Chapter 4
TALKING: "Maybe I should cook something for dinner been eating too much pizza lately"
SHOUTING: "DIANE DID YOU EAT THE LAST OF THE PIZZA!?"
THINKING: (I miss Vermila it's been years since I last saw her)
DEVIL TRIGGER: "I will show you the power of my father you bastards!!"
A/n: I ain't really got anything to say so let's just jump right in
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(FLASHBACK 5 YEAR OLD Y/N)
It was now Christmas Eve in the Sparda household and as usual Esoteric and Eva were busy cooking in the kitchen as Sparda watched the children play in the snow, Y/n was helping the twins sculpt a snow man that resembled Sparda making the purple coated devil chuckle "You know I do believe you three are missing something" Sparda said as Diane ran up to him and took his monocle and placed it on the snow man "Perfect it looks just like you now pops" Diane said proudly "She's not wrong uncle Sparda" Sparda deadpanned at this "I beat all of hell myself and somehow getting insulted by my children and nephew is worse then fighting Mundus" Sparda muttered as the trio of friends continued to make a snow replica of Sparda before moving on to making ones of Eva and Esoteric "Kids dinner is ready!" Eva shouted from the door as Esoteric came out "And I threw away that terrible fruit cake you made Sparda" Sparda grabbed Esoteric by his coat and shook him "Why would you do that I spent hours making it!" Sparda cried as he continued to shake Esoteric "Because your cooking is awful" Sparda fell over from Esoterics harsh comment "Your so mean" "do I have to remind you what happened when you baked Eva a cake?" The kids shuddered remembering the awful cake Sparda had made that day "How was I supposed to know to take the shells out" Esoteric sighed and picked up his best friend and brother in arms "next time just read the book Sparda" Esoteric said dusting his friend off "Alright come now kids dinner is ready and I made coco" Eva said as the children followed her inside
(TIMESKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY Y/N AND THE TWINS DRAWING MUSTACHES ON SPARDA)
Y/n had just finished laying the twins to bed after they ate they're way into a food coma, Y/n was about to leave the twins to sleep until Sparda came in "Y/n may we talk?" Sparda whispered, the boy nodded and followed his uncle to his study, Sparda sat on the couch next to a fireplace and motioned for the boy to take a sit which he did "Y/n you have been my daughter's best friend forever which is why your here" Sparda looked at the boy and smiled "I just wanted to give me my blessings to marry my daughter's when your older" Y/n was confused and was about to ask his uncle what he meant until Esoteric came in with an irritated look "Sparda what have I told you about telling this to my son?" Esoteric asked as he summoned Varatha
"Oh come Esoteric I know you for a fact you that you also think about your son marrying one of or both of my daughter's" Sparda said as Esoteric gave an exhausted sigh "I swear somewhere down the line you became a man child Sparda come along Y/-" Esoteric looked to where his son was a moment ago finding he had disappeared "Huh guess he snuck off" Sparda said as Esoteric left to look for his son, soon finding him asleep between the Sparda twins making Esoteric smile "Goodnight my son" Esoteric quietly said as he left the trio of friends to snuggle up to each other
(TIMESKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY SPARDA GIVING GRUMPY ESOTERIC A CUPCAKE)
It was now Christmas morning in the Sparda household and to say the children were excited was an understatement, the kids had already opened most of they're presents but Sparda and Esoteric had one more gift in store for then, that's when Sparda handed a large broad sword that was twice her size to Diane and a simple katana covered in a dark blue sheath to Vermila "These were once mine and now they are yours Vermila as my oldest daughter I have given you the Yamato it is very powerful so handle it with care, and Diane to you I give the Rebellion it will serve you faithfully and answer to you from now on" Both girls were excited and started swinging they're newly gifted blades around until they realized Eva was giving them a very stern glare, Y/n watched as his father kneel Infront of him and gave him a very fancy looking pocket watch, Y/n opened the watch and saw a strange pattern of numbers 14070428
"That watch was your mother's but now it is yours my son" Esoteric placed his hand on Y/n's shoulder as the numbers shifted now reading the date of Y/n's birth 19681104
(A/n: This is Y/n age based on the fact if I wanna make him the same age as Diane and Vermila then he would have to be born in 1968 altough it's just a rough estimate since in dmc 5 Dante and Vergil should be 45)
Y/n didn't say anything as he hugged his dad Y/n had never met his mother since she died giving birth to him but now he had something to always to remember her by "So Y/n which of my daughter's will you marry" Sparda decided to interrupted the moment making the twins blush as Eva smacked her husband and dragged him off by the ear "Me and you are gonna have a little chat mister" she said as Sparda reached out desperately "Help me!" He cried making a Y/n and the twins laugh "Umm Y/n which of us will you marry?" Vermila asked blushing as she rubbed her arm "Uhh well i-" "Yeah which of us will you marry" Diane said cutting the boy off Y/n looked at his father to find he had disappeared "Umm well I guess I'll marry you both" Y/n said nervously as the two girls tackled him, unaware to them the adults were in the next room smiling
