SNIFFING, JANNAH WIPED her nose and then cleared her throat. She repeated the action again, her head pounding. "I'm sorry about your handkerchief" She said, her voice husky after having cried for about fifteen minutes straight. She had ruined his handkerchief and for a fact, she's sure he wouldn't want it back-who would want a snot filled and tears drenched handkerchief back?
Abdallah offered her a small smile. "Don't worry about it" He waved it off, handing her a bottle of water he had picked up. Thankfully, he always has one lying around. "You'd need this too" He passed on some pills.
Taking the water from him, her eyes narrowed slightly at the pills. "Are you trying to drug me or something?"
He held back his snicker. She sounded serious but he's sure she's just joking. "What will I do with you if I drug you, huh?" Who else would crack a joke after bawling her eyes out if not Jannah?
She shrugged, popping the water bottle open. "I don't know. Maybe you want to sell me or something"
"Well, in that case you have nothing to worry about"
"Oh, really? Why is that?"
This time around, he carefully chose his words not wanting to make the same mistake he made the other time. "Because no one would really want to buy you. You'd talk their ears off and your dramatic self will simply scare them away"
The corner of her lips quirked up slightly, "I feel so loved" She muttered sarcastically as she released a loud breath, sinking back in the plush seats of his car. She hadn't realized it earlier, but he had bought a new car and she certainly is loving it. Not to mention the interior is amazing! She wasn't a big fan of cars, but that doesn't mean she doesn't know a good one when she sees it.
"The pills?"
"Are they prescribed by a doctor?"
"Well, last time I checked, I'm one" He may not have been acknowledging it, but he is thinking about getting a full time job as a doctor and not part time like he has been doing over the years. It would be a waste of all the trouble he had been through if he doesn't get a job as one. "And you're one too, so..."
"Fair enough" She took the pills for headache from him, for she could already feel the throbbing in her head becoming worse. After taking the pills, she flickered her eyes closed and allowed her shoulders to slump. In the back of her mind, she is well aware that her shift isn't over and because of that, she needs to head back.
However, that's the last thing she wants. She didn't want to go back there and face the people there.
Abdallah stared at her with a small smile on his face. He has been denying it, but slowly, he is coming to accept that this girl matters a lot to him. She matters so much that he can't even imagine his life without her. He would go to the ends of the earth, if it means he gets to see her looking happy.
At the moment, despite what she just went through, he was grateful to have her close to him like that. No, he wasn't having any haram thoughts. He respects her too much to even think of her in that light. However, he couldn't deny that he wants to do anything he can to stop her from this marriage she wants to get herself in.
The thought dampened his mood, making his smile fall.
"You know; you shouldn't have treated Nahla that way" Her voice came softly. She still had her eyes close and still hasn't moved an inch from her position. However, they both knew her words were directed towards him.
If possible, Abdallah's frown deepened.
"I know you were only trying to help me. But seriously, you shouldn't have done that" She felt like he shouldn't have stated her marital issues out in the open like that. It wasn't fair to the girl too. Those were her issues, personal issues and he had no right to put it out in the open.
And Abdallah knew that too. Sure, he feels bad but does he regret it? No. Not one bit. He would do it all over again for the girl if he has too. "I know. But I don't regret it"
Jannah hummed, turning her head in his direction slowly. Flickering her eyes open, her eyes met his. "Is it because you two have a past?" She's only guessing. She did notice the way the two looked at each other, or at least, the way Nahla looked at him. There's no way you can tell her there's no history there.
"Do you think of her as a friend?"
"Huh?"
"Jay, don't take her as a friend, okay?" He knew what he's saying, and he felt the need to let her know since she's treating the girl like a friend. "Nahla is a good person, but she wouldn't hesitate to turn her back on you if you get in her way"
Jannah's lips stretched into a small smile, her expression calm. "That wasn't what I asked you" Why was he avoiding her question? It's a yes, or no, situation.
