"Do you hear yourself, Marquenzo?"
The first thing that happened after his words rang in my ear was the pounding in my chest. It's so fast it hurts. Why did my heart need to beat this fast for him?
"Yes, and I meant the words I said," Marco said, taking a step forward.
I blocked the distance between us using my right hand. Dinungaw niya ako. Sa paningin ko, hindi ko kakayanin malapit sa kaniya. Takot akong dumoble ang tibok ng puso ko kapag magdikit kami.
"I like you," he repeated his words, very serious.
Lips parted, I stared at him for a moment. Hindi nga kami napalapit sa isa't isa, hindi nga nagdikit ang mga dibdib namin, nagawa pa rin niyang palakasin ang tibok ng puso ko sa paraan ng salita.
"Can we go to a coffee shop?" I suddenly requested, which made him chuckle.
"Sure, love." He took my hand and intertwined our fingers as we find his car in the parking lot.
The only sound inside his Jeep was the soft music played on his speakers. Nakatingin lang ako sa labas ng bintana at pinapanuod ang mga ilaw, pati na rin ang kotseng nakakasabay namin.
When we arrived, I just ordered a strawberry tea instead of coffee because I can feel my heart palpitating. I wasn't sure if it was because of the alcohol or because the words Marco said was really wrapped around my head.
"Binilhan na rin kita ng brownie." Nilapag ni Maki ang tray sa lamesa.
"Thanks," I replied and got my cup.
Naupo siya sa tabi ko imbis na sa harapan. Umusog ako palapit sa bintana. I heard him chuckle for a second before he started mixing his coffee with the straw, watching me avoid him.
Looking down on my tea, I squinted my eyes to search for some substances floating around, if there were any. Dini-distract ko lang ang sarili ko dahil iniisip ko pa kung paano ko ipagpapatuloy iyong usapan kanina. All the words not only left my mouth but also my mind. It felt blank.
He... likes me? He said that twice. Totoo kaya iyon o nadala lang siya?
"Gusto mo ako? So tayo na?" Iyon ang natanong ko pero hindi ko naman pinagsisihan. Hindi rin ako nahiya. He already knew my feelings for him.
Marco sipped on his straw for a moment before letting out a short laugh, leaning his hand on the table. "Agad, Ica?"
I shrugged, acting as if my heart wasn't having a party inside for acting so damn brave in front of him. Pinanuod ko ang paglaro ng usok galing sa cup na hawak ko pakalat sa ere.
"I like you, not that you didn't know that yet. But I like you, you like me. Is it just going to stop there?" tanong ko sa kaniya. Because I don't want it to stop there.
"Of course it's not going to stop just there. I want more. I want a relationship with you." Ngumiti siya.
Tumawa ako nang mahina. "So... tayo na nga?" tanong ko ulit at nilapag ang tasa sa lamesa dahil naiinitan na ang mga palad ko.
"Pwede bang manligaw?" He tucked some strands of my hair behind my ear.
My brows furrowed. "Bakit pa? Doon din naman punta natin. Sasagutin din naman kita sa huli."
"Hindi ako nagmamadali," sabi niya sa akin.
"I'm not traditional naman. I really don't mind not being courted." I bit my lower lip, getting a little embarrassed because I think I sound like I was in a rush to be in a relationship with him!
He nodded. "Kung ano ang gusto mo, iyon ang susundan natin. Kahit ano naman iyan, araw-araw pa rin naman kita liligawan," he told me, making me feel happier.
"Okay." Tumango-tango ako at kingat ang dila ko para hindi mapangiti.
Kinain ko ang brownie nang may nakitang mga pamilyar na mukhang pumasok sa coffee shop. It was Sasy and Kai. Dire-diretso lang sila sa counter, nag-order, at umupo sa dulo. Mukhang hindi sila nakita ni Maki dahil nakatuon sa mukha ko ang mga mata niya.
"But first before we become... official..." I raised my index finger in front of Maki, wanting to assure something.
A line appeared between his brows. "What is it?"
"I want to know if you're over Sasy completely. I like you so much, I want you to be my boyfriend, but I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is still busy loving someone else," I told him in a small voice.
"I don't love her anymore," he said calmly.
