Cassie sat on her bed inside her bedroom, examining the many stuffed cardboard boxes lying about on the floor. She had spent the past couple of days organizing and packing up as much of her stuff as needed for her impending move back to New York City. She was going to live with Mariana in the same apartment they had rented out last year. A small grin crept onto her face at the thought of living with her best friend again.
The sound of a text notification caught Cassie's ears. She grabbed her phone, only for her newfound grin to disappear in a flash.
Karla: Hey, I won't be able to join you and your father to help you move in. Work's gotten too busy. Sorry!
Cassie rolled her eyes and scoffed. Her mother was never the type to keep a promise, especially one she made to her own daughter. So, it came as no surprise that she'd back out of their plans at the last minute.
I'll never understand why my mother can't prioritize me. Then again, it's not my fucking problem as far as I'm concerned, Cassie thought.
She promptly shrugged off the text without even bothering to reply. She chose instead to check and see if she'd forgotten to pack anything. A couple of items previously not packed were shoved into one of the many boxes that sat on her bedroom floor. Fortunately, she hadn't missed much in her initial packing.
Once satisfied, Cassie sat back on her bed. Her father was still at his factory job and wouldn't be home for a few more hours. She had the house all to herself until he finally came home. They would then pack up his van and then make the long drive from Buffalo to New York City.
Cassie closed her hazel eyes as her thoughts drifted off to her previous year at New York University. Her outburst at last year's end-of-semester party had been a massive wake-up call as to how toxic her behaviour had been. It manifested inside her head, only to bubble out and lead to her hurting others. It took her much longer to realize how awful she had been— but at least she'd finally opened her eyes to reality.
The first thing Cassie had done once returning to Buffalo was find a therapist. Her options were limited due to working a minimum wage job. She also didn't want to ask her father to pay for it because his funds were stretched rather thin already. She could've asked her mother for help but didn't trust her enough to actually follow through on helping.
Luckily, Cassie managed to find a free therapy program shortly after beginning her search. The free therapy program was run by a local non-profit called Buffalo Counselling Services, and it offered both in-person and virtual therapy options. It was hard to get a session due to the overwhelming demand from others seeking their services, but she had managed to snag monthly sessions with the same therapist, a fiftysomething woman named Dr. Anna Rich.
During her sessions with Dr. Rich, Cassie had learned a lot about herself through discussing her past. She'd learned that while her relationship with her mother would most likely never fully heal, it wasn't her fault that that was the case. She'd also received a mental health diagnosis that helped explain most of why she'd been acting out.
"It sounds like you have general anxiety, as well as BPD— borderline personality disorder," Dr. Rich had explained during their second session together. "The abandonment from your mother definitely played a big role in this. It also makes sense that you have this from some of the things you've done in the past— self-image issues, mood swings, losing your temper frequently, and dealing with unstable relationships."
Cassie's heart had sunk upon hearing this. While it was nice to have an answer to her bad behaviour, it didn't cushion the blow.
"Many people with BPD live normal, fulfilling lives," Dr. Rich had assured in a calming voice. "If you take the proper steps and do what you need to do, I believe you can also."
Ever since that therapy session, Cassie did anything and everything Dr. Rich instructed her to do. She began taking her prescribed medication, took up meditation, and got into the habit of journaling her thoughts every night. Slowly but surely, she'd begun to recognize her past mistakes while also learning how to be better in the future.
But Cassie didn't just focus on bettering her mental health. She also recognized just how thin and unhealthy she'd become at the end of last semester. She had neglected to eat enough due to how intense her studies had become, and it showed in just how skinny she'd become. It was almost scary how thin she looked.
So, she focused on eating more and eating regular meals, as well as getting back into running. While she wasn't satisfied with her current weight, there was no denying that she'd made a lot of progress. She had gained just enough weight to make her figure look healthy instead of sickly for a change. Even her fair skin and dark brown hair looked healthy for the first time in a long while.
"You look good! I'm so happy for you, girl!" Mariana had exclaimed when they'd gone out for lunch almost a month ago.
She wasn't wrong; Cassie's appearance had gotten better. But she'd also changed for the better internally. All of it had turned her into a different person than she had been several months ago. She had a long way to go, but it was a promising start.
Things have definitely gotten better for me, and I'm so glad, she thought as a loud yawn escaped her. She couldn't move back to New York City soon enough.
***
The next morning, Cassie and her father drove from their New York City hotel to the former's apartment complex. She grabbed her keys from the superintendent's office and headed up to her unit. She smiled wide when she opened the door and saw Mariana sitting on the couch.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting," Cassie said with a laugh.
"It's okay. You're here now, and that's all that matters," Mariana replied while they shared a big hug.
The pair of them proceeded to move Cassie into their apartment. Cassie's father did most of the heavy lifting while the two roommates put everything in its rightful place.
