The past had the power to shape anyone fortunate enough to survive the present, into the person they were meant to be in the future. All three times were intricately designed to correlate with each other, one not possible to exist without the other. Though it was the past most people had difficulties with, the future could be just as hard to envision as it was to deal with what had happened.
For me, the past had always been something that I'd pushed to the edges of my mind, one step shy from being thrown off into an abyss I would never let myself explore. Ever since the training I'd had with Feiran, or Xenon, had turned out to be fruitful and now even my channeling power enfolded, that abyss was merely what hid in the depths of my ocean, always around but not controlling what happened on the surface. It did not create waves that in turn transformed into a storm wreaking havoc––it just lingered there, barely touched but still felt whenever it was necessary.
Finding out that my trainer who'd called himself Feiran as a coy, was actually the father who was responsible for my mother's shattered soul, stirred something in those depths and made my ocean move from underneath. It was the first time that I felt currents.
And though the currents were not as threatening as convulsing winds, they could be just as detrimental depending on how strong they were.
Xenon, my father, had asked me if we could go back to the palace. He didn't want to waste time seeing both Emmet and Reece, who I'd told him were with me as well. It seemed that Xenon was not someone regularly informed about the happenings in the palace, which was probably due to his rank. I'd never questioned him and his position in Polla'Nisia. In retrospect, though he was appreciated by the royal family, he was unimportant enough not to be further questioned. He did not tell me his life's story, but thinking about his situation and that alone, let me realise that it had been a smart move on his part to keep his identity hidden.
The only thing that did not make sense to me, was why he would forsake his kind and run off, just to go back with a target on his back.
As curious as I was to find out more about him, Reece and Emmet would to.
Walking silently beside him as Feiran, the man with the white balls for eyes, we went to Reece's living quarters in a calm silence. The initial shock of his revealed secret began to wear off and instead my ocean was left feeling a little hollow, or drained, even.
Once Reece opened the door after I'd knocked on it a few times, his eyes grew large at our presence but then settled down.
"Haven't spoken to you in a while, C," he greeted, slight disapproval lining his voice.
"I know, we've all been busy with training. This, actually, is who I've been beaten up by all this time," I said, attempting a small joke.
Reece offered a small smile, and I knew we were okay.
"Kendra told me you've been to the infirmary more often than she could count. I expect your methods, however, are effective?" Reece said, directing his attention to the man beside me whose identity was still unknown to Reece.
I wondered if I should introduce him or not, but I figured it was up to Xenon to do the explaining.
"Your sister has made great progress," he said solely, not offering more of an explanation or something more to discuss.
Reece turned back to me with a questioning look shimmering in his dark brown irises. He waited for me to explain the reason of our visit.
"We need to talk. Do you know where Emmet is?"
Reece opened the door wider, revealing a sleeping body, resting on a velvet couch that barely fit his entire figure. He slept silently, undisturbed by our presence.
Nodding, I walked into the room as Reece completely opened the door, allowing for us to enter. He walked over to Emmet, touched his shoulder and whispered to him to wake up. Emmet, being a heavy sleeper, needed another two nudges until he finally came back from whatever he'd been dreaming about. Rubbing his eyes, he stared at Xenon and me with a gaze of confusion.
"Nice to see you're still walking!" he greeted and made me chuckle.
I was slightly pleased that they were underlining the fact that Xenon had indeed been harsh on me, though said person was not hinting on being regretful at all. If anything, he was emotionally very stable despite meeting Emmet for the first time and seeing Reece as a grown man.
I crossed the entrance section which was cluttered with unnecessary decoration and joined Emmet on the couch, who placed his legs on my lap as soon as I sat down, sinking into the velvet cushions. With slow steps, Xenon felt his way towards the couch on our opposite side, while Reece took a seat in the armchair connecting the two together, forming a U shape. As soon as Xenon sat down, the same energy vibrated through the air and I knew that he was putting off his facade to show my brothers who he really was.
With the change of his blindness also came a change in posture. I hadn't noticed it before, but he emanated more strength than when he was blind and stood both taller and broader now, holding his body with a youth to him that had been concealed when his name was not his true one. Feiran had already been drenched in a powerful glow that had showed me from the very beginning that he was a force to be reckoned with––but what I saw now was even more intense.
With confused stares, my brothers both looked between me and Xenon, not voicing the questions forming undoubtedly in their minds.
When Xenon didn't elaborate or gave any sign of interrupting the silence, I did for him since I had better things to do than sit around listening to three men breathing.
"He's promised to our mother," I said, letting a major bomb explode without forewarning.
Without a moment's delay, the room filled with a static tension as my brothers sucked in the information and tried to process it. Emmet's face was especially shocked, his eyebrows arched, eyes torn open and his mouth slightly agape. Reece, on the other hand, had a strained expression and his lips pressed to a line. While Emmet was purely shocked, Reece's emotions had an angrier nature.
"You abandoned us," Reece said, distaste lining his voice which was an octave deeper than before.
The idea to calm them both down came to mind, but I quickly pushed it away since Reece would know of the influence, despite that I could have done it without physical repercussions now. I doubted he'd appreciate not feeling what he was meant to feel, so I let it be and let them go through whatever it was they were going through.
Xenon nodded. "Yes, I did."
Reece scoffed. "Do you care to explain your actions?"
"You already know why I left, Reece."
Now I was confused, glancing at Reece, who's sight was set on the man sitting diagonally from him. "You said you were needed here, in Polla'Nisia. But why would you leave a place you sought refuge in from the very people who called you back?"
"That is a difficult question to answer," Xenon said with a defeated voice, though he hadn't even attempted to explain anything so far.
