[Later, most of the guests have left and it's just the Avengers plus Dr. Cho and Maria Hill sitting around; Thor's hammer sits on the table between them.]
Clint Barton: [referring to Thor's hammer] But, it's a trick!
Thor: Oh, no. It's much more than that.
Clint Barton: Uh, "Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!" Whatever man! It's a trick.
Thor: Well please, be my guest.
Tony Stark: Come on.
Clint Barton: Really?
Thor: Yeah!
[Barton gets up]
Erik - oooooh
Raven and Kurt - LIFT IT LIFT IT
James Rhodes: Oh this is gonna be beautiful.
Tony Stark: Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up. [the others laugh]
Clint Barton: You know I've seen this before, right? [Barton grabs Thor's hammer and can't lift it; to Thor after he fails to lift the hammer] I still don't know how you do it.
Tony Stark: Smell the silent judgment?
Clint Barton: Please, Stark, by all means.
[Stark gets up]
Natasha Romanoff: Oh, here we go.
Maria Hill: Okay.
James Rhodes: Uh-oh.
Clint Barton: Um-hmm.
Tony Stark: Never one to shrink from an honest challenge.
Clint Barton: Get after it.
Natasha Romanoff: Here we go.
Tony Stark: It's physics.
Bruce Banner: Physics!
[Stark grasps Thor's hammer]
Tony Stark: Right, so, if I lift it, I...I then rule Asgard?
Thor: Yes, of course.
Tony Stark: I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta. [Stark tries to lift the hammer but fails] I'll be right back. [wearing his armored hand, Stark tries to lift the hammer again and fails]
[Both wearing their armored hands, Stark and Rhodes both try to lift Thor's hammer]
James Rhodes: Are you even pulling?
Tony Stark: Are you on my team?
James Rhodes: Just represent! Pull!
Tony Stark: Alright, let's go! [they both pull as hard as they can]
[Banner tries to lift the hammer, he roars as though pretending to change into the Hulk, and everyone either looks at him warily or grins.]
Bruce Banner: Huh?
[next Steve gets up to try]
Tony Stark: Let's go, Steve, no pressure.
James Rhodes: Come on, Cap.
[Steve starts pulling on the hammer and manages to budge it a little; Thor looks a little alarmed. Steve still fails to lift it; Thor laughs with relief]
Thor: Nothing.
Tony Stark: And?
Bruce Banner: Widow?
Natasha Romanoff: Oh, no no. That's not a question I need answered.
Tony Stark: All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged.
Clint Barton: You bet your ass.
Maria Hill: Steve, he said a bad language word.
Steve Rogers: [to Stark] Did you tell everyone about that?
EVERYONE LAUGHS
Tony Stark: The handle's imprinted, right? Like a security code. "Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation?
Thor: Yes, well that's, uh, that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one. [he gets up, then lifts his hammer and flips it] You're all not worthy. [there's a chorus of disagreement from the others]
[There's a loud screeching noise, like microphone feedback, causing everyone to cover their ears. They let their hands down as it fades, and Tony pulls out his device. One of the Iron Legion suits, heavily damaged and housing Ultron's consciousness, stumbles into the room]
Ultron: Worthy... No, how could you be worthy? You're all killers.
Steve Rogers: Stark.
Tony Stark: JARVIS.
Ultron: I'm sorry, I was asleep. Or... I was a-dream?
Tony Stark: [tapping his device] Reboot, Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit.
Ultron: There was a terrible noise... and I was tangled in... in... strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy.
Steve Rogers: You killed someone?
Ultron: Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world we're faced with ugly choices.
Thor: Who sent you?
Ultron: [Ultron replays a recording of Tony's voice] "I see a suit of armor around the world."
Bruce Banner: Ultron!
Ultron: In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this... chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission.
Natasha Romanoff: What mission?
Ultron: Peace in our time.
[The walls explode, and several Iron Legion bots barge into the room. They begin attacking the team, who all go on the defensive and fight back. Rhodey gets knocked through a window.]
Maria Hill: Rhodey!
[Banner climbs over the bar to avoid fire from the bots. Natasha grabs him and drags him down, and he lands on top of her.]
Bruce Banner: Sorry!
Natasha Romanoff: Don't turn green!
Bruce Banner: I won't!
[The Avengers continue fighting the bots. One of the Iron Legion bots steals the Scepter.]
Natasha Romanoff: [to Banner] Come!
[The Avengers, while they are fighting back, are mostly trying to avoid getting hit.]
Steve Rogers: Stark!
[Stark is attacking one of the Iron Legion bots with a fondue fork.]
Iron Legion: We are here to help.
Tony Stark: One sec, one sec I got this!
Iron Legion: We are here to help... [A half-destroyed Iron Legion bot uses its thrusters to hold itself aloft, advancing on Dr. Helen Cho.] We are here to help... Is unsafe. Please back away.
Ultron: Hmm. [The Iron Legion lowers its weapon, and Steve grabs it and throws it away for Thor to hit with his hammer.]
Steve Rogers: Thor!
Iron Legion: [Stark continues to try and attack of the Iron Legions with his fork] It's unsafe. It's unsafe. It's unsafe.
Tony Stark: Come on! That's the one!
Iron Legion: It's unsafe. [He shuts it down and it falls to the floor. The fighting continues until Barton throws Cap's shield to him.]
Clint Barton: Cap!
[Steve uses his shield to dismember the last Iron Legion bot]
Ultron: That was dramatic! I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to...evolve? [he picks up one of the dismembered Iron Legion bots] With these? These puppets? [he crushes the Iron Legion bot's head] There's only one path to peace: The Avengers' extinction.
[Thor throws his hammer and destroys Ultron's body]
Ultron: [after Thor destroys his body, Ultron starts singing] I had strings, but now I'm free. There are no strings on me, no strings on me. [we see Ultron has uploaded his consciousness in the abandoned Sokovia base]
Everyone - uh oh