"May nangyari ba sa 'yo? Bakit ganiyan ang hitsura mo? Bakit nag-iba ang suot mo?"
Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko kay Luna pagbalik ko sa reception. Patapos na iyon at nagra-wrap up na lang ang host. Nakasuot lang ako ng floral dress na fit pa rin sa theme ng kasal, kaysa naman doon sa suot ko kanina.
"Nabasa ako ng ulan kaya nagpalit ako," sabi ko sa kaniya. Iyon naman ang nangyari. Nag-iwan lang ako ng ibang detalye.
Nakatulala lang ako hanggang sa dulo ng program, iniisip 'yong ginawa ko. Ano bang pumasok sa utak ko at hinayaan kong mangyari 'yon? Did I just forget what he did to me? Ni hindi pa nga niya sinasagot ang mga tanong na namumuo sa isipan ko. What happened between him and Miguel? Connected ba 'yon sa kung bakit siya nakipaghiwalay sa akin?
Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko, sising-sisi sa nangyari. I was trying to avoid him at all costs. For years, kahit magkakasama ang mga kaibigan namin ay sinusubukan kong huwag maging malapit sa kaniya.
Gusto ko pa rin ba siya?
Mahal... ko pa rin ba siya? Even after everything he did?
Iyon ang problema. Bakit minamahal ko pa rin siya kahit iniwan niya ako? Bakit minamahal ko pa rin siya kahit sinaktan niya ako? Kahit sinabi niyang ginamit niya ako?
Pero... bakit din kasi lapit siya nang lapit? I told myself that I will just let it be because he should be the one bothered by my existence... that I did nothing wrong. Wala naman talaga akong ginawang masama. I just loved him our whole relationship... pero bakit ramdam ko pa ring ako 'yong natalo sa aming dalawa?
I was getting so frustrated with what happened and with myself that I had the urge to cry. Pinigilan ko 'yon dahil celebration 'to ng kasal ni Elyse at Sevi. Hindi dapat ako umiiyak dito. Dapat magmukha akong masaya. Ayaw kong makasira ng mood ng iba.
Tapos na ang program pero nanatili pa ang ibang bisita para makipag-bonding sa isa't isa. Napatingin ako kay Shan na bumalik na sa reception, nagpalit na rin ng damit. Dumeretso siya sa table nina Helen at nakipagbiruan doon na parang walang nangyari.
Kumakanta na ulit si Via at Arkin sa harapan habang abala ang mga guests na nakikipaghalubilo sa isa't isa. Wala ako sa mood kaya nakaupo lang ako roon, mag-isa sa table. Umalis kasi sina Luna para puntahan ang mga partner nila at magpakilala sa ibang bisitang naroon.
Sinundan ko ng tingin si Shan at nakitang pinapakilala siya ni Elyse sa isang babae. They shook hands and smiled at each other. Naiwan na rin silang dalawang nag-uusap doon. Malayo ako kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang pinag-uusapan nilang dalawa, pero lumalapit pa sila sa isa't isa kapag hindi magkarinigan.
Napailing na lang ako at uminom ulit ng champagne. Magsasalin na ulit sana ako nang maupo si Theo sa tabi ko at siya na ang nagsalin sa baso ko.
"Okay ka pa?" pangungumusta niya sa akin.
Ngumiti ako nang tipid sa kaniya at umiling. "Napapaisip lang."
"Tungkol saan?" Lumagok din siya ng champagne.
"How could someone still be in love with someone who hurt them?"
Nakita kong natigilan siya saglit at mukhang naging malalim ang iniisip. He cleared his throat and looked away, nag-iisip pa rin.
"Hindi mo naman kailangang sagutin," bawi ko kaagad. "It was just a silly question."
"Pag-asa, Ke..."
Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. "Huh?"
"Umaasa silang mamahalin sila pabalik balang-araw, o kaya naman ay umaasang mare-redeem nila 'yong sarili nila, pwede ring umaasa silang magbabago 'yong tao, hihingi ng tawad, babalik sa dati. Sa pag-asa umiikot lahat. Umaasa tayo... kahit nasaktan tayo. Ganoon talaga, eh. Minsan talaga ang saya magpakabobo." Natawa siya at napailing.
