Time: To deal with our grief
Place: Avengers compound
The morning light was oddly bright, casting the flying birds into dark shadows against a sky of palest blue. Their wings beat, hugging the air as they drifted together in the morning sky.
For a few moments they had Ajs eye, keeping her spun in some sort of daydream.
The 9 year olds small frame was curled up in the corner of her bay window. Aj forced her focus away from outside and looked to the clock on the bed side table once more,the time read 6:03am,the little girl sighed it had been way over an hour since she had shot awake from her nightmare with tears streaming down her face after that the girl just couldn't get back to sleep.
It was now her third day at the compound, she was still getting used to the new environment. Yesterday Natasha and Steve had taken the girls to the mall, where they spoiled the girls with clothes and decor for their bedrooms- Aj was grateful of course but the idea of people spending money on her made her feel guilty,she's pretty sure that's how Wanda felt too.
Aj also spent most of yesterday afternoon playing in the garden with Steve. The pair played soccer for hours,dripping in sweat and rolling in mud but the smile never left the girls face. It was the first time she had ever had fun and enjoyed herself somewhere but again it made her feel guilty. It made her feel guilty because Pietro only got hydra he didn't have a Nat and Steve like her and Wanda do, they were too late.They couldn't save him like they had saved the girls and for that Aj was sorry.
Upon arriving at the compound, Aj had been so caught up with all the overwhelming emotions of being somewhere new that it had all distracted her from the biggest difference now In her life and that was going everyday without Pietro. Like Wanda, the teenage boy had become a constant in Ajs life, he had become her brother. And for some reason she was slow to process him being gone. Even now, 4 days later, every time she sees Wanda she looks for Pietro too,only to be hit by the harsh reality he's not here and he's not coming here. Just like Thomas,P was gone. She was brother-less once more.
It was finally starting to hit Wanda as well likewise the distractions of the compound had gotten in the way, allowing her to push any thought of Pietro further back into her mind.But it was starting to catch up to her, Aj knew Wanda had been in denial,she didn't want to believe her twin was gone but there was no denying it anymore.
Yesterday afternoon Wanda went quiet and she hadn't said a lot since then, she hadn't really come out of her room since then. Aj tried to check on her to see how she was doing but the teenager had yelled for her to get out her room before she even got the chance too.
————
Natasha had been up since just after 5 this morning,she did her usual workout and then got ready for her day,this was her routine every morning and it was how she liked it.
Natasha was currently scrolling through her phone as she sipped her coffee,she heard padded footsteps coming from the stairs,they were way to quiet to be Steve's that was for sure so she knew it was one of the girls.
Nat placed her coffee mug on the counter and made her way to the lounge where she was met by Aj, the small girl was sporting pink pajama's with small flowers on them that they had bought at the mall the day before.
"Aj why are you up so early?"
"Can't sleep"
Aj mumbled as she looked up her gaze meeting Nat,exhaustion evident in her eyes. Natasha's heart broke for the girl,she kept forgetting how young of a child Aj was.
"Oh Milaya come here"
Natasha held out her arms for the girl,Nat had made sure to make a habit to occasionally include Russian words when speaking to Wanda or Aj in hopes that the familiar language will make them feel more comfortable.
Without hesitation the little girl found her self walking over to Nat. Aj hugged Natasha. The women was taken a back at this but nonetheless hugged the girl back.
Aj longed for physical touch,probably because she hadn't experienced a life outside of Hydra at least not that she could remember.
Aj's tired head rested on Nats hip,Nat stroked the girls hair brushing lose strands out of the girls face.
"My mind just won't sleep"Aj sighed as she looked up at Natasha,who hummed in agreement.
"Unfortunately that happens sometimes. Anything In particular playing on your mind"
Aj shrugged refusing to meet Nats eyes,not certain she wanted to share what was bothering her so much. Natasha might think she was being dramatic or stupid or a baby.
Aj didn't want that.
"You know you can tell me anything right? You and Wanda are part of our family now"
Aj looked up to meet Natasha's soft gaze.
Family? That was something she hadn't experienced properly. That was something new to her.
"I miss Pietro"
her small voice cracked.
"Oh Milaya"
Once again,Natasha felt her heart break. She had been waiting for one of the girls to come to her about this, she would have never anticipated it would have been Aj.
"I miss him so much. I want to be happy here but every time i do it makes me feel bad because he deserved this too. And I think Wanda's mad at me,I just wanted to see her but she yelled at me. And I can't sleep I just want to sleep" Aj wept as she rambled about all the things bothering her.
Natasha could understand why the girl felt like that. Aj felt guilty about moving on from hydra because Pietro never got the chance. But unfortunately that's something that can't be helped. Natasha was sure Wanda felt this way too,Wanda was grieving they both were but even though she's still a kid,Wanda's mature enough that she grieves similarly to an adult, like most she's going through the stages of Grief as of now she was angry. Yesterday she had become extremely closed off and distanced herself from everyone. Natasha was waiting for Wanda to come and speak to her but now Nat knew she'd have to be the one to start the conversation.
