Chapter Twenty: Serious
slight bridgerton reference <3 - aly
Hindi ko maalala kung ano nga ba ang concept ng panliligaw?
I mean I get it. You basically do everything for that person. You're chasing them and it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as they finally fall for you.
And then... you ask them the question and if they say yes then hooray.
But if it's a no? Whew, good luck na lang.
Pero minsan 'di na kailangang itanong yung tanong tapos sila na. Minsan nga wala nang ligaw ligawan eh, yun lang naman ang narinig ko.
Tulad nung kay Geneva. I heard that Dominic never courted her but they got together and got married right after. Pero parang si Geneva naman ang nanligaw kay Dominic nang ilang taon, 'di ba?
Magugulat ako kapag tinanggihan ulet ni Dominic si Geneva pero of course ang ganda ganda ni Geneva tsaka matalino pa, sure ba talaga si Dominic na tatanggihan niya pa yung babaeng matagal niya ng mahal.
Also, it was painfully obvious to see him drown in anger and madness when she announced that she was engaged to Silas. Akala ni Dominic hindi halata, na professional, but it was painfully obvious and it took me a while to realize na nagseselos pala si Dominic nung araw na yun.
'Di man naligawan si Geneva, rinig ko na naligawan yung kambal--Karine and Cerine. Niligawan ni Felix si Cerine, mga ilang araw lang yata kasi 'di nila mapigilan yung isa't-isa.
Medyo naguguluhan ako kay Karine at Zaiden. Sabi nililigawan pero sabi naman ng iba may something something na sila, it just took a while for Karine to realize that she does have feelings for him, so I'm not sure.
Now... how do you do this?
How does one react when someone is courting them?
Ilang buwan ba o taon bago ko siya bigyan ng sagot?
I am confused.
'Di pa 'ko naligawan noon... o baka naligawan na 'ko noon pero 'di ko lang alam.
Anong klaseng pangliligaw yo'n kung hindi ko alam na nanliligaw yung tao sa'kin?
"Good morning!"
Shit.
Muntik ko nang mabitaw yung kape na binili ko sa hallway dahil sa boses niya. Ang taas tapos ang saya saya pa, I get it that he's excited for the success of the series but some of us just woke up.
"Mr. Cardoza—"
"Bakit ang ganda ganda mo, hah?" Bulong niya bigla.
Hah?
Ano raw?
"Ah.. uhm..."
"Sorry, I can't help it. 'Di mo kasi ako nireply kaninang umaga..."
Oh, shit. Tinext niya 'ko.
"I... sorry. Hindi ko tsinek... phone ko."
I trained myself to not look for my phone whenever I wake up, tsaka nasa laptop ko naman yung schedule ko so I don't go on my phone unless it's really important or I got nothing to do.
"Tsk, akala ko iniiwasan mo 'ko." Nguso pa niya.
"Hindi kita iniiwasan. Kahit na iwasan kita, boss pa rin kita at empleyado mo 'ko. It would be... impossible." Explain ko para 'di na siya magpanic.
Simula noong tinanggap ko yung alok niya na ligawan ako, nilulutuan niya na 'ko nang almusal, tinetext niya 'ko kada segundo, ngisi siya nang ngisi sa'kin... and he's always by my side!
I have no issue with it kasi nga nililigawan niya 'ko pero pati ba naman dito sa trabaho liligawan pa niya 'ko?
I am worried every time na may makakarinig sa'ming dalawa. Rumors are fast to spread around everybody in the work place, 'di ko alam kung kakayanin ko ba yung mga maririnig kong tsismis kapag nalaman ng buong ahensiya.
"Are you busy today?"
"Maybe. Just one meeting lang yata. You should know this since I'm your assistant, I follow you."
Napanguso siya sa sagot ko habang sinunsundan ako papasok sa loob ng opisina niya.
Sa tuwing pumapasok ako ng opisina niya naaalala ko lang yung mga rosas na hinanda niya para lang itanong sa'kin kung pwede ba siyang manligaw.
Pero bago yun sinabi niya muna sa'kin na gusto niya 'ko... ulet.
Ilang beses niya na bang sinabi sa'kin na gusto niya 'ko?
I'm not complaining, I just... I mean how many more times do I have to hear it?
"So... you're not busy then... super busy?"
Tumalikod ako at inoffer yung dokyumento na tsinek at prinint ko kagabi nung tulog na siya kakatsek sa deal ng ahensiya sa production company.
"No. And please check this before the end of the day. Thank you."
"Teka!"
He grabbed me by my wrist when I was just about to leave his office.
"A-Ahm... can we eat lunch... together?"
Nagtitigan lang kami nang mga ilang segundo bago ko sinagot ang imbitasyon niya. I'm guessing that it's another date, I don't mind it, wala naman ding dahilan para tanggihan siya.
I swear that I tried to find an excuse to reject him but I couldn't.
Tsaka ayoko rin na bombahin niya 'ko ng mga tanong kung bakit o kung anong gagawin ko, o baka busy nanaman ako.
And the worst, I don't want him to get all pouty.
"Okay." Sagot ko at tinanggal yung hawak niya sa'kin.