"Or you just can't forget them because they made you feel something you've never felt before." Nagulat ako nang biglang umupo sa kabila ko si Sam. "And you become addicted to that feeling. You want to feel it over and over again, but let me tell you that it will never be the same. It could feel less, it could feel more, the second time around, or the third time, or the fourth time..."
"O baka hindi nasara nang maayos 'yong relasyon," sabi ulit ni Theo. "Kaya parang nararamdaman mong may something pa... May kailangan pang ayusin, may kailangan ka pang marinig, may hinihiling ka pang mangyari."
Apology and explanation. Those two things he never genuinely gave to me. You can't just apologize without any explanation about what you did in the first place. Humingi nga ng tawad pero kung marami pa ring tanong na hindi nasasagot, hindi ko talaga makukuha ang 'closure' na kailangan ko.
Hindi siguro 'yon dahil sa may nararamdaman pa ako para sa kaniya. Hindi naman ganoon palagi. Matagal ko nang kinalimutan 'yong feelings na 'yon at iniwan ko na 'yon sa nakaraan. I already left those feelings in my yesterdays. Hindi ko na 'yon dapat pang balikan.
"Uuwi muna ako. I'm not feeling so well." Tumayo ako at aalis na sana pero biglang dumating si Elyse sa table namin, nakangiti.
"Ke, I'm going to introduce you to someone! I'm a great matchmaker!" Ngumisi siya, proud sa ginawa niya.
"Hindi na," tanggi ko kaagad at ngumiti. "Hindi na ako naghahanap."
"Oh... Okay!" Binigyan niya ulit ako ng ngiti at binitawan ang braso ko. "Theo, ikaw na lang! 'Di ba we talked last time..."
Kinuha ko ang gamit ko at nagpaalam na. Kailangan ko pang magpaalam kina Yanna at Hiro na naroon sa table nina Shan kaya napalapit ako roon. Nagtama ang tingin namin ni Shan pero binalik niya kaagad 'yon sa babaeng kausap niya.
"You're going already?" tanong ni Hiro sa akin habang nakaakbay ang kamay sa sandalan ng upuan ni Yanna.
"Oo nga, maaga pa, ah?" nagtatakang tanong din ni Yanna.
"Gusto ko na magpahinga," sabi ko na lang. Tumango naman sila at bumeso sa akin. Nilagpasan ko lang ulit si Shan at tuloy-tuloy na lumabas papuntang parking.
Nakita ko si Helen na nakasandal sa kotseng katabi noong sa akin, nagte-text. Nang makita niya ako ay umayos siya ng tayo at sinundan ako ng tingin.
"Kierra," tawag niya sa akin bago ko pa buksan ang pinto ng sasakyan ko. Binigyan ko siya ng tipid na ngiti nang lingunin ko siya. "Can we talk for a bit?"
"Tungkol?" nagtatakang tanong ko.
"About what happened before. My friend group and I... we're very sorry for what happened. Nadamay ka pa sa paghahanap namin kay Yanna," panimula niya.
I felt a slight pain on my chest. "Matagal na 'yon," sabi ko na lang. Ericka already apologized for that.
"I know... but Shan did not agree to that. In fact, he hid you from us because he knew we will get the wrong idea about your relationship... and I'm sorry about that. I heard Ericka tried to explain to you when we got back to the Philippines but you didn't want to hear about this anymore but... I just want to say that he didn't use you. Shan just made that as an excuse for you to break up."
I bit my lower lip and looked away, trying to stop the tears from falling. I was still sensitive to the breakup.
"And about us... We absolutely had nothing going on when you were together despite the past-"
"Hindi mo naman kailangan magpaliwanag sa akin." He already said that he was not cheating. Whatever happened in the past... It was already between Shan and I. Hindi naman ako nagalit sa mga kaibigan niya. Hindi ko sila gustong idamay sa problema naming dalawa. It was Shan who should apologize and give an explanation.
"I just want to let you know. Just... don't tell Shan that I said all of these. He didn't want us to talk about it ever again." She gave me a small smile.
"Helen..." tawag ko nang paalis na sana siya. Huminto siya at lumingon sa akin. "Do you know why he broke up with me? The real reason?"
