Toki didn't feel safe enough to go in Salem's room. A putrid stench was wafting from the doorway, though the others seemed unbothered by it as they filed in to try and help Salem. Not just that, but it was obviously going to be too crowded with him in there, he felt he wasn't nearly close enough to Salem to be in their personal space, and in general, something in his head seemed to be warning him against going in.
That also meant he had to deal with Nathalia, who was standing right next to him. Her face was blank and expressionless, eyes staring through the doorway while the others were trying to do what they could. No, she actually didn't seem that numb to her emotions at all. She looked almost bored, or in a haze. Like she didn't really understand what was happening, or maybe she was currently blocking it from her mind. Maybe she was too preoccupied with other thoughts.
Toki didn't particularly care. His face still hurt from the kick and he was more than just a little salty about it, but he didn't know how to manage these emotions. He'd been angry before, but he also felt a mix of betrayal and offense that seemed to be fueling the fire, and it felt more than he could handle.
He felt and saw out of the corner of his eye, Nathalia's own eyes drift a little toward him and so he moved off more to the side and craned his neck to see if he could watch whatever was going on in Salem's bedroom, mostly as a distraction. He hoped that Tobias and Abigail would show up soon behind them to break the tension somewhat, but they didn't. Luckily, Nathalia didn't look angry anymore, and wasn't looking at him with any malicious glaring. That didn't mean Toki wasn't still angry.
Nathan and Skwisgaar left the room finally, with the Klokateers steering Salem's unconscious body to presumably the medical ward where Pickles was currently located. Nathan leaned against the wall nearest to him, looking disgruntled, and Skwisgaar was smoothly avoiding direct eye contact with everyone.
"They said they're gonna be fine," Nathan growled, and Toki swallowed heavily when nobody else spoke up for at least thirty seconds.
So he went ahead and said, "Yat... ams goo's." His jaw and tooth still hurt so he couldn't move his mouth as well as he'd like to, and his even more broken English bounced through the mostly empty hallway. Nathan quickly glanced at Toki, then looked away again, and Toki couldn't really understand his expression or what he could've been feeling in that moment. He just knew he felt embarrassed at the fact that Nathan now knew of the stupid crush that he'd been trying to suppress ever since he had that talk with Pickles.
And was the fact that Nathalia took on a lot of Nathan's attributes, really the only reason he might actually like her? He wasn't so sure, but a wave of guilt and confusion and frustration washed over him, making his stomach feel queasy. She wasn't so much like him anymore, anyway.
Skwisgaar was standing next to Toki and refused to glance over at the other, but muttered quietly, "How's ams your face?"
Toki just shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it right now. He didn't really want to talk at all, considering he was still in a bit of pain when he tried to.
"Where the fuck is Murderface?" Nathan demanded suddenly as he looked over what was left of everyone in both bands, minus Tobias because they at least sort of knew where he was and that he was currently okay. Toki saw Nathalia tense next to him, but didn't have time to butt in as Nathan kept musing. "Two- three, people dead, Pickles half dead, and Salem half dead, Murderface nowhere to be found. Something tells me uh, something doesn't want us to make this. This collab a thing."
"Oh did you come to that conclusion on your own?" Nathalia said with snarkiness in your voice, and Toki bit his cheek with anxiety. "Did you finally figure it out after half of my band's been destroyed because now it's affecting you, too?"
"Murderface is currently in the medical ward, too." Tobias's voice made Toki practically jump out of his skin, and he turned to see the guitarist slowly heading down the hallway with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Along with a... visitor."
"'Visitor'?" Nathan echoed. "What?"
Tobias shrugged a little. His mind seemed preoccupied with other things at the moment, but did end up replying after a few seconds. "We don't know who he is. He woke up for a moment but then passed out again. He doesn't seem hurt, just extremely malnourished and weak."
"Where the fuck did he come from?" Nathalia demanded. "For all we know he could be some murderer!"
"Which is why Abigail isolated him into a locked room for now until he's strong enough to tell us how he got here," Tobias explained as patiently as he could, though not meeting her eyes as he spoke, rather focusing them on Nathan. "And several Klokateers are monitoring him while he sleeps. I think she was also planning to take his fingerprints for some scanning."
Nathan grunted in acknowledgement. "How'd you know Murderface is there? What happened?"
