• nine letters
Satoru opened the door to his apartment, and Utahime followed him. It was the first time she's going to stay for a few days in his apartment. Once in the past, she did visit here, but left after a few hours.
It has been a few months since they've dated. They went out to date a couple of times throughout those months. He'd go to Kyoto and they'll go somewhere or just stay at her house.
It felt normal. Dating him felt right. She really couldn't understand how she views this relationship. There were arguments, yes. Small fights because he was messing with her. And also big fights. The biggest one they had was probably when Satoru was in a bad mood. He doesn't want to talk to her, but she's afraid that he'll bottle it all up.
Just like that, weeks flew by them.
Utahime followed Satoru to his room. He put her suitcase neatly on the side while she sat down on her white bed.
"Do you want me to put your clothes in the closet?"
She noticed how he has a very light vibe. "Are you enjoying this?"
"Maybe. It feels like you're moving in."
What a sappy man.
"Do you want me to?"
"Sure. When will the rest of your things get here?"
Utahime fell on her back. She felt tired already. Her feet was still on the floor since only half of her body was laying. The bed just looked so inviting. It will feel lonely if no one laid on it. Her dark hair sprawled against the fluffy pillows. Her hair color comtrasted against the light-colored pillows.
"Stop joking."
Satoru left the suitcase alone and decided to join her on the bed. He lifted her feet of the floor and put it on his lap. His fingers lightly tapped on her leg. To her, the bed looked inviting. To him, Utahime looked inviting.
"I'm not joking. Let's plan the details."
"No, Satoru."
"Aw," he whined and tapped her leg a little faster. "Come on, come on! It'll be fun, I swear."
"What's with you and me moving in?" She caught his hand drumming on her leg to stop it. "Are you lonely here?"
"If I say yes, will you live here?"
Utahime retreated her legs and sat up. "You are unbelievable."
"Thank you, how kind of you." She kicked his side as response. His infinity was off. Almost every time they're with each other, it's off. Only when she's throwing things at him is when it's on.
"I was just really worried, you know," he confessed. The atmosphere in his room suddenly turned somber when the incident slid in their conversation. Utahime didn't want to bring it up as she was bit ashamed.
Those thoughts of her being weak and being with the strongest sorcerer rushed inside her head again. It's a dizzying set of thoughts. She pushed herself to look at the ceiling instead, unable to look at the man blessed with cursed techniques that are both powerful and graceful to observe. He was a fascinating man. A man who became the strongest since he was a teen.
And what was she?
On top of not being in a honorable and famous lineage, there she was just the day before, succumbing to the icky cursed spirit.
"I felt like I was going to faint but couldn't." Utahime shared despite the screams of her mind of her insecurities.
"How are you feeling now? Should I call Shoko?" Satoru's fingers crawled towards her own. It looked silly, his hand looking like a many-legged insect just making its way to her merrily. With a swift movement, his hand intertwined with Utahime's hands.
Warmth spread from that contact to — cheesy as it may sound — their very own hearts.
"No," she replied. She didn't let go of his hands, and he didn't either. For a few moments of silence, Satoru just looked at her. He was truly worried at that time, now, and more so in the future.
"I was really rattled because of the news, you know. When I heard that you were being the plus-one of some ugly-looking goddang curse, I got mad at you."
"Me? Why me?"
"Don't you dare act like a hero like that ever again."
"The mission said to not-"
"To hell with the mission!" Utahime felt that he was really mad now. Eyes concealed behind that blindfold of his yet she can still somehow see.
"Satoru, what the hell are you implying? Ignore the mission?"
He groaned and stomped his foot like a little kid. He cursed, saying he doesn't know. For him to be this bothered, he must have felt extremely worried for her. Realizing this, she felt a little guilty. The thoughts about whether she's right for him grew louder.
Funny how both of them were this affected when their reason for starting this relationship was quite surface-level.
Utahime gave in to the convincing Satoru. She thought she'll learn how to be patient and understanding as she goes on and on being his girlfriend. On the other hand, he impulsively asked her on a date because his insides felt funny when thinking of Utahime dating other people. They didn't even spend that much time since they went their separate ways, and with a stable boyfriend, those few minutes with her will be greatly reduced. He can't stand that.
"You were really worried about me, weren't you?" she voiced out.
"Did you think I wouldn't? How lowly of a person do you think I am?"
She pinched his cheeks. "It's just a new sight to see. Don't get all insulted"
Utahime let go of his hand and cupped his face. He leaned in on her hand while staring straight at her.
"You were really worried?" She really couldn't get over that. His worrying felt bittersweet. Bitter because her too-good heart felt guilty, and sweet because it shows that despite all the teasing, he truly does care about her.
"I was. Is it really that hard to believe?"