"Only him and Hiro know." Nagkibit-balikat siya. "I'm sorry. I can't help you with that. You should ask him... Maybe he's already ready to tell. It has been years after all..."
Pumasok na rin ako sa sasakyan ko at nag-drive pauwi. Matagal akong nakatitig sa kisame noong gabing 'yon. Hindi na naman ako nakatulog kaya kinabukasan ay pumunta ulit ako kay Dr. Peja para ilabas ang nararamdaman ko at ang mga tanong na nasa isipan ko. Kinwento ko rin ang nangyari para alam niya ang konteksto.
"Those questions inside your head... have you tried asking them?" tanong niya sa akin.
Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at umiwas ng tingin. Dahan-dahan akong napailing. "Because he doesn't answer them."
"Why do you think he won't answer them?"
"Kasi ganoon naman siya palagi. He didn't give me a good explanation, even after years. Kapag may tinatanong ako, iniiwasan niya. I'm tired of waiting for the 'right time' kasi paano naman ako? Paano 'yong peace of mind ko? Hindi ba niya kayang ibigay sa akin 'yon? Siya lang ba dapat ang may alam ng lahat? Kasama naman ako sa mga naaapektuhan, ah?"
"Have you tried telling him how you feel about all of this?"
Umiling ulit ako. "I just don't want him to think that I'm still affected."
"Why? What will you lose once you start telling him how you feel about it?"
I cleared my throat. I knew I will lose nothing but my pride.
"Isn't it already obvious na ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Hindi ba niya naisip 'yon pagkatapos ng ginawa niya?" reklamo ko ulit. "Bakit palaging... ako ang gumagawa ng paraan para mag-usap kami? It feels so unfair to me. Hindi niya iniisip ang nararamdaman ko."
"You do not have to do it, Kierra... but these questions will continue to bother you unless you find answers for them..."
I wanted to cry in frustration because I knew she was right. It was still Shan's fault for not giving me peace of mind even after years... but if he wouldn't do anything about it, I should do something just for the sake of ending it. I wanted to stop these thoughts, these questions. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang hinihintay niya para sagutin ang mga tanong ko. I needed closure. I needed to end our relationship.
Hindi ba talaga niya alam na ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Kahit konsiderasyon man lang para sa akin... Kahit kailan ba ay hindi niya ako inisip? Hindi niya inisip na baka hindi pa talaga ako maka-move on sa nangyari dahil hindi naman niya ako hinahayaan? Hindi niya ako binigyan ng mga sagot sa tanong ko. Puro kasinungalingan lang ang binigay niya sa akin.
Noong pauwi ako ay malalim ko iyong pinag-isipan. Matagal din akong tumayo sa tapat ng pinto ng unit niya, nag-iisip kung kakatok ba o hindi... pero noong tinaas ko ang kamao ko para kumatok ay bigla na lang bumukas ang pinto at nagulat kaming dalawa.
Umayos kaagad ako ng tayo at taas-noo siyang hinarap. "Mag-usap tayo."
His face tensed up a bit but he couldn't reject what I said. "When and where?"
"Ten o'clock. Rooftop." Pagkatapos ko 'yon sabihin ay tinalikuran ko na siya at pumasok sa unit ko.
Hinabol ko ang hininga ko nang napasandal ako sa pintuan. Kinaya kong sabihin 'yon sa kaniya! Hindi siya tumanggi!
Parang nanginginig ang kalamnan ko habang nagluluto ako ng dinner. Muntik ko pa ngang masunog ang niluluto ko. Paulit-ulit akong tumitingin sa orasan, hinihintay ang pagsapit ng alas-diyes. Naghugas na ako ng pinagkainan ko at nanood na rin ako ng isang movie para lang magpalipas ng oras.
Noong malapit nang mag-ten ay nagbihis na ako ng oversized sweater at shorts. Hinayaan ko na lang na nakabagsak ang buhok ko at nagbaon na lang ng hair tie sa palapulsuhan ko. Huminga ako nang malalim bago ako lumabas. Nag-elevator ako papunta sa pinakamataas na floor at ginamit ko ang fire exit para makarating sa rooftop.
Walang ibang tao roon. Ginawa nang bodega ang rooftop at may mga lumang upuan, tables, at cabinet na roon sa gilid. Nakita kong nakatayo na si Shan sa may dulo, nakapamulsa at nagpapahangin.