"Abigail told me," Tobias explained, his voice dropping to an even lower tone. "She said the wounds look to be self inflicted, but it also looked like there was a struggle. She doesn't know what to think."
Nathan threw up his hands in exasperation. "Is everybody just a bunch of gay, emotional emos around here or what?"
Tobias hummed thoughtfully. "Well to be fair, you're more likely to surround yourself with people who resonate with you than not so I guess it would make sense; and with the way everyone represses their emotions around here, it's generally a major symptom of depression or can even cause the suicidal ideation on its own-"
"Tobias."
"Hmm?"
"Shut up."
Tobias sighed softly and nodded to Nathan. "Sure."
"Is that what I need to do to get people to care about me?" Nathalia's voice was soured and passive aggressive, causing the others to turn to her, except Toki, who was staring past Tobias sort of in her direction without actually turning. "To actually give me some attention, to give a damn about what I'm going through?"
"What-" Tobias started, but was interrupted by a loud sigh from Nathalia.
"Nobody's checked on me since that call, nobody really comforted me when Charles died, nobody did a big intervention thing to stop me from drinking my liver away while you guys are always up Pickles' ass about it, but I guess shit's fine, because you can only give a fuck about talking to me when I do something wrong. I took care of you, I took care of Toki, I bitched out Salem as long as I could to keep them in line, but that's cool."
Guilt gnawed through Toki for taking up space without asking, but Tobias just blinked at her slowly, unaffected.
"Nat, first of all those are Pickles' friends and they do what they do; Salem, or at least I, did nothing to getting him to slow his shit on the drugs and booze, so don't compare our situation to their situation like WE had anything to do with it; as for Dethklok themselves, they barely know you and already have more than enough baggage. And have you seen how much they drink, too?"
Nathalia began to protest, but stopped as Tobias pressed on. "Second, you did those things because we accepted it. We don't do those things for you because you think being babied means you're weak," he told her slowly. "We don't do it because you established you would never accept help in any kinda way. We ask if you're good, we leave you alone when you snap or brush it off. Is it healthy? No. But if anything, you have a record of getting or feeling even worse when we press an issue. And as for Salem, I find it difficult to believe your bitching to them actually has helped them in any way-"
"You don't know that!"
"- either proving that nagging someone about self harm will just help build the foundation you're trying to topple, or that maybe bitching at people all day long doesn't help nurture their own empathy." Tobias shrugged. "You've been bagging on them for years for using after their first overdose,"
"Because they're stupid and keep going after they literally almost fucking died!"
"-yelling at them the majority of the time and then resorting to crying and guilt trips; and then you turn around and drink yourself into bad situations and do the same things you preach to them about, and get mad because we aren't yelling at you to stop? Because we've seen how Salem has turned out by getting bitched at? Because you're damn difficult to get to actually listen to anybody except yourself? Because YOU know that yelling doesn't work for you, but can't put two and two together that it's the same with OTHER people because you just feel like you have to get mad?"
Tobias sighed a little. "So maybe you should focus on not being such a hypocrite, and get off your high horse when they fall off the wagon, when you can't even stop alcohol. You literally can't stop somebody by making them feel like they should keep punishing themself."
"But I'm not..." Nathalia mumbled as she dropped her sight to the floor. "I'm just telling them how I feel. Can't they care about how I feel, too?"
"Can't you care about how they feel, first?" Tobias questioned. "Why's their pain gotta be about you?"
Nathalia scowled. "Then why don't you do it to me, hm? Instead of trying to fix my problems and doing the same exact nagging shit, try being fucking nice and just ask if I'm okay? If I need anything? How I fucking feel? Instead of only talking to me when I fuck up? Why do I have to be nagged for fucking up?"
Tobias shook his head. "Salem clams up because they're afraid of expression, but that doesn't mean they don't show it instead of verbalizing it. It also doesn't mean they wholly reject comfort. You clam up because you're stubborn. Which means it's not just the trauma or pain itself you hide from us, it's literally everything, emotions and all. It's getting mad when we even realize you're upset to begin with, it's every time we talk about your issues you make someone else's issues your problem, it's the fact that the only talk we can have that's focused on your feelings, is HAVING to be an argument or else you just won't listen or bring them up in the first place!"
