CHRIS
I knocked on her door for a third time, but still received no answer. Where did she go? She's been pretty much m.i.a. for the past week, claiming a trip to New Jersey with Beth, nights out with the girls ... if I didn't know my Vivy so well, I'd almost think she discovered she's a lesbian and started dating Beth herself. But that would be crazy, wouldn't it? I would be the first person she would confess such a thing to.
There is virtually no secret between me and Vivian. Or there wasn't up until now. This past week, the way she sneaked around, the way we've barely seen each other, it's way too weird to be a coincidence. I wonder if she somehow heard about me and Karen. God, I really hope not. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but Karen was probably the second biggest one.
She came to me a few days ago, angry, yelling that it was all my fault, she was about to get married, yet she couldn't stop thinking about me. What if we made it work? She said, what if I wasn't so stubbornly obsessed with Vivian? Of course, when she mentioned my best friend, we started arguing. But Karen is ... I don't know what is it about her, but somehow we ended up having angry sex.
I guess I can't even really blame Vivian for pretty much going awol this week, because I haven't been much myself either. That's what Karen does to me. I keep thinking I can stem the tide, keep things under control, but Karen is a like a wild beast, there's no predicting what will come next. And I guess this was one of the things that most attracted me to her at first. But now it's seriously too much.
We're like a derailing train that cannot stop its course, no matter how much we – or rather I – try, yet we don't even get off. I know Vivian and everyone else is right, I know Karen is no good for me, yet I keep stumbling back to her. And normally, I would have my Vivy to counter Karen's poisons, but in the past week she's been God knows where. Sure, we texted and even talked on the phone, but we barely saw each other.
I wonder if she's really hiding something from me. And if she is, then what? The only reason that would take her away from me for so long could only be Karen. Vivian cannot stand her ex-roommate, part of the reason why our relationship was so strained was the fact that I kept doubting it. Vivian acted as antidote, every time Karen pushed me to unreasonable limits, my Vivy worked her magic and pulled me back. Obviously, Karen didn't like that one bit.
It's the first thing she said to me when she came to my workplace: if only I wasn't so obsessed with Vivian, Karen said, if only I didn't let her string me along like that. How could she possibly think that, I don't know. Vivian is the sweetest creature in this world, she would never hurt a soul, imagine do anything to hurt me.
My Vivy is unique, there's no one like her. Even her naivete is countered by her sweet, gentle ways. I don't know what I'd be without her. She's my everything, my universe. We are way more than best friends, we're beyond every label. That's why most people don't understand what we have. Not even our friends do.
Shane and Nick keep telling me I'm too possessive with her, that I need to let her breathe. Laura says it's my fault if Vivian has been single for so long, Beth says her career is stuck because of me. Our own friends seem to think I'm what's holding her back.
But they don't understand. Nobody does. The kind of bond we have, it's exclusive, nobody outside of it could possibly understand. We are one soul in two bodies, we understand each other so perfectly. I've never once met someone that could get me like that, that knew how to handle me. She gets me like no one else can, not even my mother. We're pretty much soul mates. Our fates are tightly bond, but not in the sense everyone usually thinks.
Soul mates aren't necessarily romantically connected, you know. What we have is simply impossible to replicate, we could not live it with anybody else. It's just the two of us and nobody else. I can't go more than a few hours without talking to her, I usually text her from the office even. Yet this past week, the one that was supposed to be so important for us, we've barely been in contact at all.
Today marks 20 years of friendship for us. Exactly 20 years ago, my mom and I went to welcome the new neighbors, and I met this cute little girl that immediately captured me. I haven't been able to leave her since. I even took a year off after high school, just so we could go to college together. My Vivy simply comes first for me, always has, always will.
That's why I feel even worse for letting Karen engulf me in her crazy world again, because it made me neglect Vivian, not pay attention as much as I should have to her not being around as usual. God, I really hope she didn't hear anything about Karen. I love my brother, but he's not the greatest secret keeper.
Except for the one about his so-called fiancée. Even only hearing that Adam is going to marry a woman left me speechless, but he won't let me meet her, I don't know why. My openly gay brother that's been the gayest of gays for as long as I can remember, suddenly decides to marry a woman, yet I cannot know why nor can I meet this incredible person that took him away from the guy Vivian and I were 100% sure Adam would marry one day.
