27th April
I was getting ready to set off on my bike before Milo interrupted me- of course. I rip my earphones out my ears and set a harsh glare at him, he just looks as happy as ever.
Probably because he couldn't seeing the look I'm giving him as I have my shades on, "hey Harvey" I then rip my sunglasses off and glare at gim- making sure he can see this time.
"What?" I grit through my teeth and tilt myself and the bike to the side so I'm not sat down wobbling on the bike. He examines the bike with a smile.
"Where we going?" Who the fuck is we? Did... did he just invite himself to tag along with me? I could literally be going anywhere yet he's already made it clear he is coming with. This boy has no boundaries.
I close my eyes tightly and huff, which then turns into a long sigh which then turns into a groan. And before I can continue I feel his presence come closer, so I open my eyes.
And I squeal.
Milo's face is in front of me, just right there. His eyes are so bright and blue and they are right there, probably the closest we have ever been to one another. I can feel his breath against my skin and the warmth radiating off of him, but that may just be the sun. I'm hoping anyway.
My thoughts start to race and I can feel my cheeks heat at his closeness, I gasp lightly to myself and lean backwards. But I'm on a bike so you can imagine that not ending well.
I fall backwards and I see- for a second, his eyes widening and reaching out towards me but I've already fallen to my ass on the path. My bike ontop of my legs and I glare up at him through my fallen hair.
What the hell just happened? And why is he being a creepy? Also my ass hurts- don't even.
"Why in the name of fuck did you just do that!?" His eyes are wide and his face is bright red, he rushes down grabbing the bike from me so I'm not being used as a human chair for a fricking bike. I arublty stand up and grab the bike of him with a scowl on my face.
"I'm sorry, forgot how dramatic you are" he rubs the back of his head with a sheepish smile and I stomp on his foot, yep. You heard it right.
He's just so irritating and annoying and how dare he smile! He yelps and holds his foot in the air like a freaking flamingo. "I was just trying to see your face up close" my cheeks turn pink after hearing that, against my will.
For some reason I feel flustered but I see him nodding towards me, "you have a small bruise on your face." My face drops at that, remembering that's why I was wearing the sunglasses in the first place. My father last night- well, he wasn't happy as you can guess.
And now I have a small bruise near my right eye. Well, it's sort of at the top of my cheekbone but my glasses hid it pretty well, I didn't think anyone would notice. It's not too big- but it is dark. He has quite a strong right hook to him, I scoff at that.
"It's nothing, i walked into a door" his forehead creases, clearly not believing me.
"Yeah sure" I roll my eyes at him and put on my glasses again. It's annoying how preseptive he is, how well he is at detecting lies. I've noticed that about him, he observes people and he seems good at reading others.
Which is annoying.
"Okay well thank you for your unwanted concern, but I'm busy so bye." I get on my bike, putting in my earphones then peddling away.
I'm not very fast, clearly not as fast as I hope because soon enough Milo sat on his bike peddling away next to me. He turns to look at me with his dorky smile and I just blink at him before turning up the volume with one hand and the other on the bar.
So I guess he is tagging along after all, great.
Five or so minutes later and Milo is still quiet- on the outside atleast, which I'm grateful for. He seems in his head, I can hear his thoughts from here and I'm wearing earphones with the music full blast for gods sake.
I already know it's about the bruise, which I don't get. It's small and nothing, it's just a tiny little mark. Mark from my dad no less but he doesn't know that, maybe that's why he's stuck in his head. Trying to figure out why I lied- because he definitely knows it's a lie, and what it's really from.
But he's not going to find out, I'm never telling him anything like that, or anyone. No one needs to know anyway, it's not that deep. I make a mistake and my father sets me straight, that's just how parenting is. And anyway it's my fault to begin with.
I just need to keep my mouth shut.
My music slowly dies down as the short playlist I made comes to an end. I suddenly stop my bike and so does Milo, he looks at me with a questioning look and I rip my earphones out.
I don't know why I went out on a bike ride, maybe I just wanted to get away from my house. And now I am stuck with Milo for the day.
He gets of his bike and walks over to me, "what are we doing" I shrug and get of my own bike, sighing. I just wanted a little ride around to clear my head.
"We could maybe go to the cafe" he nods his head towards a small coffee shop and I look that way. I have nothing better to do so why not waste my time with him.
I roll me eyes sighing a 'fine' to which he grins at.
*****
And that is how i found myself sitting at a pink booth in the cafe with a cup of tea in front of me, Milo sitting opposite me.
This is the same cafe we came to before, I turn my head when I hear sipping and frown at an oblivious Milo slurping away at his iced lemon coffee, which is disgusting by the way. He stares into his drink as he does so and I boot him on his knee under the table.
He squeals, nearly choking on his drink and cradles his kneecap under the table. He looks to me with a small scowl- of course it's a small one. Because when has Milo shown negative emotions. Oh right, when he's alone in his room, that's when he let's his real emotions show.
