[L] To Find a Way
⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️
Attempted Suicide
0. TO FIND A WAY
The night was quiet, only the sound of the waves crashing against the shore and the cracking of the old wooden pier could be heard. The moon above was full and shining down, reflecting in the waves of the bay, the stars shining with it. It was as if they were there to taunt or pity her for her choices, but there was no going back now, her choice was made.
She made her bed and she was going to sleep in it, everything she had done or thought led her to this moment and she could see it. The monks and scribes of Cloud Kingdom had written this very event themselve.
Her eyes that once were a deep blue like the ocean depths below where she stood were now dull and lifeless, her golden strands that were always pulled up and out of her face were left to whip around behind her in the wind as it gently blew towards her. Slipping her shoes off and stuffing her socks inside them she sat them down perfectly next to each other and placed her jacket that was neatly folded on top of them.
With one last breath she walked off the pier, falling into the icy water below. The water incompased her as she sank deeper, weight building up on her chest as the pressure increased. Opening her eyes, the salt stinging them as she looked up at the moon and the stars that looked down on her. This was it, was all that went through her mind as she closed her eyes and released the last bit of her air and hit the bay floor.
A disturbance in the freezing water and a warm embrace, but it faded, it was too late.
"Do you wish to live," a voice echoed through her mind.
"No, there's nothing left for me here. After all, it's my fate," she replied.
"But you can defy this so-called fate of yours,"
"Defying my fate, what was written for me and signed off on,"
"Fight, don't not Fly. Your element is the will to fight, to live, the will to defy one's fated path. Like a river you will crave another path, like the trees and the flowers you'll grow to light and around those that shadow you, you're nature. The light and chaos of life,"
"But how does one not Fly but Fight, Fly is all I've know,"
"You are Nature, and Nature finds a way,"
"Find a way; find a way; find... a .... way, find a,"
1. OPEN YOUR EYES
I flew upwards and coughed heavily, removing any remnants of salt water from my lungs. I held my head as a headache, no migraine, fiercely pounded in my skull. My sight was blurry and smudged as my eyes tried to focus on the room around me.
The room was fairly small but had the needed essentials. There was a dresser and mirror sitting across the room from me as I sat on the bed. My hair was tangled and matted, the clothes I was wearing were a little, and by little I mean hugely, too big for me, but my eyes had a faint blue glow to them as I looked at myself.
I pulled the blanket that was on me as I slept off and stood up, my feet hitting tatami mats as I did. I stretched my stiff muscles and tightened the waistband of the long sweatpants I was wearing.
'How am I alive, I thought that I....,'
"I fought, I was nature and carved my own path," I muttered to myself as I reached for the doorknob to open the door.
As I poked my head outside the door I was met with a long hall with adjoining doors. I quietly shuffled through the door and stood in the hallway, confused about where I was and how there could be so many doors in one hallway.
I started to panic a little as I thought I was going to die and next thing I know I'm alive and in a place I have never seen before. I started walking off towards the longer end of the hall in hopes of finding someone that could help me or just tell me what was going on.
The hall was silent, the only sound was my feet walking on the mats and the sound of my racing heart. But towards the end I could hear the sounds of laughter echoing from an open doorway, I felt hopeful that I'd found someone that could help me. As I neared closer to the room I tripped on the long legs of the pair of sweatpants I was wearing, falling to the ground with a thud.
The voice's went silent, a few hushes coming out here and there. I sat on the ground terrified of what was going to happen when I saw a shadow approaching the open doorway and a head popped out and looked down at me.
"Oh, it's just the girl," they said, coming out into the hallway fully.
In front of me stood a guy, who looked to be about the same age as me. He had tussled sand blonde hair with a set of beautiful emerald green eyes. He had a soft smile on his face as he slowly approached me and lowered himself to the ground so he was closer to my level.
"Are you alright," he asked me, his voice was soft and comforting in a way.
