TW: Blood, gore, graphic descriptions of violence
Blood. Deep, red. As a kid, you didn't see it very often, at least not in the beginning. Maybe you watched as someone on the playground scraped their knee, or you picked at the sides of your nail and watched the crimson pull out of the thin crevis.
Now the deep stench of rust hung over you like a suffocating perfume. It numbed you, with its bitter tinge. Accompanied by the taste of ash and metal on your tongue, it stuck to your teeth and caked your palms. Your body opened, parts of it ripped out or severed off. It was as if with every experiment you felt a part of you chip off as blood filled your throat and shot up to your nose. You allowed it to trickle out, to burn your insides.
And with the passing time, that felt so inconsistent and fragile, you became grayer, more numb, and more estranged from the world.
In a way you welcomed it. It was easier to slip into nothingness and allow yourself to become less than human. There was no use in dwelling on everything, picking at old and new scabs, recounting every death.
Your power was an instant hit in the coliseum because it allowed for fights to go on longer and become more brutal. You didn't have any destructive abilities yourself and in desperation, you dealt with your opponents in mostly grotesque and violent ways.
Like a pitied sinner you stood on the coliseum grounds as if stuck in limbo. Watching the same doors in front of you open, revealing your opponent. Another malnourished child of graying skin and hair, she looked at you and didn't say anything, already at peace with whatever was about to happen. Those types were the worst to fight.
The screams of the audience have long become background noise, insignificant like the ticking of a clock. You actually had to focus in order to even notice it.
The fight lasted maybe 5 minutes, but to you, it was over in an instant, your opponent did not resist. By the time you were finished she was on the ground unconscious, her forehead bruised over with purple. You stood there staring at her form. You wondered whether or not she got internal bleeding from how hard you slammed her against the floor. You didn't know.
The announcer yelled something, but you failed to understand his words before the body of the girl was quickly disposed of by the guards and the doors in front of you opened once again to reveal another patient. You could not see their face, or maybe your eyes were simply incapable of focusing on the shape of their eyes or nose. They were just another grey mass of bones. A body bag. Something to win against and get hurt in the process. Just for those injuries to heal in an instant.
Nothing happened. There was no murder, only the first opponent, second one, then the third.
You just had to go through it, allow all of it to melt together until you were let go. Disposed of in your cell until they dragged you out the next day or the next week.
The second opponent was harder to ignore, their power was flashy. Something with force fields. They had that obnoxious neon green color to them that made your eyes sting. You were flung across the stadium multiple times, those few moments in which I'm your skull hit the floor were the worst but you mustered through it. Trying to get closer to them. You vaguely registered their mouth moving, yelling something you didn't understand only catching vague sounds that reminded you of words. Yet you quickly shut those out, not allowing the grey mass in your vision to waver. You didn't want to know what they were saying, you didn't want to know their serial number or their opinion of you.
Finally, you got close enough to lay your hands on them then all felt like a blur as you wrestled against each other. Those obnoxious green lights flashing in your vision.
That lasted about 3 minutes until you managed to slam the back of their skull against the tiles. Red snapping in your vision as all those blinding green lights died instantly.
The fight was over. There was nothing more to worry about. You looked down at the body lying underneath you as you straightened yourself and stood up. The hand of the bodyguard grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the gray mass that you defeated.
You have already forgotten half the fight as if it didn't happen at all.
[...]
You only registered you were back in your cell when the doors closed behind you with that familiar metal rumble. Gazing up you saw your cellmate, the blue-haired prisoner looked at you before standing up on shaky legs and walking over to you with their hands stretched out.
You just stood there unable to comprehend the situation. As their hands reached you and grabbed your shoulders you flinched back so hard your body hit the doors of the cell.
"LISTEN TO ME!" you recoiled as your cellmate's voice finally reached your ears. "And look at me! Look me in the eyes!" Following their command, strangely scared of disappointing them you gazed at their face, only now noticing the two blue optics staring into your own. Your vision sharpened as of trying to confirm that what you were seeing was real. The pain on their face was undeniable, fear twisting their features. Their hands reached up and cupped your head on each side, only then did you feel the layer of blood on your skin, once it was smushed between your body and theirs.
