2 more days and I'm gonna reach my 28 weeks of carrying Deila Isabel on my womb. It's been a while but me and Thiry didn't clear our issues pa rin. I'm annoyed na but at the same time I can't help but to miss him. Nasanay talaga ata ako na lagi siyang nandyan. I hate it when I thought of.. what if ako nalang ang magsorry? since I think I'm the one who started this.
I sighed.
My eyes went down to the little paper where I wrote my plan. Corny it may sound but I just found myself planning my surprise for Thirdy, I wanna tell him about our baby's gender through a surprise. And I'm kinda hoping na this would also be a way for us to fix our relationship. Not it was ruined but at least clear things out kasi hindi talaga kami okay ni Thirdy.
And after 2 days he'll be flying to Europe also for his training. I sighed as I read what I wrote on the paper. I have to do this or else aalis si Thirdy ng hindi man lang niya alam ang gender ng baby. And maybe,just maybe it would help him boost up for training.
I gulped and ready myself. I went to the mall to buy something. I also did the things I had to for the surprise. I don't know what got into me but I just found myself telling the driving to go to the campus where I know in this time of the day the eagles were playing on the BEG.
As the car stop,I'm hesitating pa at first but because I'm here naman na,I went out of the car and walk. Some students were busy doing their things. Some of them smiled at me. I look around.
Gosh I miss walking in these paths,I miss driving while my teammates are at my back shouting for me to drive faster because I'm teasing them. The times when we have to fit ourselves in one car even if we couldn't. Minsan nga hindi na nasasara ang back compartment ng kotse ko kasi may nakasakay din dun. The mass,where my teammates would take a photo or video of me so I had to look back and it's really annoying me.
Me sitting in the classroom making myself understand history,and Thirdy being late always. The injuries and bruises I get from playing. The tape that never left my shoulders. Me going to my cousin's wedding wearing a jersey and cycling shorts. Sleeping whenever I get a chance and teasing Jho,and dito ko lang to aaminin.
I miss bullying them.
They say I'm a bully,not naman. Bonding ang tawag dun.
'We're good friends',gosh I miss saying that. That was ThirBea's favorite line as people say,it's true naman.
A smile escape my lips when I remember the things I've done as I stay in this school. Soon I'll be graduating but the word 'Atenean' will remain in me. This may not be the first choice but at least this was the last and I never regret chosing Ateneo.
I sighed and continues walking,still remembering the good and crazy times I have here. I don't know but I feel like I have to cherish this day that I'm here.
As I reach BEG I saw the eagles playing. For some reason I feel proud to be an eagle. Sana in the near future my kids will also choose Ateneo. They will have their freedom to choose what school would they go but of course depende yun sa kakayahan ni Thirdy na magbayad ng tuition nila. Oo si Thirdy lang ang magbabayad.
I saw Thirdy playing prolly on the court. He got to score 3 and then more. I watch him do the thing he loves. I can see his tiredness but the joy in his eyes says it all. He's enjoying,he's happy and I promise to keep that smile and happiness because I love him so much.
When I saw them settle on the bench,I walk slowly hoping that he would see me and call me.
'Si BDL,pwede kaya tayo magpapic?'. I heard the I think is freshmen's saying.
I smile at them.
'shit! Nakita niya tayo'.
'ang ganda talaga, expensive so much'. Bulong nung Isa
'baka andito siya for Thirdy? Yieeee'. The other one giggled.
I laugh and shook my head,hayst people and how they treat me it's so overwhelming to be honest. But at the same time warms my heart. They're one of the reasons why I wanted to do the things I love because I know they're always here to support me,that there are people believing in me.
When I look at the bench,I caught Thirdy staring at me then to my belly. I saw him smile a bit,or it's because of their game kaya siya nakangiti o dahil andito ako? I don't know,I don't wanna be assuming.
I walk to them,he look away,I saw him sighed before standing up and walk towards me. When we reach each other,we just stare the eyes of one another as if it would tell each of us what we really want to say. As if it would make us feel what we want each other to feel.
"Pagod ako Bea". I blinked multiple times when I heard him said that.
"Ahh yeah I saw you playing,you're doing great". He sighed and look away.
I just stare at him. What does he mean 'pagod' ba?
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?". I gulped and close my eyes.
Damn that question! Damn that tone of him!
"Bea,are you okay?". I open my eyes when he held my cheeks as he ask that question.
"Yeah..(I'm not).. anyway are you free tomorrow?". I asked instead.
I saw his forehead creased then he put his hand down.
"Hmm oo ata?".
"You're not sure? Why where are you going?".
Why does it feel like you're avoiding me?