Naglakad ako palapit at sinandal ang mga braso ko sa railings. Tumingin din ako sa harapan habang hinahangin ang buhok ko patalikod. Nanatili siyang nakatayo sa tabi ko, hindi nagsasalita.
"Ang dami kong tanong sa 'yo," sambit ko, hindi pa rin nakatingin sa kaniya.
"I expected it..." mahinang sabi niya. "I'm ready to answer them."
Humampas na naman ang hangin sa direksyon namin. I remembered how we said the wind made us calm, so being in windy places was our way to escape.
"Kung alam mo palang maraming tanong na bumabagabag sa akin hanggang ngayon, bakit hindi mo man lang sinubukang sagutin ang mga 'yon? Bakit hindi mo man lang ako nilapitan o kinausap kapag may pagkakataon ka? Hindi mo ba naisip kung ano ang nararamdaman ko? All those years, you just left me without an answer. Bakit hanggang ngayon, ako pa rin 'yong lumalapit at nagmamakaawa sa 'yong mag-usap tayo?"
Naalala ko noon... Naalala ko kung paano ko siya hinabol-habol, naghintay pa 'ko sa coffee shop, sa tapat ng school niya, sa condo niya, para lang mag-usap kami pero hindi niya man lang nagawang harapin ako nang maayos. He never fought for our relationship. Ako lang ang lumaban.
"I couldn't go near you at that time..." Napayuko siya.
"Why? Because you were scared that you'd keep on trying to fix me? Did I burden you?" Natawa ako nang sarkastiko, naalala ang sinabi niya. "Nabigatan ka na ba sa 'kin? Nabigatan ka nang dalhin ang mga problema ko kaya mo 'ko iniwan?"
"No, it's not like that-"
"Kung hindi, ano ang dahilan?!" Tumaas ang boses ko. My tears started forming at the corner of my eyes but I tried to fight it. "Minahal mo ba ako? Noong panahong nakikipaghiwalay ka sa akin, nasaan 'yong pagmamahal mo roon?"
"I loved you so much. God, I really did... but the only way to save our relationship was to break it, and I'm so sorry for making that choice by myself." His voice broke, a sign that he was also tearing up.
"Tangina, minahal kasi kita, eh, alam mo 'yon..." Tumulo na ang mga luha ko. "Naramdaman mo naman siguro 'yon. I was ready. At that time... despite everything that happened in my past, I was ready to love you. I risked it for you. How could you still... How could you still throw my love away like it was nothing? Everyday... I asked myself a lot of things and formed different answers in my head because you never gave me concrete ones."
"I didn't throw your love away, Ke... I just had to stay away so you wouldn't get hurt."
"Was I not hurt with what you did? Kung ganoon, ano ang tawag mo sa naramdaman ko? Hindi ba 'yon sakit? Hindi ba ako nasaktan noong iniwan mo ako?" Sinubukan kong punasan ang luha ko at humarap ulit sa kaniya ngunit tuloy-tuloy lang iyon sa pagtulo. "I tried to fix our relationship as much as I could... The relationship that you tried to end with one fucking text message. A text message, Shan!"
"I couldn't show my face to you, Kierra. At that time, my mind was all over the place. I was not stable. I was scared that I'd do something I'll regret once I face you... I was trying to save you from myself-"
"I do not need saving, Shan!" I yelled.
Nakatitig lang siya sa akin, puno ng sakit ang mga mata. He bit his lower lip and looked away as he tried to stop the tears from falling.
"Which part of that do you not understand?" Mas lalong lumakas ang iyak ko. Hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos sa sunod-sunod kong hikbi. "I don't need you to protect me, fix me, or even save me..."
"But at that time, I didn't know what to do..." He looked like he was going to cry in a second.
"'Yong galit na namuo sa puso ko... Iyon na lang 'yong pinanghawakan ko para lang makalimutan ko 'yong sakit... pero hindi siya nawawala. Kahit anong gawin ko, masakit pa rin. It has come to the point where I just made excuses for you because I didn't know what was right anymore. Pinilit kong hindi bumiyak noong iniwan mo 'ko... para lang mapatunayan ko sa 'yong hindi ako mahina... pero naipon lang lahat dito..." Tinuro ko ang dibdib ko. "Saka ko lang napagtantong hindi kahinaan ang umiyak... ang magalit... ang masaktan. Lahat ng nararamdaman ko noon, ganoon pa rin ngayon. Nababawasan, nadadagdagan... dahil nandiyan ka na ulit! Nagpapakita ka na naman!"
