This chapter is dedicated to Uoi, who started supporting me on Patreon today. Thank you Uoi!
"Good game," Nadine nodded and shook my hand. The match had ended in a draw, which seemed fair enough. And we'd managed what we came for, which was a little more experience as well as thinking about the big picture. Maggie was feeling better now, having been forced to sit out most of the game but feeling well enough to make her own way home. What I hadn't managed was finding out why Nadine was so upset. I needed to know what I'd done to offend her. So as we were picking up our bags, I approached her again.
"Nadine?"
"You'll need to be going. Playing with balls next, right?"
"Yeah, but... What's wrong? Have I done something to upset you? I don't understand unless you tell me."
She sighed and said nothing, but she wasn't walking away this time. That had to be an improvement. And as we filed out of the school gates she seemed to have no problem heading in the same direction.
"Following me home?" she asked after a few moments.
"Going to the park. Via Brunchietta, of course." I noticed that she hadn't turned down Oak Street, so she couldn't be going straight home. I hoped she would say something soon, because I couldn't stand the idea of my best friend refusing to even talk to me.
"Sorry," she said. "I'm not mad. Not with you. Just never expected... I'm worried about you. Don't make the same mistakes I did, y'know?"
By that point we were at one of our favourite little cafés, and I picked up a sandwich from the cabinet by the door. I paid for Nadine's lunch too, in the hope that would make it easier to talk. Neither of us made a move to sit down; it must have been obvious that I was planning to eat on the way to the park, and she was willing to join me now. I was still on edge, but I felt like she was willing to open up.
"I'm learning to play basketball," I told her, when we were outside and heading towards the park. "You saw us at the start of summer. Hugo's been teaching me. Maybe I should have told you first, but I didn't think you'd... I don't want to bring up bad memories. If I'd known..."
"You'd never do anything to hurt a friend, right?" She shook her head. "Must make life hard sometimes. But I think I should have told you everything, last year even. I just never thought you'd be interested, you were so caught up in skating, and then you were learning hockey and you were so excited about it. You throw yourself into everything you do, like a hundred and fifty percent. I just... it's not your fault, don't worry."
"What's wrong?"
"Just never thought you'd end up there, you know? Like, you remember when I was seeing Hugo Eisen? I'd be waiting outside your house every day waiting for him. We got chatting so many times then, I guess before that I was just another girl on the team, right?"
"Yeah. I'm glad, you're a fun person."
"Exactly. It was that guy who gave us an excuse to be good friends. And now I try not to think about him, even when his personal cheer squad are squealing. He doesn't deserve their attention."
"Why not? You seemed so happy, always excited. I mean–" I stopped myself there. I still wanted to know, but it wasn't something I could just ask her. Not when she'd been so irritable lately, and it was obviously something Hugo-related. Did she still miss him? Did she resent that I was spending time with him, or did she think there was something else there? I couldn't tell if she really thought it was some kind of relationship, or if that was some kind of joke rooted in her current emotional state.
"He's teaching me basketball," I tried to explain. "It's easier to learn with somebody else to teach you. Is there something wrong with that?" But I remembered when I said it that she'd said the same words so many times. Always with a nod and a wink, or a wry smile. Their parents wouldn't be happy about her spending so much time with a boy, and a couple of years they had been even stricter. So playing basketball was a euphemism, something that all of her friends understood.
"Yeah, I said that too. But..."
"I know it was more than that. You had feelings for each other, and it was your reason to spend time together. But he's just teaching me. For real."
"Does he know that?" she snapped, and I didn't know where that anger had come from. But now I started to wonder what exactly had come between them. "Sally, you need to learn that boys are only interested in one thing, and they'll say whatever they have to. He's just..."
I hugged her. It was the only thing I could think of at that point, and she was starting to tear up again. I couldn't believe something like that of Hugo; if that was what he wanted, he had so many girls throwing themselves at him every day. And even if he did, I didn't know how I would respond. He was cute, I knew. But Nadine was clearly upset, and I didn't want to see my friend in that kind of pain for anyone. Even if I couldn't understand, I had to be there for her. And I felt so bad for putting her through all of this. I had never intended for this to become a big thing that she had to deal with; I'd assumed her thing with Hugo was in the past, and she would be able to separate that from whatever he was doing now.
"I should just ignore it," she said. "I've got no claim on him, I know that now. But I don't want you to fall into the same trap. I've always been mature for my age, you know? And back then I didn't think you'd even think about getting involved with the boys. But now you can, and I didn't notice or I would have warned you not to go near that guy. He's bad for you, trust me on that."
