I'M ON THE porch when I hear the boys coming out of the house. Conrad sees me first.
"Dani? What are you doing?"
The three of them stop to look at me, and I just shrug.
Jeremiah lets out an impatient breath, looking everywhere except at me. "Come on, man. Let's go."
I roll my eyes and take a bite out of the pop tart I brought out with me.
"Hold on," Conrad tells his brother. Then, he turns to me. "Aren't you coming? The bonfire's tonight, remember?"
Jeremiah and Steven both send Conrad death stares. Steven because he has never wanted me or Belly to hang out with them, especially now that boys have been all over Belly since she got her braces taken off. I don't really understand that, though, because she was pretty before then too. Just as pretty as she is now. As her older sister, it hurts a little to know that she doesn't think of herself that way.
And Jeremiah doesn't want me to come for obvious reasons.
I shake my head and get up before anyone can say anything else. I look directly at Conrad and say, "Did you ask Belly to come?"
He looks at his feet, and I know that he probably just stood there while the other two told Belly she couldn't come.
"Belly's a kid. She doesn't know any better," Steven whines, sounding a lot more like a kid than Belly.
"Whatever, Steven. You guys go have fun. It's not like I'm welcome there anyway."
It's clear who the last part is directed towards, but I start walking back to the house before I catch his expression and before any of them can say anything.
✧ ✦ ✧
I WATCH HALF of It Happened One Night with Mom and Susannah before I tell them I'm going to go to bed.
Belly hadn't felt like watching the movie with us, so she is already upstairs in her room. I decide to check on her before getting ready to sleep. I knock on her door lightly, but she doesn't reply so I just go in.
She's standing in front of the full-length mirror putting on lipgloss. She's wearing this short pink dress that I have never seen her wear before. My eyes widen, and I shut the door quietly.
"What the fuck are you wearing?" I almost screech at her. There's no way she would ever buy a dress like that. Taylor definitely gave that to her for her to wear while we're here.
Spinning around, Belly looks annoyed. "It's called a dress, Dan."
I roll my eyes. "And why the fuck are you wearing that and why do you look like you're about to go out?"
"Because I am? I'm going to the bonfire."
I exhale in frustration. Of course, she's going to the fucking bonfire. "Take that off right now."
"What?" She furrows her eyebrows and starts to look even more irritated.
"I said take the fucking dress off. You're not going anywhere."
She scoffs. "Says who? You? Just because you don't know how to have fun doesn't mean that I don't. And I want to party, so that's what I'm going to do. You can't stop me."
Before I can get a single word out, she brushes past me and I know she's probably tip-toeing out to the front door. She knows that I would never tell Mom if she snuck out, so she's taking full advantage of that right now.
I run a hand through my hair. God, she pisses me off so much. I stand there for a second trying to figure out what to do. Then, I sigh and sneak downstairs.
There's no way I'm letting my little sister go out to a stupid party all alone.
✧ ✦ ✧
I DON'T NOTICE that I'm wearing my pajamas until I'm already a corner away from the sand. I have on these black Adidas shorts with an oversized Louis Tomlinson hoodie covering most of them. My hair is loosely braided, and pieces are already sticking out.
I feel out of place the second I get to the beach and want to leave. There's no way Belly would let me take her home right now, so I choose to just find her and then wait a little bit until she gets bored.
Almost instantly, my eyes spot Belly as if she's dressed in neon and everyone else is wearing black.
"Shit," I mumble, seeing Steven beside her. They're arguing.
I run towards them, and just as I'm about to yell at them like I always do, Belly falls. I bite my lip because even I'm embarrassed now.
"Belly..." my voice trails off, and Steven notices me.
"You're here too?" he says in an annoyed tone.
"I'm here to take her home, dumbass."
I shove him and help Belly get up. She pushes me away, though, the second she sees Conrad with his tongue down a girl's mouth. It's the deb girl, Nicky. Fuck, this is about to end in a disaster.
My eyes lock with Conrad's, and he sends me a helpless look once he sees us. I just shrug and try to back away from the whole scene. Kinda wishing I just went straight up to my room instead of being a good sister.
"I thought you said that deb balls are bullshit, and all debs are sheep," Belly accuses, throwing Conrad's words back at him.
"I didn't..." He sighs in defeat, and I know this isn't going to be pretty. "You're such a brat."
"Well, you're an asshole!"
Just when I think things can't get worse, Jeremiah appears out of nowhere.
"Belly!"
I internally sigh and turn my head away so that he doesn't see me.
He runs towards Belly and excitedly says, "You came! Great, we can all hang out, you guys."
"I'm about to take them home," Steven interrupts.
"What? Wait, them?"
