Words
"Carly, kinakabahan ako baka magkamali ako mamaya."
Nilingon ko 'yung ibang teammates ko at pati sila hindi mapakali. I'm the same. It's been so long since I last entered competitions. 'Yung confidence ko dati, wala na ngayon.
We're already inside the colosseum. Compared to the other games, SDC doesn't have too many viewers. But the fact that there are other schools and this is aired, it's making all of us nervous.
"Guys, 3 more schools before us. Kung mag-CR, gawin niyo na ngayon," Coach told us.
"Masusuka yata ako sa sobrang nerbyos," Ate Irene, one of the juniors, said.
"Ayos lang kabahan basta may presence of mind. Maganda naman 'yung choreo and remix natin. Ilang linggo rin tayong binugbog ni Coach," sabi ko sa team.
"Ang importante, synchronization. Gumaganda 'yung performance pag sabay sabay. Pati facial expression. Also protip, sa judges kayo tumingin. Madalas they keep a poker face so you won't get distracted. Pag sa audience, maraming distractions kaya tingin lang sa harap." dagdag ko.
"True. Pag nairaos natin 'to ng maayos, mag-outing tayo," sabay sabi ni Coach. "Kaya ayusin niyo, ha. At kalma lang."
The team hooted. Humupa yata ng konti ang kaba nila.
I wonder how's the other athletes are doing. Nagsimula ang laro ng seniors basketball kaninang 12 PM. Since bawal ang electronics sa amin, wala akong mapagtanungan kung kamusta na sina Levi. Mamaya na lang siguro ako makikibalita pag tapos na kami.
As we wait for our turns, si Kai at Lay 'yung nagju-joke. They're the only seniors in our team kaya siguro pakiramdam nila ay responsable sila sa pagpapakalma ng team. They are doing a good job though since I see a lot of my teammates' faces lit up.
Sa sobrang kulit nung dalawa, hindi namin napansin na Lindell na ang nasa gitna. After them, kami na.
I try to watch their dance company. If I remember it correctly, last year they almost won first place. Kaso they had a violation kaya nabawasan ang puntos. Ang ending, De Valle ang nanalo.
May lumapit na naka-headphones kay Coach. I think it's one of the staff. Nang matapos silang mag-usap, tinawag na kami ni Coach. Kailangan na daw namin pumwesto.
"Carly, naiihi ako!" sabay kurot ni Lia sa akin.
"Jusko, Lia. Kailangan mong pigilan 'yan kahit 3 minutes lang!" I whisper-shouted. Baka mahimatay si Coach pagka bigla kaming magpaalam na magc-CR.
From the back, we can hear the cheers of the audience. Meaning, tapos na ang Lindell. So it's our turn now.
"Guys, presence of mind! Smile! Kung magkamali kayo, 'wag niyo na isipin. Focus sa choreo, okay?"
"... let's give it up for Hillpointe Dance Company Street!"
My ears started ringing as soon as we walk towards the stage. I tried not to make any eye contact with the audience and only focused on our judges.
Upon reaching the middle, we went to our positions and waited for the song to start.
Let's get this over with.
I was concentrating hard on not making any mistakes and to remind myself to keep my facial expression good. My goodness, why is it so hard to smile?!
I can hear some people hooted and I recognized Tate's voice. Hindi talaga kailangan ni Tate ng megaphone sa sobrang lakas ng boses niya.
Ramdam ko na ang tagaktak ng pawis sa mukha ko at hinihingal na rin ako. Just a few more dips and grinds and we'll finish the entire choreo.
I started moving to the front for the final steps and I almost - ALMOST - made a mistake when I saw Hera on the bleachers with Zach - watching me, with a smirk on their faces.
Fuck those two.
How could they look like they haven't experience any sorrow for what happened back in April?
How could they be together knowing what happened to Pierre?
I put a smile on my face and finish the dance. No, I won't let you bother me. For now.
* * *
After the choreo, nagpaalam kami kay Coach na magr-restroom. Si Lia to pee, and me to get my shit together.
