Song: you broke me first - Tate McRae
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Hailey
At first I didn't know what it was that awaken me, but my body felt alert, unprepared. Blinking the darkness around, my doozy mind struggled, trying to seize any kind of certainty around. And then I feel it again. The stirring. And I became more aware that my pillow was an arm and the weight on my legs were someone else's intertwined with mine.
Nate. I must have fallen asleep after everything, but I couldn't remember the exact moment I did.
His biceps under my head flex like a tick and I lifted my upper body, holding on my elbow against the mattress to peer down at him, laziness lacing on my every muscle. My eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness so I could make the outline of his body and face.
Was he waking up? My eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light -or rather lack of it- and I took him in.
It was fascinating how I was familiarized with every line, every small flaw and every single reaction. I knew that when he smirked, his eyes wrinkled; and when he smiles it created a cute dimple. I knew the two lines that formed between his brows when he was frustrated or worried or the way his eyes lit whenever he was exited...
And right now, even in the dim room, it was easy to sense the distress written across his handsome features. His eyes closed and his frown pursed as he shifted again.
He wasn't waking up. He was having a nightmare and just the thought squeezed my hearts.
"Hey..." I barely whispered, hesitating on how should I react.
I mean, I didn't want to wake him up, but it wasn't like I could roll to my other side and just ignore it.
I moved my hand to softly graze his cheek with my knuckles.
"Nate- oh." I was cut as he inhaled sharply when I touched him and his eyes snapped open, unfocused.
"Stop-"
"Hey, it's a dream." I rushed and he blinked, letting me rest him back so his head fell back into the pillow and he breathed heavily through his nose.
"I can't."
"Can't what?" but it was like he didn't hear me.
"Just make it stop." It broke my heart the pained tone in his weak voice.
"It's just a bad dream, Nate." I brushed his cheek once more. His eyes slid close this time. "Go back to sleep."
My thumb brushed his cheekbone and he held my hand in his, keeping it under his face and like this making my heart twitch. I briefly wondered if he would even remember this or if his mind is still in a daze.
Nate hummed, apparently doing as I told him. His breathing evened once more, keeping my hand intertwined with his under his face. I laid down as well and his breath hit the back of my hand and. Enticed, I brought my other to softly traced his hair.
I could watch him sleep all night, as creepy as that sounded. How much younger he looked like this, how his face relaxed and his body melted. How he allowed me to see him like this.
And that nightmare... Make it stop? I didn't know what was more painful, the ache behind those dragged words, or the fact that I could do little to nothing to soothe that inner pain but to gently caress him.
Slowly, my eyelids became heavy and I shifted closer, carefully. Enjoying how good it felt to just be there: cocooned by his warm body heat and engulfed by his incredible, unique scent. I could barely feel the soft touch of his skin on my fingertips as I sink more and more into the nothingness.
I felt... safe. Almost like a comeback home, but in a metaphorical way. A way, way too complicated to contemplate or even try to make sense of. Not when I was losing the battle to sleep fast.
I was so out that I didn't know if it was real or not the warm feeling of an arm curling around my back to pull me fully into him before I was swallowed by sleepiness.
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My alarm went off way too soon and it took me a moment too long to realize where I was when I first stirred from a really pleasant sleep. The sheets by my side were cold under my hand as it brushed the empty spot by my side and I awoke a little more. The consistence of the mattress, the scent engulfing me... I wasn't in my room.
I blinked the light and tiredness away, recognizing immediately Nate's room. All clean and organized. There were faint sounds beyond the lightly ajar door and I forced myself to move. I really didn't want to, but I didn't feel that comfortable knowing that I was occupying someone else's bed with them already up and apparently working.
My bare feet on the cold floor jolted some rush through my veins, untangling more of the sleepy laces luring me in. Stretching, I finally stood and feel the heavy cloth around me weighting down on my shoulders and loose around me till my mid thighs. I looked down to find Nate's large shirt over me, and I barely remember putting it on last night, feeling chilly after everything before he pulled me into his arms and I fell asleep altogether.
And the memory both made me want to smile and shivered. Something unsettling in my stomach as I fought the remains of sleepiness off.
New day. I yawned, pulling my hair up in a ponytail and hoping I wasn't the mess I think I was.
I followed the wonderful smell and ended in the kitchen, where I could easily identify the bacon. The lost distributions made it easy for the light to spread and touch everything from it's way from the window and warm caressed my skin.
Nate was in the kitchen, frying something and too busy to notice my presence... Until I gingerly stepped into the kitchen as well and he eyed me briefly.
"Oh, hey. I make us breakfast."
His ears tinted in soft pink and I couldn't help but think he was preventing me from bolting away again. I mean, not literally, but the situation was weird enough since I slept here and usually we don't stay much longer after having a go.
