Watching Sunrises

Shared Stories

Back inside Pia's living room, Loren and Risa kicked their shoes off and sank themselves down on the modular couch in the side of the room. Two small dogs circled around the area, while a third, much larger, canine, lay on the floor taking a nap.

By this time, they have both changed into more comfortable clothes for the night - Risa in a pink sweater and yoga pants, Loren in a blue duster, and white flip-flops. With the jetlag settling to a more manageable level, scanned the area to get a glimpse of the place in brighter light.

Pia's tastes in interior design are much different from hers, favoring sleek, clean lines over the shabby chic maximalism Loren gravitates towards. The room's focal point was a bunch of exercise gear scattered around the area, reminding Loren of all those times Pia badgered her to work out more. "May gym na sa baba...samahan ko kaya siya bukas...kung wala siyang hangover pag-gising."

Risa giggled at Loren's comment and sipped from a glass of water. "Yoga session tomorrow, Ate?"

"Aba'y depende yan kung available ung instructor." Loren quipped before leaning back on the sofa.

It's light moments like these that Loren missed the most about working together with the "fruity bloc" in the Senate. After a stressful day at work, they would go for a walk around the area or have dinner together in one of the restaurants nearby.

Now, such get-togethers were reserved for special days like these, but perhaps it's for the best, at least in Loren's opinion.

Risa's getting a bit tipsy now right beside her. She then faced Loren and asked a question about something Loren hoped she wouldn't bring up. "Ate Lo, what made you leave for London so suddenly?"

She's told bits and pieces of the story to various people at different points, but this is the first time Loren's going to lay it out in full. "Na-adik ako, Risa. I really needed to get out, or it will literally kill me."

The younger senator stared at her with her mouth gaping open. "What do you mean? I want to understand, Ate."

Loren took a deep breath. "I remember my first time campaigning for Senator. It was my first campaign fresh from ABS-CBN, but the moment I stepped on stage and introduced my plans to the world, I got really high from the screams, the chants, and the energy coming from the audience. I was on top of the world."

She got so engrossed in her storytelling, that she didn't notice Leni and Pia had also joined in to listen. Nevertheless, she continued. "First term ko, okay pa, passed a lot of laws I've been proud of, got a ton of praise from it, but suddenly that dose of validation wasn't enough anymore, so I really sought it out."

Loren then narrated most of her journey between 2004, when she ran for Vice President, to the electoral protest that followed, to the years after that. "At one point, it went for 'I ran for office to make a difference' to 'I ran for office because I needed to survive...literally.' Adik nga, diba?"

She then felt Pia's hand laying on top of hers and her thumb rubbing circles at the back of her hand as if encouraging her to keep talking. It was at this point that the emotions started to take a chokehold on Loren, but Pia just kept drawing those circles. "I promised myself that after 2019, I'll retire from politics, but did I? No, I did not."

Risa wrapped one arm around Loren and rubbed her back.

By the time Loren started talking about the 2022 campaign, the dam has broken and the tears didn't stop rolling. "2022 campaign...I remember Frank calling me up with an offer na sumama sa slate niyo, Leni. Tinanggihan ko dahil iniisip ko 'pag sumama ako diyan, ako ang dudumugin, at hindi ko kakayanin iyon'.

Loren shook her head. "Now I look back and I wish I ran independently instead. Hindi sana ako mumultuhin ng kunsensya ko at baka nag-uusap pa rin kami ni Lanz ngayon."

Leni then spoke up with another question. "Kumusta ka naman right after that?"

"19th Congress, I was SP Pro Temp, was in the UP Board of Regents, nirerespeto naman ng mga ka-trabaho. I go through my day, put my best foot forward, excelled in my work, but nobody knew of the burden I carried every single day."

Risa gave her a sad smile. "Ate Lo..."

Loren then touched a bit on the events leading to her moving to London, then continued her story from there. "Okay, London na tayo - got into my dream MA program, lived a fairly quiet life, and yes marami pa ring trabaho, but it was a much slower pace."

She then looked to her left and to her right to find everyone still in the room. Loren acknowledged that in her head and moved forward. "I had a lot more idle time than I was used to, so my brain went to places that I didn't want to go, let's put it at that. At some point, I thought 'I shouldn't live like this.', so I decided to call up a clinic and got myself checked."

It was Pia's turn to speak. "Then what happened?"

"Teka lang, Pilar, nandito na .", Loren said. "It was a pretty long intake interview - took around a couple of hours. I knew I had some sort of anxiety, but the depression diagnosis was a shock for me."

Risa nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I remember you telling me this before."

"Sabi ko sa psychiatrist, who is a Filipino based in London, 'how on earth am I depressed? Hindi naman ako malungkot..."

She then faced Risa, who was shaking her head. "Ate, remember when you didn't show up nung traveling textile exhibit sa Senate before? Or when I saw you in the lounge mag-isa?"

Loren sadly nodded. "Alam niyo, if there's one thing I learned about politics, at least in the Philippines, is it's a hell of a drug. On paper, you get to help a lot of people, but the system sets you up to amass as much power in the shortest term possible. That power is so enticing, and so intoxicating, that once you get in, it's so hard to get out."

She felt her throat drying up so Loren drank a glass of water before continuing. "Some people choose to distance themselves from that power, so afraid to even take a leap. Others let power take them for a ride until they couldn't get off. Still others, myself included, let power consume them until they're a shell of their former selves.

Yet some people, and this is a rare skill to possess, are able to leverage that power, grapple it so fluidly to reach their goals, then return it back to where it belongs at the end of the day."

"Wow, welcome back, Reg." Pia concluded. "Not going to lie, ung mga pa-ganito mo ako lalong na-i-in love."

Loren looked at Pia, trying to contain the kilig. Yet, the butterflies in her stomach have come back with a vengeance.

Pia flashed that 'my bill became law' smile and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Love you, Mooncake."

Loren mouthed 'Love you too, Coco Pop' as Pia stood up to clean up the kitchen, leading Leni to tease her while eating some peanuts. "Anubayan, nilalanggam na kayo. Sana all."

"Kung magsalita ka naman, Ga, parang wala ako.", Risa scowled before giving Leni a quick peck on the lips.

Never thought Loren would see the day that she would find the tribe she longed for, much less find them in these four women. There are so much more stories to share and memories to make, but alas a messy kitchen awaits them before hitting the hay for the night.