T W E N T Y E I G H T
I could hear Henrietta talking with Eddie and Evan about a man that they treated a few days ago that seemed to know her mother when they were younger.
I tried my best to keep up with the story, but the reality was that I was only half listening. I was too focused on the sting the hair tie wrapped around my wrist left on my skin as I kept snapping it repeatedly.
Today was my second day back with the 118, and I constantly worry that I will mess something up. I got prescribed a new cocktail of medications not long ago, which had me feeling all types of ways.
On top of it all, I recently started experiencing post-trauma stress about the hospital explosion and the suicide attempt that has gotten slightly bad after getting back on the job. Every small thing seemed to trigger it, but I kept it to myself, not wanting to worry the others.
If my Captain and uncle seemed to trust that I was okay enough to come back, I had to trust myself too. I was having a hard time convincing myself.
I can do this.
The day has been going smoothly with no tough calls to the point that we had a small downtime to get some coffee and pastries in the middle of a shift, something that rarely occurred.
I felt my phone and smart watch vibrate simultaneously, startling me.
Liam's name was displayed on the small screen of my watch. I quickly looked at my friends before I distanced myself a little to answer the call.
"Hey," I answered, my voice sounding weaker than I intended.
"Hey, I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time, but I don't know if you have been able to go through your emails today. They sent the DNA test results."
A couple of weeks ago, Evan and I decided to give Liam the green light to get a DNA test done to see if he's Maia's biological father. The days we have spent waiting to hear back felt like a whole eternity.
I knew that legally no matter what that test said, Liam couldn't do anything about Maia. Still, I couldn't help the tiny voice in my head telling me repeatedly that my life has always been a joke and that if Liam were indeed Maia's bio dad, he would find a way to take Maia away from me.
"Oh— okay. Yeah, no, I haven't been able to." I stammered, feeling the need to snap my hair tie harder against my already swollen red skin. "So?"
The other end of the line went quiet for a little too long. I felt my heart drop to my stomach, knowing what his silence meant, but I tried my best to keep my cool.
"I think it is best if you, Buck, and I sit down to talk." Liam said, finally breaking the silence.
I nodded, kicking a small rock on the sidewalk with the tip of my shoe. "We don't get off from our shift until tomorrow morning, but if you want, you can come down to the station."
It was a personal and sensitive matter, but I wasn't sure if having the conversation in private was the best idea, considering how Evan had been feeling about the entire thing from the start. Having our friends and my uncle around just in case things take a wrong turn was best.
"That sounds good. I'm on call, but I can pass by. I'll text you."
"Okay." I mumbled before ending the call without saying goodbye.
Closing my eyes, I thought about the breathing exercises that my therapist taught me to do whenever I felt like I was about to lose control before I decided to go through my emails to look for confirmation of what I already knew.
99% positive.
"Hey Smurfette, are you okay?" I heard Eddie call out.
"Yeah." My voice squeaked as I turned around to face them, forcing a smile.
"You sure? You look like you've seen a ghost." Hen added, giving me a weird look.
Instead of saying anything back, I lamely gave them a thumbs up, which seemed to convince most of them except, of course, for my boyfriend.
"What's wrong? Feeling any side effects to your meds?" Evan questioned, pressing the back of his fingers against my forehead and then to my cheek.
I shook my head, wrapping my hand around his wrist. "No, I'm fine. Liam called,"
Evan's face fell, instantly knowing what that meant. With my other hand, I raised my phone, showing him the email.
"Guys, come on, it's time to go!" Hen called before Evan got the chance to say anything. Without even looking at me, he got his wrist freed from my hand before he walked towards the truck leaving me behind.
Letting out a loud sigh, I shoved the phone back into my pocket before joining them in the truck.
The whole trip back to the station was something else. While Evan and I spent it quietly in our worlds worrying about the same thing, Hen and the others were still pretty into the story she shared earlier. Even though he was intrigued with the story, I could still feel Eddie giving Evan and me questioning looks, but we ignored him.