"May lakad kami tomorrow ng basketball team,you know 2 days nalang we're flying to Europe. Mamimiss namin ang Pilipinas". He said excitedly.
Excited yarn?
"Hmm what time ka makakauwi?". I still tried.
"Mga 7:00 na ng Gabi. Ahm bakit ba kasi? Do you need help. Sorry Bea,I can't help you at this moment. I really need to focus on the league. I'll make it up to the kids pagkatapos nito. Talagang nauubos ang time ko dito eh". He said sadly.
to the kids...
I smile back at him sadly.
"Pwede ba akong pumunta sa Bahay niyo tomorrow night?". The last try I did.
"Ah yeah of course. You can bring Davin if you want I miss that boy". Ngumiti lang ako at tumango.
I turn my back immediately and walk fast. Damn this! Why is he making me feel like this? Why is he treating me like I'm nothing?
With a heavy heart I walk fast towards the car but before I could even open the door someone's hand held it. I close my eyes when I realized who's hand is that.
And when I look back I saw Thirdy,a tear fell from my eye. I saw him gulped as he watch my tear stream down to my face.
"I'm sorry Bea,patawarin mo ko". He said and hugged me.
"I understand you". I said and caress his back.
Gosh,I love you so much that without assurance I'll still understand you. I will wait and hopefully I won't give up.
'Kasi Thirdy konti nalang'.
I badly wanna utter what's on my mind but I can't,I couldn't.
"Go to my house tomorrow night,aagahan ko nalang ang uwi". He said and kissed my forehead and touched my belly.
"I love you". I said that made him stilled.
He didn't answer.
I smile at him before kissing his right cheek and I went inside the car.
That was supposed to be a fulfilling moment for us but it wasn't.
"Mom I'll go na ha,I'll see you later". I said before waving my hand at her.
"Sana wag ka masyadong gabihin ha, That's not good for you". I smile and roll my eyes at her playfully.
I went inside my car,yes I'll be driving since the driver went with daddy for his trip today to I don't know where.
I'm a bit excited,just a bit for tonight. It's already 7:56 so I think Thirdy's at their house now since he said uuwi nalang siya ng maaga. I know I'm already late for 56 minutes but who cares anyway.
When I arrive at their house the dogs immediately greeted me. Especially Jack and Jill,they jumped on me but I can't hold them since I'm carrying the cake. I had a cake that has a sentence 'guess my gender daddy' written on it,and the color of the cake inside would be the gender, technically if it's blue,then it's a boy,if pink obviously a girl.
I didn't get that from the internet,I just thought of that style. I don't know what got into me but yeah, whatever.
"Bea!". Tita shouted when she saw me.
I went to her and hug her using my free hand.
"Ang tagal mo ng hindi dumalaw dito, though I know you've been busy,anyway kumusta ang apo ko? I mean mga". She said and her eyes went down to my belly.
"Okay naman tita,anyways tita nandito na ba si Thirdy?". Tanong ko and I look at the stairs.
"Ahh no,Wala pa siya dito. Umalis yun kanina eh". I sighed and nodded my head.
Why did I even believe na uuwi siya ng maaga?
"Bea sige ha,maiwan muna kita jan". She said and went to the kitchen.
Wala naman akong nagawa. I put the cake on the center table and wait for him. Dani and I talked when she went downstairs but she also left kasi she's studying pa daw. Keifer and ate Ly also arrived,we had some chit-chat but then they also went out for I think a date?
Tito Bong also talked to me. I've spoke to every person na mapapadaan sa living room where I'm sitting,waiting for him pero Wala pa rin siya. I sighed and rest my head on the couch. I'm sleepy na,and when I looked at my wrist watch it's almost 11.
Napabangon lang ako when I heard someone talking on my side.
"Yes tita,she's sleeping now. Baka ihatid ko nalang siya later.. opo.. yes tita I won't". He said and sighed.
When he look at me,he saw me already awake.
"Hey". I greet him.
He didn't greet me back. He just stare at me seriously. I cleared my throat before speaking.
"Come let's eat the cake baka gutom ka na?". I said I little bit excited for him.
But my excitement suddenly vanish when I saw him shake his head,refusing to eat the cake.
"Bukas ko nalang kainin,busog na busog pa ako". He said seriously.
"How was your night?". I asked instead,Wala ng pag-asa na mangyari ang surprise.
It's a failed gender reveal.
"Good. But I had to go home kasi tumawag si mama na nandito ka,Anong ginagawa mo dito?". My forehead creased.
"Ikaw ang nagsabing pumunta ako dito diba?". May halong inis kong sabi.
"Kasi sabi mo pupunta ka". He said impatient as well.