"What's my name?!" They demanded.
"Wh-wha-"
"What is my name?" They repeated shaking you as hard as their twig-like arms would allow them to.
The gears in your head screeched against each other and after a second of awkward fumbling you mustered out: "H-Henry..."
They continued staring into your eyes with an expression you couldn't decipher, your heart jumped anxiously at the possibility that maybe your answer was wrong. That maybe you hit your head enough times in the colosseum you forgot even that.
But alas Henry let go of you and exhaled deeply, the wrinkles on their fave even deeper than what you saw last time. "This is...bad..."
"Huh?" You looked at them, puzzled.
They looked at you as if you were insane "What do you mean 'huh'? Look at yourself! The coliseum is even worse than anything I could have imagined." Henry threaded their fingers through the thin strands of their hair.
"I'm- I'm alive though-" you argued. "It's not as if they brought a corpse here..."
"You barely know who you are!" They threw their hands in the air, gazing at you with a pained expression "I cannot even imagine how awful-"
"Everything is fine!" You stressed, feeling anger gnarl at your throat. "I mean can't you see! I'm all in one piece! It's my opponents you should be worried about, they don't have a regeneration quirk!"
"Are you kidding me?" Henry whined, pushing their palms into the skin of their closed eyes. "For a second I thought you totally lost it when they brought you here! You didn't respond to anything I was saying!"
"I'm fine..." You hissed, gritting your teeth you looked at the dirty ground. "I don't need your pity- I don't need it! I won!! Can't you see it?!"
"At what cost did you win..." They whispered.
"I'm in one piece!" You yelled with outstretched arms, showing off the inches of unblemished skin.
"Yes...yes your body is intact. But is your mind?" Their eyes once again found yours and you felt yourself falter. "What is the cost of your sanity? How much of your soul do you have to chip away with every victory?" Henry's hand found yours and weakly squeezed at your strong yet clammy palms. "You are not indestructible. As much as you want and pretend to be so."
They stood there for a few seconds as pain pinched their expression before leaning their head on your chest. Henry was...smaller than you.
It dawned on you, flickers of your first hours in the facility flashing in your vision. When you first got there Henry was taller. A sibling-like figure, maybe not powerful in their body but in the mind and heart. Yet here they were, leaning their head on your chest as you towered over them, shielding their frail form from the harsh neon light in the cell.
Hot pain hit the back of your eyes as your face scrunched in fear and sorrow, tears already prickling your vision. A dam broke as you cradled Henry to your chest and wept, rib cage jumping with every wet cry.
The teen stirred in your hold before reaching out and hugging you closer to their frail form. Cradling the starved yet sturdy muscles of your back.
"I-'m sorry! I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell like that..." You whispered between the painful cries. "I don't know...don't know what's happening to me..." You buried your wet face between their neck and shoulder, seeking to shrink yourself against their form and stay there.
"It's okay. You didn't mean it I know you didn't." They replied, cardinal their fingers through your sweat-slicked hair.
Over time the two of you collapsed onto the floor as you kept cradling your cellmate to your chest. As if letting go would cause them to fall apart. Your face was covered in tears, snot, and grime and you felt absolutely awful. The pain in your chest was gnawing and pressing at your heart as if seeking to pop it. Only Henry's gentle hands seemed to soothe the pain ever so little.
At the back of your mind, you wished you could once again go back to your gray and emotionless mindset but you knew that it was bad for you. That Henry wouldn't want it. Yet emotions, they hurt so much and cut so deep. And those wounds didn't heal the same way the physical ones did.
After a few minutes when the two of you calmed down Henry began to hum something. A melody that you have heard a few times before that but didn't dare to ask about it. The tune was short and repeating, it matched their soothing voice.
"Where is that tune from?" You questioned, looking down at the ground and twiddling with a piece of Henry's blue hair. "The tune your humming."
The teen seemed to think about something for a while before answering hesitantly "It's...one of the few things that I remember from my mother. She used to sing it to me before bedtime."
"Huh..." You murmured. "That's nice isn't it?"