Honestly, I'm still shaking with rage to the point that I want to cry. Seeing them both together reminded me of my miseries, the ghosts that kept haunting me.
Bakit ganoon? Sila 'yung may ginawang mali pero sila 'yung mukhang masaya? While Pierre is fighting for his life every single day.
I looked up and wiped the tear that escaped. I don't want people to see me this weak. Those two will think they got under my skin. And since I can't even do something to them, they'll think they won.
Bakit hindi na lang sila 'yung na-karma?
I was quiet on the whole walk back to the colosseum. Si Lia at Ate Irene nag-uusap sa harap ko. They're talking about our performance.
Pagkabalik namin sa pwesto, nakita ko si Tate. Kasama niya ang ibang athletes sa school namin na nanunuod ng SDC. She waved at me, willing me to come to her.
"Kamahalan, kakatawag lang ni Iris. Nasa last quarter na daw sa kabila," bungad niya sa akin. Nangunot ang noo niya pagkakita sa akin, "Ayos ka lang ba? Bakit parang pula 'yang mata mo?"
I shook my head. I don't want to talk about it.
"Championship?" I asked.
Tumango siya. Tinalikuran ko siya para puntahan si Coach Andrea. Nakita ko siyang kausap ang ibang members kaya lumapit na ako.
"Coach," sabi ko.
Hindi pa man ako nagsisimula, nagsalita na siya. "Go. May 3 schools pa before the announcement. Be back before then."
I nodded and said my thanks. Binalik ko ang tingin ko kay Tate signaling her to come with me.
Lakad-takbo ang ginawa namin dahil malayo-layo ang court ng De Valle sa Colosseum. On a normal day, we'd take a shuttle. But the school's bustling with students all over it is hard to find one.
Pagkarating namin sa cover court, pinakita ni Tate ang dalawang free pass na hawak niya sa guard na nagbabantay. Pinapasok kami at iginiya malapit sa benches kung saan nasaan si Coach Tim. I guess being in school paper has it's perks.
Nakita kong almost 50 seconds na lang ang natitira sa game. Devalle vs Hillpointe. Lamang ng 3 puntos ang Devalle.
"Carly, Tate, here!" napalingon kami at nakita namin si Iris at Tippy na nasa tabi ni Coach Tim.
We walked towards them, all the while watching the game. I'm not really a fan of basketball so I'm not familiar with the rules. So when the referee blew his whistle, I got confused as to why.
Most of the people from the bleachers behind us started booing. Ano ba itong pinasok ko?
"Was that even a foul?" tanong ni Tate.
"Why would the referee call it a foul, it isn't even one?!" singhal ni Iris.
Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa panunuod. Isa sa players ng Devalle ang may hawak ng bola at titira. I guess he's making some free throws? I remember watching this on television in passing.
The first shot entered. So nagkapuntos nanaman ang Devalle. The second got in, too. Hillpointe's team look so devastated. Now they only have less than 30 seconds to win.
The three girls started cheering for the whole team. Si Tate grabe 'yung sigaw halos mabingi ako.
"Go, Levi!" I cheered when he scored.
Almost 15 seconds left and the ball is with the other team. They got another shot and the opposite bleachers cheering so loud. 3 points ang lamang nila.
"Three point shot 'yan, Uno, go for it!" Coach Tim exclaimed.
But before the ball could enter the ring, the buzzer rang.
The three point shot did not count.
The opposite team's cheered so much but our side was silent. Mukhang pagod na pagod sila habang naglalakad papunta sa pwesto namin. They look so down.
Lumapit sila kay Coach habang sina Iris naman eh kumuha ng tuwalya para iabot sa kanila. Kumuha na rin ako ng tubig para ibigay sa kanila.
Levi spotted me and gave me a sad smile. This is such a big event for him, too, since it's his first competition after suddenly leaving a year ago.
Lumapit ako sa kanila para ibigay ang tubig nila. I purposely gave Levi's his last so I could talk to him.
"Sorry. You even went here straight after your performance but it was fruitless," sabi niya.
