The fight with the Whisperers may be over, but things aren't exactly back to normal at Alexandria. The horde destroyed many of our crops, we lost several horses and we were already low on supplies before everything.
When I returned to Alexandria I heard that Maggie was back. She'd been gone for years, helping out other communities and, I suppose, trying to put everything that happened with Negan behind her.
He killed her husband. The father of her child. She was pregnant at the time. It's one of the more horrible things he did. Although he did only do it after Rick and his people killed several dozen of ours. Still, I remember Derek describing how he smacked the man to death with Lucille right in front of Maggie and it's an image I'd rather forget.
I'm not sure how I feel about Maggie being back. She wasn't exactly very friendly towards me when I ended up at the Hilltop somewhere in the fight between Rick and Negan. Of course I was on the other side then and she knew about my past with Negan. But though I established great relationships with many people at all of the communities after everything was over, I never really got to know her.
But when she tells us that we can find all the supplies we need at her former community, I don't hesitate to volunteer. It's been taken by a small, but brutal group of people. It's a dangerous mission, but I don't care. It's been years since I was troubled by nightmares but lately they've come back. In my dreams I get cut to pieces by the Alpha, or I'm trapped in a forest, surrounded by the heads of my loved ones on spikes everywhere I look, or walkers that look a lot like MJ and Anna chase me and catch me and tear me apart. I'll do anything to keep my mind off them.
So now we're walking through the pouring rain, on the way to Maggie's old community. Negan's here, leading the way because he used to live around here. I still haven't talked to him. I've been meaning to tell him that I'm sorry for attacking him like I did and to thank him for saving me. But everything's been so bloody tense since Maggie showed up that I decided to focus on myself and my friends.
While I'm happy to take my mind off of my nightmares, this mission isn't exactly doing anything to cheer me up. I'm soaked to the bone and I'm freezing.
'We can't keep going like this!' someone shouts. Through the rain I can't even see who it is, but I certainly agree. Then a little while later we find ourselves at the entrance of a subway.
'We're going down!' Maggie announces. 'We'll travel through the tunnels.'
We all follow her into the subway station and take a moment to rejoice in the absence of water beating down on us.
'Fuck's sake', I mumble, twisting my hair to get some of the water out. 'Still happy you came along, Miguelito?'
Miguel stops beside me to wring his sweater our a little. After proving himself at the Tower, Alex couldn't talk him out of joining us on this expedition as well. But none of us are happy about it. I doubt the kid understands the danger and is too drawn by the glamour of excitement. Alex called this thing a suicide mission when he first heard about it, but decided to come after all to keep an eye on Miguel. I promised him I'd do the same. Max stayed back with the girls and Kieran stayed home too. Although he's usually keen to go on missions, Fred is getting close to her due date and he didn't want to be out here when it happens.
'What, you don't like going for a stroll in the rain?' Miguel retorts. 'Thought you'd feel right at home, didn't you say it rains in London like 300 days a year?'
'If we were home, we'd take shelter in the nearest pub and get wasted enough to sing in the rain', I say, taking a few steps towards the subway tracks.
'Not in a tunnel of death under a ghost town', I add more quietly, looking warily into the pitch black dark of the tunnel.
'Don't be scared, Lara', Cody says, coming up to throw an arm around me. 'You've got nothing to worry about, I'll keep you safe.'
'I'm not scared', I say, turning back around to shrug him off. I catch Alex's eye, who stifles a laugh when he sees my face and stick my tongue out to him.
'Well, you should be', Negan says, coming up to the front of the group. 'We shouldn't go in there.'
'Nobody asked you', Maggie snaps at him.
'Asked or not, there's no way I'm going in there', Negan continues stubbornly. Then he points to the wall of the tunnel. 'You see that line? That's how high the water gets. If this thing floods, we'll all make a nice dinner for the fish.'
I follow his finger and then look at the puddles that have already formed on the ground from the endless rain today. He may have a point.
'We're not getting anywhere in that rain', Maggie argues. 'And we don't have the time to wait it out. These tunnels are our only option. If anyone wants to turn back, now's your chance.'
'Great, anyone with me?' Negan asks, glancing shortly at me as he turns back to the entrance of the subway.
'Not you', Maggie says sternly.
Negan sighs and turns to face her slowly.
'Why the hell not?'
'You know why. We need your directions.'
'Fine, my directions are to wait out the rain and get back to the streets. Not walk ourselves into an early grave.'
'There's no time', Maggie growls at him through gritted teeth, advancing on him menacingly.
The tension is palpable as Maggie and Negan stare each other down. But I have to say I'm not too keen on going into these dark tunnels myself.
'Look, maybe Negan's right', I say tentatively. 'We don't know what's hiding in those tunnels. I know we're short on time, but if we walk straight into a death trap, Alexandria would be even worse off.'
