Skylars pov
Today has been the worst day of my life.anchor beach has been a nightmare .my first day was a horrible experience . As I heard kids whispering and talking bad about me like they know me and my life so well. I heard them talking about me and how it was my fault we had no mother and was in foster care in the first place. I even heard one kid say that I deserved what my father did to me. I admit it hurt more than I like to admit because I already feel that on a personal level. I already blame myself for my mothers death and for my father hating me and for what I did to my family and my sister I have to live with that guilt everyday that I survived and she didn't. And I also heard them talk about the foster homes I've been in like they personally knew my situation and personally experienced them which made my blood boil. I knew they were going to believe what they wanted to believe. And believe what they heard so they think they know my story and have me personally figured out. But those stories about my past foster homes weren't even true. They blamed me for ruining homes and happiness for Mackenzie. Saying it's my fault we got kicked out in the first place for being a huge slut and getting into relationships with my foster brothers. Which is far from the truth and it isn't what happened at all. I know I shouldn't let what they say bring me down or affect me and usually I don't give a fuck what people think or perceive of me. I am usually able to handle it and ignore it and just get through the day with my head held high. And reminding myself what their saying is background noise and what their saying doesn't matter because I have the facts. And the only way to win is not to let them break me and to keep my spirits up and focus on my future and become a success story and become truly happy. Because that's the sweetest revenge and how you get back at people like that by doing your best and winning at life. Living a happy successful life is how you get back at people who want to see you fail and pray for your downfall by living your best life and rise above the hate that's how you don't let haters win. But today I guess the words and what they were saying just got to me and broke me. But I knew I wouldn't let this impact me for long that when I fall all get back up and rise above again. I'm my own worst enemy sometimes though even when something that could of been good for me comes along. I jeopardized myself by not accepting the offer from the girl I met her name was madeleine rose. She heard me sing and okay the guitar and she asked me to join the glee club. Telling me how I had a god given talent and that my voice was angelic and amazing and that a voice like that needs to be heard and shine and how they need someone like that in their glee club. But I was busy with negative energy and thinking everyone was out to get me. That Everyone was out to see me fail and not make it. That I didn't see I was being welcomed and accepted with open arms that they wanted to see me truly do good and succeed and actually be happy. And I need to be surrounded by people like that because those are the miracles and the blessings in your life that you want to stick around and be in your corner and don't take for granite. I knew when tomorrow came around I had to fix it and accept that once in a lifetime opportunity and join the glee club and allow some happiness in my life. And stop loving with the fear that I'm only going to get hurt. I knew soon my sister and my foster family was going to come up and check on me . And I will have to fill them in on what happened today. Because I know they wouldn't leave me alone until they knew what was bothering me. I knew I couldn't mask my feelings from them and hide what I truly felt like. Because they knew I was burying pain and that something was affecting me and they wouldn't let it slide. Because they want me to know I'm not a burden to them and they would never give up on me. And my life because my life worth living and saving. That's what makes them different from everyone else I've came across with. Because they don't see you as lost causes or to damage and to broken to be fixed. They genuinely love and care about what happens to us. They know we could be repaired with love and that's what's missing in our lives a family to heal our broken unloved hearts. Something to survive for and that's what a family is. As I heard the door open it was stef lena and my foster siblings and Kenzie who I knew would be showing up right on schedule.
"Hey Skylar are you alright love you seem upset like something is affecting you and bothering you. And we're here for you if you want to talk about it . Keeping it buried inside won't help you letting it out will help you feel better . So please let us in so we could do some good." Stef said with such love concern and empathy. As she empathized with what I must be going through. As I felt like she personally cared for me and wanted to help. As I decided to let them in and be their for me.
"It's just been a hard day for me. I let what other people say to me get to me. When I shouldn't have I usually handle it very well. And could usually ignore it and not let it get to me personally or knock me down. But this time I just broke and let it get to me and hurt me. Because they seem to think they know my whole life story. And they could just gossip about it and share my story. As if they personally went through my experience and the trauma I have endured. Like they were in my shoes and know me on a Personal level." I said letting it out frustrated at everything as I broke down mentally drained.
"Aww love everybody has their days we're they need to break down. It doesn't make you any less strong feeling the pain and going through it is what makes you brave and tough. And that's how you heal and keep going you have to allow yourself to feel and heal from it. It must be hard just burying everything inside and your emotions just exploded that's perfectly okay. It doesn't make you in any way weak it happens when your strong for to long and put on a brave face for so long that you don't heal properly. Because you haven't felt it that it hit you all at once. It takes time but you'll get through it and finally get to a place of happiness and peace. I know it and deep down you got to allow yourself to believe it to. That you deserve good things and happiness." Stef said full of love wisdom and compassion for what I endured in my short life.
