We keep secrets from people that we love because we're afraid of our own truth. I think sometimes we're afraid to hurt people, because you never know. I think we're afraid of what is, and what can't be- Lauren London
Lauren POV
If I had moved over one more time my ass would fallen off the bed. Between Nika, Kross and Papa, I could not tell you who slept the worst. They literally all pushed me to the edge of the bed and played tug of war with the sheets all night.
It was going on ten in the morning, and everyone was still knocked out. After eating some good lasagna, followed by ice-cream and watching Madagascar for papa's sake two times we were all tired.
I decided to get up before everyone else to get my day started. I had a few errands to run and a therapy session to attend too. I gave Kross and Papa a quick kiss before quietly slipping out of bed. I was about to lean down to let Nika know I was leaving but her phone lighting up caught my attention. She had a few notifications from her daily inspirational quote app and a few text messages from her mom.
I picked up her phone slipping away from her into the bathroom. Yes, I checked Onika's phone from time to time. Her being so secretive about shit always caused her in the long run, and she always told me when it was too late. I knew her all too well; she always thinks that she can handle shit by ignoring it.
She was not confrontational at all, and she hated anything associated with drama. All I was trying to tell her is that she gotta' slap a bitch sometimes so they can get the point. I did it to Normani and it turned out fine.
As I scrolled through Onika's messages my theory served me correct. There it was clear as day, the night prior this Megan bitch had texted her an article concerning her and Dr. Knowles. My blood started boiling because Onika had ample amount of time to tell me this bitch was fucking with her. I knew this Megan chick had a problem with Onika, I watched the way she looked at her and the smart shit she said from the side of her neck. But little did she know she was on my radar list for a sweet ass whooping.
I placed Nika's phone back on the nightstand and proceeded to take a shower to start my day. After I was done, I headed to Kross's and I bedroom and got some clothes from the drawer. I settled for some jeans and oversized Tupac t-shirt and some custom-made air forces that Nip had made for me.
I picked up my keys heading to the garage, my annoyance began to grow when I noticed Nika had blocked me in. She only did that to be petty because she hated when I parked in her garage. I rolled my eyes picking up the keys to her Audi truck. Since she wanted to play petty, I'll have a nice time in her brand-new truck today.
I started off the day by completing my therapy session, so far, it's becoming better for me. I still could not talk about the day Nip died but my grieving process through therapy has improved. Once I was done with my therapy session, I headed to Lenox Square mall to do some shopping for the boys. Easter was one month away, and I wanted the boys to take easter photos together. What was supposed to be a quick mall trip turned into almost four hours. I got some outfits for the boys but when my eyes landed on the Chanel store, and I could not resist.
Besides I needed to get Nika a gift for being nominated for a Harper Avery, if she was not going to go—a Chanel bag would definelty make her happy. I thought I was in love with Chanel, but Nika's Chanel bags were a bad habit.
I settled for the newest black lambskin oversized Chanel bag with gold accessories. I knew she would be over the moon with this one, she always wanted an oversized Chanel bag to add to her collection.
I finally decided to call it a day and make my way to my house to hide Nika's gift. Once I hid her gift under my bed, I proceeded to pack some more clothes for Kross and I—we basically lived by Nika's even though we lived a few houses apart.
I was putting the bags in the car when my phone started ringing, it was an unknown number calling from New York. I scrunched up my face declining the call—the last time I got a call like that I found out the love of my life was making his transition. The number called back again causing a little bit of PTSD to start settling. I almost allowed my voicemail to pick up before I accepted the call.
"Hello?"
"Dimples?"
Only one person called me that, my mouth immediately became dry. How the fuck did she even get my number."
"Robyn what the fuck?"
"Language...You're on speaker and your god kids are in the car. Do you even remember them? You saw them twice and disappeared after you cut that deal with Beyonce."
"Fuck you and them kids! What the fuck do you want and how the hell did you get my number."
"Oh, dimples don't sound so upset. And you know I have my ways... Now I have a proposal and you're going to do exactly what I say."
"What makes you think I want to do anything for ya' crazy, deranged, 10 fo-head ass!"
"Because what precious Onika doesn't know won't kill her right? You knew Beyonce was married because you were a witness at our wedding, you knew I pregnant because you took me to my OBGYN appointments. You WERE my BESTFIREND at one point in time. So, don't play dumb dimples—you played a role in that poor girl's downfall. You are equally as guilty as my cheating ass wife."
The line began beeping --I sighed pulling the phone away from my ear. It was Nika, she was probably wondering why the hell I was taking so long. I declined her call focusing my attention to the demon on the other end of the phone.
"What do you want Robyn..." I angrily asked—I could not believe I was actually in this predicament right now.
"The Harper Avery is in three weeks, as you know my wife is going to be honored there. I see that your little friend was nominated. I need you to make sure she does not attend that award show. I'm already having a hard enough time stalling Beyonce with these divorce papers. I don't need her old bitch bringing up any feelings from the past."
This bitch is really senseless—I thought.
"Do I make myself clear dimples? Or do I have to send Onika some photos? Or better yet my marriage certificate with your signature on it?"
"Ok...Ok...Ok...I got it damn."
"Perfect...Have a wonderful rest of your evening, you guys tell your worthless Godmother goodbye."
"BYEEEE!" Some kids screamed midway before I disconnected the call.
I threw my phone across the car seat and screamed. I hated Beyoncé right now—why the fuck she never killed this bitch. She killed everyone else who deserved it, but not the bitch who caused the most problems.
