Vegas pov~
Fuck! .... what did i just do?!!
Why did i just do that?!
I shouldn't have told about me and Kinn!
What will porsche think of me??
What will Kinn think of me?? Will he starts hating me more than he already does??
... wait.
It doesn't matter if he hates me or think of me as whatever. Vegas! Stop it! Its been years. Stop being an idiot!
Years ago, kinn had died.
My Kinn, had died.
The Kinn that i have been facing after that day, that nightmarish day, is someone else.
He's not that Kinn that makes me feel secure. This Kinn makes me put my guard up as he can kill me in a second with not thinking twice.
That Kinn used to love me. care for me. sneaking me out of the minor house when paa would grounded me. But this kinn doesn't love me. Even if I'll be on the edge of dying, he wouldn't care for me. He's now never here when paa beat me everyother day, throw insult on me in front of the bodyguards, use me as a pawn to get what he wants from other gangs.
That Kinn would give people that kind of merciless death, that no one could imagine if someone even dare to touch me. But this Kinn..... he maybe in the future will be the reason of my death. He maybe the one who loves to kill me with his own bare hands.
Why did you changed so much Kinn?
Why did you leave me alone in this cruel world?
Why did you let me ended up being a monster?
That day in my house when he came and punched me and pointed his gun at me with that kind of anger and disgust, it broke me from inside. Do i disgust him this much? Did i used to disgust him this much when we were together too? Maybe that's why he left.
But i should stop thinking about him . I just should stop.
And then after years i felt that kind of easiness with someone else.
It is Porsche.
After kinn, Porsche is the only one who saw me as me. He was not scared of me like others. He didn't make me feel like monster even when he, im sure, heard from people about me.
With porsche, if we talk about our ride that day or the days we spent into that mission, he makes me feel alive again. He makes me feel myself again. I didn't have to act like that person to whom people are afraid of. No. With him i just like being myself.
And becus of this i want to save Porsche. He's too precious for hurt. He's too precious for the heartbreak he will get....like i got years ago from kinn.
Whenever he look at Kinn, it reminds me of my younger self the one who was madly in love with Kinn. Who thought that his world was Kinn. I can see that Porsche is so much like the younger me when its come to loving someone.
And it scares me.
It scares me that Kinn is also going to destroy his bright smile.
I still remember when 2 years after everything went down or i can say 5 years from now, i heard the news of kinn's new boyfriend, which considered as first boyfriend to people as no one knew about us. The way that thing broked my heart more that he moved on but i can't.
Tawan. Thats what his 'first' boyfriend name was.
The first time i saw him, i knew why Kinn liked him. He was tall, fair, handsome, had a charm, thin waist, talks to people politely, etc. etc.
He was everything Kinn ever wanted.
And that hurts more.
I still remember when i first saw them together at one of the grand party of underworld.
Flashback-
Everyone are here with their patners. As i was chatting with one of our allies gang leader, suddenly everyone was aweing and looking at the entrance. As i turned my eye at that direction, it like my whole world crumbled down.
Kinn was walking in.
But he was not alone.
He was with Tawan.
That image shook me completely as bringing someone with you in this kind of parties means declaring your status as official lovers.
i just want to run away from here as fast as i can to let myself cry somewhere. Somewhere far from here. But i couldn't. Thankfully paa called me over to his table to meet some people. It did distracted me for a while but soon the lump in my throat returned as kinn, tawan and uncle korn came to sit on the table as well, as Theerapanyakun, infront of other people is one strong family who lead the mafia world, so when we are outside, we stick as one loving but dangerous family.
"So you decide to bring you patner?" Paa asked.
"Yes. His name is Tawan and I wanted everyone to know the man i love. So they know better than mess with him" kinn said firmly but also with a small fond smile as he look at Tawan
I felt sting in my eyes as i still try to hold back.
I reminisced about some years ago when we were just like today were at a party.
we both were sitting on the round table with kinn at my side, looking at other people, i leaned to him and whispered in his ear , " i wished we can come like these couple. As a official couple." Kinn gave me a smile and lean at me and whispered," we will. And no mattered what people says, i will put my hand on your waist and introduce you as my love to the whole world without any shame or guilt." He secretly kissed under my ear looking like he's just whispering. He pulled away and smile while looking at my eyes which were teary as it was to much for me to digest that someone loves me this much and he squessed my hand gently under table as i returned him a smile.
That was a dream for me for years that this guy is living with kinn.
Suddenly Kinn stands up to go somewhere but before he can move the chair to go away, Tawan tugged at kinn's hand in question and kinn looked at him with a smile.
" im gonna meet someone important. So excuse me"
But then he lean and give Tawan a soft gentle kiss, cupping his cheeks.then give a quick kiss to his forehead before moving away.
