Ahhhh I need to finish this book.
'Right, we're skipping to the final confrontation. Because we've barely got any time left and this needs a lot of stuff to make it good... Doofenshmirtz, Evil Zedaph, you're onstage.' Joe decided, sitting in front of the reconstructed stage, a terrifying number of weeks into rehearsing the play.
'I get to blow stuff up!' Tango punched the air in delight. 'Finally!'
'Yep. But... not actually, ok? We're going to do this slowly, because we've got some complicated choreography and stunts to fit into it... Din Djaren, Pearlie, enter stage right.
Pearl ran onstage, and Scar followed after, clearly not knowing what he was actually supposed to be doing.
'Oh no! It's those villagers that were resisting! We need to stop them!' Zedaph pointed at them, faking terror. 'Doofenshmirtz! What should we do?'
'Kill them! There's only two of them!'
'Impulse! False! That's your cue!'
'Coming!' Yelled Impulse, running onstage, tripping over and falling facefirst, before scrambling to his feet, ready to fight. False followed. 'We'll defeat you! For kidnapping Grain and enslaving us to the Ice Queen!'
'Grian's been kidnapped?!' Scar gasped. 'No!'
'If you think you can defeat Dr Evil, you're wrong! We will stop you!' Tango declared. Silence. Scar looked around at the others.
'You pathetic sidekicks can't stop me!'
'Scar! It's not your line!' Muttered Pearl.
'Then why isn't anyone talking?!'
'Cub, Xisuma, you're on.'
'Cub's not here.' Xisuma explained. 'I didn't know if I should just wait for him or...'
Joehillssays: CUB WHERE ARE YOU
Cubfan135: coming!
It wasn't longer than a couple of minutes that they were waiting for Cub before he landed, holding a cake.
'I made cake?' He holds it up sheepishly
Joe closed his mouth, desire for cake stopping him from arguing about lateness.
'Fine. Does anyone want some cake?'
'Yes I do.' Immediately, Grian walked over to Cub, taking a slice of cake. Tango, Xisuma, and several others followed. Scar remained where he was.
'Don't trust him! Don't trust the cake! The... the cake is a lie!'
'Very good lie though.' Grian replied with a mouth full of cake. 'And we've literally gone over this a thousand times. Cub's not evil.'
Scar didn't reply. Joe shrugged, mouth full of cake.
'Continue the scene. Pearl, Scar, Impulse, False, Tango, Zedaph, get onstage again. Cub, Xisuma, you enter in a moment.'
The group obeyed, returning to their positions.
'Last line again please, Tango?'
'Sure! If you think you can kill Dr Evil, you're wrong! We will stop you!'
Cub and Xisuma ran onstage, taking their positions. Scar drew a sword.
'Cub! The foul traitor! We meet again!'
'SCAR IT'S NOT YOUR LINE!'
'It appears that we do. So you made it past the ice queen's palace, did you?'
'I don't know what you're talking about.' Challenged Scar. Tango stepped back, letting the pair take centre stage. 'But yes.'
'I'm surprised that you survived. You know, with you almost dying so much.'
'You were like a brother to me, Cub. And now you've betrayed me.'
'SCAR, STOP THIS!'
'MAYBE we can talk it out!' Pearl yelled, pushing past Scar. 'You deactivate the evil machine and give us the magical artefact, and then we leave you alone.'
'Dr Evil won't let you do something like that! He'll kill you!'
'Not if I kill you first!'
At the same time, Scar and Cub were still arguing, and Scar had just pulled out a lightsaber.
'Die, you filthy traitor hippie!'
Cub pulled out his own lightsaber in reply, and the two fought. Backstage, Grian somehow managed to start playing Star Wars music.
'I'll murder you, Darth Vader!'
'I have the high ground now, Mandolorian. You can't kill me!'
'WE'RE NOT DOING STAR WARS!' Joe hollered, to absolutely no avail. 'WE'RE DOING MY PLAY!'
'DIE!' Scar pulled out the Hot Guy bow. Cub replied with a sword, quickly decapitating Scar.
GoodTimeWithScar was slain by Cubfan135
'CUB!'
'What?!'
'Why did you kill him?!'
'Because it's Scar and he was threatening me!'
'Continue where we left off... oh look, Scar's making threats in chat.
GoodTimeWithScar: I can very easily take back our deal on you getting my basement
GoodTimeWithScar: from now on you're BANIHSED from the elven forest!
Cubfan135: I DIDN'T BETRAY YOU, MY CHARACTER DID
Cubfan135: AND I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING BANIHSED.
GoodTimeWithScar: I WILL BANISH YOU WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND SCARS!
'CUB! STOP! WE'RE DOING A PLAY!' Finally, he stopped, apologising. 'Now, let's continue the scene.'
'What about Scar's lines?'
'Who still has a script and can read Scar's lines?'
'I can.' Grian volunteered, climbing onstage, script in hand.
'Great. Hopefully Scar's got over everything by the time we reach you having to enter.'
