"You know what I always want to see?" He whispered against her collarbones, leaving soft butterfly kisses.
"What?" Shay breathed, pulling him back upward so that she could look into his black irises.
He held her face in his palms and kissed her forehead before saying, "I want to see you happy, living your dreams, and always drunk in love."
Shay smiled at his selfless wish and held his head against her heart. She was deeply, insanely, and irrevocably in love with the boy.
The moment reels again and again like a broken record, and Shay can not stop them as she looks at her reflection in the mirror. Black hair hangs in waves around her face and down her chest. Her cheeks glow with a pink flush, her lips red, swollen, and slightly parted. And her eyes, her eyes harbor yearning and uncontained passion.
God, she looks high on love.
Reality sinks in, and she has to accept it.
She is in love with Ryan Tripathi.
"Can you fall in love again without falling out of it?" She asks herself. This is what Aarav always wanted. He wanted her to be happy.
The woman in the mirror need not confirm her words. The confrontation was due for a long time, and it only gets easier when she realizes how being with Ryan makes her happy. She has to do this for both herself and Aarav. Shay can at least do this for him. Happiness is a choice, and she has to choose it this time.
Shay lies on her bed with a framed photo of Aarav and herself. They were lying on the field, with her head on his chest, him kissing the top of her head. That was their first, perfect date together. She can't go back in time but she desperately wants to.
Aarav had been a part of her life since she was a little toddler. They grew up together and shared all their firsts. She can confirm that they are soulmates even though they are no longer together. His love marked every corner of her heart, branded itself underneath her skin like love letters itched in permanent ink. Shay needs no rings or bracelets to remind her how undying their love is. Shay feels his absence in her life, in all of her thoughts every single day.
Because death can't destroy love: Love is omnipresent, ever-existent, and never destructible. It is never incinerated and keeps haunting us like a forever ghost.
But years of longing have only taught her one thing: She has to let go and move on to be happy again. Shay owes this to herself.
Aarav and Ryan might be identical, but they were always so different. While Aarav was her happy moment, Ryan has always been the one who helped her through her darkest days. Ryan is the one who has the power to pull her out of the grieving corner.
For hours, she stares at the white ceiling, cementing her heart to let go of the past and embrace the future, to choose Ryan. When the memories and flashbacks consume her mind and tighten her throat, she throws the comforter and pulls up her laptop, still holding Aarav's photo against her chest. She stares at it for a good long time, her finger hovering over the media file on the screen.
Her heart jumps to her throat as soon as Aarav's sun-kissed smiling face flits across the screen. It was one of those rare days when he wasn't the one behind the camera and letting her use him as a prop to get some great shots for her social media profiles. Ryan was the one giving them instruction while they made funny faces and created awful poses. A smile spread across her lips when the perfect moment popped up. A moment where they forgot the world, where they didn't care whether Ryan was still capturing them, where Aarav pulled Shay against his chest and kissed her forehead.
A sob dies inside her throat, and her lungs burn with agony. This was the last of their moments on camera, something she can look at and relive. Shay holds his photo close to her heart, trying to ease the pain. It doesn't work. The smile and laughter on the screen contradicts the ugly sobs and tears.
Shay didn't know back then that one day she would have to live without Aarav. By most standards, she moved on a long time ago. She has success and a steady job. On the outside, she is a perfect daughter and an ideal partner, but within her soul, she is lonely. Hell, she doesn't even have a friend who can occupy the missing spaces left behind. And maybe, it's time to change that.
Life is short and sometimes unfair, but she can't keep giving up on the possibilities. Five years of loneliness has not lessened her pain, it has made her a living, walking woman of rage and regrets. She can't be that person anymore.
Her gaze drops to Aarav's ring. Her throat goes dry as she twists the band, noting how it's a wee tight around her finger. Without letting herself think about it more than she already has, she opens the drawer and pulls out the body lotion. Heaving a deep sigh, she pours a handsome amount where the ring sat on her finger and finally works the ring off.
Her heart caves painfully, but after a few long calming breaths, it settles.
It isn't so difficult, is it?
Yes, it is. It has to be the bravest thing she has done in a long time.
Shay lifts the slightly worn-out infinity ring to her lips and places a chaste kiss against its cold surface. "I will love you forever, but I promise to fulfill your wish. I promise to be happy, live my dreams and stay drunk in love." She whispers and pauses the screen on Aarav's infectious, sun-kissed smile.
***
Shay has to visit her office the next day. And as the day progresses, she finds herself staring at her phone. Ryan and Shay have not talked to each other since their heated interaction last evening. It can only mean one thing: Shay has to put in some effort from her side. It is her chance to show Ryan that he is the one she wants in her life. She has been through this vulnerability before. She's once again opening up her heart and letting Ryan in. She may be nervous, but she is not chickening out.
She has finished a string of meetings, and upon entering her office, her eyes keep drifting towards the device, beckoning to use. She should reach out for the phone, give Ryan a call and tell him how she feels about him, but she waits. Maybe, she should rehearse what she is going to say to him.
I'm ready to move on with you, Ryan.
I think I'm falling in love with you.
You're the one I choose.
She types her random thoughts on the word document when the phone rings. Shay almost jumps for it but feels disappointed as an unknown number illuminates on the screen.
"Is this Shay Sehgal?" An anxious male voice enquires from the other end as soon as she picks up the call.
"Yes-"
"Hi Shay, this is Matt, Ryan's friend," Matt gives her a quick introduction, a little rushed and breathing harshly. Shay sits forward, guessing the wariness in his words, knowing something is wrong.
"Is something wrong?"
"I didn't know whom to call," he says and stops to take a deep breath. "But he kept taking your name and Aarav's."
"It's good that you called me, but what's wrong, Matt?"
There's silence on the other side as Shay paces the room, her heart galloping inside her chest.
"Ryan had an accident on his way to the construction site." Matt slowly draws as her breathing suspends in her chest. "Some car crossed the median into his lane of traffic. They think the other driver was intoxicated."
Shay leans her head against the floor-to-ceiling window of her office and takes long drags of air. Tears, the damn tears flow down her eyes like a broken dam, and she prays not to repeat the tragedy. Please, don't let him be dead. She can't handle it this time. Anything else she is ready to give away but not Ryan. He can't leave her.
There's a long pause from the other end, and Matt says something, but Shay has already run short of patience.
"Is he okay?" Shay asks, her lips quivering. She runs for the elevator and hits the button to the underground parking.
"He is in the hospital."
"Is he okay?"
Matt's voice comes in distorted beeps as soon as the elevator starts to descend. Shay almost collapses on the spot with the familiar fear of death and destruction surrounding her soul once again.
Anything else she can deal with, but please don't let him be dead.
Shay has already lost her love once.
She can't handle the same blow again.
***
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Finally, an update, but I hope you guys are still reading this story. Accept my apologies for the late update, and I promise to be more consistent from now on.
If you are enjoying the story, please add your comments and votes.
Stay safe!