He sighed, but nodded. "Yes, she and I have history but that ended long ago" And that was the truth. He and Nahla had something before she decided to leave him for a man she thought is better than him-who turns out to be Sadiq but that's okay. Perhaps, if he had known she would end up marrying Sadiq, who has too many red flags following him everywhere he goes, then he would've fought for her to the very end.
"I guess you regret letting her go" Jannah said, snapping him out of his trance. She saw the way his brows drew in slightly to her words, so she pointed at something. "Your expression was that of sadness, or is it longing?" She shrugged, not really knowing which one it is. "So, do you?"
Weirdly enough, he loved how the girl is able to read him without much thoughts. If it was anyone else, he wouldn't even give them the chance to get this close to him to even talk about stuff like this. But it's Jannah. He wouldn't mind baring out all his imperfections and insecurities to her. So, he released a loud breath as he looked away. "Yes, I do regret letting her go. But there's nothing I can do now"
"Well, she did say she is divorced now so..."
That's the thing. If it was the same Abdallah from before, then he would go back to her running with his belongings-ready to offer her everything on a gold platter. But he wasn't the same person anymore. "I do wish she finds happiness but..." He turned to look at the girl that is attentively listening to him, "...that won't be me anymore"
"And why is that?"
"I've found myself another person to live for" He stated without any hesitation-his eyes boring into hers. "I have someone else in mind, and this time around, I wouldn't make the same mistake the last time"
As if in a trance, Jannah found herself asking. "You giving up?"
He nodded. "Yes, I'll fight to the very end. I'll wouldn't give up or let her go like that"
Jannah parted her lips to say something, but she couldn't bring herself to utter anything. So, she opened her mouth, and closed it again like a gaping fish. She then blinked, her mind screaming at her to tear her gaze from him but she couldn't find the tiniest bit of strength to do that.
"Firdaus" He called out softly.
Her eyes widened slightly. She doesn't think she has ever heard him call her name-not ever. It was always either Jannah or Jay. "Hmm?"
He swallowed thickly, unable to keep himself from asking. "Do you still want to marry that man?" That was the reason he came to the hospital to begin with. He found out the man is Sadiq's father and he couldn't wrap his head around it.
Jannah's mood dampened. For that moment, she had forgotten about her marriage with that man because Abdallah has consumed her mind entirely without much effort. Blinking, she looked away. "Yes"
"What?" He couldn't believe she would still choose to marry him. "After what happened? Jannah you can't be serious. No, please, you can't marry him"
She flickered her eyes close, blowing out a breath. "It's not up for discussion, Abdallah" She had already made her decision, and nothing would change her mind. She knew she would face stuff like what happened earlier if she chose to marry the man, and she was prepared to face it all.
Abdallah resisted the urge to scoff. Her words were making him enraged. "He's old enough to be your father. His son is your ex-boyfriend whom you've been with for five years. And his wife just came to your workplace and created a scene. Isn't that enough to put it up for discussion?" Yet somehow, he still managed to keep his voice from raising. What's the point? Will raising it make their situation any better? No.
"It doesn't matter" She refused to meet his eyes, her expression as determined as how she's feeling internally.
Abdallah blew out a loud breath, his fist clenching by his side. "For Allah's sake Jannah, don't be so--"
"-so desperate for attention?" She cut him off, snapping her head to glare at him. "Am I craving for attention? Is that what you want to ask?"
He resisted the urge to face palm himself. That wasn't what he wanted to say but he should've known she would've bring this up again. "Come on, I've apologized for saying this. I didn't mean it"
"No, there's no reason for you to apologize because you're right" She has tried to forget it over the years, but it was hard to do so. Though it was unintentional, he touched a subject extremely sore to her. And he could tell when he saw her eyes gloss, yet her anger was still very much prominent. "Yes, I'm so desperate for attention because the one person in my life, who should've give it to me, my very own mother decided I wasn't worth it" She chuckled bitterly, her tongue sweeping over her lower lip. This is a topic she hadn't discussed with anyone before, not even Aisha. Even her father, she simply pretended to not care but after what happened today, and being with Abdallah now, she couldn't hold it in anymore.