"It's not fruitless, though, why would you think that? You guys should even be proud. Diba for the past two years, the team didn't make it in the Big Four pero look, you guys didn't just enter the Top 4. You even get to play for Championship. That's a big deal," I expressed. "Besides, there's still the ISAA Meet that's much bigger than this."
Magpapatuloy pa sana ako kaso nakita kong nakatingin na 'yung ibang teammates niya sa amin kaya napatigil ako. Nakakahiya, narinig ba nila ako?
"Kaya lab na lab ka namin, beshiecakes, eh! Galing galing mo magbigay ng words of wisdom!" pang-aasar ni Uno.
"Grabe sana all may taga-comfort," sabat ni Rage.
"Baka gusto mo group hug, bespren," Dan offered. Kitang kita yata 'yung diri sa mukha ko kasi halos tumawa sila lahat. No offense but we all are sweaty. Hindi ko na alam anong amoy ko or nila at ayoko ng malaman pa.
They were called back on the court to assemble for the handshakes. Aaward-an din sila pagkatapos kaya medyo matagal-tagal pa 'yata 'to.
"Tumawag na si Coach, need na natin bumalik," sabi ni Tate. I tried catching Levi's attention to actually say goodbye but he's too busy kaya kina Iris na lang ako nagsabi.
Umalis na kame ni Tate pagkatapos dahil tatakbo pa kami. Jusko. Bakit kasi malayo ang colosseum sa court? Sino bang nag-isip nito?
Pagkabalik namin sa colosseum, nag-aannounce na sila ng winners. Halos kurutin ako sa singit ni Coach kasi ang tagal daw namin. Kung alam niya lang?!
Inayos ni Lia ang buhok kong kalat-kalat at binigyan naman ako ng towel ni Ate Irene dahil pawisin ako. Hindi naman siguro kame aakyat ng stage kaya ayos na siguro na mukha akong gusgusin.
That's what I thought.
But when they called the Top 3 schools on stage, my eyes went wide when I heard the school's name.
My members kept on cheering and I had the stupid look on my face.
"Hindi ako nag retouch, guys?!"
Sobrang saya nila na hindi nila ako pinansin. I was dragged by them to get on stage. Wala na akong nagawa at nagpatangay na lang din.
I was hiding behind the guys with Lia by my side when they're making the para kung sakaling mahagip man kami ng camera, at least hindi ako kita.
De Valle Vigors was on the other side of the stage so I have to stick with Lia the whole time in case my mofo ex-boyfriend would do some nasty stunt.
"Third place goes to Devalle University Vigors Street Company," the host announced.
We're all shock. What? So we're either gonna get the second or the first place?
Pinababa na ang mga taga De Valle after getting their trophy and their prize. The look on their faces explain that they are not happy with the results. Of course, with ego as tall as Mount Everest, they won't accept anything unless it is "champions".
I can feel Lia's sweating palms as she hold my wrist. They're nervous. If we won second place, we'll be so happy. Lindell's choreo was so good and they were in synch so if they'll win, we'd definitely understand.
But we were all astounded when the host called them for second prize. The whole team was in shock. Pare-pareho kameng hindi makapaniwala. We're champion?
"Guys, batukan niyo nga ako hindi ako sure kung totoo ba 'to o panaginip lang," Kris stated. Lay and Kai hit him at the same time.
We exchanged congratulations with Lindell's team. They were so friendly and looked so happy for our team. Buti pa sila sport! Unlike the other team kanina na sour grapes.
We pushed Ate Irene to give the speech since she's the oldest. Nagpasalamat lang kame sa host, sa judges at sa ibang teams bago kame bumaba ng stage dala ang cheke, medals and trophy.
"Magkano hatian sa 50k, Coach?"
"Wala. Pambayad daw ng school 'yan sa gastos niyo," sabi ni Coach. We all had the disapprove.
Pagbalik namin sa pwesto namin, nakita ko na sina Tippy. They were so proud they kept on taking photos. Etong teammates ko naman, todo pose naman.
"Carlotta, congrats!" Levi immediately enveloped me into a hug. I heard the others hooted but I didn't mind them. Amoy bagong ligo siya tapos ako baka amoy pawis pa?!