Utahime laid her head on his shoulders. "Yeah."
"Are you getting dizzy again?"
"No, but I do feel weak."
If he was still shaken up with an incident like this, Utahime realized that there will be difficult moments. Safety is never guaranteed. For someone like her, getting hurt is part of the job description. For someone like him, it must be rare.
In their relationship, will they really be okay?
Doubt finally reached her mouth, and with a hasty decision-making, she spoke words she might regret later.
"Satoru," she suddenly called. Whatever he said for the past few minutes as she focused on her thought went unheard.
"Hmm?"
"This will not be the only repercussions I will have."
"Yes. And?"
With obvious hesitation, she said, "Do you want to break up?"
The question immediately put them the room in a tense mood. Even the air itself felt heavy upon his shoulders. Utahime was still sitting on his bed, waiting for whatever answer he will give. Fear crept up to her throat with every second that passed.
Satoru sat still. His blindfold covered whatever emotion his eyes reflected. Her hand on his cheek felt cold. "The cursed spirit must have a more severe effect on you. Hold on, I'll call Shoko."
In this silent moments, Utahime realized that she asked him. She didn't say she wants to break-up. She 2qs depending on what he'll say.
She watched him gently push her hand away from his face. Wordlessly, he stood up and turned his back to her.
"No. Listen, Satoru." Hey body moved, and she put her feet on the ground, ready to stand up.
"I will not listen to you until you're in a better state." His words had an acrid tone that it stopped her from making any further movements. She stayed on the bed staring at his back.
"Satoru, would you please just listen to me?"
His feet didn't move an inch which she took as a sign that she should continue.
"This will not be the only time something will happen to me. Do you really want us to be always put in a position where you'll be worried sick?"
"What the hell are you talking about? We're in that situation right now."
"Yes. That feeling, Satoru, do you want to experience that again? We both know how it feels to lose someone. How it feels to be sunk down the bottom being scared that someone's not going to live to see the sun."
"Utahime, get to the point."
"Wouldn't it be better to cut ties sooner before getting more attached than we are now? Relationships, maybe, aren't just fit for us."
With slow steps, he turned around. Utahime watched him as he moved towards her. Both of his hands took hold of her right hand as he knelt down in front of her. Everything around them feels cold and heavy. Their minds were in a messy quicksand. One word and they'll sink deeper.
"Stop... Just stop talking for a second."
Her heart thumped and thumped, aching to come out as if it'll solve everything. Maybe it will. For the reason they were even in this situation was their hearts. What filled their hearts were feelings. Feelings deeply rooted in their very own existence.
"Thinking you'll walk out that door right now makes my head spin. It makes me mad just thinking about it, 'Hime."
Her eyes went wide with how sweetly he responded to her very overwhelming question.
"What do you think will happen if you really do walk out and never come back again?"
"Don't tell me that we'll see each other anyway, it will just feel empty then. Tell me, 'Hime, do you want to cut ties with me?"
In that moments, she just wanted to see his eyes. She reached for his face and took his blindfold off. The electrifying blue eyes of the strongest sorcerer held a very warm, unknown meaning behind them as he looked at her intently.
Tons of thoughts swarmed her mind, but a two-letter word stood out with blurred background.
"No."
It acted as a switch that turned the atmosphere light.
Satoru kissed the top of her hands with one swift motion. "You wouldn't dare leave this pitiful man, would you now?"
With red tinted cheeks, Utahime said, "It seems to be that way."
Satoru grinned. He truly looked like someone who wasn't mad just a moment ago. His emotion rose up quickly from being down.
"Satoru," her tone went back to how it was before that he actually disliked his name now.
"Don't say my name like that."
"I'm worried about you. Even if you're the strongest, you're not immortal, you know. Even if you have a god complex, you're not one. Would we really be okay if—"
"Ah, 'Hime," he groaned and retreated his hand. "Stop talking about that. So what if sorcerers aren't for relationships? I don't care."
More of these kind of words then they'll truly sink deeper.
But maybe it's okay.
Maybe they'll be okay.
Falling is overrated anyway.
For two sorcerers who went through the deepest and back, what's a little sinking going to do to them?
It was a rare sight to see him truly annoyed.
"I don't care, I don't care, I don't care." He kept chanting and chanting. So, if he's annoyed, he'll annoy other people too, is that it?
"Shut up!" His chant made her feel a rising anger. It was just annoying hearing him say the same thing while shaking his head vigorously.
"You're the one who kept bringing up something I don't care! Why are you mad!?"
To Utahime, the way he makes her so riled up and energetic ironically became her safe space. There was something, a faint blinking light, in their small, petty fights that Utahime finds both funny and comforting.
For someone who thinks too much, he makes her so mad that she can only see him.
• nine letters for falling:
O V E R R A T E D