"Okay." That was already enough for me.
"I wouldn't expose my feelings for you if I wasn't over her. I think it would've been selfish of me to make you hope when I am still falling for someone else... You don't deserve a half-hearted love. Deserve mong sumaya, Ica. Deserve mong unahin."
My lips parted a fraction from his sudden words. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and drew my eyes away from him, stifling a smile again.
"Kaibigan na lang talaga ang tinigin ko sa kaniya. Wala na 'kong leftover feelings para sa kaniya. Nawala na iyon, hindi na babalik. Wala na. Tapos na. Sa 'yong sa 'yo na ako," seryosong sabi niya.
All I did was blink there while watching the people walking outside through the glass, processing his words.
"Zy," he called.
"Hmm?" I still didn't spare him my gaze. When he grabbed my chin and made me face him, I was left with no choice but to meet his gaze.
"I only have my eyes on you now. All you." He brushed his finger on my nose, smiling.
Napadiin ang kagat ko sa labi ko hanggang sa hindi ko na nakayanan at pinabayaan ko nang sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ko. It felt nice to hear such assurance from him.
I nodded briefly. "Okay."
"Okay," panggagaya niya, inaasar ako.
Hinampas ko kaagad siya habang tumatawa. "Demanding akong girlfriend, ah," imporma ko sa kaniya.
Inismiran niya ako. "Kahit naman hindi ka girlfriend, demanding ka pa rin," he fired. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin kaya natawa siya. "Pero okay lang. Mag-demand ka pa ng kahit ano diyan."
"How about you?"
"Not really. Alam ko namang busy tayo pareho pero update mo pa rin ako sa ginagawa mo. Babasahin ko naman lahat at gagawan ko ng paraan makasagot kaagad. Gagawa ako ng time," he assured me.
"Walang matutulog nang nag-aaway." I took a bite on my brownie.
"Paano kapag gusto ko muna magpalamig?" Nakapangalumbaba siya habang binubuksan ang ilang buttones ng damit niya, nakataas ang isang kilay.
Inubos ko muna ang nginunguya ko bago nagsalita. "Sabihin mo lang sa akin para hindi ako mag-alala kung saan ka napadpad. Kahit tuldok lang ang i-reply mo basta alam kong buhay ka pa," I negotiated, laughing.
"Game sa tuldok!" Humalakhak siya sabay hila ng bangko palapit sa kaniya. "Lapit ka naman."
"Clingy ka." He nodded, not looking regretful. "Pero funny naman nito. Ba't ba natin pinag-uusapan ang mga bagay? Isn't it supposed to happen naturally or something?"
He chuckled. "You tell me. I've never have a serious relationship, Ica. Sa 'yo lang."
Inirapan ko siya dahil masyado na niya akong pinapa-kilig! Hindi naman ako madaling maapektuhan sa words pero bakit biglang ganito na ako? Simpleng salita, wala. Hulog. I was a sucker of assurance since then. Kaya ang sarap sa pakiramdam na ina-assure niya akong seryoso siya sa 'kin.
"And no lies, no secrets," I said.
"No lies, no secrets," he repeated.
The next day, I woke up earlier than Marco, but late than my alarm! Sobrang pagod ko at hindi ko na iyon narinig! I had class around 8 and Marco had his rounds at 7.
He was facing the opposite direction and hugging the pillow, asleep. Kahit siya hindi nagising nang maaga! I crawled on top of him and rested all my weight on his back, facing the ceiling.
"Gising na! Alas sais na! Male-late ka na! Ang bagal mo pa naman mag-prepare!" Tumawa ako nang umungol siya at sinubukang gumalaw.
"Alis. Bigat mo. Hindi ako makahinga," he mumbled and started breathing heavily.
"Arte mo!" I laughed again. Bumangon ako at kinuha ang khaki shirt niya sa sahig at sinuot iyon. Tinabunan noon ang black panty na tangging suot ko buong gabi.
"Halika nga rito." Marco looked at me with sleepy eyes.
"Maligo ka na. Magluluto muna ako ng breakfast natin," sabi ko habang tinatali ang buhok ko into a bun. "Hey! I'm going to cook pa!" I shouted when he pulled me to bed.
