A/N: This was what used to be the bonus chapter titled "If Not Now, Then When?" but decided to integrate it with the main Watching Sunrises storyline.
TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of suicide attempts.
After a long night of drinking and debauchery (and a ton of clean-up the morning after), Pia sent off Leni and Risa before the two women drove home. "Safe drive, ladies! See you on Monday."
Leni waved at Pia as she entered the driver's side of the car. "Bye, Peej!"
"Thank you for having us, Peej," Risa waved from the passenger seat.
Pia's eyes remained on Leni and Risa's car until they drove past the gate. As soon as they were out of sight, she closed the door and walked towards Loren sitting on the couch before sinking beside her. "Wow, what a night. Haven't had one of those in a long while."
Loren took a swig of some orange juice from breakfast. "I know. The last time we had a ladies' night, pwede pa ako uminom."
The two of them laughed as they reminisced memories of old. "Wala pa si Lens nun, no? Tayo pa lang tatlo ni Ris..."
"Lens was there that night, but I understand what you meant," Loren smirked. "Binuhat pa natin dalawa si Ris noon papuntang kotse niya, diba?"
Pia's mind blanked out for a few seconds before remembering. "Oh, right. Di pa rin ako makapaniwala na kinayanan mo siya, eh."
Loren flexed her right bicep. "I think I still have some strength left in me. Maybe I should start lifting more."
The Lady from Taguig's eyes twinkled at the mention of another fitness regime. "Uy, love, if you're serious about that, I can link you to a trainer. It's not too late to start."
"After my MA graduation, I'll take you up on that, dearest," Loren said, cupping Pia's cheeks. "Saglit lang ako dito, eh."
Pia felt a painful twinge at the thought of Loren leaving the country again after next month. Yes, she's going back home after graduation, but the thought of going back to a long-distance relationship after seeing, hearing, and touching her in the flesh again was a prospect she was looking forward to.
It doesn't help that she's sensing that there's something else Loren wasn't telling her that she should have the right to know, especially with how Risa and even Leni appeared to know things she, her girlfriend, she's not privy to.
Pia took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh.
"P, what's up?" Loren asked. "Parang ang lalim ng buntung-hininga natin diyan, ah."
For once, Pia decided to stop dilly-dallying and asked about the elephant in the room. "Reg, love, why are you hiding so many things from me? Bakit parang mas may alam pa ung dalawa sa buhay mo kaysa sa akin?"
Her voice quivered as tears rolled down her eyes. "Why did you stop talking to me when you landed in London? Why do I feel like an outsider in our relationship when I should be the first to know?"
Loren stared at Pia in stunned silence for a few minutes or so. Her eyes became more downcast and her chin shook as if trying to keep a lid on the emotions attempting to come out. "Because I almost broke my promise to you na babalikan kita. Happy?"
Pia's heart sank, not because Loren hid things from her, but because of the thought of her carrying so much weight on her shoulders. "Regina..."
Before Pia could say anything else, Loren continued. "I thought that if I started pursuing my MA, the problems would go away, but maybe it's the isolation or what, lumala pa. I was barely eating, barely sleeping, sometimes I would go for days without showering."
She then looked at Pia straight in the eye. "There was a point where I came close to ending it all."
It was Pia's turn to be too stunned to speak before dropping down into a tinier voice. "As in end it, end it all?"
Loren nodded in confirmation. "Ready na nga ako eh - I was dressed to the nines, the pills were ready, I had a nice drink on-hand, then make it look like I just passed in my sleep."
Even Pia was taken aback at how candid Loren was telling all this. Then again, she shouldn't be - she always was pretty candid without cameras rolling.
The Lady from Antique then gazed at Pia and held her hand. "If it makes you feel any better, I remembered your promise when you chased me at the airport, but I didn't see a way out at that point."
"So what happened?" Pia asked.
Loren took another sip of water before going into the next part of the story. "So I called up 999 just in case, then Ris to say goodbye."
Pia had more questions than answers, but she held on to them and let Loren finish. "Then what?"
"Luck as may have it, si Maria Leonor ung sumagot ng tawag," Loren said, laughing at how fate has played tricks on her. "At that time, I was like 'naglolokohan ba tayo, teh?'"
"So she saved your life?" Pia inquired.
"Let's just say she helped me put a lot of things into perspective," Loren explained. "Looking back, I'm lucky she was the one who answered the call that night, otherwise we wouldn't even be speaking to each other like this."
