"...Love yourself a little more."
Khushi returned from Lavanya's house to Shanti Van in a daze. The entire afternoon was emotionally overwrought. Has it only been a few hours?
The weight in her bag as she descends from the auto rickshaw reminds Khushi of the small mobile phone and the mini laptop Lavanya had stuffed in there when Khushi was taking her leave.
"I am not pitying you, Chamkili. These are my older gadgets. I do not use them as often since I upgraded to the latest models. They would just gather dust here so use them. Learn something, practise all the skills you learnt working at AR or watch some movies. Just don't sit around and mope," she sniffs imperiously.
Hari Prakash ji opens the door. Khushi enters and asks after everyone out of habit. A small cough alerts them to the presence of her Jiji. Khushi watches as her sister ignores her and calls Hari Prakash ji away.
The living room is empty. Khushi walked up the stairs to her husband's room. She is oddly tired and it isn't even night yet. There's still some time left before Arnav ji leaves from work.
Khushi hides her bag among her clothes. She doesn't really understand why she feels it necessary to hide the devices, but she does so. They are important to her.
At night, Khushi laid awake on the sofa and thought about everything that happened during the day. Meeting Lavanya ji, the bitter truths her friend made her face, everyone's indifference during dinner - Khushi wryly thought that her day was as charged as the plot from Salman ji's movies.
It took a lot of digging into her memories and taking a third person perspective for Khushi to come to some unpleasant conclusions. She had naively forgiven her husband for all the pain and humiliation he had caused her before and after their marriage.
The bout of soul searching had also brought some nasty realizations about herself. She had no experience in relationships between men and women. She had tried to apply what she'd seen from movies into her own life. The good girl falls in love with the bad boy and she changes him with her love.
At this point, she has learnt enough to understand that there is something between her and Arnav ji. It makes her heart beat faster when she is near him. It sends electricity singing along her nerves. But life cannot be just about palpitating hearts and exciting sensations. The past few months have taught her that.
Abuse. Khushi still finds herself reluctant to use that term. The Indian society in general, tends to shy away from anything that may cast marriage in a bad light. Even then, only the physical evidence of abuse would get noticed.
Marriage and family are sacred to her. Were. Khushi understands now that what her husband was doing to her was not right.
It may or may not be abuse. She doesn't want to think of herself as a victim. She might just break.
Khushi knows that the way she was being treated wasn't right. Surely, she deserved to be given at least a fair chance before they all condemned her.
Was I really being abused? Am I still?
Khushi doesn't want to think about it. Instead she thinks about her marriage and the contract it is based on. She realized that she was in a precarious position. In three and a half months, she would have to sign the divorce papers and leave her sasural. She had no savings and her mother had all but disowned her legally.
Lavanya ji was right. I should learn a little, maybe even earn a little. Khushi decided that she would start polishing her skills from her previous job in AR Designs and try to build herself a nest egg to fall back on.
"I need to reacquaint myself with my English books and notes," thought Khushi. She had always found it funny that everyone in Delhi assumed that she didn't know English. Honestly, Khushi wasn't illiterate. She had passed her board exams with flying colours. Khushi did know English since she went to public school, but she was always shy to speak in front of immaculate speakers like Arnav and Lavanya. She may be used to a simpler vocabulary but she does know the language.
Khushi looked towards her sleeping husband and felt like crying again. She wondered what she was thinking when she had agreed to that sham of a marriage. Did she really think love would conquer all? How much does she even know about Arnav ji? Lavanya ji knew him for years and their relationship didn't work out. What hope did her marriage built on misunderstandings and a time limit have?
The next morning breakfast ends with tea made by Payel and a good helping of taunts from Mami ji. As the men gather at the foyer to leave for work, Arnav pulls Khushi closer. With a hand on her back, he cups her face and murmurs, "Don't miss me too much. I have a meeting so I'll be late. Don't wait up for me, okay?"
Khushi wonders at the point of speaking slowly when everyone can hear them anyway. Is Arnav ji trying to aim for a Filmfare? Surely, this is enough out of character for him that someone will finally notice.
Khushi peeks around to look for someone, anyone to notice the blatant discrepancies in the way the son of the family is acting. Sure enough, she sees everyone looking anywhere but in their direction.
I should have known that expecting some observational skills would be asking for too much. I never knew indignation had a colour before this farce. Red is for love, blue is for sadness and indignation is my in-laws' faces cycling from pink to magenta. Huh.
Once the men left, Khushi fled upstairs before Mami ji began ranting at her again. She was ready to implement her resolution from last night.
Khushi brought out the laptop from its hiding place and switched it on. She breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed that the operating system and interface are the same as what she had used in AR Designs. Thank goodness, I did not want to get stuck in a technical nightmare before I even started learning anything.
Khushi quickly starts browsing for a few tutorials to practice her office skills, when she realizes that she won't be able to apply for work unless she can provide any documentation. She tries to remember if she had collected her board exam documents from her school back in Lucknow.
No, I don't think I had the time to collect them. The proposal for jiji's hand had come a few weeks after the board exams and by then we were all too busy preparing for the ceremonies...My class teacher had called home because I had placed among the top twenty in Lucknow during the board exams...But then we moved to Delhi after the fiasco over the wedding and the fashion show. Huh, so my papers are all there.
Khushi sends a quick prayer of thanks to Devi Maiya that she didn't have to call her family. The last few months had chipped away at Khushi's patience with her family. She was reluctant to contact them.
If anyone from home even picked up her call, depending on who received the phone call - suspicion would be the mildest reaction from her mother, while Bua ji would disconnect the call as soon as she asked about her transcripts. After all, what use would a married woman have for her certificates at her sasural, especially one that eloped to marry a rich man.
Khushi resolved to contact her school so they would send her academic transcripts via post. I'll give Lavanya ji's address. The less the people here know about what I am doing, the better off I will be after the divorce.
Khushi took out the mobile phone that Lavanya had given her and sent off a message asking for permission to use her address. Lavanya immediately called her.
"Hello, Chamkili~ " Lavanya's voice sang from the receiver.
"Hello, Lavanya ji. I'm using your phone."
Lavanya laughed, "Good job! But it's not my phone anymore, silly. It's yours. So, what have you been up to?"
Khushi hesitatingly started talking about her plans, "I have been working a little on my computer skills. I want to work but I don't have any of my certificates with me."
Lavanya was surprised, "Wait, if you don't have your papers, how did you end up in AR? The people at HR here are very strict about employee paperwork."
Embarrassed, Khushi murmured, "I wasn't supposed to work there but Shyam ji used his connections to get me a small position at the warehouse. Otherwise, how would I have qualified for a job at AR? My age doesn't even meet the requirements, let alone my qualifications."
"Age, what? Wait a second. How old are you really, Khushi?"
"I'm nineteen now, Lavanya ji. I passed the board exams a few months back."
Lavanya was shocked. ASR, you are going to hell. I'll even cheerfully send you there for messing around with a teenager.
Notes: This was the last update from the author. Next chapter will be published on Sunday which will be my own work.