"Mamaya na." He went on top of me and pulled my panty down with his fingers, kissing my neck. He was wearing nothing at all. "Ba't ka ba nagsuot ng damit kaagad?" reklamo niya at tinanggal din ang shirt ko.
I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck and legs around his waist. "Male-late na tayo! Kakain pa. You need to prepare first. Baka ma-traffic ka," pagpapakipot ko.
"Mabilis lang, babe," he whispered, entering me.
Buti nga at tumupad siya kaya nang natapos, dumiretso ako sa kusina habang siya naman sa banyo para maligo. I got the pancake mix and prepared it in a bowl, mixing water with it. The batter was just the right thickness. Nag-panic ako kaagad dahil nasunog ko iyong unang pancake na niluluto ko!
"Hala!" I bit my finger while staring at the burnt edges of the pancake on the plate. Huminga ako nang malalim. "It's okay. Isa lang naman," pampalubag-loob ko sa sarili at hininaan ang apoy sa stove.
Napasampal ako sa noo ko nang nasunog na naman ang pangalawa! Why the hell was this happening today? Gusto ko lang naman ipagluto ng breafast si Maki! Iniwan ko na lang ang pancake dulot ng disappointment at iyong bacon na lang ang inuna dahil mas mabilis iyon.
"Ready na ako. May kalahating oras pa ako. Ano nang gagawin ko ngayon? Tutunganga?" Marco came in the kitchen, laughing. Nakabihis na siya ng white uniform niya, nakaayos ang buhok, at nakasuot na ng specs and I.D niya. He always looked so neat in that outfit!
"Don't eat that!" mabilis na sabi ko nang kinuha niya ang sunog na pancake sa plato at kinagat iyon.
He raised a brow. "Bakit?"
"Sunog," sabi ko, nahihiya.
Tumawa siya at kumagat ulit sa pancake bago iyon nilapag sa plato. "Ano naman? Masarap pa rin naman, ah?" he said, hugging me from behind.
"Baka magkasakit ka pa sa lasa ng sunog," walang katotohanang sabi ko at isa-isa na nilipat ang mga bacon sa plato.
"Maniwala! Good for the heart daw iyan sabi ni Mama," pagbibiro niya.
Natawa ako at hinampas ang kamay niya nang naramdamang gumapang iyon sa legs ko papunta sa ilalim ng shirt ko. "Tumigil ka nga at kumain na! Kapag tayo talaga ma-late!"
"Ang aga pa talaga, babe. Alas siyete pa naman rounds ko. Ang lapit lang naman ng hospital." He started planting kisses on my shoulder blades.
"Bahala ka nga. Kung ma-late ka, huwag mo akong sisihin," sabi ko at pinabayaan na lang siya. At least ako, may isang oras pa para maghanda.
"Let's just do another quickie," malanding sabi niya.
Napakurap-kurap ako at tumango. "Fast lang? Oh. Okay..."
Nakitaan ko ng gulat at mangha ang mukha niya bago siya natawa nang malakas. "Nagbibiro lang ako, Zychela!"
"Ako hindi." Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, hindi pinapahalatang tinabunan ng kahihiyan sa pagpayag ko kaagad. What the! Ang adik ko naman!
Ngumisi siya at dinampian ako ng halik sa labi. "Mamaya ka pag-uwi," bulong niya kaya tumawa ako. "Hindi ako nagbibiro, ah."
Tinawanan ko lang siya at sinubukan na ulit lutuin iyong pancake. "Kaya ko ito!" I cheered myself. Hindi ko inaalis ang mga mata ko sa pan, binabantay ang pancake para hindi masunog ulit.
"Baligtad mo na," Marco instructed, opening the sachet of instant coffee and putting it on his cup. Hindi na siya gumawa ng kape sa coffee maker dahil matatagalan.
Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. "Wala pa iyan. Halos kakalagay ko pa nga lang," I disagreed, still staring at the pancake.
Binaba niya ang kutsara at inagaw ang spatula sa kamay ko. Mabilis niyang binaligtad ang pancake. Napasinghap ako nang nakita may kaunting sunog na iyon! Hinampas ko siya nang tinawanan niya ako, nakaturo pa sa mukha ko.
