“Are you feeling any better?” Midoriya asked.
“Only a little. Still mostly feel like shit. Feeling better’s a lot harder than it’s supposed to be.”
“Yeah, it can be,” Midoriya said, giving him a gentle smile.
“This happens to you too, right?”
“You mean depressive episodes?” Bakugo nodded. “Yeah, they do. I had them more when I was a bit younger than I do now though.”
“What would you do? How’d you get through it?”
“I had different things I’d try to do. I’ve been going through the list with you already, actually: Getting you in clean clothes, taking a shower, trying to get some food in you.”
“I’m fucking tired of feeling like this. Can we,” Bakugo paused, “Do more stuff from that list?”
Midoriya nodded. “How ‘bout cleaning your room up a bit? I’m here to help so it shouldn’t be so bad.”
Bakugo nodded and pulled himself up from the bed, awkwardly standing as if he was waiting for Midoriya to tell him what to do (because he was). Noticing, Midoriya said, “How about you pick up some of the dirty laundry, and I’ll work on the dirty dishes?”
After half an hour of cleaning, Bakugo’s room was still nowhere near what would be considered a properly-clean room, but it had made much progress. There were no longer clothes scattered across the floor, nor were there dishes on every possible surface. The clean clothes hadn’t been folded, but at least they had been put in drawers, and the other items laying across the floor hadn’t been put in proper spots exactly, but at least they were in the closet where they weren’t visible, weighing down the whole room.
Just as they were finishing up cleaning the room, Bakugo looked over to see Midoriya about to pick up a book off the floor. One specific book Bakugo kept there for a reason. “Wait! Don’t-” Bakugo said. It was half a second too late, and Midoriya had already picked up the book. “Please don’t be mad at me,” Bakugo pleaded.
“I’m not mad,” Midoriya said, picking up the blade off the floor from where it had been hidden underneath the book. Bakugo could feel his heartbeat speeding up, and his whole body was going tingly. With the giant lump in his stomach, it felt as if he was going to puke. “I’m not going to take it, unless you say you’re okay with that,” Midoriya said, shocking Bakugo. “Are you okay with that?” Bakugo shook his head, scared to even open his mouth with how nauseous he had gotten. “Okay,” Midoriya said, “I still need you to tell me, are there any others in here?” Bakugo nodded.
“Underneath my lamp, and behind that poster,” Bakugo said, pointing to the wall, and trying to ignore how much his hand was shaking. “And one in the middle drawer of my desk, underneath the pens, and the last one’s in the back of my notebook for school. In my backpack.” Midoriya nodded, not showing any positive or negative reaction to Bakugo’s words.
“I’m not going to take these,” Midoriya said. “But, I’m going to clean all of them, and we’re gonna find somewhere more sanitary to put them. Is that okay?”
Bakugo nodded again, following Midoriya to the bathroom where he washed the blades and wiped them down with rubbing alcohol. When they returned to the room, Bakugo suggested they put them in his bedside table, but Midoriya refused.
“We should find somewhere farther away from your bed. As a safety measure.”
Eventually they settled on putting them in a plastic bag and set it in the window sill behind the curtain. It wasn’t like Bakugo was worried about his parents taking them, so the placement didn’t particularly matter. The only reason they had been hidden so all-over-the-place in the first place was because he’d been worried about Kirishima or Midoriya taking them. Typically, seeing his blades didn’t trigger him unless it was one he hadn’t seen in a long time or one he had come across accidentally which he was thankful for, and even if he hadn’t been using them, knowing that the blades weren’t there usually made him panic or relapse. It was the main reason he hadn’t gotten rid of them, even after starting recovery with Kirishima and Midoriya’s help.
Immediately after the blades were out of sight, Bakugo was practically tackled by Midoriya throwing his arms around Bakugo’s neck and tightly hugging him. “I’m proud of you. You know that, right?” Midoriya said, with a quick peck placed on Bakugo’s cheek. Bakugo just shrugged, a slight hint of blush covering his face and the tips of his ears.
“Do you think you have enough energy to go outside?” Midoriya asked, but Bakugo shook his head. “You want to do something here then? Or do you think you just need more rest?”
“Rest,” Bakugo mumbled. “But don’t leave. Please,” he quickly added, a tone of desperation in his voice.
“I won’t leave you. I promise. Here, sit,” Midoriya said, pulling out the chair to Bakugo’s desk. “Just wait a minute for me, okay?” Bakugo agreed.