"Yeah." They exhaled. "All of my memories of her are tied to the outside world, so I like to sing it to soothe myself. To remind myself that there's a sun and a moon out there... that the sky is limitless beyond those walls..."
You nodded weakly "...you forget about that when you spent so much time here."
"I think I still remember...what clouds looked like. And trees and flowers...and there were these tiny birds in my neighborhood..." Their voice sounded so groggy and tiny against your shoulder. "They would fly onto my windowsill and I would feed them pieces of pasta. I still don't know if I was supposed to do that or did I poison them by accident..."
To your surprise, a tiny laugh left their mouth.
"Hey..." They suddenly said twitching slightly in your hold.
"Hm?" You replied softly.
"Ever since I came here I haven't been able to stop thinking about something. And it made me feel so, so terrible... I don't think I will ever forgive myself." They pushed their face further into your shoulder as shame dripped into their voice. "I haven't been able to talk...about it with a-anyone really-"
"You want me to listen...?" You asked and felt a small nod against your body.
Henry took in a few large breaths before starting. "My family was actually...quite well off. I never had to struggle with anything as a kid and I just...I just became so spoiled over time. I was incredibly naive and dumb..." You could feel their fingers curling into the back of your best. "When I was in kindergarten there was this girl there, in my group I mean, who came in every day in dirty clothes and ate nothing for lunch. And she smelled bad and always had grime under her nails."
They took in another larger breath before continuing, their body rigid with pain.
"I used to...bully her. It never escalated past insults but I was just...so awful to her. I called her dirty I mocked her clothes...I just didn't understand why she looked like that." You could feel moisture sink into the fabric of your vest where Henry's face was pressed against you. "And then I was kidnapped...taken away a week before I was going to graduate kindergarten. And I came here..."
Their body shook with stifled cries "A year in the facility and I realized that...that girl, she was probably abused back at home. She didn't-" Henry sniffed loudly "she didn't have anyone to take care of her..."
Suddenly the teen separated their face from your shoulder, showing you their tear and snot slicked face, reddened from crying and coughing. Guilt burned in their blue optics as they stared into your widened eyes. "You know what's the worst thing about this? The fact that I had to be in the same situation as her to understand it. I h-had to be cut open and hit and drugged so many times to finally get... I had to be...I had to be the one with grime under my fingers and dirty clothes to emphasize with her." Fresh tears clouded their optics before spilling down their face in long, burning streaks. "If this hadn't happened, I would have stayed the awful person that I truly was..." They let out something between a cough and a gurgle, closing their eyes and ducking their head in shame, "I would have never understood it if it hadn't happened to me..."
You didn't know how to react to that, so in a weak attempt at comfort you cupped the back of their head and brought it back against your body.
They hiccuped sickly for a long time as you drew circles with your fingers on their spine.
"Henry..." You called out to them. "Henry when we get out of here, I'll introduce you to my friends. I can still sort of remember them, they are nice people... And then we can watch the clouds together." Your whispers carried across the empty space "I want to go out there and see the world again, and I'll never be mean to anyone ever, and I won't ever be grumpy or too tired to play with my friends." As you looked up to the ceiling you couldn't help but reminisce over the faint phantoms that solidified themselves in your head as the faces of your friends. You barely remembered them, their voices and expression practically gone from memory.
"I want to live...not...survive..." You whispered.
Henry stayed still in your hold before their weak stick-like frame turned slightly to the side. Tears glistening and slowly cascading down their face in long streaks like rainwater on a window.
"I want lilies on my grave." They uttered, looking into your eyes. "Promise me that you'll bring me ones ever so often."
Back at it again after a whole month 🤞😎. Yeah sorry about that 🙁
Also, if any of you are interested in my art you can check my Twitter :). I've been trying to start commissions since I'm saving up for surgery. If you're up for it send me a DM! My nick is MagicaJin and I have a green snail person as my pfp
I'm up for drawing ocs and book covers :*
Also also also! This book is available on AO3! I haven't mentioned it since uploading it on there is a real slug :/ the site constantly crashes on me. But if you're interested in reading it on there I can upload the rest of the book!
Hope you liked the chapter and as always I'm sorry for the delay, school gets so much worse when it's nearing summer vacation 😭