Pia took Loren's hand and held on, thinking about how had events not turned out the way they did, she would've really lost her for good. "That still doesn't explain why I didn't hear from you for that long, though. Why was that?"
"After getting out of the hospital, I stopped for one term in the MA program and checked myself into residential treatment," Loren continued. "Those were the most difficult three months of my life, but stepping into that place forced me to admit that I was much sicker than I thought."
"You were very sick for a long time, Reg. There was a point where even Ris and I were surprised you're still hanging," Pia said matter-of-factly. "But I'm extremely grateful that you did."
Loren then responded with an even tighter squeeze. "No, I should be the one thanking you for choosing to stay with me. I know I'm not an easy person to take care of, and sometimes even I wonder why you took it on."
She let Pia's hand go so she could go upstairs. "Teka lang, dear, may kukunin ako sa taas."
After a couple of minutes, Loren came back with a clear binder bursting at the seams. On the first page was a kraft paper cover with pressed flowers on the sides and a tag at the front with "Letters for P" with the dates of her stay in the facility scrawled at the bottom.
She then handed the binder to Pia. "When I was at rehab, I didn't have any outside contact, but I wrote to you every day and put this together as soon as I got back. I would've shared more, but perhaps reading these would be a much better option."
Pia then got the binder from Loren and remembered bits and pieces of various events in her head that led to this point.
Seeing Loren talking about her own story in such a crystal clear way made her realize that Pia hasn't been completely honest about herself and the two of them either. "Reg, I hate admitting this out loud, but there are things I've also not been completely honest with you about."
"Like what?" Loren asked.
The Lady from Taguig took another deep breath before opening the Pandora's Box she's kept under lock and key. "Inggit ako sa inyo, eh. Lahat kayo may talents, may specialty, may clear direction sa buhay. Me? No talent, no direction, nothing to show for except a slew of unfinished passions."
To her surprise, Loren raised her voice, one she only usually reserved for unruly resource speakers during budget hearings. "P, stop shortchanging yourself for once."
"Reg, I'm just telling the truth. Wala naman akong specialty, diba?"
"Because your specialty is in not specializing at anything," Loren said.
Pia was taken aback by Loren's words. "What? So you agree na wala nga ako talent, ganun?"
Loren dropped down to a much calmer but also firmer tone. "Do you even listen to yourself? Do you even have an idea how much power you hold?"
"Me? Powerful?" Pia said, letting out a sarcastic laugh. "That's such a hilarious idea you got there."
"Pilar, I'm not kidding," Loren said. "Dear, ikaw ang pinaka well-rounded sa ating apat - you just need a way to harness that energy you have. I hope that in this lifetime, you see what we all have been seeing all this time."
Despite attempts to find the right words, Pia couldn't coax herself to speak. Something is comforting, yet terrifying about being seen and not having the means to escape.
"Y- you really think so?" Pia asked quietly. "Walang halong bola?"
Loren shook her head. "At kailan ba ako nambola sa 'yo?"
Pia flashed another smile, causing Loren to melt into a puddle. "You're right."
"Ayan ka na naman," Loren giggled. "I'm trying to be serious here."
Instead of stopping, Pia zeroed in on Loren's tickle spot on her sides and ran her fingers across it while the Lady from Antique giggled uncontrollably,
Once Pia stopped, she cupped Loren's jaw with both hands and gazed at her the way she would gaze at the stars. "I love you, my sunrise."
"I love you too, my sunset," Loren said.
The two of them shared another kiss, this time a raw, tender one. As they let each other go, Pia asked something she hadn't asked in a while. "Gusto mo, umuwi muna tayo?"
Loren nodded. "Sige, uwi muna tayo."
That night, the two of them packed for their next flight to Antique the following afternoon. While preparing her backpack, Pia quickly went for her safe in her walk-in closet, unlocked the code and took out a black velvet box.
She opened the box to reveal a ring set with stones the color of a sunrise, sized specifically for Loren. "If it's not you, it's not anyone."
Meanwhile, Loren made sure Pia was out of sight in the same room before she fixed up her own purse to prepare, then fished for another velvet box. This time, it contained a ring in Pia's size set with stones the color of a sunset. "Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?"
A/N: To get more context re. Loren's story, read the Salad Stories one-shot titled 'London Bridge'. Please note the TWs inside before reading: https://www.wattpad.com/1246904625-salad-stories-stories-from-the-multiverse-london