'Of course you would say that', Gage scoffs. Everyone stays silent for a second.
'What's that supposed to mean?' I ask uneasily. The kid may be young, but he's terribly obnoxious.
'You don't think we heard the rumours? How you used to be Negan's who-'
Before he can finish his sentence or anyone else can react, Cody rushes forward, eager to take this opportunity to come to my aid.
'You want to finish that sentence?' he says threateningly, getting into his face to tower over him.
Gage involuntarily takes a step back, but meets Cody's eyes head on.
'What are you getting so worked up about? Are you sure you want that maniac's sloppy seconds?'
Negan looks over at me for a second, then lowers his gaze to the ground, looking somewhat ashamed. Cody reaches out swiftly and grabs Gage by the neck.
'Apologize, you little shit.'
'Cody, stop it', I say agitatedly, my face turning bright red. It's been a long time since anyone even mentioned my relationship with Negan to me, but I guess people still talk about it behind my back. Gage wasn't even there when it all happened.
Cody turns around to look at me and finally drops the asshole on the ground as he sees my face. Gage reaches for his throat and gasps gor air. Alex comes up to me and whispers to me in Spanish.
'You shouldn't have stopped him, that bastard has no right to talk to you like that.'
'This shit is not what we're here for', I whisper back, avoiding everyone's eyes. The tension is even more cutting now.
Finally, Alden clears his throat.
'Lara has every right to speak her mind and if you try to say anything like that again, I'll be happy to help Cody throw you down those tracks. Maybe we should take a vote?' He suggests to Maggie.
'Okay', she says a little reluctantly. 'Let's vote. Who's willing to go through the tunnels?'
Negan crosses his arms demonstratively, Alex and I and a few others keep our hands down as well. But the majority raises their hands and I squint suspiciously at Miguel who seems a little too eager. Once again I wonder if he's taking all of this serious enough.
'Like I said, you're welcome to turn back', Maggie says, looking at us. 'But we're going.'
'I can go on alone if you don't want to come, tío', Miguel says, eager to get rid of the supervision.
'Absolutely not', he scowls. Then he turns to me. 'Are you going back?'
'No', I sigh, jumping down to the tracks. 'Wouldn't want to miss all the fun, right?'
---
We walk on in silence for a while and I decide to linger in the back a little, embarrassed by the earlier ordeal. I suppose it was nice of Cody to defend me. What's that asshole Gage's problem, talking to me like that? I was thinking maybe I'd have a chance to thank Negan on this trip, but perhaps I should just stay out of his way if I want to avoid more comments like that.
Suddenly Miguel takes a few steps back and pops up next to me.
'Hey, can I ask you something?'
'Sure', I say, happy for the distraction.
He looks away a little awkwardly and I worry suddenly that he's going to ask me about what just happened. We never really told the kids everything, though I know they must have picked up most of it. But then he surprises me.
'What do girls like?'
'What?' I ask. Caught off-guard, I laugh a little, causing Miguel to blush.
'You know, what kind of stuff do girls like? You're a girl, right? Or you were anyway when you were young.'
'Oh thanks', I say offended, bumping his shoulder.
'Younger', he grins, making me scowl at him jokingly.
'Who's this about then?' I ask curiously. 'Are you into someone?'
'It's not about anyone', he says, once again looking away embarrassed. 'Just, you know, hypothetically. Say I hypothetically wanted to give a girl a gift, what should I get her?'
'Hypothetically, huh?' I say sceptically.
'Never mind', Miguel snips annoyed
'Just forget about it.'
He tries to walk away, but I put a hand on his shoulder to pull him back.
'No, I'm sorry, stay here. I'll answer your hypothetical question.'
He glares at me a little, but stays by my side. I smile at him before I continue.
'Unlike men and the media before the world collapsed would often have you believe, we're not such strange creatures. Just like men, we all have our own hobby's and interests. For example, I love to read, so I like nothing more than to receive a new book.'
'Okay, but say she's not a total nerd', Miguel jokes.
'You're just full of compliments today aren't you?' I scowl at him. 'So, I know there's obviously no real girl and this is all hypothetical, but say you'd want to give some non-existant girl a gift, can you think of anything she'd be interested in?'
'I think she like the stars', he mumbles.
'The stars?' I ask somewhat surprised.
'Yeah, her mom was an astronomer, she taught her about it. She knows about all the constallations and stuff.'
I gasp as I connect the dots.
'Bella Heyfield!' I yell a little too loudly in the silent tunnel. Alden, who walks in front of us a little looks around with an amused expression.
'Shh', Miguel hushes me agitatedly. 'Not all of Alexandria needs to know.'
'Sorry', I whisper. 'I get it though. She's cute.'