I left his office immediately after that.
I have to create his schedule again for next week and most especially next month. May mga umooffer na kay Adrian na maging modelo ng magazine nila at brands na rin and that is why I have to take care of his schedule.
Of course kailangan ko pa rin siyang tanungin kung tatanggapin niya ba yung mga offer o hinde, he's still my boss and I only do what he wants me to do.
I'm not even surprised that he's getting a lot of offers from magazines and other people.
He's attractive, tall, charming, and his smile is literally as bright as the sun... just like his eyes.
Siguradong lahat ng mga babae ay magkakagusto sa kanya, he's gonna have his own fanbase or fan page... whatever. He's a danger to all ladies, especially with that smile.
But it's not like he's not allowed to like anyone, right?
"Gusto kita, gustong-gusto kita..."
Shit.
Ako.
Ako gusto... niya.
Tangina.
Muntik ko nang matumba yung trash can sa may hallway dahil distracted ako, o baka naman kasi pumasok yung katotohanan sa kokote ko na... gusto niya 'ko.
Damn, it does feel like I'm in a drama or some story from Wattpad.
So ano, ako bida?
Nope, I can't be like this. Ayokong maging feelingera ako porket nililigawan niya 'ko, walang kami at... tsaka pakiramdam ko naman mawawala yung nararamdaman niya para sa'kin.
Yes, I do feel that way.
I do feel that nothing is going to happen, that this is just a phase.
Oo, umoo ako dahil sa sinabi sa'kin ni Genevieve pero I just don't see me and Adrian that way at all.
I don't see us holding hands, kissing, doing something crazy and just having a good relationship for the long-term, I don't.
Siguro kasi never ko inexpect o naimagine ang sarili ko na magkaro'n nang oras para sa mga gano'ng bagay. And now, yes, there is a chance but I don't think it will happen at all.
"Okay ka lang ba, ma'am?"
"O-Okay lang ako, salamat."
I don't like being distracted, I should stop thinking about this.
Today is an easy day but I knew in my gut that I should be doing something. Inayos ko yung mga dokyumento sa may storage room, andun nakalagay yung mga kontrata, blueprint ng next branch sa Cebu, and everything else.
Maayos naman ang lahat, inorganized ko lang, o talagang natitimang ako today.
And then before I know it, I checked the clock next to the door and realized that it's now lunch time.
Tinali ko ulet yung buhok ko, ayokong kakain kami tapos mukhang pumbaa ang ending ko. Nagpabango ako just in case na nalunod na yung deodorant sa kilikili ko dahil sa pawis.
Walang AC sa storage room, kainis.
And now I'm getting fucking nervous, puro ako mura nang mura today, kabado lang ako.
Pero bakit naman ako kabado?
Huminga ako nang malalim tsaka sampal sa mukha ko, mahina lang naman para mawala 'tong kaba sa dibdib ko.
Okay, let's do this.
"Mr. Cardoza?" Bati ko sabay katok nang tatlong beses sa pinto.
"Sandali! Lang!" Sigaw niya.
Why does this remind me of... something?
'Di na 'ko nagpaligoy-ligoy pa at binuksan ko na yung pinto since it's not locked anyway.
Nasorpresa lang ako pagbukas ko nang pinto at nakahiga siya sa sahig na pawis na pawis. Nasa tabi niya yung MacBook at pati na rin yung phone niya.
What happened?
At bakit pawisin siya?
"Adr...ian?"
"H-Hi... sorry, Calla. 'Di ako makatayo... hah." Tawa niya.
"Anong... anong nangyare?" Tanong ko sa kanya.
"Uh... just... we have an issue with one of our actors."
"Ha?"
Umupo ako sa sahig sa may tabi niya at binasa yung post sa may Twitter sa MacBook niya. It was a thread from one of the actors signed to us before, 'exposing' us.
"This is—"
"Bad, right?"
Kilala ko kung sino 'tong actor na 'to. Naalala ko na sinabi sa'kin ng isa sa mga staff na hindi raw sila komportable na makatrabaho siya because he's too flirty and he was also harassing the director and some of the other actors too.
Naexpose siya ng mga nakatrabaho niya at kahit na rin yung mga producers sa nangyari.
Now that he can't do anything, he probably thought it'd be good to expose us, expose the agency who basically helped him save his career.
Pero e'to?
E'to ang ibabalik niya sa'min?
"Idiot." Bulong ko sa sarili ko.
Tinulungan na nga, wala pa ring pinagbago, wala man lang pasasalamat, this person is selfish, no one can save them.
Let me rephrase that, no wants to save him.
"Anong gagawin na'tin, Calla?" He sighed.
"Nothing." Agad kong sagot at binalik yung MacBook sa tabi niya.
"Nothing?"
"Yeah. It's too late for them anyway. Sa palagay mo may maniniwala pa sa kanya?"
I get that Adrian is nervous.
But it's the truth. We didn't even do anything wrong to this actor, he ruined his own career because of everything he did.
So, he has to deal with his own consequences.