Scoffing again, Reece wouldn't back down, and his mood did not change. "Well, explain. You owe us as much!"
Xenon's feelings shifted from being rather cool to feeling conflicted and regretful. Taking a deep breath, as if bracing himself for what he was going to say next, Xenon started explaining.
"I left Polla'Nisia when Iliria fell pregnant. Our entire bond had to be kept secret, since her presence in Polla'Nisia was solely allowed because her family came from wealth from the other side of the Denhid Forest. She was with us to help against the Heretics. Normally, the royal family does not allow for foreigners to come here, especially not to the capital."
Xenon paused shortly before he continued. "We left because we didn't want to raise Reece amongst people who would question his existence. We didn't want to risk him being taken away or us imprisoned since crossbreeding is strictly forbidden. Back then, being promised to anyone outside of our kind was unheard of. Or maybe it was known to the royal family, I don't know. I knew we had to leave. And shortly before Emmet was born, my name was put onto the Sermin and I couldn't risk them tracking me down and finding me with you, so I hid right under their noses instead. I left to protect you, not because I wanted to leave."
Emmet interjected before Xenon could continue. "Why would they put your name on the Sermin years later?"
Xenon didn't bat an eyelash at Emmet's question and that made me wonder if he knew Emmet too had a gift. "Because I managed to get an assignment that explained my absence in Polla'Nisia for around seven years. When they noticed I did not return, they questioned those involved. Though I learned when I returned that my intentions had not been revealed, the lack of answers simply lead to the conclusion that I'd abandoned the cause and was therefore ridiculed a traitor. Most of the names on the Sermin aren't of our own race, they're mostly humans that we trusted and fled before they could be... trialed."
Emmet's next question came right away. "Why do you say trialed? Wouldn't you have just executed them?"
Xenon shook his head. "No, we are not savages. We held trials for everyone involved, especially those that committed treason. We call them the Gaiza Trials and they happened a few hundred years ago."
"Are there even still names on that list besides yours?"
Xenon's brow twitched. "Why?"
Emmet shrugged, not displaying much emotion after letting his shock wear off. I could still feel Reece's sizzling anger, however, though it was not as intense as initially.
"Because, your kind lives for hundreds of years, humans don't. You said most names are those of humans. Logically that would mean there are probably not many names left, if any, since they've all died by now."
"Most of the humans that are on the Sermin did not remain humans for very long."
Emmet nodded. "So, they are Immortals, then?"
"Inniks, actually."
"Ah, yes, the upgrade of Immortals."
Now Xenon nodded, the conversation seemingly coming to an end.
I, however, wanted to know more about mother. "You said our mother was of a wealthy family beyond the Denhid Forest. Where is that and are some of her family still here?"
Xenon's attention shifted to me, his green eyes boring into mine with an intensity that made me look away.
"Her family was driven away right after she left and deemed untrustworthy. In their trials, there was no evidence or plausible explanation as to why Iliria disappeared. Since she left around three weeks after I did for my assignment, no one made the connection. As far as I know, her family returned to their estate up in the north. A place called the Valley of Kings."
Another silence stretched out over us then, as I took in all the information he'd provided us with so freely. I was aware that he was risking his life by not holding up his facade in front of us, telling us things that would probably get him locked up if the queen found out.
It also made me think about Reagan, and how I would explain all of this to him without getting my father imprisoned or trialed. I wasn't sure the odds were in his favor, despite his reasoning.
"If you are up to it, I would like to know more about all of you. How you grew up, what you've been doing. How you got here."
I was surprised that Xenon showed interest in our previous lives, especially since I'd come to know him as a person who only spoke about the matter at hand and never displayed interest in anything but my training progress. It was strange, looking at him now, and comparing him to the man I had met a few weeks ago when my training had started.
Before Emmet and I spoke, since Reece had yet to say something, we both remained silent for a while.
Just when I was about to say something, Reece finally spoke up, though his tone mirrored his mood.
"We grew up without parents. I think that explains enough about our childhood."
Xenon was quiet for a moment, and I noticed that he chose his words with caution whenever he spoke. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I thought Iliria would still be able to raise you. As I understand, this was not the case?"
Though Xenon kept his demeanour controlled and void of any obvious emotions, I detected him being a bit surprised at Reece's comment. It was as though he truly wasn't aware of the aftermath of his departure and in how bad of a state he'd left our mother.
"Let's say it this way. Having a conversation with you is more than we could ever have with her," I said, surprising myself by not being silent and speaking my mind without a filter.
Months ago, I wouldn't have dared speak ill of my mother. Weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to form a proper sentence. Now, everything was different.
Xenon's green irises turned to me again, connecting with mine. "She told me that she felt like she wasn't meant to be a mother. I just always thought that she'd grow into it. My leaving probably worsened that."
Xenon's hand went up to his face, massaging his temples. When he removed his hands from his face, he in turn looked at all three of us with sincerity leaking out of him.
"I know my apology will not compensate for all those years you needed to endure. Please know that I wasn't aware of how badly Iliria would take it. I felt her grief and we are both broken people because of our separation, but I never imagined her capable of taking it out on you. I am sorry for the hardship I forced upon you. I do not ask for forgiveness. If there is anything you need of me, I will do anything in my power to help. I will leave you three alone now, to ponder what I've told you. Just never forget that despite everything, you three are invaluable to me and more important than anything, even my life."
And with those being his last words, Xenon stood up and left the room, the absence of his encompassing person filled the atmosphere around us with air again, as if he'd occupied every breathable space since he entered.
For the first time since I'd learned who he was, I took a deep breath. Though what came to my mind then made me hold in another breath, for conflict streamed through me.
"What the hell should I tell Reagan?"