I roll my eyes at him, "pussy" I mumble and take a sip of my drink. He pouts this time, confirming my point.
"Hey, can't you be nice for once" he says in a whiney tone and it almost makes me laugh, does he know me at all?
"Once you leave me alone, yes" he tuts and leans back against the booth. I just carry on drinking my drink in an annoyed attitude, I don't like being out in public- because I hate people that is. I rather be home now, instead of the too well lit cafe with teens here and there.
I see his eyes look around us, examining people- and wow he is so nosy. I take this time to examine him. The clothes he wears, his attitude- like how he sits confidently with his arms strachey ontop of the booth as he looks out into the crowd of people.
Then I realise how totally opposite we are, his body language is more relaxed and he's spread out. I'm sat with a curved back- probably getting an old grandad body while at it, my head low as I sit my tea and avoid all humans.
His skin is tanned, sort of glowing from where the sun hits him through the window. His shirt hangs low on him, showing of his collar bone and his chains hanging around his neck. His neck which moves occasionally up and down from swallowing and soon I'm in a daze.
His adams apple bobs and my half closed eyes travel up to his face, his skin is smooth- which pisses me off. I have some bumps and pimples here and there. Just small spots brushed in certain places, near my hairline, near my chin, a bit on my cheek. Not too noticeable but enough to be insecure.
Yet here his is, smooth tanned skin. No fuzz of hair, spots or acne scars anywhere. My eyes move from his sharp jawline to his round nose with a small slope.
His bright sea blue eyes are coated with thick dark eyelashes which graze his prominent cheekbones with every blink. His eyebrows are bushy and dark complimenting his face, my eyes dart down to his cheeks as I see pink start to coat them.
I blink.
Is he blushing? And if so why?
Then I realise i have been staring for quite some time and maybe he caught on, though his head is turned to the side. He's not looking at me directly.
He clears his throat and I snap out of it then his head is turning my way, "what's wrong?" I blink a couple times and put my drink on the table. He definitely caught me staring.
I look down to my fingers fiddling away with each other and I bite my lips, well this is quite awkward. I look up at him with only my eyes as I feel my whole face heat up. His eyes dart to my lips and back to my eyes- quick, but I caught it.
Then he smirks.
"Do I have something on my face?" I bite my lip more, a habit I've picked up like fiddling with my fingers, and he follows the action. Which just makes his smirk widen- into a creepy looking grin.
Luckly a group of people's laughter cuts our awkward intense eye contact and I could not he more grateful for annoying loud people. Both our heads turn and we find the source.
A girl and two boys are on a table besides us. Having their own conversation and seeming to enjoy being in the company of each other- friends i assume.
I see Milo eyes squint, "hey isn't that Darcie?" He nods to the girl but I just shrug, "who the hell is Darcie?" But then I remember, that girl from my fathers charity party. The head teachers daughter. I 'ah' in realisation and tell him it is her.
I scowl at her for being too loud as she chats with her friends and Milo catches it. "Damn you really hate people don't you" I look to him and blow a puff of air. "No, I'm just happier when they're not around" he snorts at that rolling his eyes and stands up, telling me he's going to the loo. Which ew, I don't want to know.
I look back over to Darcie.
She's with two other lads, all laughing and seeming like they're having fun. I stare at the group of friends for a moment longer than I should. They seem close and happy, my stomach turns at that and my head becomes foggy.
It's not like I want that I don't care for friends, I don't care for gossip or pinky promises or telling each other secrets. Having sleepovers that last till 1am, I don't care about all of that. I'm supposed to focus on myself and my future.
You don't need to be friends to be full.
*****
We went back to our houses, I checked in the house but my parents weren't home- thankfully. So I went to go into my garden, and of course Milo had the nerve to follow me. We saw his mother leaving his house and she stopped to say hi. "Hi Mrs Silver" I put on a smile and fix my posture and she smiles sweetly back.
I've never even seen my mother smile like that to me.
We go round the back in my garden once she leaves and then Milo pipes up, sadly. "Why can't you ever be that polite with me?" I roll my eyes at his sad attempt of getting me to be nicer. I have no problem with his mother, it's him I don't like.
"Because I enjoy seeing you sad" I smirk at him to which he scowls at.
Soon we find ourselves sat at the edge of the pool, he went home and got his trunks and I did too but I kept my shirt on. He slid in the water after a brief moment of slicence.
Then he ducked under and when he came up he called me to get in, "uh, no" he just stares at me not blinking.
"Then why did you get your swimming trunks?" I look down at them as my feet paddle away in the water, splashing him every so often. Totally by accident.
"Because it's sunny, and shut up" he just huffs and walks to me- a quite awkward slow motion walk you do when your in water. I nearly laugh at that but hide my mouth with my hand.
But soon I am not laughing and my eyes are widening as Milo grabs my ankle, "uh oh" I get to say before he is dragging me into the pool and I am sinking below the water.