"Pasensya na, Calla. Pero 'di ko nakalimutan yung lunch na'tin, nastress lang ako, hah..." Ngisi niya at umupo tapos inayos ang buhok niya.
"It's okay. But... it is not your fault. You're a good boss, Adrian." I smiled.
Mukhang natuwa naman siya sa sinabi ko dahil sa pagmula ng mga pisngi niya, ang lawak din nang ngiti niya kahit na sinubukan niyang itago yo'n.
Isa pang bagay na hindi ko maalis sa kokote ko ay kung bakit ako. Bakit ako pa ang nagustuhan niya? Alam ko na inexplain niya sa'kin sa tuwing sinasabi niya na gusto niya 'ko pero ewan ko ba. Parang ang hirap lang na maniwala sa mga dahilan niya.
I know that he's courting me but I wonder if he imagines it.
The holding hands, the kisses, the intimacy, the I love yous, and other things... everything about the relationship.
Does he actually imagine doing it all with me?
Does he imagine spending probably a few months together with me?
Does he, really?
"Adrian."
"Hm?"
I don't know what it is at that moment but I looked at him. I looked at him straight in the eye without any doubts because it felt like he was different. Different and honest.
"Seryoso ka ba talaga sa'kin?"
Mas mabilis na tapusin 'tong panliligaw niya sa'kin kung 'di naman pala niya 'ko sineseryoso, it's better that way, it's better for him and for us.
"Ano?"
Tumindig ang balahibo ko sa tono ng boses niya, inalis ko agad ang mga mata ko sa kanya sa nerbyos. Napahid yung ngiti sa labi niya, napalitan ng pagtataka at galit.
I wasn't expecting that.
'Di naman yata siya galit, 'di ba?
"Anong sabi mo, Calla?"
"I-I..."
Shet, nauutal ako.
"Calla—"
"Sorry. Kaila—"
He grabbed me by my wrist before I could even try to stand up, he pulled me closer to him and now we are only one or two inches away from each other.
It felt like he was trapping me with his brown eyes.
Fuck, it's so beautiful.
I used to see his eyes as bright, they are just as bright as his smile, as he is.
And, indeed, I am trapped.
"Did you just asked me if I was serious about you?" Matalim niyang tanong.
Hindi ko alam kung sasagutin ko ba siya o hihinga muna ako.
"I-I... I just... I didn't know... what I was thinking..."
"You knew. You knew what you were thinking, Calla. And yes..." Hinto niya habang dahan-dahan na bumaba ang mga mata niya sa labi ko.
Bumilis ang tibok nang puso ko nang marealize ko kung saan siya nakatingin.
"...seryoso ako, seryosong seryoso ako sa'yo. How is it that no matter how many times I've told you that I do like you, you just won't believe me?"
Rinig ko ang inis sa boses niya at tsaka bumalik ang tingin niya sa mga mata ko ulet.
It was still hard for me to breathe, I wasn't sure how to react, how to think, what... what to do exactly.
"Bakit gano'n, Calla? Bakit?"
"I-I... b-believe you, of course."
"Talaga? Do you really believe me?"
His fair skin, his freckles, his eyes that reminds of the sun every single time—which somewhat shines even brighter compared to the sun when he smiles.
Pero... 'di ko alam.
'Di ko alam.
"How do I... make you believe me? Na gusto kita, na seryoso ako sa'yo, ha?" He whispered with a hint of pain in his voice.
It's not that I don't believe him. I do, I do believe him. Alam ko na may nararamdaman siya sa'kin because action speaks louder than words, I know, I know he likes me.
Tinanggal niya ang hawak niya sa may kamay ko at diniin ang daliri sa may labi ko.
I've never felt this before.
I've never felt such warmth in my life.
But I should have expected that... from him.
When I'm this close to the sun.
"Please, maniwala ka sa'kin, gusto kita... gustong-gusto kita." Dagdag pa niya.
Sa loob ng ilang segundo, tumakbo ang mga daliri niya sa buhok ko hanggang sa huminto yo'n sa gilid ng leeg ko.
He is warm. He is freaking warm.
He is the sun.
"Calla... Calla."
At that very moment, it felt new, it felt so right.
"Pwede ba?" Pagmamakaawa niyang bulong sa'kin.
May mga panahon na alam kong bawal, na alam ko kung bakit hindi pwede dahil may dahilan ako, may excuse.
But now, I don't think there's any reason for me to say no.
Nilapat niya ang labi niya sa'kin pagkatapos kong tumango sa tanong niya.
I never knew how it felt to kiss someone.
Akala ko magical yun, akala ko nakakalunod, o akala ko sasabog na yung puso ko.
So I wasn't expecting it to be this hot.
Pakiramdam ko nasusunog ako sa bawat paggalaw ng labi niya sa'kin, pati na rin ang kaliwa niyang kamay sa may batok ko at yung kanan namang niyang pababa nang pababa sa likod ko.
I was right. I am burning with every flesh of his body against mine and his lips is the fire itself.
Oo, mainit siya, mainit ang araw.
"Calla, Calla..."
I just have to be careful to not get too close.
"...Calla Elinor Rodriguez, I like you... I fucking like you."
But I think it's too late for me.