As Arnav ji storms off to his office, escaping from the stifling reality of her presence in his family, Khushi turns back towards the living room and wonders at the farce her life has become. The barbs from her in-laws, sidelong glances from their family friends, the angry silence of her family and her husband's treatment of her.
Her sister, the one whom she wanted to safeguard - wouldn't even look at her. Mami ji had never spared an opportunity to remind Khushi and her sister of their place since the beginning. It was them, the respect for elders instilled in them against Mami ji's hurtful name calling. Solidarity in pain, in face of the unknown.
But that was her Jiji. This was her devrani, Payel ji. Like the dutiful daughter-in-law, Payel ji's eyes would always skip over Khushi. As though there was no one standing in Khushi's place, just empty space.
As she walks away from disapproving eyes, Khushi feels like bursting out in hysterical laughter. In agreeing to the travesty of a marriage with Arnav ji, Khushi had unwittingly united the entire Raizada and Gupta families.
Mami ji had never been happier with Payel and her family. Nani ji, Mama ji and Mami ji had never been of the same mind for so long. Her marriage, Khushi realizes has provided them all a common enemy to stand against. Her.
It eats at me. How fast they welcome Arnav back into the fold, while I am left stranded on the sidelines. Everyone thinks it was a rushed marriage, borne of passion and love. They punish me for the supposed indiscretion, but they do not dare utter a cross word in Arnav's presence. Not after the first day. Amma won't even acknowledge my existence, and yet they have forgiven their own son so fast.
Khushi wonders where it went so spectacularly wrong. Was it because she was a daughter? An adopted daughter? Is Arnav ji more precious to his family than I am to mine? Is their shame greater than their daughter? Do the neighbours matter more than any explanations I may have?
The past two and a half months have eaten away at Khushi's innocence and faith. Her unshakable belief in the institutions of family, love and marriage were beginning to falter. Shyam ji spared no opportunity to leer at her. The pointed innuendos when happened to be in the same room as the family and the occasional cornering in deserted hallways - left Khushi feeling dirty to her bones.
Sometimes I wish I could peel my skin off and give it a good scrub. Would that stop the creeping feeling? The shuddering crawl of his eyes on my skin - will I ever feel clean again?
Her husband continues his duplicitous acts of love in front of an audience and cruel words in private. Sometimes Khushi thinks she is in the middle of a long, long nightmare and she would wake up at some point. Once Devi Maiyya is done testing her faith, she would reward her devoted friend. Just like the time Devi Maiyya whisked away her birth parents, then gave Amma and Babuji to her.
I used to be so envious of Arnav ji. Always pondering what it would be like to have such a big family.
Her sasural is filled with people. They talk, eat and laugh with each other. Embrace each other with their eccentricities and flaws. She had been a part of that happiness once. Khushi had loved the people in the Raizada family like her own. Yet Khushi feels lonely. I am surrounded by the people I love but I have never felt so alone before.
My marriage has taught me many things. I didn't know silences and disapproval could cut so deep. Is this what Lavanya ji had felt when she had entered this house? Fighting an uphill battle in wanting to win Arnav ji's family's approval, changing herself entirely for his sake?
Was I complicit in Lavanya ji's exclusion? Have I unwittingly helped tear someone down, break them completely to mould them back into an entirely different person?
Khushi recognized that she needed to apologize to Lavanya ji. For what she had done, all those times she had never looked beyond the surface. "Lavanya ji ended up being the bigger person. She called me her friend and I helped in trying to change who he was," she thought. I need to call her.
She runs up to her bag to call Lavanya only to remember that she didn't have a phone anymore. She sighed and silently padded to Arnav's study. Taking a longer way to avoid Anjanli ji and Shyam ji, whom she'd heard in the hall nearby, Khushi beelines towards the phone and calls Lavanya.
"Hello, who's this?"
"Lavanya ji, I am Khushi."
"Chamkili! How are you? I haven't heard from you in so long. But where's your phone?"
Khushi feels tears gathering at the first friendly voice she has heard in weeks. "I am...it's... it's a long story, Lavanya ji."
"Khushi, is everything all right? You sound off. What is going on?" Lavanya was beginning to get worried. She had never heard such a dejected tone from Khushi. The girl who talked a mile a minute was uncharacteristically reticent today.
"I missed you, Lavanya ji. I missed my friend. Do you think we can meet up soon?" Khushi chokes out as keeps her tears from falling. Simple concern had never sounded so soothing.
"Of course, Khushi! Tell you what, I am working from home this week. So come over whenever you like. I am always at home."
Khushi was concerned. Lavanya ji had never missed office before. "Are you well, Lavanya ji? Do you need to see a doctor? I can call one for you right away."
Lavanya smiles, touched by Khushi's concern. "Relax, Chamkili. I am okay. I was just not feeling very inspired in the office so I thought about trying to work from home would get the creative juices flowing a bit. Come, visit. I am free and do not need a doctor, silly."
"Then, may I visit today?" Khushi hesitatingly asks.
"Yes, come over as soon as you 'll have so much fun!"
Khushi walks towards the door, bag in hand. Being unfamiliar with the bus routes near Lavanya's home, she decided to take an auto rickshaw instead. She sees Mami ji sitting in the living room and wonders if she should try to inform her where she is going.
"Hello, hi, bye bye. Some people just have no shame! They lives under our roof and eats our food, now they are wanting to use our cars when going on their phatichar errands. Do they even know their place? Hari Prakash! Hari Prakash! Call all the drivers in for lunch. Immediately!" Mami ji bellows and poor Hari Prakash ji scrambles to follow her orders.
Did she think I was going to demand one of their cars when I can't even get them to say a word to me? Was she scared that I would sully their cars by using them?
"I'd rather sit on an auto and enjoy the air, than suffer in the cold A/C of their cars. Travelling is not meant to be that freezing," Khushi mumbles under her breath as she steps out of the house.
Khushi reaches Lavanya's apartment complex. Looking up the building, she thinks that the sleek and modern building suits Lavanya ji.
The door to Lavanya's apartment is thrown open before the bell stops ringing. Khushi feels herself being enveloped in a hug and curses herself for being so weepy. It's been so long since someone has shown me such affection.
Khushi returns the hug tightly, desperately trying to stem the tears falling and soaking Lavanya's shoulder.
Lavanya feels her shoulder becoming wet. She anxiously pulls Khushi inside and asks, "Chamkili, what's wrong? Why are you crying? What is happening?"
A/N: I have always wondered what would have happened if Khushi changed her perspective. No one stays the same and Khushi's experiences should have changed her character somewhat, instead of the one dimensional bubbly girl from the show. This is an experiment to see if I can flesh out Khushi's character more.
P.P.S: Just imagine that holi, Gupta house stay and kidnapping never happened. Suppose that the Marriage happened in November as it suits the timeline for the story better
Note: If anyone has any problem with me picking up and abandoned story i will delete it. Please refrain from hate comments.