That's when he notices me. I suddenly can't think as his cobalt eyes land on me. His face is a mask I'm unable to uncover, and I feel my skin hot all over. I take a deep breath and watch as he visibly swallows. I catch his gaze moving down to my bare legs. I look away first.
"We're leaving. Are you kidding me?" Steven continues, fuming.
Jeremiah turns to look back at him. "Okay, Steven, chill out. Come on. Go hang out with Shayla or something."
The girl, Shayla, looks at Steven with an expression that's practically screaming leave your sister alone and let's have fun already. "Let's go," she says. "Come on."
I see Steven give in, and he sighs and shakes his head. "Fine. But just stay right here and don't talk to anybody. Both of you."
"Okay. Alright. Chill," Jeremiah states to ease the tension a bit before chuckling a little.
I see an angry expression on Belly's face as she turns to where Steven is walking away and flips him off with both of her hands. "Fuck you!"
I'm about to say something, but Jeremiah turns to Belly first and puts his hands on her shoulders. Staring down at her with a sweet smile, he says, "Listen. For one, I'm really happy you're here."
I see her smile, and I know I have to get out of there. Seeing him look at her like that—I thought I was finally over it, but I'm not. Maybe, I never will be.
I wrap my arms around myself and let out a silent breath before I turn my body.
I only walk a few steps before I hear Conrad's voice call out my name. "Dani, where are you going?"
I turn my head towards him, avoiding Jeremiah's gaze, which I know is burning into the side of my face right now.
"I'm gonna go walk a little. Just call me when we're leaving."
I turn around again without waiting for a response. I quickly walk away from them before I realize that in my hurry to find Belly, I left my phone back at the house.
✧ ✦ ✧
I'M STANDING CLOSE to the water. Close enough so that the water flows up to my ankles. I want to sit down, but I really don't want to have to clean the sand off of my legs before going to bed. Some of the grains always remain on your skin no matter how many times you've tried to wash them off.
Kind of like your feelings for someone you've loved for your entire life.
It's hard to get over someone who is always going to be a constant in your life. It's even harder when you see them all the time and you know they have feelings for someone else. Why couldn't I have fallen for someone who would actually like me back?
One more wave flows over my legs before I decide to get back to the others. I have no idea how long it has been since I've been here, but I know it has to have been at least an hour or so.
I hold my sandals in my hands until I get back to the pavement. It's so dark that I can barely see, but headlights moving past give me enough light to guide my path.
A few minutes pass before I spot Jeremiah's car. When I get close enough, I see Steven standing outside and typing away on his phone. He has a concerned expression on his face, and immediately, I'm on edge.
"What's wrong?" I ask, my eyebrows knitted together as I hope nothing wrong happened.
He turns his head, and a look of relief instantly spreads across his face. He lunges forward to wrap his arms around my shoulders. I'm surprised by the sudden affection, and he pulls away before I have a chance to hug him back.
"God, Dani. Where were you? You scared us to death!"
His words are angry, but his tone is soft enough so that I know he's not really that mad.
I suddenly look around. "Where's Jeremiah?"
"He went looking for you," Conrad slurs from the backseat of the car. The windows are open, so I see Belly in the passenger seat and Conrad in the back.
I'm immediately confused. Why would Jeremiah go looking for me?
Just as I'm about to ask, I hear a voice behind me.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" His voice is so angry that I flinch.
Jeremiah comes to a stop directly in front of me, and I can see from his face that he's extremely pissed off.
"You're so fucking inconsiderate, you know that? Do you even know how worried I—" He cuts himself off and takes a long, slow breath. "How worried Steven and Con and Belly were? Who knows where you were, who you were with. And you wouldn't even fucking answer your phone. At least let someone know you're fine, so we don't have to look all around for you and think that something bad happened!"
"Dude, calm down." Steven tries to break the tension and puts his hand on Jeremiah's chest, which is heaving up and down quickly.
He continues to stare at me, his eyes so loud with anger and frustration that I try to stop myself from crying right then and there. Instead, I stare back at him with a blank expression. Steven's trying to keep the peace between us. He's expecting me to yell back, so he's trying to tell us to get in the car.
He doesn't know that I'm tired. So fucking tired of fighting Jeremiah all the time. Do they think I like it when we scream at each other? I hate it so much that sometimes I'll be watching tv or painting or hanging out with my friends back home, and I'll have the sudden urge to just cry.
So I rush to the nearest bathroom, lock myself inside a stall, and place my hand over my mouth so no one can hear the sobs that I can't control.
I'm tired of it all. So I say nothing.
I walk to the other side of the car and get in on the other side of Conrad.
A few minutes later, Steven and Jeremiah get in and we drive back to the house. The whole time there, I stay silent and stare out of the window. But I know how he keeps looking at me through the rearview mirror.
𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !
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