"Hindi ka kasi nakikinig sa akin," pang-aasar niya bago hinawakan ang mga balikat ko at tinalikod ako. "Ligo na. Ako na magluluto."
"Mauna ka nang kumain and you can leave immediately after." I kissed his cheek before running to my room. "Take care, babe!"
Muntikan na akong ma-late dahil noong malapit na ako sa school, na-realize kong naiwan ko ang codal ko. Hindi pa ako nag-drive at nag-Grab lang kaya kinailangn ko pang mag-book ulit!
Halos madabog ko ang pinto ng classroom sa pagmamadaling buksan iyon, takot maabutan ni prof dahil nakasalubong ko siya sa hallway!
"Where have you been? Akala ko hindi ka darating," nagtatakang sabi ni Paige, nagbabasa sa codal niya.
"Naiwan codal ko! Gosh!" Nilapag ko ang mga gamit ko sa lamesa at naupo nang pabagsak sa upuan, hiihingal. Pinaypayan ko ang sarili ng abaniko na hawak. "Ang init naman!"
"Init din yata ng ginawa mo," Sab whispered with a laugh before throwing her panyo at me.
"What?" bumulong din ako. Pasekreto niyang tinuro ang leeg ko. Humagikgik ako at tinabunan iyon ng kamay ko. Right! I have a mark!
"Guys, wala raw si Prof!" masayang balita ni Maisie, president namin. Nagsigawan ang lahat at tumigil saglit sa pagbabasa ng codal.
"Huh? Nakasalubong ko kaya si Prof Jimenez sa hallway!" pagbibida ko.
Natawa si Maisie. "Sabado ngayon, Ica! Wala tayong Crim Rev! Nako, lasing ka pa ba? Lesson learned, huwag na tayo iinom ng school days!"
Nalaglag ang panga ko dahil hindi tanggap iyon! Nagmamadali pa ako sa pagkuha ng codal ko tapos wala pala kami noon?!
"Pero? Come on. Drop the bad news," bored na sabi ni Dustin.
"Pero may madaming activities." At binagsak ni Maisie ang masamang balita. Napaungol ang lahat. "Don't worry! Monday due ang activities! Yehey!" Pumalakpak siya at nagsimulang mag-inform sa gagawin.
Paige was listing it down for us. Nag-ayos ako ng gamit, nakikinig kay Maisie. My handkerchief fell on the ground. May sumabay sa akin sa pagkuha ko noon. It was Billy. His eyes dropped on my chest. He can clearly see through it since my neckline was deep and I was bending.
"Salamat." I forcefully got the handkerchief out of his hand and sat properly.
Napaisip ako bigla roon sa inaakusa sa akin ni Maki kagabi about the drug thing. My first bottle, pinahawak ko kay Billy dahil nag-CR ako. The second one, he bought it for me. I didn't have a single shot of any other drink than that. Kaya ba siya natagalan kasi may nilagay siya sa bote ko? But Billy was kind! He would never do that!
"Oy, Marquez! Angas, ah? May boyfriend ka pala!" Um-epal bigla si Fred, hawak ang likod ng upuan ko.
My mouth was about to proudly say 'Yes' because I didn't know why I had to deny, but then I remembered I was an actress! I almost forgot about my fame since I was on a break era once again and only accept light work, like endorsements and commercials.
"Ano na naman iyang trip mo? Wala akong boyfriend," kalmado na tanggi ko. An ugly feeling spread inside my chest. It didn't seat right with me to deny Marco!
Humalakhak si Fred at pinalo ang lamesa. "Tanggi ka pa, Marquez! Nakita ko kayo sa labas ng club kagabi!" pangbubuking niya.
Everyone who was listening started to whisper. Hindi ako nagpasindak sa mga bulungan nila at nanatili lang ang kalamadong ekspresyon.
"Sige. Sabi mo, eh!" Tumawa ako nang malakas. Kung magiging defensive ako, mas mahahalata. Besides, my blockmates knew me as someone who doesn't take conversation seriously most of the time. May napapala rin pala akong mabuti minsan!
"Sabi mo wala kang boyfriend? Tapos ngayon mayroon? Sinungaling 'to!"
