Lumine, meanwhile, kept working and kept seeing Thoma. The event that they'd planned together took place and went smashingly, and he continued to grow on her more with each day they spent together. He seemed like the perfect package, smart and funny and hot, and she felt comfortable with him. It was a nice feeling.
Plus he was good at distracting her from the bizarre crapfest that was her friendship with Childe, or the lack thereof. They saw each other in group settings sometimes and there was the occasional text, but for the most part she had a hard time figuring out what to even talk to him about half the time. Things had gotten painfully awkward and she blamed herself for it, but she didn't know how to fix it, so she didn't really try. She figured time was the best thing for them, and that this was likely simply an adjustment period.
Or something. Really, she had no earthly idea about anything.
What she did know was that she really did like Thoma. They were taking things slow and he respected that about her, and after a month of nothing but kisses, a handful of makeout sessions and somewhat cautious handsiness, Lumine decided that she was ready to take the next step. She saw it as a way of exorcizing Childe from both her mind and her body to try to have that same physical connection with someone else, and if it worked, then maybe she'd finally feel truly free of him. Where was the harm in trying?
And so, a few days after the anniversary of their first date, Lumine went over to Thoma's very nice Inazuman cottage and cooked him an equally nice dinner. They talked and laughed and finished off a bottle of red wine that worked wonders for her nerves, and then afterwards they headed to his couch to watch a movie that he'd gotten for them. But they didn't make it thirty minutes in before the kissing started, and after she expressed her readiness to do a bit more than merely kiss and grope a bit on the couch, he happily obliged and took her to the bedroom.
At first, all was well. His bed felt nice and soft underneath her and he wasn't one to rush things, so he took his time in properly working her up and slowly undressing her. He was a great kisser and she appreciated that he took his time, and it kept her at ease through all the tamer stuff - touching, kissing, the warming up before the more significant things.
Plus he was hot and looked good with his shirt off, and that always helped.
She thought that she was going to do just fine until he got her bra off. She wasn't expecting the claymore to the heart that came when he groaned and dropped his head down to kiss all over her chest, which immediately made her brain unhelpfully flash before her eyes a vivid memory of Childe doing the same thing. The difference was, when Childe did this to her, he would do it with an unmatched level of enthusiasm and vocality that nobody could really live up to. He'd squeeze and grope her gently and then harder, rougher, almost enough to hurt before he'd bring his mouth down and make her almost lose it just from that, and all the while he'd be groaning and panting like he was enjoying it even more than she was.
Thoma, however... he wasn't doing anything wrong or unpleasant, but he had a hell of a standard to live up to and he didn't even know it.
She tried to clear her mind and focus entirely on the present, and for a few moments, she was mostly successful. He started kissing her again and there was some slight grinding taking place between them, and it felt fine. She was fine. They were fine. She could do this.
Then his hand went between them and, as he continued to kiss the hell out of her, he tried to start up some more direct contact. She let him, opening her legs a little to help him out, and when his fingers first brushed over her, it was pleasant enough. She thought that was encouraging. This could totally work.
He kissed her neck as the touching got a bit more serious. She closed her eyes and focused on the feelings and the sensations, wanting so badly to make it work that she knew she'd be devastated if it didn't.
He wasn't bad at what he was doing. He was gentle and slow about it, and if it had been a year ago, she would have thought that it was one of the best things she'd ever felt from a man. But it wasn't a year ago and she had felt far better things from one particular man.
Also, Thoma was quiet. In fact, he seemed to never make so much as a peep. Even his heavier breathing wasn't very audible, and while she supposed it wasn't a big deal, she was used to a lot more noise and also a lot of talking, like, when Childe would be doing this very same thing to her and his mouth would be at her ear as he said something like "Like that, princess? I can tell, you're fucking soaked. Oh archons, you feel so good..."
Her accidental fantasy - or memory, really - had the unintended consequence of making a sudden jolt of pleasure fly straight to where Thoma's hand was, and she realized then that she could not, in fact, do this. Not one bit.
"Wait, wait," she said breathlessly, grabbing his arm and pushing him away.
"What's wrong?" He asked, brows furrowed as he hovered over her and kept his hands away. "Did I do something or -"
"No, no," she shook her head, a little breathless. "No, you're fine. It's just... it's um....
"You're not ready for this?" he guessed.
She shook her head. "No." She paused. "I don't know."
He released a heavy sigh and nodded, rolling off of her and sitting back on his heels. She suddenly felt exposed like that, being in just her underwear, so she sat up as well and let her long hair cover most of her chest, not caring if it was silly or not.
"I'm sorry," she told him cautiously, trying to tell if he was upset or not.
"Well, it's been a month, Lumine," he replied, a little more snippy of a tone than she would have expected. "I've been patient, I just want a-."
"... want a what?"
"I want an adult relationship, Lumine," he replied. "If you're not ready then that's fine, but when are you going to be ready?"
She stared at him in slight sorrow for a moment before holding his cheek and giving him a soft smile, "I'm sorry. I have been very cruel to you."
"Wait, Lumine, I – don't say what I think you're about to say"
"No, wait, I need to say it," she said, picking up her clothes and turning her back to him as she put her bra back on. "I am a horrible person, I frickin' suck, and I-I'm not an adult if I'm not ready to have it yet."
"Oh, Barbatos," he grumbled, getting off the bed and reaching for her. "Calm down, Lumine, a minute before you freak out and-"
"No," she said, turning around and giving him a humorless smile. "This is what I do. I freak out. I, freak out all the time and I'm weird and I make, stupid decisions and sometimes I'm not ready for things right away, okay? And I think you're a nice guy, I do, and I like you but I really don't think I should do this to myself. I can't explain it but I just can't."
His expression turned soft as she continued getting dressed. "There's someone else, right?"
"Thoma, I-" Lumine stuttered. "I am so sorry. Maybe there's someone else, I don't know. I-I, Thoma, this is making me crazy."
He laughed a bit sympathetically. "I understand. I've had my fair share of crazy love."
Buttoning up her shirt and deciding that underneath all of that charm he was actually a broken man, she replied, "I know you want a real relationship. It meant caring about each other and trusting each other and only wanting something if the other person wants it too. Anything outside that is just... cheap. And I know that cheap is something that you don't deserve."
She knew that, she realized, because of the very man that she had come here to get over. Even though they'd never been in a true "relationship" by most standards, Childe had treated her in a way that no other man ever had. She trusted him with everything, just as he did with her.
Not only had he absolutely ruined her for other men when it came to sex, but she was now sure that she was ruined in every other way as well.
"Look," Thoma said, a little more soberly, "in the few months we have been together, I could have sworn you felt the same way that I do."
She sighed, looking him over and realizing that she had broken a very good man. But she can't help but feel a lot for Childe. Although she had gotten along with him and had a genuinely good time up until now, she felt absolutely nothing for him. Not a thing.
"I guess you're right," she replied quietly, "there's someone that I can't get over. I've tried, but... I can't get past this guy, and it sucks because he just sees me as a... really good friend, so screw me, but... there it is." She shrugged. "And you deserve better than that, I know that this is a cruel and mean thing to say, but I think we should probably just say we had a good time and... move on."
He responded by putting his hands on his hips and blowing out a heavy breath. "Well. This isn't how I expected the night to go."
She laughed softly. "Yeah. That's life, isn't it?"