I grinned tiredly, moving beside him and resting my heavy head on his shoulder, carefully not to bother his working. "You're spoiling me."
"Barely." chuckled Nate and I tried not to melt when I felt his kiss on the top of my head. So sweet. Why was he being so sweet now? Unstable, I pulled away brushing my tired eyes and decided I wouldn't act on it when I was still half here and half asleep. Maybe I was reading it all wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.
"Can I do something?"
"Grab two mugs and whatever you want from the fridge."
"Mh..." I took the mugs from the cabinet he pointed and eyed the fridge on the other end of the kitchen. Was I really that comfortable to just go through it like nothing? "What are you having?"
"I'll make myself coffee."
"Sounds great, I'll make us that." Coffee was good. A shot of caffeine was right what I needed to bat off his foggy charm and get awaken for work in an little over an hour. "Soluble or pot?"
"The Nespresso is over there."
Oh, Nespresso. Even better.
Under his suggestion on how he takes his, I heated some milk and then prepares both our coffees. Settling the sugar bowl in the counter for him to get his however he likes, I blew on my fuming mug as he placed our just cooked breakfast on the plates waiting there.
I grinned, getting on one of the stools. "I didn't know you were one to have big breakfast."
"I got up early and decided to give it a try." he shrugged, putting away the pan and joining me on the counter, taking the other stool.
"Well, it smells amazing."
"And how does it taste?" he handed me a fork and I took it, taking a piece of the bacon and egg and bringing it my mouth.
I tried not to think how his eyes followed the movement, almost darkening, and instead focus on the satisfying flavour of it. Delightful.
"Even better." I praised and Nate smiled, but shook his head. "I don't think I've ever seen you cooking." I muttered remembering last night's pre-cooked meal or how he always had takeouts the other times I've been here.
Nate scoffed. "When you live alone you kinda need to from time to time."
"I guess." I grinned at his sarcasm. "From time to time..."
"As far as I remember, you weren't exactly Gordon Ramsay either."
"Right, but I am now."
"Oh really?" he didn't sound like he believed me. More like he wanted to see where this was going. "What changed?"
Five years. But out loud I said: "I went to college. Have you ever tried dorm's food? It's disgusting. Also, Kimmy got released and she was given a very specific menu of what to eat and when, so we took a cooking course." I shrugged one shoulder. "Now Shane can't cook for shit so it's either some experimental work of his or I keep improving, so yeah. Maybe Gordon Ramsay is being a bit deluded, but I'm quite a chef. You should try me some time." I say effortlessly and then realized what I just offered.
"Try you?"
"My cooking." I gulped. Really Hailey? His green eyes burning on my profile as I pocked the mouth-watering breakfast, my stomach a bunch of nerves. "If you want to?"
That sounded even more pathetic, but he smiled. A small, beautiful grin that eased the tightening within me and made me more weird. "I would love that."
"Great." I nodded, squeezing my brain for something -anything- to say that would divert us from this both light and dense situation, but his phone buzzed and I was saved from it.
I felt almost like slumping, noticing the moment his eyes left me to focus on his phone screen and his brows perked, almost surprised. "Sorry, I have to take this..."
"Sure." I dug gladly into the breakfast, more than ready to let this weird tension die down, but it was short lived with the cold feeling creeping down my back when his voice came sweeter and softer in favor to whoever was on the other end of the line.
"Hi? Sophie, hey."
Sophie? My stomach churned and suddenly I couldn't stomach more of his delicious breakfast if he was going to be this soft with whoever this Sophie was.
Hadn't I heard that name before? His lip twitches and my heart squeezed with this uncertainty and I wanted to kick myself for it. We had a deal. This was good as long as it wasn't engaging. But for some reason I'd barely answered Elon in the past couple days and here Nate was enchanted by whoever talking on the other end.
Why? Because I was stupid, and he wasn't.
"No, honey. I won't be there." he lowered his voice, shifting a bit as if to create space between us and my heart dipped. "Yeah, I miss you too."
I scoffed out loud before being able to stop myself and tried to cover it with a cough, lifting the coffee mug to my lips and hoping he hadn't heard. But he had.
Nate's eyes found me, and I wondered if he expected me to silently excuse myself. Maybe I should? I didn't mean to eavesdrop or to pry, but I couldn't help the unease upon hearing him this cozy with someone else.
Seeing no way around it, I held his gaze. I couldn't demand anything, but I also couldn't play like it wasn't happening. We said nothing serious while we did this...
Until Nate smirked, rolling his eyes at me. But before I could even feel annoyed by it, he lowered the phone from his ear and pressed the speakers so I could hear too. "-anymore. And then we said we'll pick snails, but they are so ugh, gross and Gabriel made fun of us. Pat keeps saying boys have cooties, so there's no way I'm getting the cap back."