Bella and her mom moved into Alexandria when the Kingdom went down. I spoke with her mom a little, she seems very intelligent. I don't know Bella well, but she seems like a sweet girl that certainly has her wits about her.
'Yeah, she's cool', Miguel mumbles.
I smile broadly but try to contain myself a little and put on a serious face before I continue.
'So she likes the stars? Let's think of something that connects to that. A book about astronomy maybe? Or like a telescope or something?'
'She has all that. I was thinking... maybe a necklace or something? With a star on it? Or is that like... totally lame?'
I repress another smile when I see the insecurity on his face. I remember what it was like to be 17 and in love.
'I think that would be very romantic', I tell him.
'I'm not trying to be romantic', he says, looking flustered as he looks away again. 'It's just, her birthday's coming up and I thought maybe we'd get a chance to search some stores while we're out here...'
'Is that why you were so eager to come?' I ask him pointedly. He didn't actually volunteer to go on this dangerous mission just to get a gift for a girl he likes, did he? Just when I think he's starting to grow up, he demonstrates again how young he still is.
'No', he says, a little defensively at my tone. 'I'm here for Alexandria. I just thought, you know, if there's an opportunity...'
I open my mouth to tell him what an idiot he is, but at the last second decide to take a deep breath instead. He's already here, isn't he? No point getting mad about it now. And it's sweet, isn't it? Just unbelievably stupid.
'I think a necklace with a star would be perfect. She'll love it.'
Funnily enough, I was given a necklace with a star on it once. A moon and a star on two thin strands. It was beautiful. I still have it tucked away somewhere. A little apprehensively I look back to chance a glance at the man who gave it to me. Negan's holding up in the very back, closely watched by Maggie's friend Agatha. Shit, he's closer than I thought. And he's looking my way. Did he hear? Is he thinking about the same thing? I turn back to Miguel quickly.
'I don't know if we'll get the chance to search any stores. Maybe on the way back. If we do, I'll help you look. And when it's all official, you should invite her to family dinner sometime. I'd love to get to know her.'
'Stop it, no-one's coming to dinner anytime soon', he blushes.
'I can come to the wedding though, can't I? Should I start looking for a dress?' I joke, grinning as his blush deepens.
'Shut up', he says exasperatedly and he takes a few steps away from me.
'You're welcome, by the way!' I yell after him as he disappears into the tunnel. I smile as I watch him go, but shake my head when he's out of earshot.
'Little fool', I mumble.
'Ah, come on', Alden says, falling into step. 'He's a romantic.'
'Is it romantic to put yourself into mortal danger to find a girl a gift or just plain stupid?'
'Why not both?' he says with a smile.
I shake my head but smile too. It's no surprise women live longer than men.
'We're all keeping an eye on the kid', Alden continues. 'He'll be all right.'
'Pierce, Alden', a stern voice greets us. I turn around to see Kenny coming up to us.
'Hey, Ken-ken', I greet him with the nickname I gave him after I left the Sanctuary and he was no longer my supervisor. He threw a fit every time I called him that for the first three years or so, but since then he's decided to just ignore it.
'What do you think about all this?' he asks, lowering his voice.
'I think it's stupid, Alden thinks it's romantic', I say.
'What are you talking about?' Kenny asks confused.
'What are you talking about?'
'This', he says, gesturing into the tunnel. 'This woman leading us into God knows what. Do you really trust she's got our backs if things go sideways?'
'You can trust Maggie', Alden says, frowning slightly. 'She looks after her people.'
'Maybe. But are we her people? If it comes down to it, do you think she'll risk her life and her people's lives for us folks that used to work for him?'
He points back to Negan who is a little farther away from us now.
'Why'd you come here if you don't feel good about this?' I ask him.
'Alexandria needs food and I'm here to help with that. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt but with how it's been going this far... I don't know. Can you say you trust her 100%?' he asks me.
'Well, I mean...' I stumble a bit. The truth is that I'm not entirely sure about her, but doubts won't be making this ordeal any easier. 'Alden trusts her, right? And I trust Alden.'
'I do', he says wholeheartedly. 'She won't let us down, you'll see.'
'Hmpf', Kenny mutters, unconvinced. 'Well, I'll look out for your backs just a bit more if you look out for mine.'
'Sure, Ken-ken, I love looking at your backside', I joke. Alden snorts and Kenny rolls his eyes, as always entirely devoid of any sense of humour. Then he comes a little closer and lowers his voice even more.
'And you should probably stay away from Negan, Pierce. You don't want her to think you care about him. Or him about you.'
'I don't... He doesn't-' I mumble, but before I can form a proper sentence, we notice the entire group has suddenly stopped. It doesn't take long for us to realize why. Before us the tunnel is strewn with bodies and bodies and bodies as far as we can see.