"Tsansing ka, ha," sabi ko naman pagkakalas niya.
"Proud na proud ako sa'yo, grabe!" Ngiting ngiti siya. "Sa inyo rin, congrats!"
"Pina-video ka pa niyan, Kamahalan. Tapos fancam mo lang pinakuha, like, ano gagawin niya doon?" Tate whispered.
"Anong fancam?"
Bago pa makasagot ang pinsan ko, sumabat na si Levi. "Picture-an mo nga kami, Tate. Dali."
"Namimihasa ka na, Jennings! 'Wag mo kong inuutusan," ngawa niya pa pero kinuha rin naman ang camera.
"Sandali," pagtutol ko. "Ang dugyot ko pa tignan. Ni hindi ako naka-retouch!"
Aba, kailangan mukhang disente naman ako. I know he's gonna post it on his social media. Baka ma-bash nanaman ako ng mga haters ko.
"No need. You're naturally beautiful."
The whole team, my roommates, and even the other basketball players present whistled and hooted at what he said.
"Carly niyo, nagbblush!" puna ni Lay.
"Mainit lang!" dipensa ko. Levi wrapped an arm around my shoulder and almost all of them pulled out their phones to take photos of us. Ano kame, artista?!
"I know my cousin is cheesy but I didn't expect him to be this cringey! How can you endure it, Carly?" si Iris.
I didn't answer her because I honestly don't know. I just woke up one day and his pickup and cheesy lines don't bother me anymore.
After the photo op, umalis na rin kami sa colosseum. Dahil maraming estudyanteng nagkalat sa labas, kailangan naming hintayin ang bus namin. While waiting for it, nagpaalam si Levi na may naiwan siya sa isa sa mga assistant ng team nila kaya umalis siya.
Humihikab na ako dahil antok na ako at pagod. Gusto ko na lang matulog agad pagkarating sa hotel pero ang lagkit ko na at ang baho pa kaya hindi pwede. Wala bang sauna sa hotel? I badly need one.
"Carly, right?"
I perked up when I heard a voice. Pagkalingon ko, si Coach Tim pala. Siya lang mag-isa at wala siyang kasama na tiga-basketball team. Why did he approach me?
"Yes, Coach?" nagpahid ako ng mukha dahil baka may dumi ako o ano.
"I just want to say thank you for the encouragement on my team," he said. "I've been meaning to meet you personally but it's always been delayed."
"Ah, 'yung kanina ba, Coach? Wala po 'yun. Pasensya na rin po nakihimasok ako kanina," pagpaumanhin ko.
He shook his head, "I heard it was you who encouraged Levi to go back to the team. Then a few days before the Meet, when he got so devastated with the pregames, it was also you who boost his confidence. Not only his, but the whole team, too, today."
Looking back, I realized that maybe I did gave him the push.
"I think he really wanted to go back to playing. That day, when we were watching the team, I saw how he longed to be inside the court, and not on the sidelines," I told him. "Maybe he just needed that little push. We just met that time but it was so obvious he's really into basketball. I didn't even expect he'd actually do what I told him to."
Coach Tim smiled. He's always looking so stiff and strict that I guess this is the first time I've seen his smile. Parang kapag nakikita ko siya, lagi siyang nakasimangot o galit.
"You're good for him," sabi niya. Nakita namin na pabalik na si Levi sa amin. "I hope the both of you lasts."
"Coach, we're not—"
"I know, I know. It's all for a course you both take. But the bond that the two of you have, it's real. So I hope this bond won't be easily disrupted."
Coach waved at Levi before turning to me. "I honestly like you for him than the previous one. But don't tell him I told you that. The previous one is a taboo topic."
And with that finally sentence, Coach Tim turned his back and left, leaving me speechless.
"Huy, Carlotta, anong pinag-uusapan niyo ni Coach? Share naman dyan. Baka mamaya bina-bash na ako ni Coach, ha."
Previous one? I looked at Levi. His eyebrows are already arched, curious about the things his Coach and I talked about.
Oh.
It suddenly dawned on to me.
So Coach Tim actually meant Levi's ex-girlfriend.