Inismiran ko si Fred at tinuro ng ballpen ko. "Kapag tumanggi ako, tatahol ka. Kapag umamin naman, tumatahol ka pa rin. Never ending ba iyan, Fredericko?" sarkastikong sabi ko.
Zion laughed loudly when I called Fred by his name, but faked a cough when Dustin elbowed him. These two guys are probably the only one whom I trust inside this room.
"Ang pakialamero mo talaga, Frederick! Papansin pa. Feel ko kinulang ka sa buwan," pag-atake naman ni Sab kaya pinalo siya ni Paige sa binti.
Nakitaan ko ng galit ang mukha ni Fred. Napamura ako nang sinipa niya ang bangko at lumapit kay Sab. "Ano iyon?! Ulitin mo nga! Hindi naman ikaw ang kinakausap pero sumisingit ka! Ako papansin? Ano pa kayang tawag sa iyong babae ka, ah?!" He quickly held Sab's wrist, making her squeal in shock.
"Apektado kasi totoo?" Hindi tumigil si Sab at pilit kinakalas ang mahigpit na hawak ni Fred sa kaniya.
"Dude, let her go." Dustin stood up and pushed Fred's chest.
"Inuutusan mo ako?!" sigaw ni Fred at nakita kong aamba siya ng suntok.
Nanlamig ako dahil nasa pagitan nila si Sab kaya agad akong humarang nang hindi nag-iisip, takot para sa kabigan. I felt the blow on the back of my head, making me groan as I felt the excruciating pain.
"Ica!" Sab and Paige quickly pulled me up when my knees weaken and I fell on the ground.
"What the fuck!" Zion immediately punched Fred on the jaw, who was shocked because he wasn't expecting that I would step in.
Hinilot ko ang ulo kong sobrang sakit. Nahihilo na ako pero mukhang kaya kong indahin ang sakit.
"Okay ka lang? Ba't ka naman kasi nagpaka-superhero?!" natatarantang sabi ni Sab sa 'kin.
"Zion! Hoy, tumigil ka! Zion!" Paige was panicking, too, pulling me aside because Fred and Zion were actually punching each other hardly in the middle of the room! Bakit biglang may suntukan?! Tumili ang ibang mga babae dahil ang lakas ni Fred sumuntok!
Sab cursed so loud as she fell on the floor when she got pushed aside. "Hayop ka talaga, Frederick!"
"Sab!" sigaw na naman ni Paige at pinunutahan siya para tulungang tumayo. Dustin and the other guys were trying to stop the fight.
Napadpad kami sa Principal's Office. Mura ako nang mura pagkalabas dahil nagka-two days suspension kami ni Sab! Mas malala kay Zion and Dustin dahil four days dahil may mga dugo sa mukha nila. Fred got a week suspension dahil nilaglag siya ng mga blockmates namin, even his friends. No one really cared about him! Si Paige lang ang ligtas sa amin!
"Nice! Fourth year pa. Tangina," malutong na mura ni Zion habang nakatitig sa maliit na slip niya.
Hinampas ni Sab ang dingding. "Kinulang talaga sa buwan iyong hayop na iyon! Pwede ko ba siyang sampalin?!" She was furious.
I sighed exaggeratedly and sat on the bench, messing my hair with my hand. "Wala naman tayong ginawa, ah? Nasuntok pa nga ang ulo ko tapos suspended ako? Paano na lang kung may surprise recitation? Quiz?!" That was my priority.
One day was already too much to miss in law school, two days pa kaya? I can't fail! Not now na graduating na ako! Tangina. Hindi na ako papatol sa pambwibwisit ni Fred sa susunod!
"Manalangin na lang tayo kay St. Ignatius na walang pakulo ang mga prof for the next days." Sabrina looked up, praying.
"Tama iyan!" Pinagdikit ko ang mga palad ko, umaaktong nagdadasal din. Siniko ko si Dustin na bored sa tabi ko. "Pst, dasal ka rin."
He scoffed. "Whatever, Ica. Hindi aandar prayers mo kay St. Ignatius. Hindi ka raw welcome sa langit-" Natatawang tumakbo siya nang inambahan ko siya ng suntok.