I would think he realized he's bisexual, it happens. But no, there must be something about this Maggie girl. I just hope he hasn't gotten himself into some trouble, sometimes he's way too open and trusting for his own good. Ugh, if my Vivy was here, we could investigate the matter together, maybe she could carve something more out of Adam, he's always had a soft spot for her, hell, I think he'd rather be related to her than to me.
This is what my Vivy is, really. Wherever she goes, she makes an impression, people end up being enchanted by her. And how could she not? She's simply unique. I don't know how every man in the city isn't madly in love with her. They must be blind.
I knocked a fourth and a fifth time, but still nothing. I guess she really wasn't home. But she didn't go to work either, Beatrice said she hasn't seen her. I immediately took out my phone, but there were no messages nor calls from her, only some from Karen. Where is she?
I tried to call her, but predictably it went straight to voicemail, clear sign she just doesn't want to talk to me. I don't understand, what did I do? Last time we saw each other, everything seemed fine. Did she really learn about me and Karen somehow? Maybe Adam told her. I made him promise not to, but he probably did. Of course, he would, he doesn't like Karen either.
Sighing, I decided to take the bull by its horns, and text Vivian: I don't know what you heard, but Karen and I aren't back together. I would worry something bad happened to her, but Beth wouldn't cover up for her, in that case. Both her and Laura assured me that Vivian is fine, which means she talks to pretty much everyone else but me.
The last time that happened, we'd had our third close call, one of those where we almost parted ways for good. She spent three entire days avoiding me, not a single word, I could know she was fine only because our friends assured me she was, but she would not hear it of speaking to me. But this is even worse, because other than the Karen issue, I have no clue as to what did I do for my Vivy to keep her distances.
All I know is that my life is whole only if she is with me, I could not even fathom to part from her, and this stupid week spent intoxicated by my ex did nothing but confirm me that I cannot function without my Vivy.
Even Karen saw that, and got super mad about if, of course, which naturally led to more angry sex. The way that woman brings me down with her every time, I don't know how I keep on falling into it. She brutally broke my heart when she dumped me, yet when she came back, I didn't send her packing. Idiotic, right? Then again, Karen dumping me also meant getting the best heartbreak treatment ever from my Vivy, I guess that was a silver lining.
Last week was the same. I came from the first of a few shameful fallbacks with my ex, I felt like shit, but Vivian was there for me, as usual. Even five minutes with her are enough to make me feel better. Simply, she is my daily reminder that there is good in life.
When my phone buzzed with an incoming text, I smiled, seeing her name flash on my screen. But then I frowned when I saw her only answer was: ok. I guess that's really the issue here, huh? Somehow, she heard about Karen, and thinks I'm nuts. Can't say she's wrong.
I called Vivian again, a last effort, highly hoping this would be it, and surprisingly, she picked up. Finally. "Hey ..." I didn't even let her speak, "I'm sorry, ok? I'll explain later, but for now, I can assure you, Karen and I aren't back together. Yes, we kind of ... well, stuff happened ..." I sighed, feeling ashamed, "but it was nothing." I paused, to take a deep breath, but also to give her time to answer. However, she still didn't say a word. So, I continued: "You can't have forgotten what day it is, Vivy." I half smiled. "I took a day off, we can have a day out like the first time we saw New York. Remember?" Still nothing.
"Viv, come on ... I know, it was stupid of me to fall back into Karen's trap, but I stopped in time. I miss you ..."
I didn't say anything more for a couple of seconds, waiting for her to take in my words or at least have a reaction of sorts. After all, why take my call if she didn't want to speak? But maybe my mother is right, I take Vivian too much for granted, forgetting that she's her own person, as my mom keeps reminding me.
"Vivy ..." I called in a sigh, desperate, "say something ..." Then I heard the unmistakable sound of a phone call ending. She hung up on me. If this isn't a troubling sign, I don't know what is. I guess I'll have to beg my way back into her graces. And I will. Like, I said, she is my universe, I can't just let her go.