Tobias gestured between the two of them to prove a point. "What is this, Nathalia, hmm? This is an argument, because you can't just be normal with your communication and say 'You haven't checked on me in a while and I'm actually kind of feeling neglected'. Because if you did, and we reacted with affection and worry, you'd be grossed out and feel 'weak', so you have to make it known through hostility so you feel like you're winning something. If we were actually ALLOWED to know your feelings even 50% of the time we've known you in a normal, nonviolent way, trust me, we'd ask or talk to you about them a little bit more, but you never once wanted us to know ANYTHING without putting up a fight, and nobody here has the energy for that anymore.
"And honestly, if your behavior wasn't so prominently based on hurting other people just to avoid your own feelings, we wouldn't have to bitch you out for it all the time. I wouldn't yell at a suicidal person for feeling suicidal, but I'm going to bitch someone out who continues to keep purposely fucking with someone else's emotions, whether or not it's because they're emotionally screwed up.
"Notice how I don't yell at you for drinking? The same as I don't yell at Salem for doing drugs? I don't yell at you for having trauma, like I don't yell at Salem? Then notice how I bitch at you for being in other people's business when you use it against them, when you feel like lashing out? Honestly, I don't know how many times I've been nice about this for as long as I've known you before this just slowly became intentionally ignorant to the point of maliciousness and it's starting to reach a breaking point. So yeah, I'm getting mean about it, and quite frankly, if you think Salem deserves to get bitched at for doing drugs but you're upset that anything YOU do is worth being bitched at, when one hurts themselves and the other hurts others, your priorities need to be fixed."
"Well, look at the way they strung Pickles along like a tool! They aren't completely innocent in their actions, and they have a tough time shutting the fuck up themselves when they need to!"
"And that's theirs and Pickles' conversation to have only. But we're talking about the shit YOU say to them, like having a drug problem. Or telling people the other things they've done, with zero context, just to make them seem like a bad person. You're only ever mad at things that happen between them and other people in situations that aren't our business to begin with, or things that you have no business being rude for."
"Well..." Toki could see the frustration in her face. "Don't ya think it's a little fucked up to just constantly be yelling at someone while never checking on them to see if they need to be talked to?? Even when they say they don't want to be talked to? While you go all lovey dovey with the other friend?"
"Nope." Tobias remained unflinching even when Nathalia looked taken aback to this. "You set yourself up to be like this and made it clear you have no intentions of listening to other people,"
"Well I'm stubborn but you know how I be..."
"- so I let that ship sail ever since all this other shit's been happening. It's not my life's mission to teach a grown person how to accept help and be nicer despite getting harassed, lashed out at, and embarrassed for it,"
"I don't try to be like that, it just doesn't help that-"
"- while everything else is falling apart on top of it. At least even when I have to encourage Salem, who is also a grown person, to open up and trust their friends, I'm not getting threatened for it."
"I just have trust issues..."
"- But I've got my limits on that too, which is why I don't pry, which is why I don't bother them or hold their hand 24/7, I just also don't yell at them, Nat. That's your biggest issue right now. You think by me saying 'don't yell at them', I'm saying to baby them? Coddle them? Treat them like a toddler? They have their own mess to work out, I just literally do not yell at them for things that shouldn't be bitched about. My main advice is literally 'do not pry'. That means them, that means you. The only time I get involved to this extent is when you're trashing on them unnecessarily, or you ask me to ask them what's wrong when I've already asked."
"Well maybe-"
"- And now I'm starting to think I won't be involved in this drama at all and let you destroy your own friendship with them if it means I get some peace; so you can have your little attitude problem and I won't bother you anymore on your destructive behavior. And we can talk in a year or so about this when you ultimately blame me because I didn't hold your hand and save you from being an asshole, just like you're blaming me for not continuing to beg for you to open up."
"I just want you to fucking show you care about me!" Nathalia began to scream, clenching her fists tightly.
"Then don't be so unreachable!"
Toki could sense it before even Tobias probably knew, himself. The gleam in her eye that he saw earlier, the snarl on her lips, the way she flexed her muscles, and mostly her hesitation to do or say anything.
As she raised her fist, Toki was already there with his hand out to catch it. All his pent up anger from earlier, and his frustration with what had been going on, made him toss her hand to the side a little roughly, causing her to stumble from the force as her body went with it.