I shoot up and cough, shaking my wet hair around. Which looked perfect a moment before but now looks like Milo's dog's fur.
I shove him once I'm done coughing, "you twat!" I yell but he just chuckles, poking my blonde mess of hair. "Stop that" I smack away his hand making him snort with amusement as his blue eyes are still stuck to my hair and oh-
I've had it.
I grab his shoulders which startle him then I drag him down and dunk him underwater, I hold him down for a second or two (borderlining on basically drowning him) before releasing him and swimming far far away. What? I want to atleast prepare for his revenge.
He whipes his eyes and looks to me with an evil smirk, and I just know what's going to happen next. My eyes widen as he takes of towards me so I splash around running to the other side of the pool.
I feel hands on either side of me, grabbing my ribs and soon I'm being pulled backwards. I 'umph' as I slam into his chest but soon I am being picked up and thrown backwards. Water makes you lighter otherwise I'd freak out at how strong he is.
My body slaps the water and I gasp when I stand and look to him, "you little shit" he chuckles, laughs so hard that he nearly slips in the pool and falls. I roll my eyes at that and splash his face with water.
A couple minutes later we are still in the pool but resting near the edge. I stare up into the bright clear sky, squinting slightly at the scorching sun. I can feel his eyes on me and I want to turn to look at them, to see his bright blue eyes.
Okay maybe I like his eyes, just a bit. Not that much, they're just nice... pretty or whatever.
That doesn't mean I like him though, I don't get how people could like him he's annoying, too cheery for my liking (even though it's clearly fake), he's dorky with that big grin. He's way too nosy and likes gossiping a bit too much, and he doesn't know what personal space means.
So no, I don't like him- as a friend I mean. I'm suprised he has friends.
"What"
"What?"
"I can feel your stare"
"I'm not staring"
"Then what are you doung" a cloud in the sky looks like a human cat, a cat head with a human body.
"I'm.. I'm observing." I look over to him and his eyes move around my face. "Am I not allowed to?" I furrow my brows at him and sigh, turning back to the inbred cat cloud.
"No, you're not allowed to"
"Why not?"
"Because I said so"
"Does it make you feel something" my head turns to him and my face is probably filled with confusion.
"Whats your sexuality?" I cough at that and lean away from the side, hitting my chest with my fist as he stares at me like he didn't just say a totally random- and bizarre question out of the blue.
"Come again?" I wheeze out and he just shrugs. "It was just a question, I was just curious is all" he turns away and stares up into the sky and now I'm the one observing him.
My face probably looks so shocked and confused now as I look at him, and then I get curious myself. I cough to clear my throat and scratch the back of my neck, "what. Um, what se- what are" "I'm pan."
Pansexual. Okay cool.
Not cool, I don't care. Stop taking an interest in what he says. And if my dad heard this- well he'd probably do some sort of cleanse in a church on me for hanging out with someone gay. He looks over to me and nods at me, "well" I scoff at that. As if.
I've never had a relationship before, I've never actually thought about it. It just hadn't crossed my mind. I mean of course I've had small crushes here and there. But it never led to anything.
I can tell when a girl is pretty, I acknowledge that. But it's not like I'm attracted to them for it. I've had a few crushes on girls in the past, everyone in class had them and I felt like an alien. Because I didn't, so I made myself like random girls that I thought were cute.
And I followed what the boys did in my class, stared at them, the girls, from afar. But it was all pointless and pretend, I didn't actually care for doing it. It was just the norm to have crushes when you were a kid and I didn't want to be weird and the odd one out.
"I'm straight" I clear my throat, because that was a lie. I knew it was, it had to be. Yes I found girls pretty but I was never attracted to them. Boys on the other hand...
I've only crushed on one boy before, and that was more than me thinking he was good looking. That was me being attracted, but if I ever said this outloud I know my dad wouldn't approve.
His name was Mike and he goes to my college, a bit older than me. But I've obviously never spoke to him.
I could just tell that my dad wouldn't approve, when gay couples walk together on the street he always had to conceal his face of disgust. Or a gay couple on the TV, he'd swhich the chanel.
So no, I wouldn't say this out loud. Not to my father, not to Milo. Just not to anyone. I couldn't.
"Straight" he repeats as he stares at me, like he's trying to figure something out. I feel like he doesn't believe me, the thing I hate most about Milo is that he is really perceptive, like earlier on with my bruise.
He knew I was lying then and he knows I'm lying now.
He sighs, "you know there's nothing wrong with being gay right?" I huff quietly at that, looking through the fallen bits of damp hair which are slowly drying up because of the sun. I look in his eyes.
"Tell that to my dad" I say quietly, hoping he'd get it. It takes him a second but realisation slowly kicks in.
He sighs and moves closer to me as he stares out into the sky, I hold my breath as I feel his shoulder touch mine. Sometimes I wish I wasn't scared, wish I wasn't a coward and I wish I didn't care what people think.
But I am, and I do.