I laughed sarcastically, I can't help. Maybe it's because of the mixed emotions I'm feeling right now. I can't help but to be sarcastic towards him because of the way he's acting.
"Yun na nga eh,I told you and you know that I'm coming,you said na uuwi ka ng maaga. But you didn't pero alam mong pupunta ako and because you're not here malamang maghihintay ako".
"Bakit ka ba kasi naghihintay". What?
"Kasi nga sinabi kong pupunta ko tonight and you said yes. Pumunta ako kasi akala ko pagbibigyan mo ako. Wala ka namang narining sakin after all those weeks na hindi ka nagpapakita sa Amin diba? I'm just hoping that you can atleast consider this night". He look at me intently.
"So you're saying I'm not doing my job as a father to my kids,to you?". He said seriously.
"I didn't say that". That came as whisper.
"Eh napapagod na nga akong gawin ang responsibilidad ko eh. Pero ginagawa ko pa rin. Akala mo ba hindi ko kayo iniisip sa tuwing Hindi Tayo nagkikita? I miss my kids but I can't do anything about it. I need to be in this league to earn". He explain tiredly.
I stare at him confused.
"Sinusumbatan mo ba ako?". I said with wide eyes.
"I'm not. I'm just making you understand that I need to earn for the kids. We have responsibilities to take care of. I can't be with you always. And I'm so tired,and with you acting this way won't help". I can't help but to be hurt. So what does he want to do?
"You didn't say anything to me for days. You're tired? I understand that. But you can't update me with just one text message saying that you're fine but you can do IG story and post? You go clubbing,but you can't visit Davin?". I said sarcastically.
I heard him heave a sigh and stare at me intently.
"Do you know why I do clubbing? 3 weeks ago my name vanished on the list of Players for the European League. But I can't lose that opportunity because I have to earn money,and so pinakiusapan ko si Coach na isali ako,that I will do my best". My eyes widened,his name v-vanished?
"And coach said,I should prove to him na kaya kong pagsabayin ang mga bagay,na kaya kong maging player together with all the responsibilities in my life. I had to do clubbing and things para maipakita sa kaniyang kaya ko kahit na kayo naman ang nasa isip ko kahit saan ako pumunta eh". I gulped.
"Pero Bea.. pagod na pagod na ako, kasalanan man pero minsan naisip kong mas mabuti siguro ang kinalalagyan ko ngayon if all of these didn't happened". What does he mean?
Tears started to fall from my eyes when I heard that. I wasn't expecting him to think of the me and the kids that way. That he's better off without us?
Tama nga naman siya,he can do all the things he want without thinking for responsibilities before.
Ngayon ko lang naisip ulit if tama ba talagang nakilala niya si Davin?
"You're better off without us? Is that what you mean?". I asked him seriously tears still falling from my eyes.
He look at me.
I saw guilt on those precious eyes of Thirdy. I felt my heart broke when he nod his head.
"But I can't live without you now. Pagod lang ako pero hindi kayo pinagsisihan".
That's too late Thirdy,too late na bawiin ang sinabi mo. You can live without us Thirdy,that's what you make us feel these past days. Pinagsisihan mong nangyari kami,sinabi mo na.
"You need space?". I asked him.
"Bea..".
I smile at him.
"You can have all your time now. I'm giving you the space and peace you deserve,don't worry about our kids. We will always think of you and support you in anyways. You will always be our champion". As I said that pieces of my heart went to pieces,it's so painful. I can't bear to look at him for I know I'll just see pain on him.
At baka hindi ko kasi kayanin.
With a heavy heart,I force myself to walk out of their house. I ran towards my car,I can feel him running after me but I didn't look back. I was about to open the door of my car when I felt his strong arms around me. I close my eyes and let my tears fall. I heard his sobs and his tears falling on my neck.
He burried his face on my neck and cry harder. I have to think of the right things to do right now. I have to decide and this feels like the same time when I had to decide and move on my own.
I remove his hand on me. I smile and wipe his tears. I looked at his face lovingly, because maybe this would be the last I can see this handsome face of him.
No. I'll see him soon of course but for now..
"I love you Thirdy with all my heart,see you on the other side of the moon". I said before kissing his lips for the last time.
He stilled and I take that as a chance to get inside my car without him stopping me. Agad kong pinaandar ang kotse ko,when I looked at the mirror I saw him running after my car.
I smile sadly.
For the second time. I had to leave you for the sake of you and your dreams. This won't be easy,but I know in my heart that I can do everything because of you. You and our kids will be the reason for me to stand still. This would be the last night with you,a first night na tatanggapin kong hindi pa ito ang tamang oras para satin.
Sana kung pwede na,pwede pa.
___________
End.
Charing. Walang matatapos hangga't walang paayuda.