Yes, I knew that Dr. Knowles was married, yes, I knew that she had children! It was my whole purpose of practically begging Onika not to get into cahoots with her. From the day I met Onika I could tell she was the soft and easy type—just like Robyn. I had no doubt that she would be an easy prey for Dr. Knowles. From the first day we were doing introductions Dr. Knowles did not once take her eyes off Onika, only when Onika looked her way she acted as if she was typing on her phone.
I mean who would not be attracted to Onika? She's a fucking goddess! Sometimes I questioned my own sexuality being around her. She gave off an aura that was bound to magnetize you, that combined with her beauty would send anyone insane. I'm not saying I agree with the lengths Dr. Knowles went to keep Onika but having that vibe and probably some A1 pussy—let's just say I understood why sis' went crazy.
But at the end of the day, I do take full responsibility for not being upfront and transparent with Nika. I honestly thought it was a little fling at first, then I started noticing how clingy she was becoming of Dr. Knowles. Then the next thing you I knew Nika was deeply in love with her. I wanted to tell her; God knows I did. But shit started moving so fast and top of me having my own shit going on.
When I was about to tell Nika Dr. Knowles approached me—it's like she knew I was ready to come clean. She promised me that she would tell Onika soon—she just needed time, and that I would act like I didn't know when she broke the news. At the time sounded like a fair trade to me. Why not let the bitch who caused all of this in the first place take the heat—she knew deep down Onika would definelty leave her ass.
To this day I still did not understand her purpose of not just coming clean to Onika—telling her what it was from the jump. She should have allowed Onika the opportunity to be stupid or do the smartest thing and walk away.
But I still must take accountability of the fact that I took part in hiding the most hurtful secrets from my best friend. If Nika ever found out I knew—it would end our friendship for sure. At this point we weren't even friends—we were sisters. Onika held me so many nights when the thoughts of not having Nip anymore shredded through my mental. She has been my savior through this journey of grief—and still is. I could not imagine life without her and papa at this point. But at the end of the day betrayal was betrayal—and I fucked up.
My phone started ringing again flashing Nika's name again. I picked up this time because I knew how she got when she became worried.
"Lolo are you okay????" Her frantic voice rose through her Bluetooth speakers.
"Hey...Yea I'm sorry I was grabbing some stuff for Kross. I'll be there in like two seconds."
"Alrighty—Love you bye." She said disconnecting the call.
The remorse was consuming me just hearing her say that. I sighed pulling out my driveway pulling into Onika's literally 35 seconds later. As soon as I hopped out the car her nosey ass neighbor shades shifted across the window.
"Ayyy lil gur' tell Unika' to bring something to eat. I'm starving and I could smell that food from here!"
"Yes Mam..." I said scurrying into the house.
As soon as I walked in, I was greeted by my babies, they were more excited to see what were inside the bags than to see me.
Papa was literally tearing the bags out my hands. When he realized they were clothes and not toys he shook his head and walked off.
Kross basically did the same by showing little interest in the cute Sunday's best easter suits I bought for their photoshoots.
"Loooooo..." Nika sang walking out the kitchen. "I hope you did not buy them more clothes, we barely have space in their closets as it is."
"It's for their easter photos."
"Lauren, you bought them an outfit for that the week before—and the week before that."
"Well, Nika they got to have options, right?"
"Speaking of options..." Nika smiled turning around to grab her phone from papa. He gave her a stern look before he started winning at Nika.
She totally ignored him swiping through her photos to show me something. "So, I did a lot of thinking and I had chit chat with Mrs.Wise-."
"The nosey lady across the street?" I asked.
Nika laughed shaking her head slowly. "Yea her...And I took what you said into consideration about attending the Harper Avery.... So, I decided that we can go." Nika handed me her phone showing me a bunch of different dresses which were all beautiful.
I gulped back scrolling through the photos.
"So, the other day at work I actually met this dope stylist her name is Ashley, she designs couture gowns and she sent me a few ideas. But I thought about what you said, I think a big part of my healing process is facing my worst fear—which is her. I cannot keep hiding in fear—I'll never be free. And you were right I am allowing her to have control over my life and she does not deserve it..."
Internally I wanted to jump in her arms, hug her and tell her how proud I was. But the conversation with Robyn played in my head nonstop. I sighed shaking my head before turning my attention to a very suspicious Onika.
"Lauren...Wassup? I thought you would be happy. Isn't this what you wanted? For me to make this step."
I bit my lip trying to tackle a quick way to divert her decision.
"Are you really ready Onika?" And I meant that wholeheartedly. "I don't want you doing this for me—I need you to do this for yourself...."
Onika shook her head before massaging her temples. "Wait a minute—where is this coming from? We literally got into a fight a week ago about this, I've contemplated making this decision for days and hours...Now you suddenly have a change of heart? Why Lauren? What happened."
I felt horrible—Nika is literally my other half, she could always tell when somethings up.
"Nothing...I just want to make sure you're doing the right thing. We could be putting papa at risk, you guys over all safety-- this is Beyoncé were talking about."
"Do not call her name in my house.... And I know your lying it's dripping right off you. So again, I'm going to ask you Lauren what is up?"
I couldn't even look Onika in her eyes, but I had too. I had to look my best friend in her eyes and lie.
"I-I just think it's too soon..." I stammered nervously.
She shook her head disappointingly. "I thought we were better than this...But you back on this secretive shit again."
"Nika it's not-" She held her hand up prohibiting any reasoning I had left.
"I don't want to hear it, let's just feed the boys and get them ready for bed. As for them, they can sleep with me. You can sleep in your room." She said walking away.
I shook my head pulling out my phone, there was no way I could continue lying to her like this.
I found the number that Robyn had called me from not to long ago and proceeded to start a text thread.
Me: Do what you gotta do Robyn
...
917-234-0989: Wrong decision bitch