"Where am I," I asked him, my voice soft like a mouse.
"You are at my home," he answered me.
"Why am I here," I asked.
"I found you at the bottom of the bay near the pier, I'm just glad you're alive and awake," he replied, his eyes glittering with relief as he was being patient with me.
"Why did you save me," I squeaked, tears starting to flood my eyes.
"Why did you jump," he countered back, his face taking a serious look.
"Who are you ," I asked back, wanting to avoid his question and thankfully he did.
"I'm best known as the Green Ninja, but you can call me Lloyd. Now let's get you off the floor," he said, standing backup and holding a hand out for me to take.
I looked back at his hand, contemplating if I should take it or not.
'Take it,' was all I could think, it was as if I was drawn to it.
I hesitantly lifted my own hand up and placed it in his. Wrapping his big hand around my small one, a surge of warmth spread through my body as he helped pull me backup to my feet, but the force he used to pull me up sent me tumbling into his chest as I again tripped over the legs of the sweatpant.
"Sorry," I squicked out, pulling away from him.
"No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have pulled you up so fast," Lloyd defended, sketching the nape of his neck in slight embarrassment.
"Anyway, follow me. I think the others would like to meet you too," Lloyd said, grabbing my arm again and gently pulling me along with him back into the room he came from.
"Yo Lloyd, what took you so long. Oh, you're the girl he brought in last night!" a man with porcupine hair called out when we entered the room.
"Oh she's so cute! Look at how small she is, how old are you little girl," a hyperactive ginger asked me as he pounced up and down on his folded legs.
"Hmmm, well I'm, uh, 17 years old so I'm not really considered little," I stated in a whisper-like voice.
"WHAT, SHE'S 17!?! BUT SHE'S SO SMALL, SHE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE A 17 YEAR OLD," the ginger yelled out.
"Shut up, Jay," the only other girl in the room yelled out the ginger, hitting him on the head.
"OW! Nya, baby, that hurt," Jay cried out.
"You're being way too loud, so shut up. Anyway, I'm Nya," Nya said, holding her hand out to shake, I slowly took and shook it.
"Hello ma'am, I'm Zane. I was wondering if I could give you a quick checkup to make sure everything is alright," Zane asked me.
"Hm, okay," I replied, shaking my head.
"If you would please follow me then" Zane said, walking out of the room. I pulled away from Lloyd, the warmth I felt fading as I went to follow after Zane.
"May I ask your name," Zane asked me once we were alone further down the hall.
"Oh, it's Helena Ro'Meave but I usually go by Lena for short," I told him as he opened one of the many doors in the hallway to reveal a small clinic looking area.
"Alright Ms. Lena, I will run a few tests on you to make sure everything is alright since I just ran your name through the NinjaGo health database and didn't really find anything," Zane said to me as he sat me on a table and started on his little check up.
"Well I'm from a smaller village on the outskirts of the mountains about a few hours away so I wouldn't be surprised if you found much if anything at all on my health," I replied to him as he took my heart rate and blood pressure.
"If you live several hours away from here, why did Lloyd find you in Ninjago bay," he asked me.
"My family kicked me out a few days ago and I just found my way down the mountains and here to the city," I answered him truthfully.
"I see, so there is no one that you can call to come get you,' Zane muttered as he checked my reflexes.
"Ya, I'm sorry about that and if I may ask. Where are the clothes I was wearing, and who changed me," I asked.
"Your clothes are ready and have been dried, and Lloyd's mother, Misako, changed your clothes. And it seems that I was right when I said that Lloyds clothes were way too big for your figures size," Zane said in a told you so voice, causing me to chuckle a little.
"Alright, the next test is one that tests your mental health. The test is designed to diagnose one with things like bo-polor, depression, ect," Zane said, laying me down on the table and placing his surprisingly warm metal hands on the temples of my head.
"I'll now commence the test," he finished. I wanted to ask a question but was out immediately after he said commence.