Once at the station, I followed Evan to the locker room, watching him shove his jacket in it aggressively before slamming the metal door shut.
"Evan, you need to calm down. Let's not make a scene here. It's not worth it." I told him as calmly as I could. I felt what he was feeling, but reacting to it was not worth it.
"Easy for you to say." He scuffed.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, just forget it." He sighed, heading towards the door, but before he could make his escape, I stood in his way. Kind of stupid, knowing he was twice my size. A simple shove with no amount of strength would get me out of the way.
"No. What was that supposed to mean?" I insisted.
Evan rubbed a hand down his face before looking down at me. "You have nothing to lose here, Agatha. Maia is legally your daughter, so he can't take her away from you, but he will want to recognize her. Probably even want visits and make her call him dad."
My face softened. I was aware that this whole thing was bothering him, but I had no idea how I could convince him that nothing or anything could change the fact that he and only him was Maia's father.
"He can want all his heart desires, but I won't allow any of it because, as you said, she's my daughter. Our daughter." Without hesitation, I closed the distance between us and pressed the palm of my hand against his cheek. My thumb rubbed small circles on his skin.
"I hadn't mentioned this before because of how things turned out between us at the time, but while I was pregnant and survived the explosion, I did a lot of thinking and even got some paperwork done since I realized that life is unpredictable. One minute we are here, and the next, we might not be. What I'm trying to say is that I think we should start the process for you to adopt Maia. I researched with my lawyer and found out that unmarried couples in California can adopt a child. You should be on Maia's birth certificate because you are her dad, Evan."
After I survived the hospital explosion and found out that I didn't lose the baby, I realized that I was no longer in charge of just my life. I had a little girl and another little one on the way that depended on me, and if something were to happen to me, Maia would be legally stuck in limbo. The only person that had any parental authority was me, which is why I decided to create a will and put Evan as her guardian.
Even during conversations with my lawyer, I kept telling myself that Evan should adopt Maia; the girl saw him as her dad anyway. Still, considering the position we were in at the time, I didn't feel brave enough to bring it up to him. One thing was to take care of her, and another was to permanently and legally be tied to a little girl.
His face instantly lit up. "Are you serious?"
"Dead serious." I pressed my other hand on the other side of his face, cradling it. "These past two years, you have fulfilled that role without any ties whatsoever. I think it's time for Maia to become Buckley-Miller, don't you think?"
Evan opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. He looked around the area as if to see if anyone was watching us before he leaned down, pressing his lips against mine.
I reacted quickly, stretching onto my toes and wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Evan deepened the kiss. His hands slowly made their way down my back into my hips, pulling me closer to him.
"It's clear that you two have a death wish. Bobby is literally on the other side of the bathroom door, just saying." I heard Eddie say from somewhere around us.
I quickly pulled back, holding back a laugh as I watched Eddie walk past us, shaking his head before exiting the locker room.
Evan stared at me, his eyes beaming with joy. "Okay." He said, ignoring Eddie's comment. "Call your adoption lawyer, and let's do it."
- - - - -
"I know you guys are busy, which is why I'm going to keep this conversation short, but I also felt that it was better to have it in person rather than over the phone," explained Liam, as he kept looking at Evan and me from the seat across from ours.
I had no idea what Liam would say about the matter, but ever since he showed up at the station, my stomach has been in knots, and I knew Evan felt the same by the way he kept bouncing one of his legs against the floor.
"Whatever you are about to tell us, I appreciate you taking the time to have this conversation as adults. I know that the situation is not the easiest for any of us." I said, resting my hand on Evan's thigh, trying to stop him from his nervous movement discreetly.
"As much as I would love to get to know Maia and be part of her life, I understand that you are her dad, and I don't want to change that at all," Liam told Evan. I had only known the guy well for a couple of months, but something about how he spoke and looked told me he was being utterly honest with us. "But I do want you guys to know that if she ever wants a relationship with me when she grows older, I will welcome her with open arms because she is my blood, and part of me will always love her because, well, I was in love with her biological mother."