Pumunta na lang kami sa coffee shop dahil isa lang naman ang class namin today. Dito na naman kami magsusunog ng kilay. Nilapag ko muna ang bag at codal sa lamesa namin bago nag-order. Nag-cellphone ako after, magpapawala muna ng stress bago mag-aaral.
To: Bub
Tapos na class ko for today! Dito kami ng friends ko sa coffee shop. I'm finishing millions of activities
I snapped a picture of my scattered things on the table. Hindi siya nag-reply dahil busy pa iyon sa rounds. Buong araw, nakatuon lang ang mga mata namin sa kaniya-kaniyang gawain. Past 7:30 PM, I received a message.
From: Bub
Kakatapos ko lang. Diyan ka parin? Nagdala ka ng sasakyan? Sunduin kita.
I sent him my location, then gathered my things and put it inside my tote bag. I had lots of activities left. It was impossible to finish it tonight with my clouded mind.
Some people recognized me on the way out so I had to smile at them and put the face I always show whenever I greet unfamiliar people. The last thing I want right now are issues about my attitude. Sobrang down na ng nararamdaman ko dahil sa suspension ko. Ayaw ko nang dagdagan pa.
Tinext ko si Maki na sa convenience store na lang niya akong sunduin dahil pinapanuod ng tao ang direksiyon na tinatahak ko. Pumasok muna ako para hindi halata na tinatakasan ko ang maiinit na mga mata ng taong nakapaligid sa 'kin.
My relationship with Marco will affect my loveteam. Kung ako lang, wala akong pakialam. But Aspen has worked hard for whatever he has now. I wasn't that selfish to not considerate his side.
But what's most important to me is Marco. Kapag nakita kami na magkasama, paniguradong sisiraan siya. I didn't want to put him in a state that is uncomfortable.
"Hi, Miss. Pwedeng pa-picture?"
My hand came to a halt as I reached for an ice cream from the freezer, looking to my right just to see a smirking Marco. Hindi na niya suot ang puting polo niya at nakasuot na ng black shirt na may print sa gitna.
"Bawal," pabirong sagot ko at pinagpatuloy ang pagpili ng ice cream. I was contemplating if I should get Hershey's or Magnum. "What's yours?"
"Nanlilibre ka pala ng ice cream sa fans mo? Ang bait mo naman pala sa personal! Kaya kita lodi, eh!" He was still in character.
I made a face. "What the hell? Ang jejemon mo," I fired, rolling my eyes.
"Veronica!" Pagkarinig palang ni Marco ng sigaw ng isang babae, mabilis pa sa alas kwatro ang paglayo niya sa akin at nagpakunwaring tumitingin ng chips sa kabilang aisle.
I entertained the people first and waited for them to leave me alone before focusing my eyes on Marco, who was letting his fingers carelessly pass by the top of the freezer.
"Para mo naman akong sekreto nito. Ganito ba kapag non-showbiz boyfriend?" He pouted his lips a little, not looking at me.
Lumunok ako at kinuha na ang dalawang ice cream sa freezer, hindi na pumipili ng flavor. Marco's eyes darted left and right before he slid something in the pocket of my slacks, leaning a little near my ear.
"Wait in the car," he whispered, getting what I was holding and walking away to pay.
Wala nang tao sa labas kaya malaya akong nakapunta sa kotse ni Marco. Instead of sitting in the passenger seat, I opened the driver's seat and started his engine. Mukhang alam ni Maki na roon pumasok dahil hindi na siya nagtangka at dumiretso sa kabila.
"I'm sorry. Ang dami kasing tao kaya hindi kita makausap nang normal tsaka hindi rin pwede roon sa coffee shop dahil double ang crowd. I just don't want to put you in a bad spot. You know how the media could get," pagpapaliwanag ko kaagad.
My manager doesn't even know about my relationship. Most of all, I wasn't allowed to date and this time, I knew Gia wouldn't support me, lalo na dahil hindi naman taga-showbiz si Maki.
Being famous has downfalls. I really despise this life.
Tumawa si Marco. His reaction shocked me a little, my grip on the steering wheel loosening.
"It's okay, baby. I understand," he said sweetly.
As if a brick has been removed on my chest because it suddenly felt like I can breathe properly. "Thank you."