"It might help if you tell us what they said to you personally to hurt you. So we could provide comfort and reinsurance to your broken one and lead you out of the darkness and into the light. And show you your worth. And that what these people are saying to you doesn't define you or your worth. Keeping it bottled up where it's eaten at you is only making you feel worse. Because it isn't being properly dealt with but actually sharing it and letting people in. Is what is gonna heal you from your inner demons who are trying to keep you from ever experiencing happiness. And we want the best for you and we want you to be happy and our continuing to fight for your happiness you see the difference." Lena asked with wisdom and overflowing unconditional love and compassion doing what she can to provide support and help me through this.
"I heard them say it was my fault for our mom dying and I'm the reason we're in the foster care in the first place. And I also heard another student say I deserved what my father did to me. I've also heard people talking about my past foster homes like they know what personally happened. And they blame me for ruining homes and happiness for Mackenzie . I'm the reason we get kicked out that I'm a slut that I start relationships with my foster brothers. And that's why we can't keep a home or find happiness because I'm that selfish and only think of myself." I said with anger and sadness as I try to keep the tears from falling. As I struggled to keep them in as they fell uncontrollably as I wiped them as they fell to keep anyone from seeing them. I hated showing vulnerability because in my own personal experience that's how you get hurt when you let people in.
"Oh sweetheart you know it's not true you aren't at fault for your mother dying. We all make mistakes but you didn't cause it or are responsible for it. The only one responsible and should be held accountable for it is the drunk driver. Who shouldn't of been driving in the first place. And second of all you did not deserve what your father did to you. That is the most cruel and heartless thing I have ever heard. No matter what happened to your mother no one deserves to go through that kind of abuse. And should never be treated like that in the first place. And no parent should ever put their child through that. No person should ever have to experience that pain. And lastly of all you did not ruin things for you and Mackenzie. Your a child who has been through a lot of hell in her life and has a lot of baggage from crappy experiences. That's no way your fault you just need someone to love and care for you and take you in and accept you for all that you are and that includes flaws and all. And trauma that people don't want to deal with or bother with. But that's no way your fault or Mackenzie's. And what happened between you and your foster brothers if it's true or not is not your fault. You are vulnerable and people can take advantage of that you just wanted and needed a home your not accountable or at fault for that." Lena said sympathizing with what I've been through and experiencing. And full of love and wisdom making sure I knew I wasn't at fault Or to blame for any of this.
"Please tell me you understand that and believe that love. And aren't beating yourself up over something that isn't in your control. You didn't cause the bad stuff that happened to you. You just got a bad end of the deal and been through hell and put into home and situations that weren't right for you. But you deserve love and happiness even though you might think you don't you do. And your home is her with us this is the place where you belong your meant to be in this family. We were brought together by faith we were meant to be your parents. Family isn't only blood and who share your dna it's the people in your life who will always love and care about you no matter what you say or do. And who are looking out for your best interest at heart . And they only want to see you happy and that's what makes a family. Knowing your loved and endless happiness and will spend everyday proving that to you and fighting for you until you start seeing it for yourself that this family is forever. And is never going anywhere no matter how much you try and push us away your stuck with us love." Stef said with love and emotion as she spoke from the heart. As I felt every word she said. As I tried to keep the tears at bay but I failed as they overflowed out of me like a waterfall as I couldn't stop them. As I felt stef and Lena pull me into a hug as my new foster siblings joined and so did Mackenzie. As I was embraced with a family hug and I could almost melt at the closeness if I let myself . And I didn't hold back and that is what I'm trying to work on believing that good things can happen to people like us that we're not only meant for the purpose of pain. But it was really hard to let yourself go from that mindset.
"Why didn't you accept the offer to join glee club.? You love performing you always have so why didn't you allow yourself some happiness.? Why give up on yourself and your dreams.? Their has to be a deep reason that your not sharing with everyone else.?" Mackenzie asked with curiousness wondering why I would turn down the chance to do something I loved and adored down.
"I think I'm my own worst enemy sometimes when it comes to jeopardizing things that can actually be good for me. And I have to work on that not everyone is out to destroy my happiness. I have a negative mindset that I have to improve on. I blame dad for that though." I said opening up some more and letting out how I truly felt and know about myself.
"What do you mean.? What else did dad to you.?" Mackenzie asked with concern and deep love for me.
"Every time I would perform and would tell him what a dream it was for me to be on stage and do this for a living he laughed at my dreams. And basically heckled every time I would perform something for him. He said that I would never make it. That I don't have what it takes to be a musician or a singer. That i wasn't as good as I thought I was. That I had no talent that I had false hope. That I shouldn't try to reach for a dream I can never have or accomplish. That I was setting myself up for failure every time i stepped on stage. That he hoped I failed and fall on my face . He never saw a future for anything I did saying I'd fail at life that I would crash and burn." I said with hurt and lifeless eyes feeling numb at the words I've heard from him since mom passed away.