Aj however was letting it all out and surprisingly it made her feel better.
After a couple minutes, AJ's crying subsided.
The pair were left hugging in silence other then the occasional sniffle from the girl.
Natasha broke the silence.
"You don't have to feel guilty. Pietro was your big brother and he loved you very much.He wouldn't want you to live your life feeling bad for him.I only knew him for a short period of time but even I know he would want you to live for him. Who knows,you might see him again one day. And I think he'd be a little disappointed if you didn't have any fun,happy stories to tell him"
Aj nodded. Natasha was right, Pietro would be upset if she didn't have awesome things to tell him. There was no might, Aj was going to see him again even if it was years and years from now. She was going to make sure of it.
———-
6:25 am
The teenager groaned frustratedly as she tossed and turned in her bed. As much as she hated to admit it,she wasn't getting back to sleep and there was no bother even trying.
The first night she arrived, Wanda had slept like a baby. But now she had a hard time falling asleep,Wanda had counted and overall had probably slept about 3 and a bit hours during the night.
She had a lot on her mind.
And it was making her mad. She was so mad at everyone and everything and it had taken her a while to admit why to herself,it was because the girl was only human and she couldn't avoid feelings like she had initially planned too.
After the battle she had this new found hope when the avengers ( Steve and Natasha) had told her she and Aj would be staying with them.
But yesterday that hope was suddenly gone,it had been replaced with this new found hatred for the world.
Deep down Wanda knew what was driving her insane. It had everything to do with the most important person to her taking a sudden absence from her life.
She was grieving her brother. Initially she was quite surprised about how she handled it when he had first passed. She hadn't cried,she hadn't really thought about it except for the night they got here and she comforted Aj about it.
Only now the teenager had realized it was because she hadn't fully comprehend the fact he was gone yet- but now she had and the pain she felt was abnormal.
Half of her was dead.
She had nothing left.
———
"Why is their candy in this cereal?"
Aj asked curiously.Picking a marshmallow from her bowl of lucky charms.
Natasha laughed.
"Because everyone loves sugar. Even the old men,Steve and his friend Bucky eat Lucky charms all the time and they're 96."
"96? Isn't that super old?
Steve doesn't look that old"
"He was frozen in ice for 70 years so he's 26 but if he hadn't been frozen he'd be 96"
"Are you talking about me?"
Steve walked into the kitchen,his wet hair indicating he was not long out the shower.
"You like Lucky charms?"
Steve asked Aj as he pulled out a chair and sat Beside the girl at the kitchen counter.
Aj shrugged, "not really. They're really sweet"
she admitted and Steve nodded understanding what she meant.
Steve loved lucky charms but too many of them made him feel sick, if Steve had a bowl of Cheerios or frosties for breakfast after his first bowl ,he'd go up and get another and then potentially have a 3rd bowl after that but one bowl of lucky charms was enough.
"I suppose you want a bowl?"
Nat asked already grabbing the box of cereal from the side and a bowl.
"Yes please" Steve said,
"Wanda not awake yet?"
"I don't think so"
——————-
It reached noon and Wanda still hadn't come out of her room. Natasha was growing worried for the 14 year old.
"Wanda. Sweetheart can I come in?"
Natasha asked the girl as she knocks on the door.
Wanda's POV:
Here I am,sat at the end of my bed, watching television, though it is seemingly pointless, as I have no idea what's actually unfolding. I'm wrapped up in my thoughts, incapable of finding peace, even via the use of this entertainment. I despise this practice, because the second I allow myself to immerse in my musings, my mind transitions from order and reason to one of chaos and irrationality. It has been three days since we arrived here, and I have resisted the the urge to think too hard. But now it was all creeping up...
My Brothers dead.
My home country was destroyed.
I found out that I was the one on the wrong side all along.
I fought with the avengers and
I now live with them.
It's a lot to take in which is why I tried to ignore it.But I can't.
Grief;Anger;Confusion;Loneliness all at the same time.
The Grief:My brother was by my side through everything and now he's gone..how do you carry on when such a big part of you has been taken away?
The Anger: I don't know... angry at the world for putting me in this situation.Angry at my parents and my brother for dying(even though I know it's not their fault and if they could help it they'd be here today).Furious at hydra for cursing me with these harmful powers,for lying to me and manipulating me,convincing me everything they stood for was to better the world and help people.
The confusion: I guess the new living arrangement and the uncertainty of how long this is going to last. Steve and Natasha have been nothing but welcoming and I know they're trustworthy because I've been in there heads(something I'm not proud off) but they're also superheroes and I know Aj and I aren't exactly normal kids but eventually Steve and Nat are going to get bored of "playing parents" and then what happens to us?
The loneliness:I've got Aj yes.But she's only 9 I don't think she understands everything like I do.I don't know I guess what I'm trying to say is When I had Pietro everything seemed so much easier because he understood me.Now I've got nobody to listen to me,Nobody that gets me.