By late afternoon, Cassie had finished moving in. She and her father stood in the entryway of the unit to finally say their goodbyes. Mariana had retreated to her bedroom to give them some much-needed privacy.
"I'm sorry your mother bailed at the last second."
"It's not your fault, Dad," Cassie said. "Besides, I had a feeling it was gonna happen."
Her father nodded, looking dejected. "I love you, you know? I'm gonna miss you a lot."
A large lump formed in Cassie's throat that she tried to ignore. "I love you too, Dad. I'm gonna miss you so much."
Father and daughter shared a tight hug that lasted for several long minutes. Cassie almost didn't want to let go despite having been so excited to move back to New York City. But she let go anyways while blinking back a couple of tears.
Once her father left, Cassie took a deep breath to collect herself. She then knocked on Mariana's bedroom door.
"Come in."
She entered to find her best friend organizing her tiny closet. The bedroom itself wasn't big, but Mariana had made the best of it in terms of storage. She stopped what she was doing to sit on her bed, where Cassie joined her. The mattress was a little stiff, but the bright red comforter softened it slightly.
"How are you?" Mariana asked in a calm voice.
"I'm fine," Cassie replied. She paused to let out an amused laugh. "My mom promised to come help me move, but she bailed at the last minute. What else is new?"
Mariana frowned. "I'm sorry."
"It is what it is, don't worry about it. How was your summer?"
"It was good, honestly. Aside from work, everything has been going well between me and DeShawn. I never thought we'd be dating, let alone a couple. But here we are, and I'm not about to complain."
Cassie smiled while recalling the memory of her best friend texting her the exciting news months ago. "I'm so happy to hear that! You two are such a cute couple."
Mariana blushed. "Oh, thank you. How have you been?"
"I'm doing really well," Cassie replied earnestly. "My last therapy session was a couple of days ago, and it's helped me feel less anxious about school starting again."
"Oh, that's good," Mariana said.
Cassie grinned. She had told her best friend about seeing Dr. Rich, but never went into detail about the therapy sessions. She wanted to keep such private details to herself. Even her father had no clue about her mental health diagnosis or what she shared with her therapist.
"So, have you been up to anything before I showed up? I hope you didn't get into any trouble," she teased with a smirk.
Mariana rolled her eyes. "Our apartment is in one piece, so I haven't been up to no good. I did catch up with Nikita and company yesterday at The Bean's Knees over lunch."
"Oh, are they all in NYC already?" Cassie asked.
"Yep. Nikita, Felipe, DeShawn, and Isaac are all moved in," Mariana revealed. She then hesitated ever so slightly but continued. "Oh, and so is Lexi. She was at The Bean's Knees yesterday too."
Cassie nodded in response to the admission. She had a feeling that Mariana and Lexi had continued their friendship throughout the summer break. But that was their business; it had nothing to do with her whatsoever.
"I'm glad everyone's here," she finally said, smiling. "So...are you ready for the semester to start?"
Mariana let out a heavy sigh. "Oh, fuck no. I mean... Yeah, I've bought all my textbooks and I picked the last few things I needed for my classes. But that doesn't mean I feel ready for school to start back up again. Based on what you said earlier, I'm assuming you're eager to start the semester?"
"I'm a little nervous about some of the classes I'm taking this semester," Cassie admitted in an uneasy manner. "Some of them are really important and hard, to say the least. But I'm gonna do my best anyways 'cause I kinda have to."
"I see your point," Mariana remarked while laughing.
Cassie joined in on the laughter. "Regardless, I'm gonna do well this semester. I can feel it."
"So do I," Mariana said. "Wanna order pizza and have a movie night? We haven't done that in forever."
"Oh, for sure! That sounds like an excellent idea," Cassie exclaimed.
The childhood best friends carried on with the rest of their day, enjoying pizza for dinner while watching a few of their favourite movies. It was the perfect way to cap off her first day back in the city.
Cassie found herself content as the evening continued. She was back in New York City and ready to start a brand-new year at New York University. While she still held onto some worries about some specific classes, it didn't deter her from the upcoming semester. All she could do was do her best and hope that everything worked out on that front.
While watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days for the trillionth time, she suddenly thought back to when Mariana revealed that she'd hung out with Lexi yesterday. Cassie had brought up the San Diego native in her last therapy session— a fact she'd omitted from her conversation with Mariana earlier. Cassie knew that the chances of running into Lexi were rather likely due to the fact that she'd become friendly with Mariana. It was bound to happen sooner than later.
I have no clue how I'll react the first time I run into Lexi this semester, Cassie thought. All I can hope is that it's painless. I'm not going to freak out on her because I have no reason to. I'm so done causing drama.
Realizing that worrying about this matter wasn't about to do her any good, Cassie tuned it out and focused back on the movie. Hanging out with Mariana was more important right now anyway.