'Dr Evil won't let you do something like that! He'll kill you!' Tango repeated his last line.
'We've got the chosen one on our side! We'll never lose!' Impulse replied.
'The chosen one is dead! The ice queen killed him!' Cub scoffed. 'And I'd like to see that idiot stop me.'
'Iyy trosted yew cayptain jayck!' Grian replied, trying to mimic Scar's voice and failing. Cub burst out laughing, but regained his composure to continue
'That's a shame. Anyone can betray anyone.'
'Fine. Then we must fight you. For the hermit lands! And for justice!' Pearl ran forwards to fight, Tango came to join her. Joe yelled for them to stop.
'Right! I've planned some choreography. Tango, you... like... slice like you're trying to behead Pearl. And Pearl, you duck.' They both followed, but at the same time Grian quacked like a duck. 'Then repeat but the other way around... that's it. Grian, why are you pretending to be a duck?'
'You told them to duck! I couldn't help myself!'
'Right. Just... shut up. Tango, Pearl, just continue taking it in turns to duck and- GRIAN STOP QUACKING!'
'I CAN'T HELP IT!'
'Repeat those moves while I move onto someone else... Xisuma, jump onto the death machine and say your line more dramatically, please.' He sighed as Xisuma hopped up sheepishly. 'We want some energy over here!' Xisuma leapt onto the platform again, promptly forgetting his line.
'Don't you dare, Impulse.'
'What?' Impulse looked over, eyes wide.
'That's Xisuma's line! Right, at the same time, you run over to the machine, like you're about to disarm it... and Xisuma, your line?'
'Don't you dare, Impulse!'
'We're not letting you win!'
'Xisuma, you attack him. Jump down towards him, Impulse you run backwards... yep, just like that. False, dodge out the way and run towards Zedaph and... wait!' Impulse stopped mid-step, one leg in the air, and crashed to the ground. Xisuma held out a hand to help him up. Grian and Cub watched each other from opposite sides of the stage, not sure what to you. 'That was great! But we really need Scar to start the fighting, who still hasn't returned from his base...'
'Should I find him?' Grian asked. Sighing, Joe nodded.
'Force him to come. He's really important for this scene.' Grian flew off, and Joe returned to the group. 'Right, run that from Pearl's line.'
They did, while Joe sat back, watching as the hermits acted. It wasn't a very long section, and he continued giving instruction until Grian returned, followed by Scar.
'He was just sulking. Plus he's blocked the entrance to your base, Cub. With obsidian.'
'Scar, onstage. Grian, you can stand back and watch. Now... when Pearl does her line, you run at Cub and Cub, you slice back. Scar, block and duck to avoid another hit- Grian if you quack one more time- and then slice at Cub and Cub blocks and... yeah, something like that.' Joe's convoluted instructions continued until everyone was out of breath, repeating the action a few times to ensure everyone knew what they were doing. 'And then Doc, you walk on and everyone stops fighting.'
Doc did, walking in from the side. Joe sighed.
'From the back! Backstage, not stage left! Go back and do it again... more energy! We want drama. And say your line at the same time.'
Doc strode on again, accompanied by a rubbish lightning sound effect declaring-
'What's my line again?'
'It's 'greetings, traitors. I'm surprised you made it this far.' You should've learnt this weeks ago!'
'Fine. Do it again, I guess.'
'Continue from there. And... at this point Zedaph, Cub, Tango and Xisuma all... CUB DON'T KILL SCAR!'
GoodTimeWithScar was slain by cubfan135
'Right. In that case, we skip forwards to Grian's entrance. Doc does some evil monologue, and then Grian flies in. You... need to go backstage, there's a place for you to fly in from.'
'I can do flying.'
'Good. You'll have to. We've got some kind of harness to wear, in case you fall and...'
'Hang on, I can fly without safety gear.'
'You won't actually be flying... we've got some fake wings.'
'WHAT?! I have actual wings!'
'But... it's safer with the harness. And we've got it all set up...'
'Fine... but if it doesn't work, I'm not doing it again.' Grian walked backstage. It wasn't too long later that he appeared on a high up platform, looking down on the stage, attaching the harness to himself, ready to swing down on the fake wings.
'Try to land on the Death Machine, or somewhere near Doc... 3, 2, 1...' Grian jumped, a moment early, swinging before...'
The rope went slack and Grian smacked into the ground with a very monotone 'OW.'
'WE ARE TREES!' Came a Swedish-accented yell from where Grian had come from. 'WE ARE THE SUPREME PLAY!'
'No way are we letting some trees beat us!' Tango muttered back, walking over to the death machine and filling it with TNT. 'If they're not going to leave our set alone, then there's only one option.'
'TANGO DON'T YOU DARE!' Joe ran over, but it was too late.
Joehillssays blew up
Tango blew up
Cubfan135 blew up
Grian blew up
Falsesymmetry blew up
ImpulseSV blew up
Pearlescentmoon blew up
DocM77 blew up