Take me away to the land of the lost ones
Take me with you to the gangsters' paradise
If that's the way how life re-runs
And starts anew, I'll pay the price
Your POV
After Chuuya leaves, I decide to go straight to my apartment to clear my mind and process everything with a bit of peace and calm, and to start my investigation from there. I walk through the streets, a bit puzzled and disoriented and, hadn't it been for my sharp reflexes, I would have been run down by a black car. I sigh and look down, only to see my hands are trembling. No. Every inch of my being is shaking.
I am scared. I know I am. But of what? Of a confession? Of hurting him by not saying 'I love you' back? Of not seeing him again now that Mori has sent him away? Of this damn person that has set his or her eyes on me? Of the threats of that man and his superiors?
Maybe none. Maybe all.
No. There is another reason.
I was called cursed vessel. I was told that, the moment I broke, Yokohama would be destroyed. That a certain item would be found. And that they knew about Dazai. That they'd kill him and Chuuya.
Yes, that was it. Right when I thought I had nothing left, I found out the person I cared about the most was still alive. And now I've realized that, even when Dazai wasn't there for me, Chuuya was willing to be by my side.
I was wrong. I wasn't totally alone. I have simply been too blind to realize that I still had something left in my life. Something left to lose. Something I don't want to lose.
On the spur of the moment, and, being controlled by my own emotions, I hit a brick wall next to me, cracking it as my knuckles get stained in red. I take a deep breath and, slowly regaining my composure, I finish the route towards my apartment. I get hold of the keys and, with a bit of nostalgia, I open the apartment's door.
"I'm home..." I say, closing the door and leaving the keys on a shelve at the entrance, taking my shoes off and walking towards my bedroom. Everything seems normal, until I hear coughing coming from the living room. Instinctively, I pull out a knife from my sleeve, rapidly rushing there, ready to attack. In a blink of an eye, I find myself pressing the blade against somebody's neck, holding his hands on his back. The room is too dark to see his features, but I'm sure he is a male.
One that makes me drop the weapon the moment he opens his mouth.
"Kera-chan, could you please pull this away? It's not the warm welcome I was expecting." Dazai jokes as he moves my arm and reaches the switch with one of his hands. When he does, we stare at each other for several seconds, probably wondering how we ended up in that situation.
"Wha...What are you-?" I begin asking before he interrupts me by handing me a phone. My cell phone.
"You left it back at the Agency. I really freaked out when I heard your ringtone and saw that Chuuya was calling you... I wanted to prank him, but in the end, I remembered that you are the only one who knows I'm alive, so..." he explains, sitting on the couch and suiting himself as if we had always been roommates. "And well, since I know where you have your spare key and everything... I decided to return it to you. Hope you don't mind. It's taken me some time since Yosano didn't want me to leave the infirmary yet." With that, he smirks evilly, adding. "That's why I've run away once I've had the chance."
I sit next to him and look him in the eyes, concerned. This feels awfully right and wrong at the same time. I've been missing his company, his voice, his sight for four damn years. And now somebody aside from me knows he is alive. And wants to harm him because of me. Guess I just can't hide my own emotions from him...
"Hey, has something happened?" he suddenly startles me, making me come back to reality and stop getting lost in thoughts.
"At the Port Mafia?" I say, slumping on the couch and making eye contact with him. "Well, yeah." I reply, leaning my head on his shoulder, just like I did in the past. I had had that habit even when he left, but I only ended up lying on the sofa. But this time it is different. He is here to hold me. He doesn't say anything about being uncomfortable, so I remain like this as I speak. "A lot of stuff, actually."
"Do... Do you want to talk about it?" I bite my lip and give him a worried glare, one that he obviously notices. And seems to understand. "Does... Does the Port Mafia know about me?"
"Not the Mafia." The tension I felt coming from his body a few seconds ago vanishes in a blink of an eye when I tell him so, but still, I am sorry for what I'm about to say. "But there was a prisoner that did know that you were alive. And he said his superiors would come after you and Chuuya to murder you both. Mori-san has sent Chuuya to the southern part of the country as a way to protect him, though. I'm sure he knows something I'm missing..."
He looks at me as if this was something irrelevant, and it hurts me. He has a good life now, how can he be so calmed? I know he's been in danger his whole life, but still...
"Why us?"
"Because... Because you're my weakness." Saying it out loud, it makes more sense than when I was in the interrogatories' room. He said I was fragile of mind and body, and he was right. I have injuries from the Red Brick Warehouse that suppose a disadvantage for me if I battle somebody, and discovering that Dazai didn't die but he somewhat abandoned me has made me lose control over my emotions, at least temporarily. "But I'm sure you've always known how I feel about you, Dazai. Our past is rather complicated and messed up... And Chuuya is the only person who hasn't ditched me or tried benefitting from me, even if we aren't as close as when you were at the Port Mafia. Somebody's been able to tell that far and is willing to use the information against me."
He smiles feebly, and simply nods, telling me in his own way to keep on letting everything out. "The prisoner with this information said that if I break, Yokohama will be destroyed, and it will be easier to find a rare item... He... He called me cursed vessel before he died." I close my eyes for one second, trying to assess all the information I have for the time being, and trying to find a connection. "But it's the first time I hear somebody calling me that. It's just so... frustrating..."