"I'm sorry..." He looked away and tried to wipe his tears away. Sunod-sunod nang tumulo ang luha niya.
"Bumabalik ka na naman. Kahit ayaw ko, patuloy akong nalalapit sa 'yo. Bakit kasi kinausap mo ako? Bakit pinaparamdam mo sa 'king mahal mo pa ako? Na mahalaga ako sa 'yo, ha?!"
"Because I love you! I still do!" He raised his voice.
Natigilan ako at napatitig sa kaniya. Unti-unting naging blurry ang paningin ko gawa ng mga luhang nagbadya muli sa mga mata ko.
"Kung mahal mo 'ko, bakit mo ako pinapahirapan nang ganito?" Bumiyak ang boses ko. Mas bumigat ang paghinga ko at ang hikbi ko.
"Should I just give it all up, Kierra?" he also asked, crying.
"And leave me again with unanswered questions? What is it really that you're hiding?!"
"I... I can't..." His eyes were filled with pain and fear for what he wanted to say but couldn't. I wiped my tears again and tried to force them out of him.
"What is it that you can't say? We've already come all the way here. You were ready to answer my questions. What happened with Miguel?" It hurt me to just say his name. I knew something happened. Hindi maalis 'yon sa isipan ko kahit sinabi niyang wala akong kinalaman doon. I knew there was something.
"Not that, please..." he begged.
"What is it, Ciandrei?!" I yelled.
"I almost killed him, Kierra!"
He looked so lost. He closed his eyes as his head fell backward, tears falling down his cheeks. He tried to breathe... more... and more... and more. He was panicking.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." He held onto the railings and looked down, apologizing over and over again.
"What?" Napakunot ang noo ko.
"Miguel. I almost killed him... like how I did to my father..." Sunod-sunod tumulo ang luha niya at tumingin sa akin. "You don't know how it feels like to spend years trying to prove to yourself that you are not like your dad, that you are not violent, that you can't hurt people... that you have control over yourself. I spent years... just living to prove that I was different... but that night... That night I couldn't say that I was different anymore." He cried more. He looked so devastated.
"What... did you do?" nanghihinang tanong ko, naaalala 'yong gabing umuwi siyang duguan ang mga kamay. Iyon ba 'yon?
"When you told me everything, I tried to confront him about it... but since he confirmed that I knew something, he wanted to keep my mouth shut. Miguel and his friends targeted me a lot. After school, they would get physical just for the fun of it. I couldn't fight back, Ke... because I didn't want to become a violent person... and he said he will go to you instead... God, I couldn't risk that..."
He tried to wipe his tears but it was no use. He just kept on crying. Tumulo rin ang luha ko nang maalala kung paano siya uuwing may sugat o kaya naman marumi ang suot. He would tell different excuses.
"Kaya kong tiisin lahat 'yon... but I lost it that night... All I had was rage. I couldn't help myself. I fought back... and the fight didn't end up well. I was scared... that I had already become like my father... and I couldn't do that to you, Ke. I can't risk being with you in the state I was in..." Narinig ko ang hikbi niya habang nakayuko.
I couldn't talk. I was just listening to his cries, feeling the pain in my chest. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit makita siyang umiyak sa harapan ko.
"I can't go near you, I can't touch you, I can't be around you because I was scared of how unstable I was... and I thought that it would be best for you to just permanently stay away from me but it hurt... Fuck, it really did hurt a thousand fucking times more..." He held onto his chest and cried more. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for all the things I've said... all the things I've done... I didn't know what else to do."
"Why didn't you tell me?" But if I knew... what would I have done?
"And what? Scare you? That the man you love was slowly trying to become the man you hate? I would rather live my life with you hating me than you fearing me... I don't want you to be scared of me. I don't want you to look at me like how I would look at my dad. A monster."
"I wouldn't-"
"You can't say that, Kierra. We don't know what you would have felt, but at that time, I could never risk it. Not with you... I could never do that to you."