It was a child's voice. A very young one.
I suddenly felt stupid, flabbergasted. My face heated, not looking away from the item between us.
Nate was half amused with me, but apart of that smirk he was all focused on the conversation. "I'm sure Gabriel is giving it back."
"Eww. But I don't want it if it comes with cooties."
Did I seriously almost get jealous over a little girl? Sophie, must be his cousin Sophia. That was where I'd heard the name before and now I wanted to creep in a pit and disappear.
Nate disconnected the speaker, putting the phone back to his ear. Self-conscious that this was a private conversation, I decided to use this as my change to use the bathroom while he was busy.
I stood and his eyes followed me. I smiled reassuringly, putting my hand over his on the counter to give him a reassuring squeeze; but Nate turned his palm up, lacing our fingers and brought it up to press his lips on my wrist.
My heart burned achingly at the sweet gesture, as if he couldn't help a last touch all while still talking on the phone. My thought were a confusing buzz and afraid he might feel my increasing heartbeat I made my way to the bathroom.
After the door closed behind me, isolating me from everything else, it took me a couple seconds to regain control of my own pulse. A hand over my chest and taking a deep breath, I willed my mind to stop being stupid.
I got this. Stop being so sensitive.
I shook my head, snapping out it, fazed, and for the first time realized I was in Nate's bathroom. His personal intimate space. Where he showered and get ready. And just like the rest of his apartment, it was neatly organized.
A smile tugged at my mouth. How could he be so in control all the time? I mean, I had my own order in our flat, but my room was an organized mess, and now living with Shane didn't really make things easier to have a perfectly clean place.
I eyed the shelves, the white sink, the perfectly lined bottles over it: toothpaste, deodorant, aftershave...
And here I am being a creep.
I pushed my back off the door and proceed to do my business, hoping some refreshing would help me set up a better mood and mindset to start the day. I washed my face and gulped water, brushing my teeth with a bit of toothpaste on my finger and actually felt a bit better after.
I wanted to take a shower, but I guess I'll have to leave that for when I get home. Pursing my lips and straightening the large shirt around me, I brushed my hair off my shoulder and giving me one last once over in the mirror, I decided I looked decent enough.
I got this.
I opened the door, preparing to face him and his sweet talk and acting all over again; but froze when I stepped out the bathroom with a fearful gasp. Spoty's round eyes were eying me piercingly, almost as if he was waiting for me to come out.
I'd taken an instinctive step back and my heart grew loud in my ears, but I catch myself. I wanted to let the scream out my throat, but something made me hold back.
I allowed my gaze to fleetingly shoot towards the kitchen where I could still hear Nate talking lowly. The walls of the little hallway leading to the bathroom blocked me from his view.
Spoty lowered his head into his front paws, arching his back as if enjoying my trapped situation. My hand on the door frame curled into a fist. Psychopath.
Using all my courage, I tried to pass it by the left, but it blocked me. I tried again to the right, but again, it was there to prevent me to. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my mad pulsing and the raging frantic thoughts and looked over where the kitchen was again.
I wanted to call for Nate to take care of it, but what if he was still on the phone? I didn't hear him anymore, but that wasn't final either. And his expression everytime his cat terrorizes me made my chest tight. At first, he was mostly amused; but the more it stretched, the more it looked like he was getting done with me being this coward.
He's just a cat, he told me. Like I didn't know that. But it wasn't in my power to help it.
Or was it?
I eyed it carefully, his head tilted, looking oddly content with his successful sabotaging and my teeth grounded.
It's just a cat. A ten pound cat. What real damage could he make?
And I kept the pep talk while going through my options. How could I dodged him without actually touching him -hence, keeping those claws and fangs away from me?
Stepping backward into the bathroom, I pulled my feet back and without getting my eyes off the animal and dragged the mat beside the shower before me slowly. The white cat eyed the item curiously and then back at me.
"Okay," I muttered, swallowing the fear and slowly lowering to crouch, inevitably getting his full attention. "I know you don't like me much either, but are you gonna let me through?" I almost shivered as its tail curled behind it. I can't believe I'm talking to a freaking cat. "Please?" It suddenly meowed and I almost jumped out of my skin, clenching my hold on the hem of the mat between us. "Y-you leave me no choice then, come on. Come here."
I made the silly noises people do when talking to animals and extend a hand for Spoty to smell. It hesitated a second, but then curiosity won and he stepped closer, its front paws pressing on the other end of the mat. I forced myself not to freak out at the nearness and the tingles in my fingers from its whiskers.
Come on...
With a soft pleased sound from its throat, Spoty moved forward again. The moment it fully stepped on the mat I pulled at it, moving it around me and taking Spoty with it and into the bathroom. Like that switching places so now I was the one standing between him and the living room.
