Jennie POV
A sigh escaped her lips as she looked into the mirror. Jennie doesn't remember the moment this lifestyle became such a tremendous burden but she has been finding it harder and harder to keep her emotions contained. The members were sitting in their designated dressing room backstage at the Mama award show. It's been years since they were able to perform on this stage but finally the company had made amends with the network station, hence their presence at the show.
Jennie didn't mind, in fact she was actually happy to finally give their fans what they have been asking for, for years.The concert itself was for a good cause, this year 60 percent of the revenue would be donated to the children who were orphaned during the pandemic.
The last two years took a toll on everybody and the world has a long road of recovery ahead but what makes Jennie happy is that people have not given up hope. Just hearing the fans right now proves that they can overcome even the worst.
The crowd was going wild with their screams and chants. They were so loud that the girls could hear them even from where they were backstage. She chuckled to herself, she doubts that any of them will have voices left come tomorrow. The thought brings a smile to her face. The fans are always so passionate and supportive of their idols.
And Jennie couldn't be more proud of their own fans, their blinks who are just as passionate, and supportive of their group, especially when they were going through some rough patches, they are always by their side.
It honestly leaves her flabbergasted sometimes when She thinks about how much love Blackpink has received since their debut, and she couldn't be more thankful. Their fans mean everything to them and they wouldn't be where we are without them.
“Unnie?” She turns to her left to see Lisa Staring at her expectantly. “Sorry, what were you saying?” Jennie asks. She was so caught up with her own thoughts that she seems to have missed everything the younger girl had said. Being lost in her own thoughts, overthinking things that she cannot change now is not a new concept to her.
“I was just saying that Jisoo Unnie spoke to the event coordinator just now and everything is on track.” Lisa said while sighing. Truth be told, it was nerve wracking to be performing on this Stage for the 1st time and this being 6 years after their debut. If fact they haven't even performed on Any stage in over three years.
The Company has always put Blackpink at the end of their list. The fact that they are actually allowing them to attend this year is a miracle In itself. Jennie just hopes they get their shit together for this next year. Their fans deserve better.
“That's good, I just hope nothing goes wrong. Our Blinks have been waiting so long. They are looking forward to watching our performances. I'd hate for them to be disappointed again” Jennie replied and Lisa nodded, then turned back to Jisoo and Chaeyoung.
She can feel the anxiety building in her as she clutches her throat lightly trying to calm herself. Feeling her bare neck, an entirely new fear starts to descend as she takes note of her missing necklace.
Jennie looks around the dressing room for her necklace. ‘Where did I put it? I just had it.’ her eyes swept the room again, still not seeing it. Her breath started to get heavy as her chest started to move up and down increasingly fast. She starts to dig through the things left on the dresser. “Unnie?” Chaeyoung called from the side of the room. She was waiting for their makeup Artist to put on the finishing touches on her face.
“Unnie? What's wrong?” Chaeyoung goes over to Jennie, getting concerned when she notices the state the older girl was in. “I don't remember where I put my necklace. I just had it just awhile ago when I came in, but i don't know where it is now. I can't perform without it” she burst out as frustration starts to gather in her. Jennie's eyes sweep the room once again.
She has never performed a day without having that necklace somewhere on her, whether it was around her neck or tucked into a pocket. It was always somewhere on her body, she always had it on her. It was ridiculous really considering the man that gave it to her all those years ago couldn't even be bothered with her existence. She is honest with herself, he would probably prefer it if she didn't exist at all.
“Jennie-ah, you need to calm down okay? It must be somewhere here. We will help you look for it. You need calm down, we go on stage in 15 minutes and you can't be looking a mess out there alright? We will find it.” Jisoo said as Jennie start getting more upset the longer she went without it. Jennie looked at her and nodded, then took a deep breath trying to calm herself. ‘Jisoo Unnie is right. I am overreacting, I need to calm myself. I'm just too stressed but I can't let it get the better of me this time.’ her told myself.
“Found it” Jennie hears a shout and looks up to see Lisa jumping up and down, while swinging the necklace in her hand, and she sighs in relief. Jisoo reaches out her hand to Lisa waiting for her to hand her the necklace.
Lisa gave it to her and Jisoo came toward Jennie and clipped the chain around her neck. “There, back where it belongs.” Jisoo smiled, tucking the necklace into her top out of sight. Jennie sighed and let out a small smile of her own, “I'm sorry, I guess I'm just so nervous. I overreacted. She said and the girls all smiled before Chaeyoung spoke “it's okay Unnie, we're all nervous too, but let's all get our heads in the game and do our best yeah?” Jennie smiled at her and nodded before getting up.
Outside the dressing room the girls walked towards the stage area. They could all hear a lot of chants and encouragement being shouted out as they passed. This gave Jennie the last bit of confidence that she needed. ‘Chaeyoung is right, we have to focus on our performances. This is not the time to let my emotions take control of me. This time we have to do it right for our fans.’ she straightened her spine as she took my mic from the staff and put it on. The girls bend their heads together and whisper their little prayer and their funky hand ritual before looking up at each other one last time before they walk on stage.