"You kept that hidden for years..." Pinunasan ko ulit ang luha ko para mas maging malinaw ang paningin ko.
Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko pagkatapos kong malaman lahat, pagkatapos niyang bigyan ako ng kasagutan sa mga tanong na nanatili sa akin nang ilang taon. That still did not fix everything.
I was still hurt... I was still hurting. Upon knowing, it just hurt more. Hindi ko alam kung hihilingin ko bang sana hindi ko na lang nalaman o manatili sa isang sulok na nag-iisip ng kung ano-anong kasagutan.
Napaupo ako sa sahig at sinandal ang likod ko sa may pader habang umiiyak. Umupo naman siya sa tabi ko at nabalot kami ng katahimikan habang hinahabol ko ang hininga ko. Hindi ako matigil sa kakaiyak.
"You know what broke me?" Nanginginig ang boses niya. "After what I did... Miguel told me... that I was just like him all along." He scoffed and tried to wipe his tears. "So it scared me more."
"What happened to him after the incident?" I asked. "Miguel..."
Natahimik siya saglit bago pinikit ang mga mata at tumingala. "He lived... He got hospitalized, and then he dropped out of law school... because he was scared to be near me again."
Natahimik ulit kami habang nakatingin sa malayo. Pinunasan ko ulit ang mga luha ko habang pinapakalma ang sarili ko.
"I heard... that you sent him to jail..." nagsalita akong muli. Tumingin ako sa kaniya habang siya ay nakatingin sa malayo.
"Yes... and the consequences still live on now... It's never over." His lips formed a painful smile.
"Were you mad at him for making your life miserable?"
"My life?" He laughed a bit. "No... I was mad at him for what he did to you, and to others. He will continue being like that if he has the freedom to do so. It will just become a cycle for every person he will come across... and I hate cycles. During the trial, I thought... It's now or never."
"But it doesn't stop there, right?"
"No... I need to take the roots out. I need to get the older Villaflor out of power, and then get the others too. I'm working on it on my own, that's why it's very dangerous and I do not want to involve myself with anyone else."
He looked at me and our eyes met. It was painful to look at him... and I believed he felt the same.
"I'm not trying to get back with you, Kierra," he cleared it out.
Umiwas ako ng tingin at napakagat sa ibabang labi ko para pigilan ang mga luha ko. I wanted to say that it was the same for me just to keep my pride but I just couldn't lie to my heart like that.
"I can't put you in danger... I can never do that to you. I can see that you're living your life better than before. I can't just come into your life and ruin everything again."
"It's kind of unfair, right? That I should be the one making an effort to heal from the traumas people left me with. Ako na ang nasaktan, ako pa dapat ang gagawa ng paraan. Hinarap ko, kinaya ko. It's sad to think that you still see me as someone who is easily ruined... and will crumble down in one snap."
"It's not like that. I just value your life more than mine."
"Shan, the problem with you is that you want to play the nice guy all the time. The more you play that kind of character, the more you lose yourself in the process. You value others more than yourself, so when a conflict comes, ikaw ang nagdedesisyon kung ano sa tingin mo ang makabubuti sa iba. Ikaw palagi. Hindi mo naman sila tinatanong kung ano ba ang gusto nila para sa sarili nila. Hindi mo ako tinatanong sa gusto ko."
Natahimik siya at dahan-dahang tumango. "Isn't that what love is?" He looked at me again.
Umiling ako. "We all have different definitions of love. Ask me if that's what a relationship is... because it's not. A relationship requires us to work together, hindi 'yong ikaw ang magdedesisyon para sa ating dalawa."
"It was hard, Kierra..."
Napabuntong-hininga ako at tumingala sa langit. "Alam ko."
"I want to tell you everything from the start but it's already late." Tumingin siya sa relo niya.
It was the watch... that I gave him.
"Why is it late? We have all the time in the world tonight." Tinanggal ko ang relo ko sa palapulsuhan at tinago sa bulsa ko. "Tell me... everything."
He watched me do that before doing the same. Tinanggal din niya ang relo niya at nilagay sa bulsa. He gave me a small smile and leaned his back against the wall.
"We do have all the time in the world tonight... Just for tonight..." he whispered.
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:)