The moment I had a freeway, I let it go and stride backwards and out the bathroom, looking back at it getting up and shaking off while narrowing its eyes at me. A shiver of fear ran down my spine. It hissed and I took a preventive step back to get away as fast as possible, but collide with a warm body.
"Whoa." Nate chuckled, more prepared that I'd been and his arms came around me to stabilize me. His chuckle warmed my ear and his hard front worked as a wall against me. "What are you doing?"
"I-it wouldn't let me pass." Spoty shook its fur with a growling sound and there was a jolt in my stomach when it narrowed its eyes at me. I pressed myself harder against Nate as he chuckled. Chuckled! "This isn't funny!"
"It is, actually." he countered kissing under my ear and I would have noticed the goosebumps if I wasn't so on the edge over the cat. Luckily, it looked like Spoty had lost interest and with one last look it just walked to the side towards the room, leaving me to breathe easier. "Will you two ever get along?"
"Not likely."
"Thought so." I let him pull me back to loft area, my knees weak as they lost the adrenaline shot. "It's just a cat, you know?" he said the same I feared he would, but softly, not accusingly and that keep me from reacting prickly to it. "And a sweetheart. What's the worst he could do to you?"
"It could bite me." I answered without missing a bit. "It could scratch my eyes out."
Nate snorted a laugh, but covered it with a cough when I looked at him. "Aren't you being a bit dramatic?"
"Well... maybe." I admitted begrudgingly. "But it could tear my skin and do damage." he shook his head and I decided to divert from the topic, eager to get rid of this unwind feeling -something I apparently did a lot when with Nate. "So how was Sophie?" I wondered instead and there was a smile in his face almost instantly, making my chest swell as he let go of me to round the counter and walked into the kitchen ones more, taking our plates to the sink. "She's your cousin right? The one about to be born back in high school?"
"Yeah, that's her."
I hummed, leaning over the counter separating us. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she supposed to be a boy?"
"Doctors mistake. We were all surprised, believe me."
I smiled, watching him turn on the tap and doing the couple dishes. Like I said, he was kind of a clean freak. But something about it was also attractive.
"Can I help somehow?" I leaned on my elbows holding my chin and watching him kind of mesmerized. Snap out of it! "I kinda feel bad letting you do all the work. Cooking, cleaning... What do I do?"
"Nothing. I got this."
"Oh, you're really spoiling me." I teased, tracing the marble's pattern and he chuckled. An amazing sound that melted me to the core.
True to his words, Nate was done with both plates amazingly fast and put them away to dry, turning to the counter and leaning too on his hands flat before my elbows. I straightened a bit not to have to look up at him.
"So, listen." he started then, something different in his tone and attitude. All playfulness gone. "About last night... I'm sorry."
"About what?" I wondered, confused.
"For waking you up."
"I... Oh." the nightmare. "That's okay." but he pursed his lips. "Do you... want to talk about it?"
"I just... It's no big deal." Nate frowned. "I got them sometimes. Not often anymore, but sometimes." He muttered slowly fiddling with my hands in his and startled I realized I hadn't noticed he had taken them in the first place. His words echoed in my head, making me queasy. I knew he'd had a turbulent upbringing, and I wouldn't be surprised if some nasty episode or bad memory tormeted him at night. I knew mine did and I didn't come from where he did. "You calmed me out of it."
"Yeah?" I perked, kinda proud. "Then I did something after all."
Nate laughed lowly, looking down at our hands, intertwining our fingers and pulling at my heartstrings in a powerful way -an uncomfortable way. "Yeah."
Needing to break this tension I cleared my throat and stood straighter, unlacing our hands for better judgment. But instead of a cleared mind I got stuck with a void in the pit of my stomach at the lost.
I covered it without giving either of us time to read too much into it: "So, what time are you off to work? I'm starting in an hour and I would need to stop home before that, so I should be on my way."
I was being unnecessarily oblivious, bordering being cold. I knew that. But I needed to pull up a barrier before I became too comfortable and forget what all of this was indeed.
"Right." there was also this edge in his voice, but Nate was quick to cover it as well. "I'll start soon too. If you let me shower first I can drive you."
"Home or to work?"
"Both?"
The fact that he still offered even after I was not being the nicest only messed my insides further. I was such a mess.
I managed a smile, gathering my things and getting ready as he quickly showered and then waited for him as he disappeared into the room and reappeared all ready. I couldn't even fight it this time when he, stubbornly, took my hand again as we exit the apartment, ready for the day.
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Hey! I'm sorry for the long wait and thanks for being so patient. So here we it is! I hope you liked it <3 Let me know what are your thoughts on Nate and Hailey, their story or what you would like for them. I'm dying to know! Also, if we get to 3300 votes I'm posting chapter 25 next week instead of the usual two weeks!
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