"Wanda?"
I hear a voice next to me,snapping me away from my thoughts.
Natasha's POV:
I knock again but she doesn't answer.
"Wanda I'm coming in"
I announce opening the door.
Wandas sitting at the end of her bed,pulling her knees up to her chest, as if searching for some form of comfort. Although her gaze is focused on the television, it looks as though her concentration remains elsewhere
"Hey Wanda?"
I try again but still don't get her attention.Worrying slightly I sit beside her-even that didn't break her thought process.
"Wanda?"
I say a-bit more assertively,making the teenager jump slightly.
She lets out a relived sigh when she realizes it's me,
"hey Nat".
"Hey kid you alright?"
I ask concerned.
"Yeah I'm fine" the girl mumbles back,her eyes glancing around the room avoiding eye contact. I can tell something's bothering her.
I let out a small chuckle,"Maximoff you know I'm a spy right?"
"Wait really?" She sasses back sarcasticly a small smile on her lips.
I roll my eyes playfully, but I'm glad she still has a sense of humor.
"Come on Wands you know you can tell me if something's bothering you?"
Wanda shrugs.I don't want to force her to speak to me because that's not fair but I also need her to know that I'm here for her and to help her. I'm also aware that she's a teenager and sometimes teenagers need a little bit off a push to open up about their problems.
The teenager shrinks into her seat,her eyes focused on the floor.
I let out a loud gasp which immediately gets her attention,she looks at me furrowing her brows confused.
I smirk, "I know what the problem is. It's Steve isn't it? It's his smell. He can't help it wanda some old people are just unhygienic"
This gets a laugh out the girl which brings me sense of relief. She shakes her head at me as she giggles.
"You might be a spy Natasha but I'm telepathic,which is why I know you think Steve smells really good" she teases.
I scoff.
"This isn't about me Wanda besides that's bullshit" I say blankly trying to stop myself laughing.
Wanda let's out an unconvinced hum.
"But seriously Detka what's got you thinking so hard?"
I ask to see if I can get her to open up to me
Wanda huffs in surrender.
"Everything's catching up with me. You know a-lots happened"
Her voice is shaky as she fidgets anxiously with her hands,I give her an understanding nod as I take her hands in mine.
"I think I'm overwhelmed.
I mean I feel so much right now"
I comfortingly rub my thumb over her knuckle.
"One second I'm sad
the next I'm just mad"
She says frustratedly- clearly annoyed with the overwhelming emotions.I gather it must be a lot for her not only did a lot happen she's also a teenager,hormones make your emotions crazy which probably isn't helpful.
"And the worst thing is I'm not even as mad or upset about Pietro dying as I am at myself for everything.I was an idiot I trusted Hydra,I hurt you and the avengers,I let them convince me that you guys were in the wrong but really it was them. It was me"
Wanda's eyes had become glossy,tears threatening to fall.
"Oh Wands" I sigh as I pull her into a hug.
"Im gonna tell you a story alright"
Wanda's POV:
"Im gonna tell you
a story alright"
Natasha tells me pulling away from our hug,I nod in agreement as I wipe away the few tears that had fallen with the sleeve of my hoodie.
"Do you remember what you saw when you got in my head that time?" She asks.
I nod sheepishly,like I said before I wasn't proud of what I did to the avengers,Nats fear was this place I don't know what it was but she was being trained to kill. The facilities were a little similar to Hydra.
"Well that place was the red room.That's where I grew up I was there from an infant up until I was 18. It was similar to hydra a place where they manipulate vulnerable children into thinking that their ideals are right and everybody else is wrong,they taught me to be a heartless killer,raised me to think that love was for Children and that it was me against everyone else.They separated me from my little sister. Made me do their dirty work I didn't have a way out at least I didn't think I did until Clint"
I find myself somewhat surprised that she has decided to divulge this information to me, as from what I had come to understand of Natasha during our time together, she is typically quite reserved and unwilling to disclose details about her past. I think Clint's the only one who knows the more delicate aspects of her history, not even Steve knew much.
"Clint saved me,he was sent to kill me but instead he helped me.We took down the red rooms leaders together. He freed me and then bought me to shield. That's when I got this job,this family. I was you once Wanda it gets better"
I feel a need to hug Natasha again.
After everything she just told me,I could tell that was hard for her to talk about. And I know how she feels.
"Nat can I hug you?" I ask.
She doesn't answer instead pulls me into a hug.No matter how hard I try to fight I can't seem to battle of the tears that are falling but from the dampness on my shoulder it seems neither can Natasha.
"I've got you Wanda,you and Aj. I'm here,so is Steve. And we're not going anywhere it's all gonna get better just be patient Detka" She tells me.
Maybe I was wrong. I'm not lonely at all somebody here understands me and that's enough to get through it.
——————-
AN/ thank you guys for all the support and love so far I appreciate it 🫶🫶