I felt lost in an endless void, as if I was falling in an endless loop. I just embraced it, knowing I couldn't escape it. But the voice echoed through my head again.
'Fight not Flight,' he said.
I looked around, trying to look for something, for someone. Then I saw it, it looked like a small crack, it had light pouring through it. I focused on it, trying to reach for it but I couldn't reach it. I sighed and calmed myself, reaching down trying to use what I was called a monster, a burden for.
The people I thought were my family and friends voices echoing in the void, their voices growing louder as I tried harder.
"Monster"
"Burden"
"Witch"
"Monster"
"Burden"
"Witch"
"Monster"
"Burden"
"Witch"
They keep repeating over and over again, their voices swirling around me, taunting me.
"NO, Shut UP," I yelled, reaching down further and finding what I wanted, what I was looking for.
I threw my hand up and reached out for the crack, a light pouring from my hand with a gust of wind behind it. As it broke through the creak the light dissipated and was left with a mixture of earthly elements. The void fell away and left me in a mountain valley, green spreading as far as my eyes could see.
The mountains rose high above my head on both sides of me, rivers aplenty streaming down them into the green of the valley. Trees and bushes were in plentiful bounties, their foliage a crisp and healthy green. In the wind as it blew was the smell of herbs and flowers alike, everything had a glowing like presence to it, it was comforting to say the least. A place one would love to call home.
You could hear birds chirping happily, see the squirrels scarring around in the trees, and the bees flitting around from plant to plant.
I let out a small sigh in content as I had escaped the void and knelt to the ground with a small smile. I sat among the flowers and watched the bees and butterflies fly around peacefully when a semi harsh wind blew through the valley.
My hair fell widely around and into my face, getting a groan in response. I started to pull the hair back to behind my ears when I opened my eyes and was met with ruby red eyes, shining as though they were rubies themselves. I shuffled backwards only to fall onto my back to see the beholder of the rudy eyes.
And above me stood a majestic green dragon looking down at my now slightly trembling body. I went stiff as he reached his head down and gently removed the rest of my hair from my face as I was doing before. He then laid on the ground in front of me, resting his head on my chest as I was still frozen.
I shifted my hand from my side and carefully placed it on his head in fear that it might attack me. But he didn't, he leaned into my touch as though he was starved of it in a way. I shifted upwards, moving his head to my lap as I ran my hand gently down his head in a petting like motion.
He shifted in my lap, bringing himself around so he could wrap me up like a ball python in his tail. He moved his head again and rested it against my chest again as he covered us with his wings, his scales glowing a low green in the shade of his wings. I found myself melting into the embrace as though I too was starved of the dragons touch. All my worries and pain dissipated.
I felt like I was at peace.
2. WHAT WAS THAT
I opened my eyes and quickly sat up, a slight pant escaping my lips as I recalled what just happened. Zane stepped away from the table and sat down, his hand on his chin as he too looked back on what happened. I ran my fingers through my hair as I calmed my speeding heart, letting out a deep sigh.
"It seems that your childhood was traumatic for you, I'm sorry. You seem to have anxiety in which your depression and by the look of it, trust issues, stem from," Zane told me.
"Thank you. If I can have my clothes back now, I'll be out of your hair in no time," I said to him, but he shook his head.
"No, you have nowhere to go and summer will get sweltering. I'll go speak with the sensei's and Misako about your problem. Please wait here and if you try to run we will know," Zane said, his voice becoming serious as he said the last part, causing me to gulp as he left the room.
I let out a sigh that I had held back from the moment I woke up. What was happening, what was going on, I just wanted to leave this world, it didn't need me and it constantly made that evident.
'Yet you're fighting to show them that is wrong,' the voice came back.
'I didn't fight, I was saved' I replied back.
'But you chose to wake up, that was you fighting,' he told me.
'I guess you could say that,' I said back.
'You fought, and you lived. You make your own path now,' he said, his voice disappearing.
-END-