Nathalia's face looked stunned, and she straightened up to look Toki dead in the eyes. There was an indescribable pain, mixed with rage, deep in her eyes, and Toki flinched, flickering to look right next to her head, instead. Nathalia sneered at him a little with quivering lips.
"And you've never stood up to Nathan when he's being a dick but you'll stand up to me? Oh because I'm the rebound, right?"
Toki blinked in slight surprise. "Nat'ens haven'ts ever hits us to hurts us," he said quietly and slowly so as not to hurt his mouth, then glanced over at the singer, who was standing there with his face in its seemingly permanently disgruntled expression, only proven to be a little surprised by the arch of his eyebrow. Their eyes met, and Toki looked away to see Nathalia still looking annoyed and hostile, especially after that miniature exchange.
"Even ifs you ams was a 'reobund' for Nat'ens, yous dont has to worry about thats anymore."
"The fuck does that mean?" Nathalia demanded, but Toki just walked around her and began heading toward his room almost limply. It was over, and his ego felt quite crushed after all this.
The way Nathan reacted to being told about the crush, and the way Skwisgaar kept reminding him he was only useful for 'bed things', and even though he still liked Nathalia he knew that was most likely a lost cause as well- he just felt romantic love just wasn't for him. He was filled with childish hope and fear, and dead things and music, and friends who hurt themselves or hurt others or sometimes both. He was pieces of trauma here, and pieces of trauma there, and impatient people waiting for him to let go and grow up already.
And everyone saw him differently than how he wanted to be seen, or maybe he just saw everyone else differently than how he should see them.
Toki slumped into his bed tiredly, his head reeling with the argument between the two friends. He didn't even know how to feel about it, other than the fact that there was quite a bit of missing context, probably due to years of history.
A few minutes went by where he just tossed and turned uncomfortably, not sure if he was tired or just depressed, but not able to rest either way. His lungs rattled in his chest somewhat painfully, making him wince. His lungs were mostly healed due to Mordhaus healthcare, but they still ached every so often, reminding him of the immeasurable pain he and Skwisgaar went through.
It seemed like everyone was falling apart in their own way, and he was starting to wonder what could actually be causing these things, because it couldn't be a coincidence? Dethklok went through a lot of crazy incidents, but they usually had a few weeks' break between them at least.
And it felt like everyone was turning on each other... Nathan against Pickles, Pickles against Salem, Toki against Skwisgaar (and vice versa), Skwisgaar against anyone who cared enough to listen, Salem against Nathalia, Nathalia against everyone, everyone against Murderface, and Murderface against the whole world.
Was this the end for both bands?
The door knocked lightly. Toki didn't open it or even acknowledge someone was there.
An hour or so went by, and another gruff knock. Toki ignored this one, too.
Then as the second hour was just about to hit on the clock that Toki had been watching numbly, the door burst open with a flurry of blond hair and audacity that was Skwisgaar.
"So it ams your turns to be poutinks like little babys?" Skwisgaar scoffed as he sauntered in as he normally did. "Fats chance."
Toki frowned. "Not fats. or Chances."
Skwisgaar sighed heavily as he settled onto the bed next to Toki's head. "Gets ups, Toki."
"Nos."
"Fines." Skwisgaar dropped his guitar to the ground and scooted against Toki's hip and settled next to him, resting his hands together on his stomach as they both stared up at the ceiling together for a while longer. Toki's chest was filled with anxiety for being this close to the other, but didn't say anything or object to it, because he was quite frankly really dead tired of the drama and conflict.
Skwisgaar finally craned his neck to look over at Toki, who didn't flinch or glance back at him as he normally would. "I know you ams mads," Skwisgaar said quiety. "But we cants all turn on each others."
"You turneds on me first," Toki mumbled, turning his head to glare at the wall next to him. "Makes me looks a fool. I dids nothings to you."
"I knows." Skwisgaar put a hand on Toki's shoulder, who shrugged it off heavily. "Looks, ams tryinks to-"
"I don'ts want apologeticals," Toki said forlornly as he sat up, if anything to get away from Skwisgaar's overwhelming presence near him. "I wants you to be nices to me the firsts time. Or wanteds. Now I just wants to be alones."