With that, he lifts my chin with his thin fingers, and forces me to look him in the face. When I get lost in those chocolate eyes and all the emotions that overflow in him now, he raises his other hand and, gentle as he has always been with me, he presses his thumb against my cheek, wiping away a tear that I didn't even notice myself. The same way I had been trembling without knowing.
"It's alright, Kera-chan. We'll figure it out." That 'we' is all I had been wishing these four years. I wanted to be whole again, to be his partner. It could be true. That was now a possible future. But at what price? He is once again in danger, all because of somebody who knows something about me even I ignore. "Just like the old times."
"No, we can't." I tell him, pushing myself away from him and giving him a gloomy glare. "Dazai, this is my fight, not yours. If I'm revealing this is because you're already in danger because you know me. You should search for more protection. If you get even more involved with me, your plan to have a better life will be ruined, so-"
"Kera-chan, do you know why I left the Mafia?" The question startles me. I wasn't expecting him to answer me with another question. I stay silent, not knowing what to say and, in the end, he tells me everything. A truth I had ignored. "Odasaku asked me to be on the side that saves people. That it would be better than staying in the Port Mafia. That no matter where I look, I won't get rid of this loneliness inside me. That I won't find a reason to be."
I remain silent for several seconds, watching how this time, his eyes lose light remembering the old days back at the mafia, the crimes, the death, the destruction... Each part of that living hell.
"Dazai..."
"At that moment, I thought that faking my death was the most sensible decision to fulfill his last request, that it was the only way for me to start anew and make amends, but my actions were never focused on escaping the hazards of the city and the Port Mafia. That's why" he continues, this time looking at me and smiling brightly, "if you are in trouble, you can count on me, just like you did back then, Kera-chan. I'm not repeating the same mistake as four years ago." After that, he brushes my hair with his fingers, playing with it for a bit, and presses me against his chest. I don't complain, to be honest, I've been missing this warmth for way too long, and we stay like that for several minutes.
In silence. Listening to each other's heartbeat. Letting me find the strength I need to overcome this situation.
I will protect him. I will not let him lose anything that makes him happy.
"Besides," he suddenly brings up, making me open my eyes and look at him, "The sooner we solve this, the sooner we can commit a double suicide." I sigh.
"Why did I know you'd say something like that?"
"Because we're partners."
The thought makes me draw a feeble smile and, seeing he returns the smile to me, I make a decision. A promise to myself. One that I won't let him know.
"Well, let me switch on the computer and I'll begin collecting some data. Meanwhile, Dazai, please call the Armed Detective Agency for me."
"Huh? What for?"
"You'll understand soon enough."
He nods and, taking out his phone, he begins pressing the keyboard before calling the ADA's phone number. In less than thirty seconds, somebody picks it up. Dazai then activates the speaker, so we can both talk.
"Good afternoon, Ranpo-san!!" Dazai cheerfully announces as I hear somebody munching snacks on the other side of the line. "How come you are the one answering? Aren't the others there with you?"
"Nah, they left." A male's voice answers back. "Kenji and Kunikida went on a job fifteen minutes ago, and Tanizaki and Yosano have gone to the center of the city to watch over a politician."
"I see..."
"Anyway, Dazai, you didn't call to ask me that, did you?" he says, and I can perceive a quite feeble laugh on the other side of the phone.
"Actually, I asked him to call." I tell him as I begin searching some stuff in my computer analyzing reports related to 'Mizuki Kamaji'. However, I know it won't be that simple.
"You're Kera-chan." He says in an affirmative tone rather than questioning it.
"I thought you'd have already forgotten about me. I'm not that important."
"Well, not every day a Mafia member comes into the office." when he states that, Dazai and I exchange glares. He simply shrugs his shoulders, and I understand that the boy I'm speaking to is a skilled detective. I stay silent several seconds, and, as I make a mental question, he rapidly answers it. "Don't worry, I'm the only one who knows this, so Dazai is not in any danger."
"Then, you know about his past?"
"Idiot." He insults me, causing Dazai to giggle a bit. "What kind of detective would I be if I didn't? Besides, I also know why you're calling."
"Do you?" I tease him, causing him to pout.
"Of course!! And I can't blame you. You are making the right decision."
"Thanks."
"Anyway, make sure of two things: first, call us later and talk to the President. He'll be able to help you, even if you reveal your true identity. Second, I want a huge bag of candy in exchange of my silence."
"Are you blackmailing me by forcing me to buy you candy?" I inquire, a bit confused. Dazai looks at me, on the verge of bursting out laughing, and I give up. "Very well. But don't complain if you get stomachache afterwards."
"It's a deal then." He says, focusing on Dazai. "And Dazai, I'll tell the others you are alright. Everyone was really worried."
"Thanks, Ranpo-san."
"Sure, sure. But you owe me a bag of snacks, too." With that, the end calls.
Dazai looks at me. I look at him. And, after three seconds, we both burst out laughing.
Just like the old times.
I missed his laugh so much...