L I V I A N A
I've always hated hospitals, I've never had too good experiences in them.
First time I remember being here, my mother had had a home birth with my sister, and there were complications. She was rushed to the hospital with my new born sister and I had to sit in the waiting room with my dad.
The second time, my other sister was born, and she almost died too. It was touch and go for a few days due to my mother's age. But they both pulled through.
Then it was the chemotherapy my mother tried to rid herself of the lung cancer she has developed. Despite her repeated times of trying to quit cigarettes, she never could unless she was pregnant. Say what you want, she did anything for her children.
Then there was the accident.
The accident that later became the worst day of my life.
I remember being taken down to the morgue at my own request, and seeing their limp, lifeless bodies once again, this time laid across a metal table.
The surge of guilt I felt when I looked at my oldest younger sister though, that is something I never wish to experience again.
If it weren't for Theo standing there with me, I have no doubt I would stay down there for hours.
Then I was forced back to the same hospital over and over again for my physio therapy to regain function in my knee.
After all of those events in my life, it's fair to say I hate hospitals. Fear them even.
However, in this moment, that fear of this building was washed away as I sat in the waiting room.
My left knee bouncing up and down in anticipation. The wait for the surgeons to walk through the doors to the OR floor ready to swallow me whole.
The moment Theo shot Xavier, he and Logan picked him up and took him outside to the SUV they came in and drove to the hospital. All the while I was holding his head in my lap as I cried over his struggling body.
Josh and stayed back to clean up the mess that was once the traitor Alec.
"Why did you shoot him?" My voice was nothing more than a mere whisper as I laced my fingers together, not ready to look at my closest brother who was sat beside me.
"He killed Alec. You saw his body." Theo replied, a harshness still in his tone. "Did Xavier force you to do anything? Did he torture you when you were with the Russians?"
I let out a humourless chuckle, finally looking into the eyes of my brother.
"The only time Xavier touched Alec was when we were moving him from car to car and tying him down to the chair. I tortured Alec. I killed that traitorous bastard. Xavier forced me into nothing, only helped me. He was tortured with me during my time with the Russians. He protected me as best as he could."
Theo, Logan and Josh, who arrived a few minutes ago with the rest of my family, were all staring at me in shock.
"Why Liviana?" Vito asked, his tone cold and heartless, yet his eyes warm and welcoming as they looked at me.
When they arrived, I hugged them all before sitting back down and waiting for news on Xavier.
They didn't ask questions when they saw the state I was in; covered in blood and silently screaming.
"Because-"
I was cut off by the doors to the OR floor opening, revealing three surgeons who emerged in bloodied scrubs and scrub caps.
"Family of Xavier Ramirez?" The surgeon in the middle asks as she approaches us, her being the most bloodied of them all.
I stood up abruptly, nodding my head as my hands filled with the rings on Luca and Josh's fingers.
Josh because he's used to this being a habit of mine, and Luca because he's refused to let me out of his sight.
"Yes." I gulped, scared of the news I would hear.
"I am Dr Michels, the cardiac surgeon of Mr Ramirez. The bullet penetrated part of Mr Ramirez's coronary artery, that pumps oxygenated blood to the heart, so we had to replace it with a valve. As long as he continues to be healthy like he has been, it shouldn't effect him from now on." She gives me a small smile before stepping to the side.
"I am Dr Andros, an general surgeon. Parts of the bullet fragments broke off, leading to them spreading towards the spleen. I had to remove part of the spleen, but he shouldn't be too effected by it." Once again, he smiled and moved away for the least bloodied surgeon with a frown on her face.
"I am Dr Wilkinson, a neuro-surgeon. During the surgery, Mr Ramirez flatlined and was down for eighteen minutes. We brought him back, but due to the lack of oxygen to the brain-"
"He's likely to have brain damage or even be brain dead." I finish, my heart dropping to my stomach.
"We won't know for sure until he wakes." She replied, a sad smile on her face.
We won't know if my boyfriend will return to me whole, or a fragment of who he used to be.
If he will still be the Xavier Ramirez he was before.
"Can she see him?" Rina asked quietly.
"Of course, but I'm afraid only two people at a time in the ICU." Dr Michels said, a nurse behind her ready to lead us.
I chose Gio to come with me, while the others remained in the waiting room.
I saw the regret in Theo's eyes the second the scream erupted from my lips back at the hotel. But the guilt I saw a moment ago was far worse.
The nurse left us outside the ICU room where Xavier was, warning us that while he may look horrible, it's not as bad as it seems.
I opened the sliding door to the ICU room, and pulling back the curtain to reveal Xavier.
There were tubes coming out of his throat. Wire connected to various parts of his body as the heart monitor beeped a steady, strong rhythm.
The top half of his hospital gown was lowered to his waist, showing the bandage wrapped around his mid section and going up his torso, around his shoulder, leaving a red dot of blood in the centre where the gauze lay.
His skin was deathly pale, even with the tan of his sun kissed skin. The blood was cleaned away from his body that was there hours ago. And his black hair was falling over his eyes as the sides of his head were cut down short.
My heart broke as I took everything in.
Slowly, holding onto Gio's hand, I approached his hospital bed.
"Xavier..." I whispered.
"Lo siento mucho mi amor. No tenía idea de que esto iba a pasar" my voice was nothing more than a quiet calmness in the room. Por favor, vuelve a mi. Vuelve a mí como una vez fuiste. Como si estuviéramos en la celda donde pasábamos horas hablando de lo que haríamos cuando nos fuéramos. Vuelve a mí para que podamos aventurarnos como deseábamos. Por favor, no tienes idea de cuánto te amo."
I am so sorry my love. I had no idea this was going to happen.
Please come back to me. Come back to me as you once were. Like we were in the cell where we would spend hours talking about what we would do when we escaped. Come back to me so we can adventure like we wished. Please, you have no idea how much I love you.
Every word I spoke, I spoke in the Spanish Xavier taught me, knowing how he liked the way it sounded with my fading French accent.
Fading, but still strong.
"Where did you learn Spanish?" Gio questioned with a small smile as he sat in the seat against the wall while I took the one next to the bed.
My hand stroked up and down Xavier's hand as it rested flat on the mattress.
"Xavier taught me." I told him, a timid smile creeping onto my face.
"He was with you?" The surprise in Gio's tone did not go unnoticed.
"The Russians took him before me. He struggled with English back then, so for two and a half years I taught him everything. And he taught me Spanish in return." I informed him, my eyes never leaving Xavier's closed ones.
"You two are close?"
"He's been my boyfriend for over a year now." I said, turning to look at Gio's unsurprised reaction.
"I got that from the tattoo." I smiled in response. "Does he treat you right?"
"He treats me better than I deserve. He loves me more than I knew a person could be loved." I said, having one of the first conversations with my biological father in two and a half years.
"That's all I need to accept this then."
I turned my gaze back to Xavier, a sad smile still on my face as I read over the tattoo on his chest.
Right above his heart, you could see the words peaking out from beneath the bandage.
Mi amor,Liviana