Sometimes I think I'll never love again
Which is absurd because I never truly loved you
I loved what you represented:
The pumping in my veins
The rush of adrenaline
Questioning everything you did rather than what was going on in my life
Believing you had cared
Believing you were mine
Believing our story began with "once upon a time"
But when you broke my heart,
you truly ravished it
You stood on the grave and managed to throw a spit in the open casket
And whenever I look at another man and begin to feel a feeling
I am transported back in time
When it felt my world was shattering
I am reminded of your own absurdity
How one text conversation meant you cared
How one measly chance at love meant I would forgive you for all that you tore into shreds
So I feel all the anger again
And so I spit into any bouquet of flowers
I hurl them onto the floor and stomp on them
And then leave the man to wallow in his queries
And then I hope you're happy
For breaking my heart
For breaking me so fundamentally I think I've lost access to that part of myself
Mon April 25, 2022