Midoriya left the room, doing who-knows-what, and returned five or so minutes later, holding a laundry basket, with a nicely-folded pile of bedsheets and pillowcases. Bakugo tried getting up to help his boyfriend, but Midoriya just shook his head, saying that Bakugo didn’t need to unless he really wanted to. Midoriya stripped down the bed to its mattress, turning away when he noticed the old (he hoped) bloodstains soaking through it. He pulled the fitted sheet tight over the mattress, and then a top sheet over it. Again, Midoriya left the room, this time leaving, taking the basket now full of dirty sheets and blankets with him. Five minutes passed and Bakugo began to wonder when Midoriya was coming back, another five minutes, and Bakugo was starting to get worried. Just as he was considering getting up and searching for his boyfriend, Midoriya returned, a pile of blankets in his arms and yet another mug of tea in his hand.
“Get over here,” Midoriya said, sitting on the bed, patting the spot next to him. “Your tea, good sir,” Midoriya said in a joking tone, passing the mug to Bakugo once he was seated. Bakugo took the tea in his hands, silently thanking Midoriya with a nod. Then, there was a blanket thrown over his shoulder, and it was nothing but soft and warm. The blanket was wrapped around his left side, and Midoriya’s right, with their sides pressed flush against each other. Bakugo could now tell why Midoriya had been gone in the first place - with how warm the blanket was, there was no way that Midoriya hadn’t put them in the dryer to warm them up.
“This is kinda nice,” Bakugo said, letting his head fall to the side, laying on Midoriya’s shoulder. Before he even knew it, he was half asleep and the mug of tea was removed from his actively faltering grasp, and then he was fully gone. For the rest of the morning, Midoriya sat, Bakugo napping leaned onto him. It was almost as if he was scared to move - scared to wake Bakugo. He was so utterly exhausted - this episode seemed to be one where he wanted to sleep, and could barely get himself out of bed, yet he could not seem to fall asleep. Midoriya would be shocked if Bakugo had gotten more than three consecutive hours of sleep over the past week. He knew that Bakugo needed any sleep he could get, and by no means was Midoriya going to interrupt that.
}{
When Bakugo came-to, everything was foggy. He tried opening his eyes, but he still couldn’t see more than a few blobs, and the light was so bright that he found it more comforting to not see at all. He didn’t know where he was, he just knew he was warm, and he felt safe. Safer and cozier than he had in a while now. Right, he was having a bad week before now.
Why had he felt bad in the first place? He couldn’t quite remember. As he stretched his mind, trying to reach the distant thought, it all came rushing back to him, and it felt as if he was being crushed by the weight of reality.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, trying to stifle his tears.
“What are you sorry for, honey?” That was Midoriya’s voice. Midoriya was here. Midoriya didn’t hate him. Midoriya was there, sitting with him, and had an arm wrapped protectively around him.
“I was an asshole. I am an asshole.”
“What do you mean Kats?”
“Do you not remember all the shit I said to you in middle school?”
Midoriya froze. Of course he remembered the things Bakugo said to him in middle school. How could he forget? But that’s now what was important. What’s important is that he doesn’t say things like that anymore.
“God, what if you actually followed through with half the things I told you?” Bakugo’s voice was panicked as all the possible situations ran through his head. He couldn’t even imagine what he would do now if he lost Midoriya. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Please, just tell me what I can do to make it up to you. Tell me what I need to do for you to forgive me.”
“Kacchan… I forgave you for that stuff a long long time ago. We’ve all been little shits as kids at some point or another. Stuff you said… wasn’t okay, but I know you would never say it now, and that’s what matters to me.”
“But did you believe those things I told you? Do you still?”
Midoriya was silent for a moment. Part of him wanted to keep it a secret, to never speak of it again, but the part of him that valued honesty, and being open with those he was close to was still stronger. “Only sometimes now. Less than I did in middle school.”
“Did you ever… Do anything? That I said you should’ve?” Bakugo’s voice was heavy with fear as his own words echoed through his head.
If you believe they’re holding your quirk over in the next world…
He didn’t mean it. He never meant it. There were many things he regretted and wished to take back from his lifetime, but none as much as those words he spoke.
You should just dive off the rooftop.
“Do you want to know the truth?” Midoriya asked. Bakugo was scared, but nodded nonetheless. He had to know. “I thought about it. I nearly did it, once. But I never actually followed through.”
Bakugo pulled himself up, wrapping his arms tight around Midoriya, feeling his presence. He was still here, and he was okay. “I’m so sorry,” Bakugo said, clutching tighter to his boyfriend.
“You’re not the same as you were back then. I forgave you a long time ago.”
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
“So you think you haven’t changed? Unless you’re saying you would still say those things again, I think you’re fully deserving.”
“I would sooner kill myself than saying that again,” Bakugo snapped.
“Don’t say things like that, honey,” Midoriya whispered. He set a hand on Bakugo;s cheek, tilting his face within reach, and placed a gentle kiss on Bakugo’s forehead.
}{
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