"I was just joking earlier," he told me. "Hindi ba magandang joke iyon? Sorry." Mukha siyang kinabahan.
Tumawa ako at nagsimula nang mag-drive paalis doon. "Okay lang naman! I just wanted to explain-" Natigilan ako sa pagsasalita nang may tumunog sa kotse niya.
"Seatbelt, bubby," he said.
I immediately put my seatbelt on, driving with one hand. "May rounds ka bukas?"
"Wala. Sunday. Mag-aaral ako, bakit?"
"Elyu sana tayo ngayon. Gusto ko magpahangin sa beach." I folded my lips together and moistened them.
"Tara!" pagpayag niya kaagad. "Hinto mo muna. Palit tayo. Ako magda-drive."
Kumakain ako ng ice cream habang nagdedesisyon kami kung saang drive thru kami bibili ng pagkain. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay nang nilapag niya ang isang kamay niya sa itaas ng hita ko.
"Pagod na siya. Gusto magpahinga." He smirked.
Natatawang inirapan ko siya. "Wala ka pang sampong minuto nagmamaneho."
"Madali siyang mapagod, eh," pagpapalusot pa niya.
"It's not as if you haven't been using your hands all the time, Marquenzo," I said sarcastically, licking on ice cream slowly.
He snickered, playing with his lower lip. "Dugyot, Zychela. Dugyot."
"Hindi ka man lang tumanggi!" Hinila ko ang iilang hibla ng buhok niya kaya nadala siya papunta sa direksyon ko, humahalakhak.
Mabilis ang patakbo ni Marco kaya nakarating kaagad kaming Elyu. Nagpalit muna siya ng shorts na baon niya kasi ang out of place raw niya. Paano naman ako na naka business attire pa? Hinubad ko na lang ang coat ko, leaving me in my red blouse.
The silence of the beach echoed in my ear, but it was gradually being drowned out by the music created by the waves as I walked barefoot in the black sands. Marco trailed me, reaching for my hand and pulling me back to slow down.
When I looked at Marco, his eyes narrowed as if he sensed something was going on inside my head. He came to a halt and held my cheek.
"Kanina pa malungkot iyang mga mata mo pagkakita pa lang natin. Ayaw ko sanang tanungin dahil baka ayaw mong pag-usapan pero nag-aalala ako," mahinang sabi niya. Napansin pala niya.
"Nothing big. I got suspended for two days." I shrugged, trying to act like it wasn't a big deal for me to me.
His eyes immediately got filled with concern. "Bakit? Ano'ng nangyari? Okay ka lang?"
"Let's just say that my blockmate, Fredericko, was being annoying and everybody hates him so lahat pinatulan siya. Nagkasuntukan at iyon, humarang ako at nasuntok sa likod ng ulo ko," kwento ko sabay hawak sa likod ng ulo ko, inaalala ang sakit noon kanina.
"Nasuntok ka?" His brows snapped upwards, looking mad. Hinimas niya ang ulo ko. "Teka, sinong Fredericko iyan?"
"Reyes."
His eyes turned a shade darker and he squeezed my hand. "Kilala ko iyan. Taga-Ahora. Blockmate mo pala? Manyak iyon. Tangina, magla-lawyer pala iyon?" judgmental na tanong niya at hinila na akong maglakad ulit palayo.
"Obviously!" Tumawa ako at nilipat ang kapit ng kamay ko sa braso niya. Sinandal ko ang pisngi ko roon habang dinadama ang hangin sa kada hakbang na ginagawa namin.
It felt nice to be in the dark, without the lights and cameras, where no one can see me, see us. Mas mapaya ang ganito. Iyong kaming dalawa lang dahil walang nanunuod.
I know it's literally just the beginning of our relationship, but this was different with our friendship before. Kasi nabibiyak ang puso ko kapag tatanggi kapag may nagtatanong. Maaring okay lang kay Marco pero para sa 'kin hindi. Kasi kung ako ang ide-deny, masasaktan talaga ako.
"Kapag malungkot ako, beach kadalasan ang tinatakbuhan ko kasi lumaki ako sa isla kaya nasanay ako na ganoon. If not beach, it's the tophill place I showed you. Beach pa rin naman ang view noon, so it's basically the same thing." Marco laughed shortly.