"I'm so sorry Skylar that happened to you. And dad was the one who caused it. You didn't deserve to go through anything dad put you through. You never told me that before." Mackenzie said sympathizing with the personal dad put me through.
"You already knew dad put me through hell with the cigarette burns and blaming me for the death of mom. And wishing nothing more it was me in her place. Wishing she was the one alive hating me for being the reason we were going through the loss and suffering. I didn't want you to know he laughs at my dreams and doesn't support me either . I didn't want that for you." I said through the hurt and pain and suffering my dad put me through. As I hated reliving all of it and I just wanted to protect Mackenzie from that. That our dad became a heartless monster when it came to grieving that he turned on his child who needed him more than anything. And that type of hurt and pain stays with you.
"You know what dad said about you to bring you down and cause you hurt and suffrage wasn't true right. You are naturally talented with singing and the guitar you are incredible. You have a god given talent that you should be using as a gift and not wasting it away because of that monster. Who was saying all of this out of spite and because he knew it would crush your spirit . When you have a talent like the one you have you share it with the world and you share it proud. And don't let anyone get in the way of your dream. Your gonna go places and your going to make it I know so. And you have to believe it don't hold yourself back anymore because of haters . Show them the real you and who you are inside and own it by shining . And doing what I know your capable of doing rocking that stage." Mackenzie said with heart and empowerment . Trying to encourage her sister to go for it and not listen to any hater.
"Mackenzie's right don't let any of the hate people are spewing keep you from succeeding. And doing what you love to do in life and music does that for you. So you have to do it and let no one get in the way of what truly makes you happy and what makes you you. Life is better when your being yourself because being you and showing you is what truly makes you special . And the people who truly love you will accept you with open arms and you have that with us." Jude said with a warm smile . As he offered love and support hoping she won't give up on doing music and what she actually loves. As I couldn't help but smile at all the kind loving reinsuring words I was receiving.
"Yea screw what other people think and their opinions. Music is what your happy and passionate about and that is what life should be about what you love and being nothing but happy. Screw negative people and negative energy nothing is impossible to accomplish if It is something you want bad enough. And you shouldn't stop at nothing to achieve those goals. You just had the wrong people in your life but now you have the right people here who will give you all the reinsuring unconditional love and support and positivity you need to keep you going. Your doing this girl your not accepting anything less for yourself." Callie said supportive and full of endless love and encouragement to give.
"How about you play something for us will be your audience . And will see firsthand how brilliant of a musician you are. You just need some confidence and for people to believe in you . We are those people for you. Your self confidence has been shattered because of all the negative energy around you. And because your dad filled in your head that your not good enough I believe that you are. And that you can do this . So I need you to use those negative thoughts to motivate you to prove to every hater out their and doubter they are wrong about you. That you will succeed now play and sing and feel it from your heart we believe in you you need to too." Brandon said full of endless love and support . As he encouraged me to play.
As I grabbed my guitar and tried to do what was asked of me. To use the negative feedback as away to motivate me into succeeding. And if they believe In me so much maybe I should to. As I went for it as I played and sing from the heart. I decided to sing a song called what you waiting for by nickleback.
As the song ended I was afraid to look up at their reactions. As I heard the sound of whistles applause and cheers from all of them. As I looked up and took it all in. As they complimented how incredible I was and how they were wrong about me. And it felt great to build up instead of teared down. As I thanked them. As they pulled me into a celebratory hug at my accomplishment and for facing my fears today as they were proud of me.
"We're so proud of you sweetheart for doing that it takes guts. You know what you have to do tomorrow don't you accept that invitation to glee club with such pride and honor because you deserve to be their." Lena said proudly and happy for me that I'm going to accomplish my dream.
"Yes love you definitely deserve to be in that club . And it's where you belong don't you ever question that. You need to take that opportunity you were given and shine . And your gonna shine bright love you are a star . And your gonna go far with a talent like yours so dream big." Stef said from her heart. And Insanely proud of me for putting myself out there and not hiding away.
As they all agreed on it. As I decided tomorrow I was going to find Madeline rose and tell her I made a mistake and that I accept. And it would be an honor to join that club. And for recognizing talent and a star when they seen one. For knowing that with them is where I belong . And I found where I would be accepted and welcomed with open arms . And I'm gonna embrace all that and take in all that love tomorrow.
As it was getting late and we all turned in for bed. And all I could think about is turning my life around tomorrow for the better. And things will start falling into place once I start allowing myself to let the happiness life throws at me in.
I was grateful to be in this family because they shown me what it really feels like to be loved and accepted and cared for again. I truly felt like a member of the family and it felt good to experience this feeling. That your enough that your wanted and that you matter by someone. And that was a feeling I didn't ever want to go away . I wanted this placement to be permanent and for them to be my family forever. And I'm holding onto hope that it comes true and nothing will get in the way of this miracle I have or jeopardize it.