His features softened. He didn't think she would ever speak to him about this.
"-Yeah she decided her child isn't worth it and left. So while everyone else had mothers they could come back home to, I had none. The only ones who showed me genuine affection were my father and my boyfriend of five years-who happens to not give a flying fuck about me. Sounds nice, right?" She had a grin as she said this, though it was fake and bitter. Unconsciously, a tear slipped down her face which she quickly wiped away. "So yeah, I'm craving for attention and would happily take it even if it comes from a man old enough to be my father, who also happens to my ex's father" The man treated her well, better than any man-aside from Abdallah has before. She felt safe around him, she felt loved.
Admittedly, Abdallah in a way understood where she's coming from. He understood she's still in pain-one that will take her a long time to get over. But, at the same time, he wants her to open her eyes and see he's there. "You can find someone else who loves you and cares about you. Please, Jay. It doesn't have to be him"
She shook her head, looking away from him. She refuses to accept there's someone that could ever like someone like her.
"Jannah--"
"No, Abdallah"
"Jannah listen to me--"
"No"
"JANNAH FOR ALLAH'S SAKE, LOOK AT ME!"
Her eyes widened slightly, and she found herself turning around to meet his eyes. She didn't expect him to raise his voice like that. She wasn't scared, since he didn't mean it in a bad way but she is taken aback.
"Just, look at me" He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes to keep himself in check. Once he's sure he won't blow out again, he opened his eyes to meet hers. "Tell me," He started, his voice dropping. "What do you see when you look at me, huh? What do you feel when you look at me? How do you feel around me? Hmm?"
She blinked, her brows drawing in as her lips tugged downwards. What is she supposed to say? When she looks at him, she finds herself feeling warm inside. She feels like she could get lost in his eyes. When she looks at, or is around him, she feels the safest and most comfortable. She wasn't self-conscious when she's around him. She could do the weirdest things around him and dress like a homeless person with no worries.
She was herself around him. The real her. No walls up, nothing.
But she couldn't exactly tell him how she feels. No, she couldn't. It would complicate things. So, she shook her head. "Abdallah..."
He wouldn't let her shut down whatever it is they have just like that. So, he held her gaze. "Tell me you don't feel safe around me. Tell me you don't feel comfortable around me. Tell me your heart doesn't beat erratically when I'm around you. Jannah tell me, not even once did you ever think of a life with me as your partner. Tell me, a piece of your heart doesn't beat for me"
Jannah didn't know what to say. If she ever parts her lips, she would end up lying. She had been denying this even to herself. She likes Abdallah? No. No way. That shouldn't happen and will never happen.
Abdallah's lips stretched into a small smile. "Your silence speaks loud enough" She doesn't have to say it. He knows she feels something for him, and he will hold onto that. "I just want you to know something. I would do anything I can to stop you from getting into this marriage, not when I know you feel something for him. I wouldn't ever let that happen. Have that in the back of your mind"
Flickering her eyes close, she found herself blowing out a low breath before her eyes met his again. "Abdallah why are you doing this?" She asked, a crease forming in between her brows. She was honestly too exhausted for everything going on. A lot has happened and she wasn't sure if she can handle anything again. Why does he have to be so persistent?
Abdallah's smile widened into a warm one. "Isn't it obvious? My heart beats for you, and you alone"
~*~
WHO IS ASLAM?! ABEG I WANT ABADALLAH!
Wayyo ni Jannah. I'm telling you in ba Abdallah ba sai qaton bokiti!
Bruhhh see love! God when?
Double update? Kai you people owe me comments wallahi. It's not easy.
But I'm just feeling this book's vibes like this like dudeeee love season! Ah!
It's about time we go back to our AA couple sha. Next chapter will be them in shaa Allah so buckle up.
Now I've tried enough today so goodnight for real this time.
Love, Jannah.