May 9, 2019
Dear Diary,
Today was exhausting. It didn't help that I didn't want breakfast because food just didn't seem worth it. I don't have an eating disorder, but there's no motivation really to eat anymore. Life is awful, so what's the point?
We worked on the group dance for the first two hours, which was a challenge with Berkleigh and Paris. They aren't used to having to learn choreography fast and while they're absolutely lovely, it made me hate dance, even more, when we had to stop.
After that, we only worked on our solos. Hannah went first. She has to wear a mask in her solo, which is so weird. The whole solo is... weird. She has to use a dolly in her solo. I'm pretty sure cannibals don't use dollies. Abby also blamed Hannah for hating her solo due to a lack of emotions. That's not fair.
I think Abby can see the extra effort I'm putting into my solo. I concluded last night when I couldn't sleep that if I'm going to have this team jacket for this week, then I might as well prove that I deserved it for the time being.
My solo is very pretty, but my costume absolutely sucks. I look like URSULA! It looks so disgusting. Abby claims it's because she needs to camouflage my legs, which Mom and I think is ridiculous. So Tallie drove over at midnight., which I still feel awful for, an old costume. It's white and red and it's a top and brief situation, which I like a lot better.
I know that Abby claimed I wasn't invisible and claims I'm an asset to the team, but I still think it's a lie. If she thought I was an asset to the team then I would be happier, right? I don't know. I just know she's lying.
Anyway, I did more of my plan today. I hid the boxes of Advil under my bed and when Mom was in the shower since our walls are paper thin, I managed to unwrap a box of Advil pills. I stole a little water cup from the lobby and I put the pills in there.
I also found some extremely convenient news: Mom is going to spend the night at Michelle's house on Sunday. That means I'll have the house to myself. She won't be there to see me die. I'm so sorry Mom.
That's basically it. Nothing today has deterred my plan. Nothing has made me want to get help. Three days left.
Love,
sweet p