Jonah ended up telling me the entire story of the movie instead of giving me a brief version. I didn't have the heart to stop him. I hated being interrupted and knew how that felt. I already did that to him multiple times, so I didn't feel like interrupting his story. That of course led us to being late.
When I had finally pealed myself off his soft bed, I quickly went to back to the room assigned to me and found a tray of food placed on the table. It was covered neatly. I ignored it and ran into the washroom. Luckily there was no one hiding in the mirror or the corners. Once I was done, I changed into a short dark green dress with a V neckline and short sleeves.
I grabbed the tray and brought it to the living room with me. Jonah was already seated at the couch wearing a black suit and looking handsome as usual. I found myself automatically walking towards him. I placed the tray on the coffee table and took the lid off. I grabbed one of the two sandwiches and held it out for him. It was a little cold but not soggy or anything. I waited for him to take it from my hand but instead he grabbed my elbow holding it steady as he bit into the sandwich while maintaining eye contact with me.
We aren't that close.
Yet I found myself unable to move. Sure, I wasn't romantically interested in him. I doubt that would happen. But I was very much attracted to him and I guess that gave him some sort of power on me because I stood there like a freaking stone statue while he finished the sandwich. His lips touched my fingertips as he pulled the last bite of the sandwich out of my hand.
That's supposed to be gross. The fuck is wrong with me. I have issues.
Snapping out of my stupor, I used my left hand to grab my own sandwich and stuffed it in my mouth not caring if I looked gross. If anything, I wanted to look gross. I wanted him to be disgusted and stop acting like that with me and to preferably avoid me. But it only made him chuckle as Bennett blatantly glared at me. Somehow, Jonah was completely unaware of his butler's death stares.
I ignored the death glares and quickly ran to the kitchen to wash my hands. Once I was done, I made my way to the front door.
"Wait."
I turned around and saw Jonah walking up to me. "I have something for you."
"What?"
He fished a small box out of his pocket and held it to me. "Open it."
Two small white butterflies sat in the middle of the blue velvet box. Gently grabbing the slightly bigger butterfly, I pulled it out of the box. There were two delicate chains attached to it. I held it up and realised it was a layered chain.
"Why?"
"You always wore something around your neck. You seemed to have given up wearing those. Then I realised, you didn't have any of your jewellery beside those two rings and that pair of earrings you wore to the party. You seem to have found earrings somehow, did Kenna give you those?"
I blinked.
He noticed all that?
Ian didn't like my obsession with random jewellery. Especially my chains and rings. I had to negotiate with him that he wouldn't comment on my necklaces if he got to choose my earrings and if I kept the number of rings on my fingers to two.
"Yeah, Kenna got me a few pairs. And uh, I can't take these."
"Why not?"
"It's too expensive. You're already spending a lot an--"
"It's not expensive."
I rolled my eyes. "Of course it's not expensive to you. But that doesn't mea--"
"No. It's actually not expensive. I got it from the mall. I knew you wouldn't like it if I got something expensive for you."
My stomach started to ache. This whole situation was making me uncomfortable and suspicious.
"If someone wrote a blog on my clothes, won't someone write one if I wore cheap jewellery?"
Of course it was a flimsy excuse. My earrings were cheap too but they were given by Kenna. Sure, she threatened to never speak to me if I paid her back, but that's Kenna. I couldn't accept something from Jonah that wasn't an attempt to save his own reputation.
We aren't that close.
"You could sneeze and there would still be someone who writes something. The reason I insisted about the clothes, is because there wasn't just one random weirdo writing an article. With jewellery, not too many people will fuss."
I bit the inside of my cheek and looked at the delicate looking thing.
"Just take it. It'll look good on you."
"Okay."
If it was from the mall, it couldn't be that expensive right? I just had to buy him a gift and we'll be even. I could ask Jake for his help. He would know. Yeah, I would ask him.
My delay was probably bothering him in some way because he took the chain from my hand and held it up. I placed it on my neck. The smaller butterfly sat snugly against the base of my neck. The slightly bigger one sat at the start of my cleavage. I tried to put it on but couldn't get the clasp to work properly.
Of course.
Groaning internally, I turned around so that my back was facing Jonah. "Help me." My hair was already up in a bun so it shouldn't be too problematic for him.