"It's nice siguro to grow up near the beach." Ngumiti ako nang maliit, iniisip ang pakiramdam noon.
He nodded with a smile. "Sobra. Lalo na kapag kasama mo ang mga kaibigan mong maiingay. Kahit na sinira ni Papa ang masayang childhood ko, naging okay pa rin ako sa huli dahil sa kanila."
My lips shut tightly and let go of him to tie my hair, staring blankly ahead as we walked. That's something I cannot relate to. When I was young, I didn't have both happy childhood and friends.
"Ako naman, hindi masaya ang childhood," I admitted. "Wala akong kaibigan, kahit mga half-siblings ko, ayaw sa 'kin. Only Alonzo was fine with me. Iyong iba, kulang na lang sumuka kapag nakikita ako na para bang nandidiri sila sa 'kin..." Mapait akong tumawa.
"Ilan kapatid mo?"
"Four from my mom's side."
Tumango siya. "Sa dad?"
"Wala, kasi walang siyang ibang family. Maybe that's why he put all the pressure on me to continue his career, to give more click on his last name because he doesn't have anyone else to put his attention. Palaging ako lang ang nakikita, ang mga mali ko..."
Marco hanged his head in his hands, looking like he was in deep thoughts. "Ang weird, 'no? We disappoint someone without even doing anything," he quietly said.
"It's not our fault, right?" Tahimik akong tumigil at naupo sa buhanginan, pagod nang maglakad. "It's their fault for expecting more than what our capabilities can afford... Right?"
"Maybe?" He was unsure.
"Maybe," I agreed.
Hindi siya naupo at nasa harapan ko lang kaya tinitingala ko siya. Sinasayaw ng hangin ang buhok niya kaya pinipigilan niya iyon sa pamamagitan ng pagsuklay palikod kada segundo.
"But just because someone makes you feel like you're a disappoint, doesn't mean it's real." Marco squatted in front of me, letting his hair blow in the breeze. It was partially covering his eyes. It irritated me, so I got a bobby pin from my hair and twirled some of his hair before putting the clip on it.
"There," I said, tapping his forehead with a smile plastered on my lips. He looked so pogi because his face was seen clearer now. His dark features were outstanding better.
"You're not a disappointment, bub, not to me," he whispered. "Life is all about you. You don't need to live it in the vision of other people for you. You wouldn't happy if you don't live the life you want for yourself... Ano ba ang gusto mong buhay?"
"A free life." That was my only answer.
"Kaya mo naman iyan makamit pero may mga bagay na dapat mong pakawalan kahit gaano mo kamahal."
"But I don't know how to let go of one," I said defeatedly, my shoulders falling.
Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko nang sobrang rahan. "And there's no rush. Take your time. Letting go of something you have all your life is hard. Pero pipiliin mo ba ang bagay na nagpapahirap sa iyong huminga kada araw?"
"Hindi." Umiling kaagad ako dahil alam ko ang nais niyang iparating sa 'kin. "Why are we suddenly talking about this?" Nagpakawala ako ng malakas na tawa para mawala ang mabigat na ere.
"Dahil nasasaktan akong makita kang nahihirapan at nabibigatan," sambit niya.
Kinagat ko ang ibang labi ko, pinipigilan ang ngiti. Gusto ko sana magsabi ng pang-aasar o ano pero ang wholesome ng moment kaya pinili kong idama iyon.
Cupping my face in his two hands, Marco gave me a comforting smile no one have ever shown me before. "I hope you know that I'm proud of you. As your friend, and as your lover."
I slapped him playfully in the chest, unable to stop myself. A single second has passed where I felt something else while staring deep into his eyes. I had to blink and remove his hands on my cheeks, my heart growing warm.
Yup, I'm starting to think I'm falling for words. I guess, it was never the words said that can affect you, but the person who said it.
I shook my head in disapproval. "Thank you for being proud of me pero para sa akin, kulang pa ang pinapakita ko. Madami pa akong kailangan baguhin sa sarili ko, madami pa akong matututunan."
"If only you see yourself from my perspective, maybe you'll realize how beautiful you already are." He brushed my hair, smiling.