I could tell that telling us this was breaking his heart. I have no idea what I would do if I were in his shoes, but I was sure I wouldn't be handling it as well as he was. The concept of a child that was a product of my love with someone else being raised by a family that wasn't mine would destroy me, and I know for a fact that I would do the impossible to win that child back.
"Also, this information about the paternity test doesn't have to change anything between us. You guys don't have to feel obligated to share any information related to Maia, but I want to be clear with you guys: if she ever needs anything, and I mean anything, I will always be here for her and you two." he added.
Evan cleared his throat. His large hand resting on top of the one I had on his thigh, curling his fingers around it. "I was expecting this conversation to go differently than how it is going, but thank you for respecting Maia and us too." Buck said as I felt him somewhat relax next to me.
"Buck, Agatha, you have a visitor!" Eddie announced, interrupting our conversation.
I looked towards the stairs and watched as he appeared with Maia in his arms, my father and Cara trailing right behind them with bags of take-out.
Immediately I noticed Maia's bright red face and puffy eyes. The second Eddie put her down on the floor, she ran towards Evan and me.
"Baby, what happened? Why are you crying?" I asked worriedly, watching her crawl up Evan's lap while reaching for my hand.
"She has been crying and screaming nonstop since she woke up from her nap. Grant and I tried to calm her down, but she kept calling for you two." Cara explained, setting the brown paper bags with what smelled like Chinese food on the dinner table.
Even though I was worried about Maia, I caught the look my father gave me after noticing Liam sitting across from us. I looked back at him with a sigh, enough for him to understand what they had just interrupted.
"I should get going. You guys seem to have your hands full with-" Liam stood up, motioning towards Maia without really looking at her. "I'll talk to you later, Agatha." he added as he said his quiet goodbyes to Cara and my father. Dad immediately started to follow him down the stairs.
"Dad," I cautioned, not wanting my father to make a scene without knowing what happened between Liam, Evan, and me.
"Tranquila, no te preocupes." He replied before he went after Liam. How did he expect me not to worry about whatever he was about to tell his colleague?
"Maia, what happened?" Evan questioned, rubbing the back of the little girl with her face pressed against his chest.
"I missh you and momma," she sniffed, her voice muffled by Evan's shirt.
"We missed you too, bug, but you know mommy and daddy have to work. Why were you giving grandma and grandpa such a hard time?" I told her, rubbing soothing little circles in the back of her hand.
Maia pulled back to look at me. "I don want you to go, momma."
"Go where?"
Her dark eyes filled with tears and her little mouth wobbled. "Bye-bye."
Evan and I exchanged a look before reaching over to take Maia in my arms. "Who told you I was going away? Mommy is right here. I'm never going anywhere."
Ever since the night, Maia had that nightmare about a mysterious man; she has been extremely clingy to Evan and me to the point that we always have to let her fall asleep in bed with us before we take her to her bed whenever Evan sleeps over. Some nights it works, while other nights, it doesn't.
Then on the nights that it is just her and me, Maia insists on sleeping with me while clinging to my side as if, at any minute, I would disappear. I have tried asking her what she was so scared about multiple times, but she always refuses to answer my questions.
Part of me feared she was slowly comprehending when she found me unconscious on my bedroom floor after I tried to end everything.
Author's Note:
I can't believe how far this story has gone and it is all thanks to you guys. Thank you for supporting me since day one.
For those that don't follow me, I have been talking about how sad I feel to say goodbye to Agatha and Buck (don't worry, we still have some things to resolve in this book before it ends), but I would like to share that I've been working on another Buck x OC story. This time the story will be a cross over with S.W. A. T. Im so excited to share it with you guys!
Now, for my lovelies that love Buck and Agatha I had an idea and wanted to get your opinion... how does a book with cute little oneshots with them sound? (I might even consider getting requests from you guys). I just love them so much and don't want to say goodbye just yet.
Hope you like the chapter and I look forward to your feedback!