Tue. 17th September 1985 | 9:14am
Max Mayfield
I'm sat down on my desk in health-study class, waiting for the lesson to begin. Eleanor shortly joins me, sitting next to me, as she normally would.
Except, things had been awkward recently. This past week, we hadn't spoken at all - excusing the occasional 'hello's' when coming across each other - so you could expect that it feels weird having her beside me.
Not like I have a choice, Ms Kelley enforced a seating plan when the semester started.
"Hey." I hear El say, catching me off guard. I stare at my notebook, never averting my gaze from it.
"Hey." And we're silent again.
"Okay, girls! I asked you to research a mental illness and make a presentation on it. And as you may have guessed, we will be presenting today."
Ugh shit...
Sure, I have my slideshow ready and everything but I'm simply not in the mood to go to the front of class today. Not like I ever am but y'know.
"Michelle?" Ms Kelley calls, and a blonde girl goes up to the front of the class.
. . .
"Jane?" The teacher looks around the class as my regard fixes to El.
The brunette gets up and moves to the front of the class, politely taking a remote from the teacher for her slideshow I presume.
"Okay, so the mental illness I have chosen to research is attention deficit disorder with or without hyperactivity. Most common symptoms may include lack of capability to—" she continues as I observe in awe, taking in all her features. Everything about her is perfect. She's beautiful. She's kind. She's smart.
Everything you're not.
Months back, I used to believe there was a chance that Eleanor felt the same way for me. How could I have been so foolish and blind?
Stupid motherfucker.
I fall out of my mini trance when hearing a slightly distorted applause, watching as El takes her seat again with a rightfully-so proud smile playing on her lips.
"Maxine?" I roll my eyes, internally flipping the teacher off - she should know by now that I go by Max. I get up and look around the room, walking to the front with an inevitably awkward expression on my face.
"Okay so um... I chose to present anxiety." I mutter just about loud enough for my classmates to hear, awkwardly shifting my gaze from place to place.
"Most common ways to identify this mental illness is when someone constantly struggles to concentrate on certain subjects and, more essentially, feels as if they're being judged for it along with other things. People with anxiety also tend to feel unexplained pains in their head, stomach... I dunno, maybe other places. They get chronic, recurring or unexpected nosebleeds sometimes, especially when they feel on edge. Though it may not seem obvious, this is a very common illness to have, especially with our age group - along with depression and other disorders...—" I say, improvising for the most part. I last revised a few days ago and only remember specific facts.
. . .
I let my bag drop to the ground, kneeling down and taking a pad out of one of the small zips. I walk into a bathroom stall, letting out an echoed sigh as I pull down my trousers and sit down on the toilet.
Stupid fucking period.
While focusing on sticking the pad on my underwear, I watch as a spot of blood drips onto my white blouse. Shit, shit, shit. I hastily grab a bunch of toilet paper and hold it up to my bloody nose, letting out a sharp exhale.
Jane Hopper
Walking into the bathroom, I instantly notice Max's bag on the floor by the sink. I walk in slowly, narrowing my eyes as I speak.
"Max?..." I say, hearing panicked shuffling in one of the stalls. "You okay?"
"Yeah, sure." I look down with a shaky sigh, leaning against the wall with my arms loosely crossed.
"Your presentation today was really good, y'know..." I compliment, being granted with her silence.
"Listen, I know how things have been. But I still want to feel like you can talk to me."
"What is there to talk about?" Max snidely echoes back and I open my mouth to say something, being interrupted by the toilet flushing and stall door opening. Me and Max just stare at each other for a moment, and I'm not surprised when she breaks the eye contact. I lower my gaze to her blouse, my eyes widening at the blood stain.
"Are you okay?? What happened?" I take a step closer, fixing my gaze to the stain.
"Yeah, just a nosebleed." She replies flatly, grabbing a blue shitty school paper towel and dampening it in the water, dabbing it on her blouse. I cringe at her lack of knowledge on how to clean her shirt, walking closer and grabbing her waist.
"If you won't let me help you with your problems, at least let me help you with this." I insist and Max parts her lips in defeat. I flash her a small smile and undo the bottom four buttons of her blouse, grabbing the part of fabric with a mark of blood on it. As my fingers subconsciously touch her skin, I can feel her heart rate faintly quicken in her stomach. I arch my brows and look up at her expression, and that's when our eyes meet again.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing..." Max responds, shifting her eyes to her stomach and my fingers. I quickly back away a little in realisation, shaking my head.
"Sorry- I didn't mean to um..."
"N-no. It's fine. Just- just go, okay?"
"Max..." I frown. She ignores me by buttoning her blouse and tucking it into her trousers. When she throws her bag over her shoulder and walks past me, about to leave, I quickly turn around by instinct and grab her arm desperately.
"Max... talk to me, please?"
"I already said... nothing to talk about."
"Listen I know why you feel this way. What I did was a shitty thing to do and I just- I shouldn't have done it because it probably made you feel worse about the situation!" I blabber, not being able to tell if my mouth is moving faster than my brain or vice versa.
"I mean yeah- you kissed me knowing that I like you and knowing that you don't feel the same way." She bluntly tells me, but something about what she says doesn't sound entirely true.
"I-I know. I know. But I don't want this to ruin our friendship." I helplessly take her hands, my lips trembling.
"Yeah well... it's a little bit more complicated than that." Max pulls away from me and exits the bathroom, leaving me alone in the dim-lit area.
. . .
The school day has ended and I'm sitting alone in the quiet library in attempt to collect my corrupt thoughts. Earlier when Max said the feeling wasn't mutual, something about that sentence made me sick to the stomach, and I'm trying to figure out why. I mean just generally- there's a certain way that I feel when Max is around, sending butterflies to my stomach. Like Mike would. But why am I feeling this with a... girl?
It's just all so crazy to me.
But like...
Maybe I do feel the same.
Oh my god.
Wait.
Do I feel the same?
I feel the same.
I feel the fucking same.
I have to tell her.
I jump up to my feet, grab my bag and quickly leave the library, speed-walking across the halls to my dorm. I hastily unlock the door, walk down the corridor and open the bedroom door, flinching when Max's hand is on the other side of the doorknob.
I waste no time to grab her nape and crash my lips against hers.
And hers push against mine with even more desperation.
It's like this kiss has been long-awaited. Not like the one from last week. That one was barely valid.
This one feels so right.
To Be Continued...
a.n.
not even an authors note but like- elmax is just- 😩🖐🏻
I said I wouldn't write much but after watching vol 2, I realised that this is my coping mechanism to stop myself from crying abt anything that happened.
Anyway I might not be AS frequent but the other day I was being dramatic by saying I would take a full on hiatus lmao.