Skwisgaar also sat up, and seemed to hesitate for a second. His voice came out a little sharp, signifying that he was a little wounded by the rejection, but otherwise held a calm, guarded approach. "Fines. You knows where I ams when you wants to talks." With that he stood up slowly, grasping the guitar string and pulling it around his chest again before leaving a lot more quietly than he came in. Maybe his ego was finally deflating after realizing he couldn't just say and do whatever he wanted and come crawling back when Toki became angry.
Toki's tears stained his pillow the second he laid back down, panting like a dog from the way the sadness squeezed his chest and lungs.
His eyes rested just for a moment until before he knew it, they blinked back open painfully through the crust of his dryness, and noticed that about three hours had passed. His room was cast in the darkness of the night, only light yellow moonlight poking through a small sliver in the curtains.
Toki realized then that there was a reason he had woken up; someone was again at the door. He stood up with an ache in his head and a pain in his side, and slowly scuffled over to the entrance before he could even personally decide if he actually wanted to talk to whoever was behind the door. It could've been anyone at this point, well, except for the three in the hospital.
The door popped open and there stood Abigail, eyes gleaming a lot clearer and sharper than they had been for a long time.
"Good news Toki, Pickles is awake!" She said cheerfully, and Toki's eyes widened. It was as though all previous worries had melted and he grasped the door handle to steady himself. "M- may I sees him?" Toki asked softly.
Abigail nodded. "He and Tobias are currently talking but he wanted to see you first afterward."
Toki's heart lurched to hear that. Him first? Why? Was it something bad, or just a pity thing?
Either way, it didn't stop the bubbling hopefulness inside of him, and that terrified him just from that alone.
Abigail briskly walked with Toki to the medical ward, when Toki heard a muffled voice behind them. "M'lady, Salem and Murderface have both woken up as well!"
Abigail's face brightened even more, if it even could, and she ushered Toki toward Pickles' room, advising to knock first. Then she followed the Klokateers down the hall toward Salem's room. Toki wasn't sure where Murderface was in this place.
Toki gave a tentative knock and he heard a quiet, "Come in," so he popped the door open slowly, poking his head in.
It looked like the two had been crying, both of their eyes bloodshot as the two turned to look at the newcomer. Toki's eyes fell to Pickles' face, seeing his head severely bandaged and all the tubes down his nose and in his arm. Pickles gave a weak smile at seeing Toki standing there, looking wide-eyed. "Hey Toki." His voice sounded a bit stronger than Toki had expected, but still quite weak and shaky.
"I'll leave you guys in peace," Tobias spoke softly as he stood from his chair, giving one last shoulder squeeze to the redhead before shuffling past Toki with a soft nod.
Toki felt zombified. He felt his feet shuffling forward unsurely, and would not stop staring at Pickles, like he was expecting Pickles to drop dead in front of him. His eyes darted to the machine next to him in charge of the vitals, and relaxed a little to see that everything as far as he knew looked to be quite normal.
He sat quietly in the chair, like he was trying not to disturb the silence that was surrounding him. His eyes darted to his hands as he squeezed them together, feeling awkward no matter where he looked. A soft touch on his arm made him look back up.
"How ya doin'?" Pickles' voice croaked gently as he squeezed the other man's arm.
Toki's lip quivered and he brushed Pickles' touch away quickly. "Fines," he mumbled without meeting Pickles' gaze.
"I have a hard time believin' dat," Pickles' voice was still soft. "Tobias tol' me some of t'e stuff dat's been goin' on."
Toki's lips pursed as he struggled to keep his emotions intact. "I am f- fine," Toki spoke as loudly and clearly as he could, while standing up, shrugging off Pickles' touch. To leave maybe, he himself wasn't very sure. "Ams not a childs, you don't haves to checks on me like I ams."
"Toki..." Pickles sounded wounded, and Toki internally winced. He wanted to defend himself, not hurt Pickles' feelings. Apparently the thread was a lot thinner than he expected. And quite frankly, he didn't want to turn into Nathalia, or Nathan, or basically anybody else right now. He just wanted to be himself and not have anybody influence that decision.
"...Sorries, Pickle," Toki murmured as he sat back down quietly. "Ams glad you ams okays." He looked up to see Pickles watching the other, his eyebrows tight-knit together as he seemed to be evaluating the rhythm guitarist.