The music ends and the girls file off the stage, excitement bubbling in the air. “Oh My God that was incredible, did you hear the fans!!!” Lisa says while she bounces off the stage. Jennie can't help but laugh at the bubbly girl, no matter how many times they perform she always has the same reaction. Honestly Lisa is the most sincere person Jennie has ever known. No matter what is happening she would always be seen with a smile on her face. She never lets the outside world get her down, and always looks at the bright side of everything, She really admires her for it. Sometimes she really wishes she could be more like her. Just not let all negativity get to her, not overthink things and focus on the positives in her life.
Jennie speeds up her walking to try and catch up to her members. They are going to their dressing room to freshen up before they have to go out to the side stage to watch the rest of the award show. ‘What a night this has been’ she sighs happily, insecurities now pushed to the back of her mind. Jennie is very relieved that their performance went off without a hitch. She finished freshening up and is ready before the other girls, so she decided to go wait outside for a bit.
She loves to watch all the hustle and bustle of the backstage area. Honestly she find all this chaos integrueing, watching how so many people work together to ensure the show is a success. That's what many people don't understand, it's not just the artists that work hard to give their fans a great show, but everybody in the background that you don't see is working just as hard to support the idols and stars.
Jennie walks a bit more getting lost in the motion of the thing happening around her. She should probably get out of the way or else she might find herself caught further in the madness that is currently happening. She walks towards a more secluded area planning to stay there and watch a bit longer.
Taking a few steps back trying to avoid some staff running with some clothes to a dressing room, she bumps into someone. “Oh I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Please accept my apologies.” she says while giving them a deep bow.
He clears his throat before he speaks. “no, I apologise, I should have been watching my steps as well,” the sound of his deep voice startled her. A slight smile starts to appear on her face at his sincere apology. Of course she knows exactly who he is, everyone here would be able to recognize him by his voice alone.
He smiles slightly as an air of awkwardness fills the small space. The two idols are not unfamiliar with each other. They run in a similar cycle, have many close friends in common but despite that they had not spoken to each other face to face very often or at all really.
“Sunbae, Annyeonghaseyo” Jennie finally says, breaking eye contact, bowing once again. His eyes grow softer as he continues to look at her. “Annyeonghaseyo” he said quietly. She looks up meeting those black eyes again.
“How are you? It's not often you and I see each other. Or anyone else in our groups for that matter” he asks, giving her that soft smile.
"I'm doing very well, thank you" She gives him a polite smile.
"I watched your performance, you guys did amazing" for some reason his praise makes her feel a bit uncomfortable.
Kim Taehyung, the most unusual person she knows in this industry. From what she knows of him, he has very unique tastes and she knows from first hand experience that is incredibly kind, even to total strangers.
It amazes her even now when she thinks about it. How they met. Ironically it was a situation similar to this one, only it happened years ago, before Jennie even debuted. What was a chance meeting gave her so much courage when she needed it the most. She is not sure be even remembers it but it is something she will never forget.
"We have actually been really busy lately, we're actually on the last leg of our first tour. It's been amazing." Jennie says.
"You look happy, I'm glad" he says looking at her. It startles her, the way he is looking at her. Like he knows exactly what she has struggled with. Like he knows that not long ago her life was a complete mess.
Things might not be great but she is finally in a good place. She has started a relationship that makes her happy for the most part and she is slowly working through her issues.
She doesn't see this particular member of Bts often so there is no way he knows what she has been struggling with these last few years.
One thing she had noticed from speaking to him today is that he manages to put her at ease. She can't put her finger on it but he just has this gentleness about him that just gives her comfort and warmth. It is a feeling she is not use to getting from a man.
"And how are you doing Sunbae?" She asks out of politeness.
"Things could be better I suppose, the world is still reeling from the pandemic and I'm just trying to stay afloat like everyone else." He says, his face becoming more somber.
"I know exactly what you mean." It was nice talking to him. He seems different to Jennie from the person she used to run into when they were rookies. Much more mature, much more thoughtful and calm.
"Yes, I'm going to get it." A voice says getting close to the nook the two idols are hiding out in. A sense of fear runs through Jennie, seeming to just notice the position she was in. Alone with a male idol in a dark corner, hidden away by the large speakers and storage boxes.
As innocent as all this is, she know exactly how the media will portray this if they ever got wind of this. She would be a cheat, even if she didn't do anything wrong. The world would once again turn against her and the hate she would receive would never stop.
"Hey, it's okay. Calm down. I made sure my bodyguard knows not to let anyone else come through here." It's like he read her mind, knowing exactly where her thoughts went.
There is a calm that washes over her as soon as she hears his voice. Its the weirdest thing ever. Jennie looks at him, trying to figure him out but she cannot quite get a read on him.
He is a very different person than the boy he was when she first met him but then again she was a completely different woman from that scared little girl he had met.
He looks at her like he can see right into her soul and if she is being honest it is a bit unnerving. It makes her feel raw and exposed, like she will figure out every secret with just a look. It scares her.
"I should probably go…"
"Yeah, you're probably right." It's all he says
"It was nice talking to you Sunbae." Jennie says finally.
"Take care Jennie-shi"
She gives him a smile and walks away.
*****
Initially this story was going to be a rewrite of my first taennie book "So Show Me" (link in bio) but as I was writing this, it started to form into a story of its own. This is going to be a new story set in late 2021 and early 2022 and will follow a fictional storyline set in the realistic world of the kpop industry.
While is first chapter is very similar to "So Show Me" and certain headcannon will stay similar the chapters to follow are brand new chapters that I'm currently writing.