? other than complaining about the heat?"
"Ahh yes. we are playing a game"
"A game?"
"from the internet"
"Ohh no. am I going to offend anyone?"
"I mean... you might. it's the internet Thomas it doesn't take much"
"Okay tell me the game"
"so you know how... people rate like potential partners out of ten"
"......... yes. yeah okay" he nods clearly confused for a moment
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I know people who do."
"So I'll say like she's a nine but then a catch and you have to say to you what that actually makes them"
"In theory"
"Yes in theory."
"Good. I don't need to think and rate other people I have my beautiful wifey" He smiled giving her a cuddle
"Awww thank you darling, but... no cuddles too hot"
"Yeah I realized immediately"
"Shall we begin"
"Alright."
"She's an 8"
"Okay."
"But she only plays a ukelele and if you ask her about it she gets really defensive and yells about being a serious artist"
"No. Ohh fuck no your a four lady. maybe even a three"
"not into that?"
"No. I mean you can play it. and if you wanna... release an album cool but don't be a dick about it"
"do you have one for me?"
"Ohh I get to do you too"
"You always get to do me thomas"
"I know I married you. I went through a lot of bullshit to be allowed"
"Bullshit?" she glared
"we both know I would have married you in a fucking Tesco car park if you let me, I didn't care. no a year of prep and several thousand pounds"
"I love our wedding"
"I did too but still" he says "Okay... he's a six"
"Okay."
"But every single Friday night he goes to the gym. doesn't matter what other things you could plan that day not gonna happen he's at the gym."
"so Like if Christmas fell on a Friday"
"He'd wanna be in the gym,"
"My birthday"
"In the gym"
"He's a two."
"oohhh"
"You can go to the gym I have no issue with that but I feel like at that point it's more of your personality than anything else. like that's more cult behaviour"
"Good point."
"Okay she's a three"
"Right"
"But she knows every one of breaking bad"
"she's an eight"
"See that's the thing with you. you like nerds."
"well... I sort of have to. I am a nerd. be kinda dickish if I didn't like nerds and then expect someone to settle for me" he laughs "That and your my cute little nerdy girl. we go well together"
"True"
"Okay he's a nine but his only job is as an 'influencer'"
"you sir. are a minus seven"
"Ooohhh. no love for the influencers?"
"No. you can be an influencer, not a problem, but have another job too that should not be your only income. like if Instagram or tick-tock just shut down tomorrow you shouldn't be fucked."
"That's a good point"
"Right, she's a 10 like a straight up 10/10. but she says star wars is overrated."
"she is a one."