"I will," I nodded. "But if it's just games... I'd be okay playing a pick-up game, right? If I'm hanging around with him and there's other people there too. I think I'm getting to know some of the other guys in the area. Seriously, when there's people playing he's all about the game. Right?"
"Yeah, it's just... you know he wasn't really teaching me, right? I said that for so long to keep my parents quiet, but everybody knew. But we couldn't really go out or anything. Can't go somewhere for dinner, can't go see a movie, because we've got this big pretence. It isn't worth it. And then he's constantly hinting that he wants more, it's not enough. He wants sex, just like all guys. And when I finally got the nerve to say okay, he calls me a kid. Tells me I'm not good enough, I'm not ready, and he just drops me. Stops answering calls, and that was the end. I just can't help thinking it's going to be the same with you, and I feel like that would be my fault not warning you. I mean... how could I not have noticed you were getting close to the guy?"
"Don't worry," I told her. "As long as he's talking basketball, I'll listen. But that's all, I can tell him I'm not ready for a relationship before it even goes that far. You don't have to worry about me. And, well... I've talked to a few of the other guys. If it comes down to it, I'm sure there's other people I could learn from. I mean, now I got the courage to throw a ball in front of other people, it's not like he's the only player I know. Would you be more comfortable with that?"
"You really mean that, don't you?" Nadine asked, after a long pause. I didn't know what to say. "Like... you could let go of him and have somebody else teach you. Maybe I..." She took a deep breath, and started again. "Maybe that's different. With me, it was always just about getting close to him. I had feelings, maybe I wasn't quite ready to handle them, and he knew he could get whatever he wanted. I thought maybe you're the same, maybe in denial. But now I don't know. If you can really think about him as a teacher and not this cool guy that all the popular girls are hanging around? That might be different. Maybe he'll take you more seriously."
"Yeah," I nodded, the thoughts running around my head. I told myself that I'd never hoped Hugo would see me as something more than a friend with a shared hobby, but I couldn't really believe it. I'd seen him practising in the yard for a couple of years, and somewhere deep down I knew that was the spark behind my interest in basketball. There was a part of me that dreamed we'd get closer, like teammates in some romcom. I didn't think it was at all likely, not when he had so many other girls actively competing for his attention, but it was something I'd imagined. And I knew that if he said something, anything to suggest he might be interested, he was irresistible. But I wasn't going to leap into anything without thinking, especially knowing how much he had hurt my best friend.
"Hey, Sally!" The voice derailed my train of thought and I spun around to see who was calling. It was Meg Warren, excitable as always. She dashed up and started to babble, talking over herself about all the different things she wanted to tell me. It was exhausting trying to listen to her, but the enthusiasm was kind of infectious. Her big brother caught up after a minute or two, and I did my best to introduce Nadine. She was smiling now, and I could see she was suppressing a chuckle at my attempts to get a word in. Her confidence was returning now, maybe because she understood that there was nothing between me and Hugo.
We invited her to play, but she said she had to go shopping today; she wanted to get Jim a special present, so would be busy this afternoon. So Jaycen got his ball out and we took turns shooting from different places on the court, trying to master some of the basics. When Chain and Hugo joined us we could have a game. I was still a little nervous after hearing Nadine's explanation, and wondered if it might be a good idea to team up with somebody other than Hugo. He had no problem with that, which felt reassuring to me. He wasn't possessive at all, he saw me as one of the group, and there was no reason I should feel disappointed about that. So we played an unbalanced match with me and Meghan against Jaycen, and then against Hugo. When Chain turned up he joined our team, which just about seemed to even the odds, three against two. I was getting better, I was sure, but I was still nowhere near his level.
At some point the game became a weird kind of freeform, with players joining in from the crowd of spectators and leaving again in a perpetual rotation. At first I didn't understand, but I wondered if this was some way to help me understand team play a little better, rather than always depending on what I knew about Hugo's skills.
There was no real winner, when the teams kept shifting, but we all had fun. And I think that I improved, even if I kept looking out at the people gathered around the fence to watch us. Nadine was there a few times, in between different parts of her shopping expedition. And as she watched us play, I thought she might be getting a little more confident in what I had told her. That this was a sport I was interested in, and nothing else.
I really hoped that was true, but maybe there was a part of me that had the opposite wish.