It was the last string of my patience that kinn cut mercilessly and not thinking twice before doing that action. I felt my eyes tearing up, so i excused my self and left the table to the close washroom.
As i entered, i finally broke down. Leaning on the counter, I thought i was done with these kind of breakdowns. But no, Kinn always have to come up and destroy me completely.
Suddenly the door opened.
I quickly wiped my tears and look in the front, impressed that i looked okay, except my red eyes.
But when i looked at the presence that was behind me through the mirror, i felt another round of tears coming. But i swallowed them and tried to put the mask of cold again.
After a staring contest or more like glaring for some more seconds, kinn walked towards me as i frozed and just watch kinn move from the mirror.
He came behind me and we continued looking at each other through the mirror. He was close. Too close. That i could feel his breath on my neck.
"You cried. Didn't you?" He asked as he smirked.
"None of your goddamn business!" I said gritting my teeth as i tried to rush out but he grabbed my arm and shoved me to a wall with his one hand wrapped around my waist while other on the wall as he lean closer.
"Kinn! fucking let go!"
"I didn't think you'd be such a crybaby" he said with smugness. As i looked in his eyes trying to see if the old kinn, my kinn is anywhere still alive. But found nothing. I should've known better than that. If it was my kinn from 2 years back he would've held my face concernly and would've kissed all over my face till i forget about anything else in the world except us.
This kinn is looking at me mockingly. Like this is the best thing he ever saw in his life. Me crying over something that he buried with no care.
I didn't realise that i started tearing up again as we both stayed silent, til i felt kinn's hand on my cheek as he wiped off my tear that fall. I just closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. This is the most warmest touch i felt in these 2 years.
After few seconds the hand was removed but i kept my eyes closed as to just kept this touch in memory and not the smirking mocking face Kinn would have right now knowing he still affects me this much.
" i didn't think that minor family heir is actually going to be this weak. Huh! Your father must be disappointed on you as he must've wanted a powerful heir, not a weakling, crying over ex, baby." He whispered in my ear.
With that the footsteps vanished behind the door of the washroom entrance. I quickly locked the door and slide down. Crying like ,what he said, a crybaby.
What happened Kinn?.... Please come back. I need you. Im losing myself. I can't take all of this. Hug me like before. Just don't say anything but hold me.
I continued sitting there sobbing dont know for how many minutes or maybe hours. Finally after i calm down i realised that today maybe Kinn showed me how he despises me. The topic of me and my father has always been sensitive. I don't even know how many nights i had run to Kinn crying becus of my father. He'll always tell me that its ok and everything is going to be alright. He's there to save me.
But what now?...
Kinn..
who'll tell me that it's okay?
Who'll tell me that It'll be alright?
Who'll tell me that I'll be saved when im in danger?
Who'll save me from my father?
Well... now i know....that atleast its not you.
After checking and fixing myself in the mirror for some minutes, i looked into my reflection. I decide that now its my turn to show you Kinn that who is the minor family heir is.
You've always only care about minor and major family. Power and upperhand. I'll show you who i am.
As i made my way outside.
Flashback ends-
Thinking about what happened 5 years ago makes me concern for porsche more.
The way i break, i hope porsche will not.
I walked to my room window with whiskey in my hand. Looking at the beautiful night, i promise myself that i will never let Porsche go through what i have. Never.
I did made a promise to my self 3 years ago. The day Kinn broked me into so many pieces that i didnt even tried to fix them ever again, as it was impossible. The day i lost myself officially. The day i last cried for Kinn. The day i buried my feelings the way Kinn buried our relationship.
I promised myself that I'll destroy Kinn till he will be broken beyond repaired. But well.... even though world calls me a monster but in the end as the emotional fool i am, even after everything i couldn't do anything wrong to Kinn. I couldn't destroy him. I couldn't kill him. My love for the old Kinn didn't let me.
But this promise that i am making today Porsche, even if i have to.... kill Kinn, I'll do it to save you. I couldn't save myself but I'll save you.
I promise porsche, i promise.
_________________________________________
So i hope its good?!?!?😍😍😍 is ittt????
And yess finally vegas pov!!
If you guys are curious about Tawan. Then just know that..... TAWAN IS DEAD! ....... At least here. In the series god knows what he's gonna do.
I just hope they dont follow the novel!
...
Oops! Sry! Spoiler! But not a big one so forgive me.😅
Anyways!!!!
Sorry for the late update as me and my mom are going somewhere, so she's preparing everthing and im helping her.
Thats why its getting harder to update! Sry!
But im not gonna stop! So dont worry!!😘😘😘
Ok now b-bye!!!🤗😋