He reached out and grabbed the clasp. His slender fingers brushed against the back of my neck and I felt goosebumps. I hated being in close proximity with just about anyone. Usually, I just felt claustrophobic and annoyed but in that moment I wasn't that annoyed. I still stiffened as Jonah quickly clasped it. But his fingers lingered for just a little longer. Two of his fingers brushed up and down the side of my neck before tracing the upper chain to the small butterfly sitting against the base of my neck. I felt his hot breath as he whispered into my ear, "It looks pretty on you."
I can't handle this right now.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm your sugar baby or something." I was genuinely surprised at my own ability to speak instead of making sounds like a dying whale.
"What?"
I nodded as I moved a little to make some distance between us then turned to him. "Yeah. You keep buying me stuff and all I do is sit on my ass the whole day. Maybe I should get a job."
He looked at me with amusement. "You can get one if you want. But you do realise that our arrangement isn't like that. That kind of arrangement has other types of expectations."
"And this one doesn't have those? I know you said you won't try to pay me for that specific purpose, but isn't that still expected in this arrangement?"
He shook his head. "Nothing is expected. I'm so--"
"No, don't apologise. It's just, I thought it was a given." I scratched the back of my neck and looked away.
Great, now he thinks I'm desperate.
"Do you expect that?"
Do I?
*Kringg*
Saved by the bell.
I quickly opened the door to see the three familiar faces. I smiled at them and walked to one of the cars that I know wasn't the one Jonah usually picked.
Please don't sit with me. Please.
Of course my wish wasn't granted. As Jonah opened the door to the car, the ones around the car began to walk away. Kara took the wheel and Matt sat next to her in the passenger seat. As usual the car ride was silent but I felt Jonah's gaze boring holes into my head.
I need to back off. The fuck is going on with me?!
Hayley was the only person I ever dated in my entire life. Prior to her, I never tried to be in a relationship. I fulfilled my needs and that was it. With her, the initial relationship things weren't necessary. We already knew everything about each other. So, I had zero idea of what to do in a new relationship.
Should I ask about her favourite colour? But I already know that.
I had been sitting on the couch obsessing about how to give her the necklace I bought her.
Hopefully she'll like it and not feel guilty about accepting it.
I had bought it from the mall to make sure that she didn't feel guilty or weird about the gift. When she walked out of her room in that dark green dress and demanded I eat one the sandwiches Bennett prepared for her, I reacted without thinking.
I guess having someone care for me felt foreign to me. Sure, Bennett cared. Lia reminded me to eat and Simon would sometime force me to eat, but they were my employees. They were obligated to care. Their livelihoods depended on me. Riley had no such obligations, and yet she cared.
All she did was feed me and I'm acting like that. I need help.
When she acted like she was mad but her ears reddened a little, I found myself feeling happy. There might be chance after all. I didn't want the marriage to be as shallow as Riley wanted. To me it was a new chance. I hoped she would see it like that too. Marriage wasn't a joke. So, despite impulsively proposing her, I wanted to do justice to our marriage. But never at the cost of her comfort.
Sure, I teased her or touched her but that was never an attempt to make her uncomfortable. I didn't understand why she thought that having to sleep with me was expected of her. I expected nothing from her except loyalty to me and our marriage. If she wanted this arrangement to be just for a year. Then so be it. I was going to find a way to deal with it a year later. But that didn't mean I wanted her to do anything she didn't want to.
When she ignored the black Lamborghini and went for the blue Bugatti instead, I knew she wanted to avoid me. But if she wanted that, she would have to tell me to leave her alone. I stubbornly followed her into the car and sat next to her in the backseat.
You don't get to hug me then ignore me.
I hoped she would speak up. That she would tell me what bothered her. But she didn't say anything at all during the car ride.
Maybe I overwhelmed her. Maybe she thinks I'm too clingy. Hayley always told me that. I should back off.
Gritting my teeth in anger, I realised that had to be it. Why else would she think I expected her to sleep with me just because we were getting married. If she wanted us to consummate the marriage, I'd happily agree. I was definitely sexually attracted to her but I didn't expect her to do anything.
Why is she so frustrating?
I decided to focus on my work. I knew I had to stop hoping. This marriage was a sham and the faster I accepted it, the better for the both of us.
I found myself unintentionally staring at her. It felt like my love life was the punch line of a shitty joke. The one who was supposed to be my one true love just couldn't stay away from another man. We drifted so far apart that my guilt for crushing on another woman wasn't enough to kill the crush. And when I finally got a chance to make her mine, she wasn't interested.
Of course she wasn't interested. She wanted Ian. Just like she did. I wasn't her first choice. I wasn't anyone's first choice.
I never will be.