"But are yew okie?" Pickles responded in his soothing voice, and some more tears dripped down Toki's face.
He placed his face into his hands to try and keep himself under control. "N- nos," he ended up whimpering miserably. "Everyone ams fightings ands nobody likes mes..."
"Now yew know dat's not true," Pickles stated as he reached once more to touch Toki's arm, who didn't pull away this time. "Skwisgaar's a dildo, Nate's just uh, Nate. He don't like feelin's tew begin wit', let alone romantic. 'N' Nat..."
Toki flinched to the sound of Nathalia's nickname. "I guess I likeds hers because she ams likes Nat'ans," Toki said bitterly.
"Naw, I dink yew just have a type," Pickles said softly. "Nat's not'in' like Nate, dey barely even look alike. It jes' seems like she's exactly like him 'cause yew can tell she idolizes him. 'N' if it is 'cause she acts like Nate, it's 'cause she copies him. Which's not a bad ding, but it does make it confusin' and prebebly makes yer brain dink yew like her when yew still only like Nate. Dat's not yer fault."
Toki rubbed his eyes on the back of his arm a little. "I guesses," he mumbled. "I don'ts really wants to talks about it rights now."
"Dat's fine, Toki. Jus' don' bottle it up f'r tew long."
Toki nodded and scooted the chair closer to his friend until it was right next to his bedside, then propped his chin on the bar on the side of the bed. Pickles scruffed up Toki's hair playfully but softly, and Toki placed his face in the crook of Pickles' arm, sniffling a little. He wanted to crawl into the bed with him but didn't want to hurt Pickles, or look like a stupid baby again.
"Ams glads you're awakes," Toki whispered. "Everyone ams awakes now."
"Ye, I heard aboot Salem 'n' Murderface..." Pickles trailed off slightly and Toki looked up at him, seeing his eyes both guarded and also somewhat sad looking.
Toki rubbed Pickles' chest comfortingly a little. "Salems didn't gives up on yous," Toki stated matter-of-factly, though he wasn't quite sure why he said it.
Pickles smiled slightly in response to that. "Ye, heard aboot dat, tew. None of yew did, 'n' I'm grateful tew have all o' yew."
Toki winced, remembering the way he ran inside, and broke down... because he had given up. Because he was a coward. "I..."
Pickles gave him a look of sympathy. "It's okie if yew... t'ought I was dead. I shoulda worded dat better, so I'm sorry."
Toki just nuzzled the crook of Pickles' arm gently before he sat up fully. "It amenst matters anymore," he said quietly. "You ams alives, and we ams happy fors it."
Pickles smiled a little. "Me tew, Toki. Oddly 'nough."
"Goods." Toki stated with a nod, then jumped slightly when he heard a knock on the door.
"Toki," Abigail said as she popped her head in the door. "Nathan wants to talk to Pickles now, if that's alright?"
Toki nodded and wrapped his hand around Pickles', who squeezed it comfortingly. "I sees you soon, ja?"
"I'll be here," Pickles chuckled hoarsely. "See yew later my brot'er."
Toki brightened up to those words and squeezed Pickles' hand back, whispered an 'I love you' to him because he felt weird showing brotherly love in front of other people now that he felt like he looked like an awkward slutty mess toward anybody who showed him affection, regardless of their intention, then he slid out of the room past Abigail.
For whatever reason, Toki wasn't expecting Nathan to be literally right there as soon as he passed the doorway, but there he was in all of his brute glory, looking just as surprised to see Toki.
Nope. Toki immediately skirted to the side like a crab to avoid running into the singer, and dropped his eyes to the ground so he wouldn't have to look into that beautiful moron's face.
"Toki-" Nathan's gruff voice started, but once Toki was out of the danger zone with bumping into Nathan, he fast walked his way out of that situation while pretending to not hear his voice being spoken. His heartbeat was fast and pounding through his eardrums, and he had to stop for a breather to calm down the anxiety that was bubbling in his chest.
As he continued down the hallway to his room again, because he otherwise wasn't sure where to go, Toki could hear loud sniffling nearby. He knew exactly who it was coming from, but his anger had melted away and was replaced with the relief of seeing Pickles okay, so he cautiously turned his head around the corner and saw Nathalia balled up and off to the side, just crying by herself with her hair blanketed over her face. Toki felt pity and guilt choking his throat a little so he slowly stepped into the hall toward her.