(FLASHBACK END)
On top Temen-Ni-Gru our demonic hunter Y/n slowly stirred awake and saw something rather interesting it was Bayonettas ass on his face.......again (OH CMON YOU FUCKIN HORNY WITCH!) Y/n pushed Bayonetta off him and stood up looking down at the umbra witch who had hearts in her eyes as she drooled (oh god what in he hell did she do besides sitting on my face?) Y/n thought as he grabbed bayonetta and lifted her up holding her like a princess in some cheesey kids movie "Hey horny witch where's Diane?" He asked realizing that it was just them at the top "O-oh her she jumped down awhile ago and killed some big flying demon thing" Bayonetta said as she wrapped her arms around Y/n's neck "Mmm you got stronger lover boy did your big bad inner demon finally wake up?~" she teased as Y/n walked to the edge of the Temen-Ni-Gru and jumped off with bayonetta in his arms "Oh goodness darling taking the express way down are we?" She teased as she licked Y/n's neck "I swear Imma slap you if you keep this up" Y/n said irritated as he landed on leviathans corpse
Y/n dropped bayonetta and began making his way back to the Temen-Ni-Gru until he spun around and caught two large spin stars
"Aquila consider them a gift darling" bayonetta as she did her make up, Y/n looked around and saw demons surrounding him and smiled "Time for a test run" Y/n both Aquila stars as they spun around him turning him into a giant blender and jumped straight into the hoard of demons slicing them up as he used Twilight&Eclipse to blast any demons that were being turned into mince meat by the spinning blades of death, Y/n stopped and pulled out his new and improved Defiance and stared at it (what secrets did you hide in this blade uncle?) Y/n thought clearly realizing there was more to the blade then he originally believed, Y/n snapped out of his thought and lunged at the demons activating his Devil Trigger as he did so and started testing his new powers like his new Charge shot that now caused demons to explode after a set amount of time, Y/n found a new attack he called Maximum Overdrive (A/n: imagine Maximum bet dmc 5 But y/n DT Wings also launch out waves of energy if you can imagine that) launching multiple giant waves of demonic energy that cleaved through any and demons in his way "Hm impressive boy" Bayonetta said as Y/n reverted back to his normal form "If your coming then move your ass I don't wait for anyone to do their makeup" Y/n said and walked off with bayonetta running after him "Oh you rude boy a lady has to look her best for such a big party!" She cried out
(TIMESKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY Y/N AND BAYONETTA WATCHING RUIN AND MADAMA ARM WRESTLING. IT WAS A TIE)
Y/n and bayonetta had made their way through many Chambers in the Temen-Ni-Gru encountering little to no demonic resistance meaning they had to be on Diane's trail, soon the two heard gun shots and found Diane and lady in some gun fight with Arkham dead on the floor "DIANE THE HELL YOU DITCHED ME UP THERE WITH THE HORNY ASS WITCH???" Y/n shouted catching both Diane's and lady's attention "Oh my he is as handsome as you said" mysterious feminine voice said as a gutair appeared on Diane's back "Over here lover boy~" Y/n was confused to say the least ".......is that a talking guitar?" He asked "Yeah this is nevan some smokin hot demon lady that came with me on one condition" she said as nevan giggled mischievously sending a shiver down Y/n's spine "Diane what did you promise her?" Diane whistled innocently until Y/n gave her a harsh glare "Alright I may or may not have promised her a steamy bed session with you when this is over?" She said preparing for "DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN HOOKER TO YOU???? AND HOW IS THAT GONNA WORK" Y/n shouted referring to the fact nevan was a guitar "Oh I can still do this darling~"
"Better?" Nevan asked as Y/n seemed to calm down just abit "I'm mad at you" Y/n said as nevan turned back into a guitar and returned to Diane's back "You'll thank me when your pounding that hot piece of ass later" Diane said following him with Bayonetta in tow leaving lady with Arkhams dead body
Soon the trio found themselves in another chamber of the Temen-Ni-Gru, Diane went to grab the relic in the room until they heard something interesting "Sparda, Esoteric I know that odor" the creature said "huh?" Diane sniffed herself That odor, I know it." The creature said "huh?" Diane sniffed herself before turning back to the beast "Gimme a break tell ya what, next time I'll try to wear some perfume okay? Oh wait maybe he's talking about you?"
"Diane I don't spend a hundred bucks on soap that smells like cherries and vanilla for it not to work" Y/n said confusing Diane "Why do you spend a hundred bucks on soap?" "well I get a pretty good deal for umm" Y/n stopped as he realized what he was about to say (Oh thank Sparda I caught myself otherwise she'd kill someone........again) Y/n though meanwhile Beowulf became annoyed "It's stench of betrayal The odor of that accursed Sparda and treacherous bastard Esoter-" "Yeah yeah yeah hold that thought ugly duckling I just wanna say I don't care about what beef you have with our dad's" Y/n interrupted as Beowulf growled at them
"Hahahaha! Looks like we gotta clean up after our old men again huh? Y/n?" Diane said as she and Y/n readied they're blades while bayonetta just did her make up
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A/n: well that's it for this one guys be sure to lemme know what ya think until next time adios
Next chapter: A Chicken A Horse And A Rematch