Her head snapped up quickly and Toki tensed but didn't back away, just looking down at her red rimmed eyes and face in some twisted ugly snarl. "What do you want?" She snapped. "Here to dig into me, too?"
"Nos," Toki said quietly. "Just wants to sees if you ams... okays."
"Well I'm not, if that makes you fee any better to know," she snarled. "Since apparently I need to be more 'open' to having fucking feelings like every other human."
Toki shuffled back and forth on his feet, not sure if he should get into it with her or not. "It ams hards figuring outs what to dos with someones that do nots talks, about stuffs" Toki finally settled on carefully. "Like N- Pickle."
Either Nathalia didn't catch the fact that Toki almost said Nathan's name before deciding against it, or just didn't care. Toki was inclined to think the first one.
Nathalia rubbed her face almost aggressively and shrugged with misery. "Whatever, yeah, I know I'm fucking hard to talk to. But this isn't the normal type of shit that happens around me so you'd think I'd have a different response to it and check on me."
"They ams strugglings too," Toki said softly. "They probablicals too busy to thinks abouts it right nows."
"Because everyone has more bigger and important issues than me," Nathalia said bitterly. "And I caused some of them. So yeah I fucking get it, I'm last on the list for concern, I just- I don't know what I want anymore."
Toki shuffled again uncomfortably. "Well, I ams heres, checkings on yous."
Nathalia sighed a little. "Yeah, thanks, I guess."
Toki didn't know what to do or say now, or if he should leave or stay, so he stared at his shoes while he debated in a somewhat of a panicked state, until she finally spoke again begrudgingly.
"Sorry for kicking in your teeth," she said dryly. "Didn't mean to."
"It ams okays," Toki muttered, rubbing his jaw that had lessened to a minor sore whenever he opened his mouth too wide.
"I just wasn't expecting to be kinda a rebound, I guess," she smoothly transitioned to the second half of her sentence as soon as Toki accepted her apology, and he winced slightly. He wanted to tell her what Pickles said, but didn't know if it would make her upset even more, so he kept his mouth shut. "But like, I feel like we bonded anyway over the past few weeks?" She looked at him with hopefulness that Toki could relate to, because he too gave that same look to many people before. Childish hope, Nathan called it once.
"Ja," Toki agreed, because it was true, he had gotten quite close to her in the short time he had known her. She was emotionally screwed up, but wasn't everyone else he knew?
Nathalia smiled and looked to be about to say something, when he heard Abigail's familiar heel clicks on the hallway floors as she seemed to be heading their way. Nathalia's face dropped into a neutral expression and rubbed her eyes dry one last time, and Toki was astonished with how well she could truly mask her feelings. No wonder it confused her friends, it also confused him.
As Abigail turned the corner, she stopped to face the two and said as calmly as she could, "We have a lead on the location where Charles was murdered. I want to drive to it, on Mordhaus."
Toki was alarmed by this, and Nathalia's eyebrow raised. "This fucking boat-mansion can move? I mean, of course I knew that, but like, it can?"
Abigail sighed a little. "Apparently it can, Nathalia."
"Cool, cool, now for the second part of my reaction. What in the fuck?"
"Ja, amenst that dangerous?" Toki spoke up nervously. "This ams our homes..." He didn't want to picture meeting up with some psycho people and watch the citadel burn up again like it did those years ago when Charles died, or 'died', the first time.
"I promise not to lead you to your death, or your home's," Abigail said gently. "We're going most of the way with Mordhaus, then the rest of the way with something else. You'll see. But it's going to be a while; we have no clear direction, and it's supposedly very far; and they could be gone by now."
"Stupid it took this long just to get a clear signal," Nathalia muttered, and Abigail shot her a dirty look.
"We had a general idea, but there's a lot that goes into finding a signal miles and miles away."
Nathalia just shrugged.
Toki's fists clenched at the thought of meeting Magnus again, and that Metal Masked Assassin. His face must have fell into a determined stare because Abigail gave him a wary look, but didn't comment on it.
Right now, Toki felt like blaming those two for the majority of the issues that piled on after Charles' death. So he would get his vengeance, and this time he would not be a coward and cry his way through whatever happened. He was going to do whatever it took to bring his world back together again.